Husband unhappy with my weight :(
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Why decide now when you are nowhere near goal?? Who knows how you will feel. If you have done this before, this time may be different. Your quest may evolve into fitness instead of a certain weight goal. A number on a scale cannot and should not define you. Like others have said, it is what you want that is most important but I say enjoy this journey instead of thinking so far down the line. Who knows, maybe you will become a fitness junkie and will want to focus on body fat numbers instead. No one can predict the future. Just take care of yourself now. And don't ask your hubby's opinion. Do what you need to do for you.0
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Get back down to 150 then worry about it.
No point fretting yet.0 -
You clearly haven't comprehended anything else that was said. YES she can be healthy at 160 lbs. Not everybody HAS to be 120 lbs to be healthy. BUT she could be UNHEALTHY at 160 lbs and should GO TO THE DOCTOR to find out when she has REACHED that weight. To say she wants to be 160 lbs NO MATTER WHAT, is stupid.
I completely agree.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Oh good grief.
You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*
When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).
And you clearly only comprehend what YOU want to believe.
And to tell her she can ONLY be healthy if she's lower than 160lbs is stupid.
When the Hell did I tell her she can only be healthy if she's lower than 160 lbs? Please quote me, I'd love to see that.
**Crickets**
.. yeah that's what I thought..0 -
I try to remain a very positive person and find a "reason" for the things that other's say which actually ticks a lot of people off but, I am going to try in this situation as well... hopefully it will give you new light on what your husband could possibly be saying....
Is it possible that he is happy with your weight, as he should be considering he married you at this weight and he wanted to be supportive of your weight loss by giving his perspective on things. Your doctor said 115 and you are saying 160, to me it sounds like he just threw out a number and said "130" since it's in the middle of the two. He might just want you to consider a lower number but, that doesn't mean that he necessarily wants you there.
That being said, I don't know what the situation was or what words were said but, I don't want you to have hurt feelings about something that he possibly didn't mean. You might want to communicate this further with him.
I am so glad that you keep a positive outlook on yourself and on your life that you are able to be so confident. You go girl!
You rock.
After reading most of the comments, I have to agree with ^^THIS the most. Communicate with your husband and have him tell him exactly what's on his mind. Sometimes people say things that's heard differently.0 -
It's your body, so it's up to you. If you feel good in the 160s and you're healthy there, that's perfectly fine 0
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i am glad that you're doing this for yourself - that is the ONLY person you have to worry about. No offense but i would say that it's shallow of your husband to say that you need to be a certain weight - does he like make you weigh in front of him? Furthermore, it all depends on how your body is made & what you are comfortable with. i'm also 5'2" & started out @ 212 lbs. so i totally understand where you're starting from. i'm currently at 145 (still considered overweight) but i have received a ton of compliments & when i say that i have 15 more pounds to go, normally get told that i would not look good smaller.
Please feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like :flowerforyou:0 -
Good for you!! This is about you and how you feel about yourself, if your husband really loves you he will accept you the way you are... Never do anything to please anyone if it includes hurting yourself.0
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I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
Sorry, I'm with Yoovie. 160 and 5'2 isn't HEALTHY. Can't be. I don't care if you live in the US, Canada, Australia, China or Tonga, that's obese still. I'm not sure why people worry about what they will look like 60 pounds less. Eat right, exercise and lose the weight then analyze when you get there. By the way, I'm 5'11 and 147 and I feel fat at 160. I know weight looks different on different people, but if a doctor is telling me to get to a weight I'd at least try. Excess weight causes a multitude of health problems in the future - Type 2 diabetes is one of them. That isn't something I'd want to play with just because I feel good obese. I'm sorry, I think your husband is more right than you. I'm not being mean or nasty, I'm ok if you are mad at me, I'm just giving my opinion.0 -
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
Just cause you are at your ideal weight doesn't mean you are actually healthy. I know a lot of skinny unhealthy people. I also know a some overweight, but healthy people. I run six days a week, eat clean most of the time, and do strength training three days a week, but I am overweight. Doesn't mean I am not healthy, actually my doctor says I have one the healthiest hearts he has ever seen on a EKG.
Sure I want to be 135 not 160, but it doesn't mean I am unhealthy.
ETA: Also, my blood work come back looking great, as well.0 -
Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?
SAFE TO SAY OP IS NOT A BODYBUILDER.
SAFE TO SAY YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT IN PUTTING ALL YOUR FAITH IN THE BMI CHARTS.
SAFE TO SAY YOU DIDNT READ ANYTHING I SAID OTHER THAN BMI
SAFE TO SAY ONE OF US KNOWS WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. GDAY 0 -
first of all, you are absolutely beautiful! and I am sorry that your husband is trying to dictate what he feels like you should weigh. I know for my height i should probably weigh around 130 also. and i have also been around 160 and was also happy with that weight. I know in my heart I will never be a twiggy type girl, nor do i want to be. not saying there is anything wrong with that, but i embrace a little meat and my curves. and you have to be comfortable and confident in your own body, regardless of what anyone else tells you, even if it is your husband. I wish you all the luck in the world!0
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MAYBE HE IS DOING EXACTLY THAT! We haven't spoken to her husband, have we?I would say that your husband is a stupid chump!!!!!!!!! He should be encouraging you to become healthy not to become a particular weight...
True, I had based my comment upon what Ms AngieWright84 had said...0 -
I agree, and just because someone might feel good 30 lbs "overweight" doesn't mean they are healthy either.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
Just cause you are at your ideal weight doesn't mean you are actually healthy. I know a lot of skinny unhealthy people. I also know a some overweight, but healthy people. I run six days a week, eat clean most of the time, and do strength training three days a week, but I am overweight. Doesn't mean I am not healthy, actually my doctor says I have one the healthiest hearts he has ever seen on a EKG.
Sure I want to be 135 not 160, but it doesn't mean I am unhealthy.
ETA: Also, my blood work come back looking great, as well.0 -
Oh good grief.
You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*
not reading past this. These forums are public so that a person can get all manner of different replies and tones of voice. Not just those who would agree with her.
So It's 100% FINE that you are advocating the possibility that a person CAN be healthy at 160 lbs (my current weight btw, and my bf% is 20.9 - so YES OMG IT IS POSSIBLE) - but
and Im asking this sincerely..
if it's ok for you to advocate that it is TOTALLY POSSIBLE to be healthy at 160 pounds...
can it please be OK for the rest of us to advocate that it is TOTALLY POSSIBLE to be very unhealthy at 160 pounds?
is that ok?
please?
and if not - why? please.
thank you.0 -
O_O i just reread the last few pages, i think this is being taken a little too personally by one commenter. Which is a big red flag to leave.0
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I'm thinking the last 3 pages or so missed this from the OP on page 1COMMENT FROM ANOTHER POSTER:
I haven't been that weight since I was 12 and I'm the same height. My body looks and feels fabulous, however, at 145-150. That's when I'm my healthiest. I do NOT believe in a cookie cutter weight per height. Bodies are built differently. I don't have the structure to look any good at that weight. Neither did my mom. She was a skeleton at that weight and so unhealthy. It's more about your bodily composition and overall health. Weight is only one factor.
OP RESPONSE:
This is exactly why I felt more comfortable at 160lbs. My body is very muscular as it is. When I lose weight, it becomes extremely obvious. I played sports all my life and even today I love lifting weights. At 150lbs, I felt like I was starting to develop the body of a body builder and I personally do not like that for me. Having some fat over my muscles kept me looking curvy and I felt good about how I looked. I have gone to get my body fat measured. At this point according to my body fat, I am obese, not Morbidly Obese, which is what my doctor had me under using only my height and weight. And there was a huge difference in the numbers. All bodies are not created equally. One weight for one person, will not always look the same or feel the same for another. In addition, I have no medical issues and never have.
So...she's not in the category the doctor put her in, she has a better BF percentage than what's "normal" for her weight. She has no medical issues.
I agree that OP may want to get there and then see how she feels about herself and have another check-up/BF scan to make sure everything is up to par. I do NOT agree with those who are stating over and over again that she'd just be too overweight at 160 and it's unhealthy. Now I'm just going by what she's given us, and I know weight redistributes when we lose and regain but there's a good chance she may be exactly right with what she believes is okay for her body. Then again, she may not be and may realize that as she gets closer. I, personally, will NEVER be what's considered "normal" by those charts for my height - even my doctor has told me as such. I will be healthy (hell by my tests I am but I'm not comfortable in my body) but I will not be 135 pounds, I'll be lucky to hit my goal of 170.
Can't we all just get along?!
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Step one, lose 50 lbs....0
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I'm more concerned that the OP seems to be basing whether or not she's happy on whether or not GUYS think she's hot.
Honestly, you SHOULD only go down to a weight that makes you happy (so long as you're healthy) but using whether or not you get hit on as a gauge for whether or not you're happy is NOT the right idea. You need to be happy in your own skin, with or without that feedback. Honestly, it sounds to me like there are deeper issues...0 -
I see that everyone is jumping on the husband, but I would like to interject a bit.
I think that it is important to communicate, especially if you have a spouse. Even for uncomfortable issues such as weight gain, there are ways to broach the subject lovingly and tactfully. So if you find yourself a bit off put by your husbands or wifes weight gain I think that a conversation is needed to avoid any long term repercussions. Your husband/wife should still LOVE you regardless, but I believe that physical attraction is a key component for long term happiness.
Same here. I think it's worth talking to your hubby and figuring out why he feels this way; maybe, as another poster suggested, he's worried about your health as well as your comfort level and trying to find the mid-point between the 115 pounds that your doctor recommended and the 160 pounds where you feel comfortable. If he was attracted to you when you were bigger, I'm GUESSING - which is all I can do - that he isn't trying to control or force you to be something or someone you're not comfortable being, and certainly not for his personal preference. However, since you said that you argued about this, then it's also worth talking about because he should understand how YOU feel about this.
Some people also said that after you reach your goal and get used to seeing yourself thinner, you may decide that you want to keep going. If you think that's a possibility, you can share that with your husband; however, I'm not you, and he's not you, and I'm trying to tread carefully and respect you and your wishes. Similarly, so should your S.O.! Just like some people KNOW they won't want children, you may KNOW that you won't want to go any lower than 160 pounds. UNLIKE having children, how much you feel you should weigh is YOUR decision, not a joint decision, UNLESS you need to lose more for medical reasons. If your life is not in direct/immediate danger from being where you want to be, and you're already going to weigh less than when you guys started dating or got married, then he should accept your decision to be healthier and happier than you already are.
Lastly, some people said that once he sees you healthy, happy and confident at your goal weight, he may give up on suggesting a lower weight. That's still a while off, though, so for now try not to fight, and see what happens when you get there!0 -
I'm more concerned that the OP seems to be basing whether or not she's happy on whether or not GUYS think she's hot.
Honestly, you SHOULD only go down to a weight that makes you happy (so long as you're healthy) but using whether or not you get hit on as a gauge for whether or not you're happy is NOT the right idea. You need to be happy in your own skin, with or without that feedback. Honestly, it sounds to me like there are deeper issues...
I picked up on this, too...0 -
I'm more concerned that the OP seems to be basing whether or not she's happy on whether or not GUYS think she's hot.
Honestly, you SHOULD only go down to a weight that makes you happy (so long as you're healthy) but using whether or not you get hit on as a gauge for whether or not you're happy is NOT the right idea. You need to be happy in your own skin, with or without that feedback. Honestly, it sounds to me like there are deeper issues...
I picked up on this, too...
and too add to this, it is sad jumping right away to "there are other fish in the sea". I would never talk like that about my husband. He is the man for me, period!! No matter how mad I get at him sometimes, I never say that other guys find me hot. Why add instability to our relationship and play games??? Who cares, I am sure I can find men who find me hot but I am married and those days are long gone and I don't care what people think of me. I do care what I think of myself though and I want to live a long, and healthy life. Like I stated before, why worry about the exact number on the scale now?, you have a very long way to go and anything can happen between now and then. Put the scale away and work on yourself from the inside out.0 -
Whatever weight makes YOU happy, healthy or not (preferably healthy, but it's YOUR body).I'm a fabulous enough person to know there are plenty men in the sea.
That says it all.0 -
I lost 180 lbs 4 years ago when I divorced by 180 lb husband - he was always on me about my weight. While I'm not yet at my goal weight somehow I feel so much lighter 0
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Your husband is right to desire a much lighter you. 160 is too heavy for 5' 2'.0
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