Husband unhappy with my weight :(
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I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look?
Agree, in part. Tests regarding health don't always match the chart. Like I said before, 140 was a healthy weight for me because all my tests came out great. The chart is just silly and doesn't fit everyone. Some people at 5'1" and 140 look and feel awful. For me, it felt great and my tests proved that it was right for me. I want to be healthy, not skinny, and I want to be realistic.0 -
I agree with most of what everyone has said here. I think your husband should support how you want to look, but I also applaud him for being honest. Keep in mind that your husand's "ideal" weight for you is still above what the doctor recommend as healthy, which leads me to beleive he likes you on the bigger side as opposed to sickly skinny side- which is good! Another thing- he may have said that weight for health reasons. Most men have NO idea what weight looks like on a woman and don't realize how height, muscle mass, build, etc, all play a huge role. Men don't care about the number on the scale as much as we do *(lucky) so they don't understand it as well.
As to what your"goal" weight shoudl be- I agree with the comments that you have to wait and see. Like another poster said, make your first goal getting below 200 and from there evaluate how you look and feel for yourself. How you are going to look is going to have a lot to due with HOW you lose the weight as well as how quickly. If you starved yourself to get down to 160 you'd probably look scrawny and sick. If you lifted weights, ate healthy, and lost the weight at a healthy rate you'd be much more likely to look toned and healthy. And based on how you look there you can deicde what is best for you.
And finally- your huband may well change his idea of what is ideal too as your body changes. Remember, neither of you KNOW exactly how you will look or feel at 190, 160, 130, or wahtever other weight. I think the gradual weight loss process with careful self examination woudl be best for both of you.
Good luck! Congratulations on committing to a healthy lifestyle.0 -
I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.0 -
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look?
Agree, in part. Tests regarding health don't always match the chart. Like I said before, 140 was a healthy weight for me because all my tests came out great. The chart is just silly and doesn't fit everyone. Some people at 5'1" and 140 look and feel awful. For me, it felt great and my tests proved that it was right for me. I want to be healthy, not skinny, and I want to be realistic.
lose 50 pounds first and then bring this topic back up as procrastination again.0 -
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look?
Agree, in part. Tests regarding health don't always match the chart. Like I said before, 140 was a healthy weight for me because all my tests came out great. The chart is just silly and doesn't fit everyone. Some people at 5'1" and 140 look and feel awful. For me, it felt great and my tests proved that it was right for me. I want to be healthy, not skinny, and I want to be realistic.
That's not what I'm saying.. If she wants to be 160 lbs, fine. But at that weight, she should go to the doctor to see if she is actually in good health, or if she needs to lose more weight. It shouldn't be 100% based on what number you want to be, or how you feel about yourself at a certain weight. She might get tests and be perfectly healthy at 160 lbs, or the doctor might say she needs to lose 20 more pounds because her health is still being affected by her weight. Otherwise, what is the point of losing the weight at all?0 -
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
how do you know that its unhealthy?!?!0 -
If we all knew what weight we should be, we wouldn't be here.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.0 -
I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy
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sorry but i dont understand what the issue is here? you're still 213 pounds. arent you all putting the horse before the cart?
arguing about if you should be 160,150 whatever when you're still 213 is like arguing about what graduate school a kindergarten aged kid should go in.
at this stage in your weight loss there's more important things you need to think about IMO
This. I still don't know what my final goal weight will be, but aim for 160 and then take it from there. One step at a time.0 -
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look?
Agree, in part. Tests regarding health don't always match the chart. Like I said before, 140 was a healthy weight for me because all my tests came out great. The chart is just silly and doesn't fit everyone. Some people at 5'1" and 140 look and feel awful. For me, it felt great and my tests proved that it was right for me. I want to be healthy, not skinny, and I want to be realistic.
That's not what I'm saying.. If she wants to be 160 lbs, fine. But at that weight, she should go to the doctor to see if she is actually in good health, or if she needs to lose more weight. It shouldn't be 100% based on what number you want to be, or how you feel about yourself at a certain weight. She might get tests and be perfectly healthy at 160 lbs, or the doctor might say she needs to lose 20 more pounds because her health is still being affected by her weight. Otherwise, what is the point of losing the weight at all?
Okay, but that's what I'm saying. If at 160 her doctor says her tests are good and she's healthy, that's what matters.0 -
I never said that i KNOW it is unhealthy - I said that should be a huge factor in deciding how much you want to weigh.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
how do you know that its unhealthy?!?!
50 lbs over weight is unhealthy - that is obvious common sense.
but maybe 20 lbs above ideal weight range, isn't bad - but you don' tknow what without going to the doctor to find out.
You can't just say that you want to be a certain weight and assume you are healthy. You could be fooling yourself. It shouldn't be ALL about what number you want to be - actual health needs to come into play.0 -
I completely agree.I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.
And how do YOU know that 160lbs for her is an unhealthy goal? You don't. So, don't go shaking your finger at us who are supporting her. SHE knows her body. SHE knows what is comfortable for her and what is a good weight for her (most all of us know what is a good weight for us to be at - regardless of what a doctor or charts or whatever say). I've had people try and tell me 150lbs is unhealthy for me. Pfft. Whatever. Starving myself, fighting my body and having to workout like crazy to meet someone else's "ideal" for me is far more harmful than the 150lbs I'm carrying. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I'm content. And if someone came along and tried to tell me "Shame on you for setting an unhealthy goal weight", well... I'd throat punch them. Worry about your own weight and your own goals. Let people make the choices that seem best for THEM.
I wouldn't be healthy at 120lbs. I would be too thin and I would look sickly. I look healthy with the extra 30lbs on my frame.
BECAUSE A 5'2 POUND 28 YEAR OLD FEMALE THAT WEIGHS 160 POUNDS IS UNHEALTHILY OVERWEIGHT AND ALMOST OBESE.
AND BECAUSE SHE EVEN TOLD US THAT HER DOCTOR SAID IT IS 35-40 POUNDS TOO MUCH FOR HER
It is not US saying its too big, ITS HER DOCTOR
WTH??? IGNORE HER DOCTOR AND JUST SUPPORT HER?
who are you? what if people told one of your elderly parents this - lol shut up and dont listen to the doctor, you just do what makes you really happy0 -
nevermind, i only engage stupidity for an allotted amount of time per day.
my final advice? when you get a 30 pound loss under your belt, revisit your goals.0 -
Ok fine, but 95% of the people here never mentioned that at all - everybody is just telling her to be whatever weight she wants to be, and as long as she feels good about herself that's all that matters. I'm saying that's not ALL that matters.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look?
Agree, in part. Tests regarding health don't always match the chart. Like I said before, 140 was a healthy weight for me because all my tests came out great. The chart is just silly and doesn't fit everyone. Some people at 5'1" and 140 look and feel awful. For me, it felt great and my tests proved that it was right for me. I want to be healthy, not skinny, and I want to be realistic.
That's not what I'm saying.. If she wants to be 160 lbs, fine. But at that weight, she should go to the doctor to see if she is actually in good health, or if she needs to lose more weight. It shouldn't be 100% based on what number you want to be, or how you feel about yourself at a certain weight. She might get tests and be perfectly healthy at 160 lbs, or the doctor might say she needs to lose 20 more pounds because her health is still being affected by her weight. Otherwise, what is the point of losing the weight at all?
Okay, but that's what I'm saying. If at 160 her doctor says her tests are good and she's healthy, that's what matters.0 -
Yes, and there is nothing wrong with going to the doctor for tests when she is 160 to see what he says. She could end up being perfectly healthy and have no other reason to lose more weight other than looks at that point. She won't know until she gets there.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look?
Agree, in part. Tests regarding health don't always match the chart. Like I said before, 140 was a healthy weight for me because all my tests came out great. The chart is just silly and doesn't fit everyone. Some people at 5'1" and 140 look and feel awful. For me, it felt great and my tests proved that it was right for me. I want to be healthy, not skinny, and I want to be realistic.
That's not what I'm saying.. If she wants to be 160 lbs, fine. But at that weight, she should go to the doctor to see if she is actually in good health, or if she needs to lose more weight. It shouldn't be 100% based on what number you want to be, or how you feel about yourself at a certain weight. She might get tests and be perfectly healthy at 160 lbs, or the doctor might say she needs to lose 20 more pounds because her health is still being affected by her weight. Otherwise, what is the point of losing the weight at all?
Okay, but that's what I'm saying. If at 160 her doctor says her tests are good and she's healthy, that's what matters.
Her doctor told her to go for 115-120 - its in the original post.0 -
Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.0 -
I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
I'm considered "overweight" on the BMI scale. I am at the very high end for weight based on my height.
My blood pressure is perfect. I've had all kinds of blood tests - everything comes back perfect. EKG - textbook perfect.
So, while they say I am "overweight" what is going on with the inside shows this weight is perfect for me. So. My point is.. I don't have to be 120lbs to be healthy. I can be healthy at 150lbs too.
Pretty sure, that shows I have overall health - which isn't based strictly on the number on the scale.0 -
Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.
BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?0 -
Dear Ms. AngieWright84,
I would say that your husband is a stupid chump!!!!!!!!! He should be encouraging you to become healthy not to become a particular weight...0 -
Thank you, someone else who understands where I'm coming from. I love all the people who say "oh the doctor's don't know what they are talking about" or "those charts aren't accurate". Everybody loves to bends the rules according to what is convenient for them and fool themselves into believing they aren't overweight, when they really are.Yes! I can't believe everyone's comments about the 'weight that you think you look good at". What about a healthy BMI? 160 is still considered very overweight for that height. Tough love. I think diet should be ALL about health, not how you or anyone else wants you to look.I'm sorry, but I just don't understand everybody saying that you should be whatever weight you feel happy at, or you FEEL healthy at.
But what about ACTUAL health? Just because you might feel ok with being 30 lbs more than your ideal weight, doesn't mean that you are ACTUALLY healthy. What about going to the doctor for tests to make sure you are actually healthy?
Shouldn't this all be about being healthy, and not JUST about if we like the way we look? Otherwise, why not say "oh I feel comfortable 50 lbs over weight, so that's fine". No, its not fine - it is unhealthy.0
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