Ed's Nightmare Soup
Hanfordrose
Posts: 688 Member
in Recipes
Let's me begin by saying that my hubbie Ed has a good heart but is a scary cook. Unfortunately, I can not get around easily in our small apartment kitchen, as I am in a wheelchair or sit at my desk most of the time.
My hubbie Ed recently bought a slow cooker, and that device has become his go to appliance in the kitchen. He likes burning meat on the grill, but everything else goes into his slow cooker pot. I refuse to comsume any of his NIGHTMARE slow cooker creations. :sick:
I thought you might enjoy hearing ideas from a NON-gourmet cook...my sweet hubbie Ed.
I start my day with a prayer. "Lord, help me. Ed is using the slow cooker again."
He has spent this morning trying to convince me to share in his concoction. "Not on your life!!!" :noway:
"But Mama...I washed all the vegetables." That's something new. I did caution him about scrubbing his carrots and potatoes the other day.
"I even bought a ham hock to make the BROTH."...like he knows the meaning of broth. "This is my daily PORK!"..."Pork is one of our DAILY SUPPLEMENTS."
WHAT?!!! Yes, Ed had the nerve to call pork a daily supplement, like vitamin C or D. We now have Vitamin Pork. (Ohhhh Noooo) :huh:
God...Please help me...and HIM.
Ed continued in his gruesome description of this slow cooker recipe, "I washed the vegetables. I even peeled the carrots and potatoes...and cut them into little bits...just like the recipe said."
What recipe?
That's when I found out that he had found this soup recipe on a package of split peas...dry split peas, which he just threw into the pot with everything else, ignoring the fact that the recipe called for precooking the peas. He also got the idea of ham hocks from that split pea soup recipe.
The back of the package called for some other things which Ed didn't have or understand at the time. SO...he improvised. :sad:
(Get ready for this, folks.) When he couldn't find Bay Leaves in the cupboard, he used Dry Basil. Ed's reasoning..."They both start with the letter B." (Groan!) He couldn't pronounce Thyme let alone find it...SO...he went with Ground Cumin, a flavor that he likes. Did he measure out those spices...NO..."I just shook some in." (Double Groan!!)
To make things even more interesting, Ed didn't bother to buy some of the other items which were listed on the recipe. He couldn't see any purpose for Olive Oil, since he already had what he called Ham in this soup.
There was one item not on the recipe, which Ed could not omit. The idea of leaving his precious Russet Potatoes out of anything he cooks is impossible to him, though he did peal the potatoes and cut them into small pieces...something new to Ed. I mentioned that his russet potatoes might dissolve in the boiling water; and Ed responded with, "They will add to the BROTH." He has found a new excuse for everything that goes into his slow cooker. All he has to do is call it an addition to the BROTH.
Life with Ed is never dull. His cooking alone is an adventure, but I refuse to join in this trips into experimental cooking. I will stick with my food plan today, which does not include Ed's Nightmare Soup.
By the way, Ed wanted all of you to know that he lost 0.5 pounds last week. He prefers 0.5 pounds to 1/2 pound. "It sounds like a bigger number than 1/2." I will attribute his weight loss to his daily bike rides...not his cooking. Ed is not on MFP, but he likes to hear about my friends online and what they have to say.
I will share your comments with him. Maybe you can encourage him to stop using that slow cooker.
My hubbie Ed recently bought a slow cooker, and that device has become his go to appliance in the kitchen. He likes burning meat on the grill, but everything else goes into his slow cooker pot. I refuse to comsume any of his NIGHTMARE slow cooker creations. :sick:
I thought you might enjoy hearing ideas from a NON-gourmet cook...my sweet hubbie Ed.
I start my day with a prayer. "Lord, help me. Ed is using the slow cooker again."
He has spent this morning trying to convince me to share in his concoction. "Not on your life!!!" :noway:
"But Mama...I washed all the vegetables." That's something new. I did caution him about scrubbing his carrots and potatoes the other day.
"I even bought a ham hock to make the BROTH."...like he knows the meaning of broth. "This is my daily PORK!"..."Pork is one of our DAILY SUPPLEMENTS."
WHAT?!!! Yes, Ed had the nerve to call pork a daily supplement, like vitamin C or D. We now have Vitamin Pork. (Ohhhh Noooo) :huh:
God...Please help me...and HIM.
Ed continued in his gruesome description of this slow cooker recipe, "I washed the vegetables. I even peeled the carrots and potatoes...and cut them into little bits...just like the recipe said."
What recipe?
That's when I found out that he had found this soup recipe on a package of split peas...dry split peas, which he just threw into the pot with everything else, ignoring the fact that the recipe called for precooking the peas. He also got the idea of ham hocks from that split pea soup recipe.
The back of the package called for some other things which Ed didn't have or understand at the time. SO...he improvised. :sad:
(Get ready for this, folks.) When he couldn't find Bay Leaves in the cupboard, he used Dry Basil. Ed's reasoning..."They both start with the letter B." (Groan!) He couldn't pronounce Thyme let alone find it...SO...he went with Ground Cumin, a flavor that he likes. Did he measure out those spices...NO..."I just shook some in." (Double Groan!!)
To make things even more interesting, Ed didn't bother to buy some of the other items which were listed on the recipe. He couldn't see any purpose for Olive Oil, since he already had what he called Ham in this soup.
There was one item not on the recipe, which Ed could not omit. The idea of leaving his precious Russet Potatoes out of anything he cooks is impossible to him, though he did peal the potatoes and cut them into small pieces...something new to Ed. I mentioned that his russet potatoes might dissolve in the boiling water; and Ed responded with, "They will add to the BROTH." He has found a new excuse for everything that goes into his slow cooker. All he has to do is call it an addition to the BROTH.
Life with Ed is never dull. His cooking alone is an adventure, but I refuse to join in this trips into experimental cooking. I will stick with my food plan today, which does not include Ed's Nightmare Soup.
By the way, Ed wanted all of you to know that he lost 0.5 pounds last week. He prefers 0.5 pounds to 1/2 pound. "It sounds like a bigger number than 1/2." I will attribute his weight loss to his daily bike rides...not his cooking. Ed is not on MFP, but he likes to hear about my friends online and what they have to say.
I will share your comments with him. Maybe you can encourage him to stop using that slow cooker.
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Replies
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Ed sounds a bit like mine - thankfully I (& my son) CAN get around and DO like to cook so we're saved from most "creations".
Perhaps you can encourage Ed to watch the Food Network??
Wish you (& your digestive system) the best of luck.:drinker:0 -
Kudos to Ed for trying!!!!
And kudos to you for sticking with your plan, and losing that 20 lbs.
You two are awesome!!!!!0 -
I love your story! I can tell that your dear Ed is a "ham" himself! You made me smile today...thank you. :happy:0
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Ed's quite the card!0
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Your post reminds me of one of my hubbies disasters. He likes to think he can cook so he belongs to a cooking group on Facebook. One of the ladies posted a recipe for chicken casserole and he decided he would like to try it. So went to the store and bought the ingredients. Came home and baked the casserole, which we promptly plated and ate. Oh, wow. Very strange after taste, couldn't quite put our finger on it, but strange. We kept trying little bits of it over the next day or two, it didn't get any better. I finally threw it out. Later I discovered that he had crumbled cinnamon flavored Ritz crackers over the top. Apparently he didn't pay attention to the words on the box.
To be honest, he can cook a few things very well, but mostly he is too creative for his own good.0 -
oh my! I thinnk my ex husband was like his son. (they cooked the same way) Best of luck to you two0
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Sounds like Ed and I cook a lot a like. And I am a FANTASTIC Cook!0
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Perhaps you can encourage Ed to watch the Food Network??
Actually, he does watch Food Network with me from time to time. Unfortunately, he only seems to get ideas for 'new words' to call his creations. He learned words like BROTH...then, he tries to apply them to his concoctions. :frown:0 -
You should show him your appreciation for his efforts with a slow cooker cook book. There are a lot of good, easy recipes that are hard to mess up :laugh:0
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Bless Ed's heart! We all gotta learn slow cooker recipes at some point, but he should invest in a cookbook for novices as well.
Cooking for Dummies is a good start!
And I'm not being an *kitten*, either. The "for Dummies" series are great.0 -
While I came here afraid to finda recipe for "nightmare soup" LOL what I found pleasantly surprised me
I am obcessed with our crockpot, and I love throwing a bunch of stuff in it but I don't touch spices other than lawry's and garlic salt
And I don't know what a hamhock is but I'm not a fan of touching raw meat the feeling gives me the creeps my mom always says I'll never be able to cook a turkey or anything like that Eww! Chicken I can handle, well boneless stuff anyway :P
Your hubby sounds totally awesome, what a cut up to be around Thanks for sharing the story I really enjoyed reading it 0 -
I laughed out loud reading your post, because I had dental surgery on Tuesday, and made myself, SPLIT PEA SOUP IN THE CROCKPOT today to eat for dinner....I however, followed the directions that my recipe had......I love split pea soup, and needed something different that was soft to eat for dinner......My husband can't stand it, so he is having tacos.......0
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I think this story is very cute and it warmed my heart! Thank-you for sharing. Ed is just trying to show you how much he loves you....even though it may taste gross I would feel blessed to just have him at all, and especially cooking!! 0
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This post really did make me smile. Thanks! So did he think his soup was delicious?0
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Rude!Bless Ed's heart! We all gotta learn slow cooker recipes at some point, but he should invest in a cookbook for novices as well.
Cooking for Dummies is a good start!
Oh! Well, what do you know? I checked the google, and this is true!And I'm not being an *kitten*, either. The "for Dummies" series are great.0 -
Atleast he tried! haha This was such a cute story 0
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To be honest, he can cook a few things very well, but mostly he is too creative for his own good.
Yep. That is Ed. He can grill steak and bake a potato; but beyond that, we are in a scary place. :happy:0 -
Although my mother understands directions, measurements, ingredients and has a good working vocabulary for cooking, the nightmare soup sounds like stuff she used to make when I was a kid. She's better now, but I'm still not impressed most of the time. Haven't seen her use a slow cooker. She likes the oven.0
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I someday hope to infuriate a loving woman as much as good old Ed here. And for as many years.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Bless his heart... At least he's entertaining!0
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How lovely that Ed cooks for you.
I think that creativity is the same thing that doesn't allow men to ask for directions. Why use a cookbook? How hard can it be?
Perhaps as a gift he might enjoy a cooking class. It's all in how you spin it - "Ed, sweetie, I love the way you cook for me, I thought you might enjoy learning to cook Thai!"
ps I have a friend married to an Ed. One of his more notable improvisations was the addition of cointreau to a crunchily undercooked pea soup.0 -
I think this story is very cute and it warmed my heart! Thank-you for sharing. Ed is just trying to show you how much he loves you....even though it may taste gross I would feel blessed to just have him at all, and especially cooking!!
My hubbie is a retired pastor, and all of our church family call him Pastor Special Ed. He is definitely special, and I love him more than anyone else in the world.
However, I will not put myself in line for a stomach ache...even for him. Ed has a cast iron stomach; he could eat nails. In fact, he once suggested adding nails to the pot. Why? "That would add IRON to the food." He really believe that. :noway:
I have about 20 books (hidden away on a top shelf in the kitchen), including at least one crockpot book. I am terrified by what that book could become in the hands of my CREATIVE hubbie.
I'm glad that so many of you enjoyed Ed's latest adventure in cooking. I thought that it might be something 'different' on the message board...and...it is about a Recipe. :laugh:0 -
:laugh: I think I lost "0.5 lb" from laughing so hard reading this! Cheers to you and Ed! And your obviously VERY humorous relationship!
Thank goodness my husband is a wonderful cook! :drinker:0 -
One day my dad decided to make 'meatloaf', he took out a package of ground beef and cut it into 8 squares. Then he put it in the oven... package and all....not a single spice, nothing, not even pepper... Not to mention who the heck puts the entire package in the oven instead of in a pan? XD
He makes award winning chili though! He's starting to mess around with a slow cooker, he's managed a few good things. 0 -
What a wonderful story.. Thank you for sharing and making me laugh...:bigsmile:0
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Well he's doing better than my husband! On our anniversary he said, "I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed, but I don't know where anything is in the kitchen or what we have." That was honestly the sweetest thing he's ever done because I know how much he loathes cooking. The fact that he even considered it was the most romantic thing ever. Haha!0
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Oh, Ed. *facepalm* I love my crockpot and I think the keys is limiting it to half dozen ingredients or less. The fancier you try to get tends to decrease the chances of a good turnout. I think I feel that way because the crock pot is a one-dish meal and I only like so many things thrown together. As for seasoning, I start with salt, pepper, and garlic and seldom branch too far from that. Go-to veggies are baby carrots, celery, potatoes, onion. I use cream condensed soups as a base (campbells healthy choice 95% fat free) or mixed found in the gravy/seasoning aisle for pot roasts, stews, etc. and keeping a resealable carton of lowfat broth in the fridge is a great idea so he isn't concocting his own. Tell him canned beans are much easier than soaking and boiling dried beans.
He certainly sounds like a character! With some guidance those meals could be much less scary.0 -
GAWD ED DONT YOU KNOW ANYTHING? You cant make broth without GARLIC....lots & lots & dont worry about peeling the damn things, the peels are fiber.....Trust me on this!0
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That's funny
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LOL....that is hilarious!!
My fiance has a crock pot, and he has been making interesting things in there lately. He has become very creative with it..hehe.
Your story was cute. Thanks for sharing 0
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