HOW is it selfish?

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virichi08
virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
in Chit-Chat
for someone to NOT have children....?
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  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
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    not any more selfish than having children. actually it could be less selfish if you have children and then are a crappy parent.
  • socko6774
    socko6774 Posts: 200
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    thats so annoying !!!! i hear that all the time!! glad I'm not the only one. i do not want to have kids... ever.... i think its exactly the opposite of being selfish!! the world sucks!! im not raising a kid in this F'd up place. I like my freedom, independance and money. Id rather travel the world with my partner and not be tied down. i guess that sounds selfish, but the alt ernative would be worse. i know i dont want to be a parent, so being forced into it just because, is stupid and selfish.
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    Actually, people usually have children because they have a desire for it. It is a natural instinct.

    I pretty much hate when they act like following this desire is formulated in a way that it becomes some sort of heroic act or something they do for their country or society or anything. They do it for themselves to fulfill their desire, so calling childless people selfish is like the biggest hipocracy ever.
  • Manda86
    Manda86 Posts: 1,859 Member
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    I think not everyone is cut out to be a parent, it's a choice like anything else. If you want kids, do. If you don't want kids, don't. Being selfish and being a parent are not mutually exclusive.
  • bearwith
    bearwith Posts: 525 Member
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    You need to not listen to anybody who says that. It is up to you. You just have to be really sure that you don't want kids because it you leave it too late then change your mind, you will find it is a lot harder and it places more strain on your body and you are more likely to have complications. This does not mean that older mums do not have healthy babies but you ask any older mum whether it took a toll on her body and she will tell you!
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
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    I do have children, 2 of them, because I wanted them, but it's definitely not selfish to not have them if you don't want them. If people who wanted kids were the only people to have them, I think the world would be a better place! As a teacher it's heartbreaking seeing kids who are clearly not wanted, and how it affects them.

    It's far more selfish to have kids if you don't really want them, or can't provide for them.

    I remember, years ago, when I didn't really want kids, one of my colleagues saying that it was selfish. I never understood it then!
  • Manda86
    Manda86 Posts: 1,859 Member
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    It's far more selfish to have kids if you don't really want them, or can't provide for them.

    This x a billion.
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    Also, I think many women - especially who got children too early - feel like they "sacrifised" their youth/party/career years and were stuck with babies at home clinging onto them, while others were out doing whatever they wanted.

    So in their eyes because THEY made that sacrifice and you didn't: you look selfish. This is totally bad thinking but some people get some sort of pleasure out of it (like "you suck in a way too dude"). I am just sorry for people who think that way...
  • AverageAngel
    AverageAngel Posts: 123 Member
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    Agreed. I have some complicated stuff I won't get into too deep here.. but long story short, Married 5.5 years. Own a house 2 years. Have a 1.5 year old German Shepherd. I am a Paramedic, husband is a Sgt. for S.O.
    We are getting a **** ton of pressure from all the ' breeders' in our community.. and ya know what? IDGAF.
    Call me selfish, assume I am barren, I do not care to bring another human into this world right now.
    This really hits me hard, as my son's adoptive parents brought up me having more children, because my 'son' is ok with it. I don't care WHO is ok with how we chose to enjoy our lives.
    Grrr. this subject gets me wound up. :explode:
    It is not selfish.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    Agreed. I have some complicated stuff I won't get into too deep here.. but long story short, Married 5.5 years. Own a house 2 years. Have a 1.5 year old German Shepherd. I am a Paramedic, husband is a Sgt. for S.O.
    We are getting a **** ton of pressure from all the ' breeders' in our community.. and ya know what? IDGAF.
    Call me selfish, assume I am barren, I do not care to bring another human into this world right now.
    This really hits me hard, as my son's adoptive parents brought up me having more children, because my 'son' is ok with it. I don't care WHO is ok with how we chose to enjoy our lives.
    Grrr. this subject gets me wound up. :explode:
    It is not selfish.

    SMH....dnt know why people worry abt what i or u does with our bodies...
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    Also, I think many women - especially who got children too early - feel like they "sacrifised" their youth/party/career years and were stuck with babies at home clinging onto them, while others were out doing whatever they wanted.

    So in their eyes because THEY made that sacrifice and you didn't: you look selfish. This is totally bad thinking but some people get some sort of pleasure out of it (like "you suck in a way too dude"). I am just sorry for people who think that way...

    Yea, it is a sacrifice but that is THEIR life and responsibility, not the next person.
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
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    I think it's just as bad when people say it's selfish only have one child, instead of multiple children.

    Personally, it's my choice and my body... and I can do what i damn well please with it.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    Hmmm...I've actually never heard that before. For a very long time my wife and I didn't think we'd ever have kids...didn't want kids. We traveled, did what we wanted when we wanted, etc...we always made it pretty clear that we didn't want kids and nobody ever said a thing about it.

    I'm not sure exactly what happened, but somewhere along the line we wanted kids so bad it hurt...it took forever for my wife to get pregnant with our first and we thought it just wouldn't happen...it was very sad at the time because we had gone so long not wanting kids and then really wanted one...finally she got pregnant with our first boy and we had our 2nd boy last July. It's great for us, but I fail to see how not wanting kids is selfish. Usually parents who never wanted the kid(s) make for really ****ty parents.
  • Manda86
    Manda86 Posts: 1,859 Member
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    Agreed. I have some complicated stuff I won't get into too deep here.. but long story short, Married 5.5 years. Own a house 2 years. Have a 1.5 year old German Shepherd. I am a Paramedic, husband is a Sgt. for S.O.
    We are getting a **** ton of pressure from all the ' breeders' in our community.. and ya know what? IDGAF.
    Call me selfish, assume I am barren, I do not care to bring another human into this world right now.
    This really hits me hard, as my son's adoptive parents brought up me having more children, because my 'son' is ok with it. I don't care WHO is ok with how we chose to enjoy our lives.
    Grrr. this subject gets me wound up. :explode:
    It is not selfish.

    Hey, don't knock us breeders! Making babies is a lot of ... erm... work... :blushing:

    :laugh:
  • christy3565
    christy3565 Posts: 349
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    I didn't want children for a very long time for personal reasons. I was told by a lady I worked with all the time that I was being selfish. I could never understand why she thought that but figured she was just unhappy in her world.
    I did however change my mind and had my first child at 33. I had decided that I only wanted one child, and AGAIN was told I was selfish lol. Apparently I needed to have a brood of children to satisfy those with know it all opinions.
    It boils down to what you want in your life and what you know is right. Not everyone is made to be a parent and that is ok!
    For the record I now have two boys that I couldn't imagine not having in my life....but they are my choices. As selfish as I am :tongue:
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    I have two children whom I love with all of my heart.

    That said, if somebody makes a personal choice not to have children I don't find that selfish in the least.
    I think that for somebody to have a child just based on social pressures is more selfish.

    Children are hard effing work. So why on earth would you want somebody who didn't want a child to have one? It makes no sense.

    I totally respect people who are willing to stick to their guns on these things and know in their hearts that children are not the right choice for them.
  • supahstar71
    supahstar71 Posts: 926 Member
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    Only stupid people say that crap.
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
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    It is NOT selfish to NOT have children. It would be selfish of someone to have children for the wrong reasons.

    BTW I have 4 children.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I'm selfish. And what? I love other people's babies but I don't want any. Sorry, i'd rather be planning my next trip then the next bake sale.
  • strawberrytoast
    strawberrytoast Posts: 711 Member
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    I've never heard anyone being called selfish for not wanting/having children!

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