Husband unhappy with my weight :(

edge_dragoncaller

Is your husband a prize winning athletic man? Tell him to get off his horse or get out the door.

Unless it's his house.. Then, you know.

Ridiculous logic. So you think that if he were a "prize winning athletic man," he would be able to decide what she should weigh?

Pay attention to what I just said. The point of the comment was to say "If he isn't concerned about HIS weight, why should he be telling YOU how much you should lose" . I'm not going by what he weighs, I'm going by possible double standards, and if he is in shape, who gives a damn? He should let her weight what she wants to weight.

Pay attention to the point that you don't know the husbands weight, fitness level....nothing. Hell, as far as you know, he might very well be a world class athlete.

enjordan

As a yo-yo weight person, and someone who identifies with ever fluctuating size, I can say this. I've been there. The one thing that actually scared me into shape was seeing doctor's records. At one visit, I was "average" and by the next, i'd been classified as "overweight." I didn't consider myself overweight, but seeing it in black and white made me understand what I'd let happen. I'm sure that's what you felt hearing it from another person. They said it out loud---made it real for you.

Do your best, exercise is key, and try not to slip at night time. Bananas and honeycrisp apples are good snacks for me! And above all, just resolve to take your life back!

I've been there, and I can tell you that as you drop the pounds, you're motivation explodes and you get more and more confident! I'm thinking of you! You've got this!!!

mgobluetx12

Why are you so concerned with attracting men if you're married? Also, 5'2 and 160 is almost obese on the BMI scale. That's not healthy, so maybe that's why your husband is concerned? Have you asked him what his issue is with your not wanting to lose weight? If it's health, then that's valid, but if it's the way you look, that's a whole other situation. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Ledgehanger

Okay let's start giving spouses the benefit of the doubt a little. Her Dr. said a healthy weight to her that her husband is probably aware of. Is it even possible and permissible that her husband might be encouraging her to at least compromise between her goal and her Dr's goals for her?

It's the Dr'.s responsiblity as a medical professional to inform her what the proper range is, not to just say oh you seem like a nice person and I don't want to hurt your feelings so I won't tell you what my education and training tell me is right for you to weigh.

It's the husbands duty to care for and support his wife but also to be caring and concerned about her and isn't it okay that he is trying to encourage her. I read nothing here about him trying to control or berate her so I'm just giving him the benefit of the doubt here. One more possibility is that he married her at a time when she might have talked about dieting and so he expected she would and is just still encouraging that goal of hers. It's a tough position being the watcher of someone who is making changes. I just think the Dr's goal is achievable and she should just aim for her goal. Once she's there it might seem logical to just keep going as don't we always say it's about our health so shouldn't she continue to the healthy point, instead of just the weight that seems to feel easy, or is appealing to all the other men in her region as though that's a good reason to weigh a certain amount. Don't we always say we should not be unhealthily anorexic because our society demands it, why should she be unhealthily overweight because hers does?

I was going to reply, but saw that this post stated everything I thought needed to be said (and probably better than I would have). So... this!

Cndressing

So at the end of the day you are like me don't have those natural curves some women do when they are thin, and are scared of not looking like a model and the closest to curves to you is having some meat on your bones. You don't care how you look to your husband(which trust me after 11 yrs he loves you) you care how you look to the world and other men. You like those curves and don't ever wanna part with them because of the attention they get you, just like a high school girl that stuffs her breast. Let me tell you something when you gain weight your body changes you where under 160 before and put on weight, your body will not look the same and you will probably have to drop down more than that to undo the damage caused by the years of weight gain. Do your self and your marriage a favor and stop thinking like this. I lost any curves I had and guess what I found out I can run and exercise with my younger highschool brother again no problem, I'm not self concious anymore and I love that any family help problem's chances of me getting are less now than before.

PeachyKeene

Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..

That is you, not her!!

I am 159 right now and I don't feel fat. I am 2 inches taller, but really don't think that matters a whole lot, especially if you gain weight in the butt or boobs area. I am not so lucky with either area. JS

Cndressing

Yes!

imthejenjen

Current weight 213lbs, 5'2 and 28yo/female. Goal weight of 160lbs. Is there something wrong with me not wanting to go lower than 160lbs? I was 150lbs at one point long ago after much diet and exercise and I hated myself. I was getting no attention from other guys, and I just didn't feel like myself, I didn't recognize the person I saw in the mirror anymore, I wasn't happy. I was very content with being 160lbs. My doc wanted me to go down to about 115-120lbs. HA yeah right! My husband thinks I should go down to about 130lbs and we argued about this. I have never been 130lbs in the 11years I've known this man. If I wasn't happy at 150lb, what makes him think I'd like being 130lbs. Why does he think he should tell me what I should weight. If he married me at this weight, why is it a problem now? I'm very upset at him right now. As a bigger girl, I have never had problems attracting men. Living in the part of the Caribbean that I live, the men actually prefer girls with meat on them. I get a lot of attention from men now even at 213lbs. I would never cheat on my husband but sometimes its nice to hear that you're pretty. I wish that attention was coming from my husband instead. I just wish my husband could care for me the same way and be more supportive of my goals. He says he loves me no matter what, but then why is he pushing this? Either way, I'm doing this for me. If my husband is not happy, I'm a fabulous enough person to know there are plenty men in the sea.

At 160 lbs, youre BMI is still pretty high. I am also 5'2 and aiming for my first big goal of 140, and GOAL WEIGHT of 120-125. The way I look at it is.... I definitely want to lose the weight FOR ME, but my fiance is such a good man and he deserves a healthy, beautiful woman next to him. And he's supportive of me losing weight. Good luck to you. You CAN lose the weight, but do it for YOU and what YOU want. I personally want to be a beautiful woman for my man. And also, to look good in CUTE clothes! lol (I never feel cute in anything i wear, I cant stand it)

imthejenjen

Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..

That is you, not her!!

I am 159 right now and I don't feel fat. I am 2 inches taller, but really don't think that matters a whole lot, especially if you gain weight in the butt or boobs area. I am not so lucky with either area. JS

when you are talking about short people, 2" is a big deal. A taller woman could gain 5 lbs and NO ONE would notice. It's not like that for the really short girls. 5 lbs is VERY noticeable. ;]

MyChocolateDiet

Sigh...I'm sorry Angie...men suck. They're either sabotaging our efforts to be healthy out of insecurity we will leave, or they aren't happy unless we are the size of a supermodel.

That's a pretty broad brush you're using..

not only is it broad, it's worn out down to the nub almost, and yeah it's useless.

As women we are never going to be able to take control of our own lives and weight or anything unless we stop blaming the men in our lives for EVERYthing and giving them way too much power and god like status and then looking for ways to knock it down, and resorting to the "dump him" knee jerk reaction. It's gotten to where men can't say any little thing to us that is not all hearts and flowers or else we can't tell our friends because they will be all "dump him" and "you don't have to take that", and whatnot. I can't tell my friends little issues with my hubby for fear of this retarded thinking. That's not feminist, nor is it empowered, that's just wasteful, and reckless thinking. I men how many men are we meant to go through in our lives? Really ladies? I don't know but I like real men, with real answers and could never tolerate a "yes" man in my life. In my work yeah (good for the ego), but not in my home where the stakes are so high. He needs to be man enough to tell me the truth and I need to be woman enough to take it.

imthejenjen

So at the end of the day you are like me don't have those natural curves some women do when they are thin, and are scared of not looking like a model and the closest to curves to you is having some meat on your bones. You don't care how you look to your husband(which trust me after 11 yrs he loves you) you care how you look to the world and other men. You like those curves and don't ever wanna part with them because of the attention they get you, just like a high school girl that stuffs her breast. Let me tell you something when you gain weight your body changes you where under 160 before and put on weight, your body will not look the same and you will probably have to drop down more than that to undo the damage caused by the years of weight gain. Do your self and your marriage a favor and stop thinking like this. I lost any curves I had and guess what I found out I can run and exercise with my younger highschool brother again no problem, I'm not self concious anymore and I love that any family help problem's chances of me getting are less now than before.

yes!!!

coe28

Why are you so concerned with attracting men if you're married? Also, 5'2 and 160 is almost obese on the BMI scale. That's not healthy, so maybe that's why your husband is concerned?

This exactly. You're concerned about what other men think of you and if they find you attractive, BUT you're not concerned in the least with what your husband thinks and if he is attracted to you. Yeah, that makes sense. Your husband, more than these other guys, actually has a reason to be concerned with your weight - your health.

kaylou

I suggest you wait till you are at 160 and then you and hubby have this discussion.... If you need to - you might not be totally happy, and might want to go a bit lower (or look gorgeous and decide to stay there ) and same for hubby - he might look at you with different eyes when you have dropped 40lbs ....

I would not stress out about it now already..... I know I changed my mind, and want to lose 20lbs more than I said originally....

Great advise.

clhous03

My husband didn't give a damn about my weight until I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Then he started telling me he was scared and that he didn't want to have to live without me. THAT is what your husband should be concerned about: your health.

At 5'1" my lowest weight has been 140. That's still pretty high on the chart, but I felt GREAT. My cholesterol was great, my A1C was perfect, and I was completely healthy according to my doctor. That's all that counts.

Sure, I'd love to be some weight I haven't been since about the 5th grade (115 lbs. is supposed to be my target on the chart) but I know it isn't going to happen. Just feel good and aim for healthy. If that doesn't make your husband happy, that's his problem. What matters is YOU.

yoovie

lol all this focus on attention from other men.

Don't worry - we totally get that you are doing this for yourself and not him. 100%.

also - as a side note - your current BMI is morbidly obese. I dont put much stock in BMI but it's a great jumping off point and you are 9 points inside of obese.

A healthy female body @ 5'2 usually ranges between 120 and 145 - so if I were you, which Im not - but you asked in a public forum - I would concentrate on getting under 200 pounds first, and then under 190 and when you get to 160 WHEN NOT IF, then you look at your body and decide if you need to go lower. Dont use this as an excuse when you are nowhere neither either weight yet.

Get working either way.

Personal responsibility.

CrystalDreams

Politely invite him to suck it. The only person who has any say on youre weight number is you. Not even doctors because they aren't always right. They go based on charts and generalizations. As long as you feel healthy and like what you see in the mirror then you're at your ideal weight.

CM9178

Politely invite him to suck it. The only person who has any say on youre weight number is you. Not even doctors because they aren't always right. They go based on charts and generalizations. As long as you feel healthy and like what you see in the mirror then you're at your ideal weight.

So screw health?

chevy88grl

Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..

Everyone has a weight that they are comfortable with - and she said 160lbs is hers.

I am 5'4" and I currently weigh 150lbs. It is the high end for ideal weight for my height and most women I see at my height want to be 120 or 130lbs. I do not want to be that small. I was down around 140lbs a year or so ago and was asked if I was sick or if something was wrong with me. Different body types = different ideal weights. Height is not the only factor in determining what is a good weight for someone. I would look nearly dead at 120lbs.

If she's comfortable at 160lbs, so be it. My body LOVES 150lbs. It is easy for me to maintain (been in maintenance for 2.5 years now). Just because 115-120lbs is ideal for YOU, doesn't mean it is ideal for everyone.

coe28

lol all this focus on attention from other men.

Don't worry - we totally get that you are doing this for yourself and not him. 100%.

also - as a side note - your current BMI is morbidly obese. I dont put much stock in BMI but it's a great jumping off point and you are 9 points inside of obese.

A healthy female body @ 5'2 usually ranges between 120 and 145 - so if I were you, which Im not - but you asked in a public forum - I would concentrate on getting under 200 pounds first, and then under 190 and when you get to 160 WHEN NOT IF, then you look at your body and decide if you need to go lower. Dont use this as an excuse when you are nowhere neither either weight yet.

Get working either way.

Personal responsibility.

Perfect

CM9178

I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.