Teddy Bear Types, Ladies and Dating?
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Is it an American phrase? I understand what it means, but we don't really use that phrase in the UK. We would just say "overweight."
We like to BS ourselves over here across the pond.
I would have thought teddy bear is more the cuddly type, bit more than chubby and a bit less than chunky.0 -
WOW.. I must say that I am pleasently surprised to see how many people actually chimed in on the topic of disccusion. Kudos for you all in sharing your colorful thoughts and feelings regarding the matter.
HOWEVER before I go further I want to address a couple of people whom shall remain nameless. It was apparent after reading your posts that you felt insulted, offended, or that I was looking for input from a personal level. Well first off; if you felt any negative feelings after reading my post, maybe something I said touched a never and is true. I am no judge of you, in fact I like to have deep stimulating conversation regardless of the topic. If you cannot articulate your thoughts in a respectful even keeled way dont even post because us POSTIVE and OPEN MINDED individuals can do without your SARCASIM and NEGATIVITY.
SECONDLY; You can see me, I am not skinny guy and I am chubby, overwieght, a teddy bear (whichever your preferance). Ill take my shirt off in a crowd of woman if so necessary. I have a job, a house, a career etc etc (all the things a successful man should have). No I am not saying that to boast, but I am addressing the fact that I know my worth and the type of guy I am. I have not and will never base my worth on a societal norm or what anybody thinks of me. Either you like me (bonus for you) or you don't (your loss). it is just that simple.
NOW THAT THAT IS CLEAR.
I tend to think personality and chemistry go whole heartedly into attraction. Sure we live in a society where sex sells, every where you look you see the fit and trim, etc etc.. (so why wouldn't we as a society find that to be attractive, or secretly aspire to be that). Most of it is cognitive I would dare argue, but we all like what we like. THERE is a sock for every foot. Whomever you choose as long as you are happy, that person treats you right and protects your heart, that is the TRUE definition of WINNING!0 -
WOW.. I must say that I am pleasently surprised to see how many people actually chimed in on the topic of disccusion. Kudos for you all in sharing your colorful thoughts and feelings regarding the matter.
HOWEVER before I go further I want to address a couple of people whom shall remain nameless. It was apparent after reading your posts that you felt insulted, offended, or that I was looking for input from a personal level. Well first off; if you felt any negative feelings after reading my post, maybe something I said touched a never and is true. I am no judge of you, in fact I like to have deep stimulating conversation regardless of the topic. If you cannot articulate your thoughts in a respectful even keeled way dont even post because us POSTIVE and OPEN MINDED individuals can do without your SARCASIM and NEGATIVITY.
SECONDLY; You can see me, I am not skinny guy and I am chubby, overwieght, a teddy bear (whichever your preferance). Ill take my shirt off in a crowd of woman if so necessary. I have a job, a house, a career etc etc (all the things a successful man should have). No I am not saying that to boast, but I am addressing the fact that I know my worth and the type of guy I am. I have not and will never base my worth on a societal norm or what anybody thinks of me. Either you like me (bonus for you) or you don't (your loss). it is just that simple.
NOW THAT THAT IS CLEAR.
I tend to think personality and chemistry go whole heartedly into attraction. Sure we live in a society where sex sells, every where you look you see the fit and trim, etc etc.. (so why wouldn't we as a society find that to be attractive, or secretly aspire to be that). Most of it is cognitive I would dare argue, but we all like what we like. THERE is a sock for every foot. Whomever you choose as long as you are happy, that person treats you right and protects your heart, that is the TRUE definition of WINNING!
For me personally, I found that most of the "teddy bear" types who would hit on me, or we just didn't "click" in other ways (I'm a math-y/science-y person, which seems to throw guys sometimes). The last "teddy bear" I went out with, asked if I was going to sleep with him after our (first) date. Needless to say, there wasn't a second.
On the other hand, I have two really good male friends from my freshman year of college, who are teddy bears. Sadly, anytime I was single, they weren't, or one of them were and I wasn't. Had either of them ever been single when I was, I'd have dated either without hesitation.
The man I'm dating now, has a bit of a "beer belly", and is a little overweight, but he treats me like I cause the sun to rise in the morning.
I've never really been into super buff guys or the ones who live at the gym.0 -
I tend to think personality and chemistry go whole heartedly into attraction. Sure we live in a society where sex sells, every where you look you see the fit and trim, etc etc.. (so why wouldn't we as a society find that to be attractive, or secretly aspire to be that). Most of it is cognitive I would dare argue, but we all like what we like. THERE is a sock for every foot. Whomever you choose as long as you are happy, that person treats you right and protects your heart, that is the TRUE definition of WINNING!
agreed!0 -
I think it all boils down to just a personal preference thing. And I don't think its necessarily always the fact that the guy is heavier. Sure, there are certain women (in the context of this post of course....this goes for both men AND women) who simply go by physical attraction. I mean, if you've ever been on a dating website, there are pages and pages of "available" folks out there, so they have to choose to weed a majority out someway. Of course, some of them will start their weeding with simple appearance. I know that I've been 'guilty' of that (though I don't think its necessarily anything to feel 'guilty' about). Some might go by the clothes one wears (maybe they see it as a clue as to your success or your lifestyle); some might go strictly by the smile (as that 'window to the soul'); some may scan and go strictly by age (I personally know MANY that have a distinct age group they look for); some perhaps look for the "income" section; other may go by location...... you've seen these things before, so because somebody chooses not to pursue you, I wouldn't necessarily assume that it means they didn't like your weight or size.
I am 6'0". When I started to date again after my wife had passed, I had put on weight up to the point where I was at my heaviest (300 lbs). I look back on pictures of myself then, and I don't necessarily think it was so much my weight as it was my self confidence being shot, I didn't have much of a smile back then, and remembering how I was, I pretty much just sat around and drank. However, when I was at the bar that I hung out at all the time back then, when I was "in my element" so to speak, I would get approached by women of all sorts (from the proverbial "tens", to those quite older and many quite younger). When I was at that place, I was among friends and in a family atmosphere (it is a pizza place with a game room for kids, with a bar section as well.....a real neighborhood hangout for families of all sorts...). I sat nightly with a group of guys from my age, all the way up to a few gentlemen in their 80's. We would gather around the bar and swap stories and jokes, laughing so loudly. It was the outgoing side of me that attracted many of the women. Of course, back then I was an attorney and newly widowed, so many were attracted to THAT, DESPITE the weight.
So what I'm saying there is that when you are on a website, all they have is a picture (hence putting so much on the physical), and if they look past that, then all they have is typed words.... no voice inflection, no readily apparent sarcasm and hint of anything being tongue-in-cheek. They read it how they hear you saying it, which as we all know from message boards is sometimes not at all how you intended for something to come across.
Now, as for me, if I'm just looking on a website and narrowing things down, yeah, sure, if I see a "ten", smoking hot with a great body and I don't necessarily think we would be a good match by her words, I may still give it a try simply because of her looks. I would also admit that I may have, for looks alone, dismissed somebody that may have been an incredible soul-match. But the internet is what it is, you have to have some sort of way to weed out the herd. Now, in real life? When seeing people talk, how they carry themselves, how other people respond to them, what kind of sparkle exists in their eyes and smile? All that stuff plays a factor, and I can tell you there are people out there from 100 lbs to 300 lbs that are both hideous to me because of the way they carry themself or treat others, and there are women out there from 100 lbs to 300 lbs that are, quite frankly, smoking hot to me because of the way they carry themselves and the way they interact with others, or the way they look at you, or their smile.........
In the end, the internet is the internet. Get out there in person.....its a much, much better way to meet people if you can find the time or the right gathering place.0 -
I, too, like bigger guys. I appreciate some muscle and tone, but don't need a guy to be super defined. It's shocked the hell out of some of the people I've been attracted to - their friends are more traditionally built and skinnier, but I head for the softer rounded nerd every time.0
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that is me, more often than not.0 -
This has been one of the most interesting posts i've ever seen on here. As a big guy, its cool to see honest views from both sides.0
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Have always, always, always gone for the teddy bears, without exception.
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I kindof like this post I am not a small women, not a large women but not small and I have always been partial to chubby guys I dated all different kind of guys before I met my husband. He on the other hand when I met him was tall and very thin not really the "TYPE" I had usually went for but he worked hard and seemed like a great person. We hit it off right away and although now after 15 years of marriage he is no longer thin he now weighs 200 pounds and is a little chunky I am still just as attracted to him as I was when I met him. I personally think that it is women that should be posting something like this because to me it seems like men are the ones that look more at thin women with larger boobs. Maybe that is not true but I think men are more likely to shun a women who is larger than a women doing that to a man, in my experience almost all the women I know are not attracted to thin men. Just my opionion but I see it all the time0
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In the end, the internet is the internet. Get out there in person.....its a much, much better way to meet people if you can find the time or the right gathering place.
When I was on an internet dating site, I wound up making friends with some of the women in my general area. One of those ladies threw a party, and that's where I met my the man I later married...who had been on the same internet dating site (but we'd never connected). Those who choose internet dating might find it easier if they network the heck out the connections they make that way.0 -
teddy bear types are the best.0
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I a man with some chub on him.
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I have dated all shapes and sizes...but I do have some preferences that I gravitate toward. I like tall men, I like men who are in shape and lean because I equate fitness with discipline and passion for yourself and that is incredibly hot to me. I used to think I would always choose a man for his personality, but I also know that I would have dumped my bf before I got to know him enough to love his personality if it wasn't for his hotness and prowess. He was a major PITA in the beginning of our relationship and can still be one...(like this morning the big jerk). So I'm not sure I can give you a difinitive answer.
I admit I'm a pig..I love looking at hot abs and a beautiful face...but I've been attracted to all types, so don't discount the personal preference card either, if I knew what attracted me to someone enough to want a relationship then I'd bottle and sell it. A lot of it is just plain old hormones if you ask me. If I dont' want to do dirty stuff in bed with you, I won't be going on a date.0 -
If I were on a dating site and I were asked that question, my honest answer would have to be, if you don't take care of yourself, how can I expect you to take care of a girlfriend/wife/family/job/household/children? If all I know about someone is a line or two about his hobbies, interests, and a few pictures, I'm going to have to assume the worst, and think that since he doesn't take as good of care of himself as he could, then his priorities aren't in the right place.
Again, this is only going off what I would know about someone based on the average info given on a dating site profile. In the process of losing weight, injuries or health problems that prevent you from losing weight would not factor in.
Just my personal opinion, since you asked.0 -
I have ZERO preference when it comes to weight on guys. I've dated/liked guys that were 250+, and two that were 300+. I'm tiny, only 5'1 and under 140lbs, so I like snuggling Teddy Bears just fine, kinda feels 'safe,' lol :laugh:
I also like and have been involved with Average/Skinny guys. Oddly enough, the skinny guys (only in my personal experience, not a judgement on ALL skinnier guys) weren't as nice/sweet as the heavier guys.
Skinny, Short, Chubby, Tall, if a guy is awesome on the inside it's all Good
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teddy bear guys don't seem to go for me, which is too bad because i like bigger guys0
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honestly i see more hot chics with fat, meat head, *kitten* then i would have ever thought possible.
somehow seeing a hot chic with a buff, meat head, *kitten* makes more sense to me.
I guess its all about confidence/attitude. All the nice guys are sitting at home on a saturday night, regardless of thier body type.0 -
I've never considered weight when I meet a man. They just have to be able to keep up with me.0
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I like the teddy-bear types. I just don't like the oily, smelly, in gym shorts, but never been to a gym, type. I say this because I know that type. I worked with a guy who would burp, fart, and eat beef jerky all day. He was a funny guy, but a bit gross. He had the lap-band a few years ago but adjusts it to eat more. Oh and he smokes. It is all about how you present your self.0
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I have no aversion to dating someone of the Teddy Bear persuasion, but have never been asked. Now I have had some teddy bear types tell me I am too fat (this was recently with me at 185 lbs).
I just want someone who is active and wants to do things with me, not sit around the house watching TV all day. I base things on chemistry and similarities, not body types.0 -
Some of my preference is in how they carry the weight.
I like a teddy bear, but he needs to have broad shoulders to top it all off with! My hubby has a bit of a gut, but he also has a 10 inch drop in between his shoulder and waist size. I find that attractive!
But then again, his most attractive features are his eyes and his smile. No amount of weight can change that!0 -
when i complained to a friend how terrible my online dating luck was, she said 'well, do you only message the girls that look like victoria secret models"
i was like 'well .... not ALL the time' lol.
I wonder if a similair question could/should be asked of the OP.
Even then, it may not necessairly be that the girl is flat out refusing or really even overlooking you. I"m sure that some of those women get nearly 100 messages or more daily on some of the popular sites.0 -
< My by is one.
I love it. But I like strong, not just big. I would be more attracted to a strongman competitor type as opposed to a body builder type.
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So, speaking as as Yeti, sasquatch, north american wild ManBear, or whatever you like to call us, I have seen both sides. I have been looked over for my size, I have been dumped because my weight was an issue even after I lost 125lbs. I always went for the larger girls, I never found the wispy, waif-like women attractive, I find my larger than average girlfriend amazingly beautiful and I have zero issues with her body.
Now, I am larger than the average bear at 6'8" and currently 475 pounds but I carry the weight a lot differently,. Yes there is a gut, but its not that profound, and my broad shoulders and long legs help distribute things evenly
But I am also very active, I walk a lot, I like to do things outside, I'm not a couch potato at all.
People have a pre-conceived notion that all overweight people are lazy, or antisocial, or unhealthy, so we get the brush off. I've gone on dates to see the girl walk in to the restaurant, make eye contact with me, and turn around and walk out. Do I have health issues due to my weight? Sure, but it's also something I am actively working on.
Do I open a date or discussion with how I used to weigh 600 pounds and how I got off of a handful of meds I was taking? No. because I don't want to be defined by my weight. My weight can change. My health issues are rapidly being resolved. I want them to meet the person who is a photographer, gamer, musician, and father to 2 awesome kids rather than just dismissing me because of what is essentially a temporary condition.0 -
when i complained to a friend how terrible my online dating luck was, she said 'well, do you only message the girls that look like victoria secret models"
i was like 'well .... not ALL the time' lol.
I wonder if a similair question could/should be asked of the OP.
Even then, it may not necessairly be that the girl is flat out refusing or really even overlooking you. I"m sure that some of those women get nearly 100 messages or more daily on some of the popular sites.
^^^ this...when I was on the dating site..I used to get a ton of messages...nice guys tend to not push for things. I admit I like the bad boys, but if there isn't anything that sparks my interest to talk to you, why would I? I went out with a guy that I had so much fun with, and he just out and out used a line on me..but it was funny so I went. He was a good time and I wish he would still hang out with me...he won't unless sex is included, and it isn't.0 -
It's really sad that many people judge overweight people in a negative way. I wish that all individuals could be more open-minded and get to know a person, instead of just seeing the extra weight. Many people probably really miss out on meeting and getting to know an awesome person, because they are hung up on their weight. 0 -
I have to have a bigger guy. I'm not a tiny girl (jeans size wise... height is another story), and it takes a bigger guy to cuddle me and make me feel safe.
That being said, the problem occurs when said bigger guy thinks he is too good for me because I am bigger.0 -
I love love love the teddy bear type. I can't comment on why some girls won't give them the time of day cause I would be all over it. I married my own teddy bear type and he is super sexy to me.0
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