HOW is it selfish?

virichi08

for someone to NOT have children....?

Aviva92

not any more selfish than having children. actually it could be less selfish if you have children and then are a crappy parent.

socko6774

thats so annoying !!!! i hear that all the time!! glad I'm not the only one. i do not want to have kids... ever.... i think its exactly the opposite of being selfish!! the world sucks!! im not raising a kid in this F'd up place. I like my freedom, independance and money. Id rather travel the world with my partner and not be tied down. i guess that sounds selfish, but the alt ernative would be worse. i know i dont want to be a parent, so being forced into it just because, is stupid and selfish.

sofielein

Actually, people usually have children because they have a desire for it. It is a natural instinct.

I pretty much hate when they act like following this desire is formulated in a way that it becomes some sort of heroic act or something they do for their country or society or anything. They do it for themselves to fulfill their desire, so calling childless people selfish is like the biggest hipocracy ever.

Manda86

I think not everyone is cut out to be a parent, it's a choice like anything else. If you want kids, do. If you don't want kids, don't. Being selfish and being a parent are not mutually exclusive.

bearwith

You need to not listen to anybody who says that. It is up to you. You just have to be really sure that you don't want kids because it you leave it too late then change your mind, you will find it is a lot harder and it places more strain on your body and you are more likely to have complications. This does not mean that older mums do not have healthy babies but you ask any older mum whether it took a toll on her body and she will tell you!

DawnieB1977

I do have children, 2 of them, because I wanted them, but it's definitely not selfish to not have them if you don't want them. If people who wanted kids were the only people to have them, I think the world would be a better place! As a teacher it's heartbreaking seeing kids who are clearly not wanted, and how it affects them.

It's far more selfish to have kids if you don't really want them, or can't provide for them.

I remember, years ago, when I didn't really want kids, one of my colleagues saying that it was selfish. I never understood it then!

Manda86

It's far more selfish to have kids if you don't really want them, or can't provide for them.

This x a billion.

sofielein

Also, I think many women - especially who got children too early - feel like they "sacrifised" their youth/party/career years and were stuck with babies at home clinging onto them, while others were out doing whatever they wanted.

So in their eyes because THEY made that sacrifice and you didn't: you look selfish. This is totally bad thinking but some people get some sort of pleasure out of it (like "you suck in a way too dude"). I am just sorry for people who think that way...

AverageAngel

Agreed. I have some complicated stuff I won't get into too deep here.. but long story short, Married 5.5 years. Own a house 2 years. Have a 1.5 year old German Shepherd. I am a Paramedic, husband is a Sgt. for S.O.
We are getting a **** ton of pressure from all the ' breeders' in our community.. and ya know what? IDGAF.
Call me selfish, assume I am barren, I do not care to bring another human into this world right now.
This really hits me hard, as my son's adoptive parents brought up me having more children, because my 'son' is ok with it. I don't care WHO is ok with how we chose to enjoy our lives.
Grrr. this subject gets me wound up. :explode:
It is not selfish.

virichi08

Agreed. I have some complicated stuff I won't get into too deep here.. but long story short, Married 5.5 years. Own a house 2 years. Have a 1.5 year old German Shepherd. I am a Paramedic, husband is a Sgt. for S.O.
We are getting a **** ton of pressure from all the ' breeders' in our community.. and ya know what? IDGAF.
Call me selfish, assume I am barren, I do not care to bring another human into this world right now.
This really hits me hard, as my son's adoptive parents brought up me having more children, because my 'son' is ok with it. I don't care WHO is ok with how we chose to enjoy our lives.
Grrr. this subject gets me wound up. :explode:
It is not selfish.

SMH....dnt know why people worry abt what i or u does with our bodies...

virichi08

Also, I think many women - especially who got children too early - feel like they "sacrifised" their youth/party/career years and were stuck with babies at home clinging onto them, while others were out doing whatever they wanted.

So in their eyes because THEY made that sacrifice and you didn't: you look selfish. This is totally bad thinking but some people get some sort of pleasure out of it (like "you suck in a way too dude"). I am just sorry for people who think that way...

Yea, it is a sacrifice but that is THEIR life and responsibility, not the next person.

dad106

I think it's just as bad when people say it's selfish only have one child, instead of multiple children.

Personally, it's my choice and my body... and I can do what i damn well please with it.

cwolfman13

Hmmm...I've actually never heard that before. For a very long time my wife and I didn't think we'd ever have kids...didn't want kids. We traveled, did what we wanted when we wanted, etc...we always made it pretty clear that we didn't want kids and nobody ever said a thing about it.

I'm not sure exactly what happened, but somewhere along the line we wanted kids so bad it hurt...it took forever for my wife to get pregnant with our first and we thought it just wouldn't happen...it was very sad at the time because we had gone so long not wanting kids and then really wanted one...finally she got pregnant with our first boy and we had our 2nd boy last July. It's great for us, but I fail to see how not wanting kids is selfish. Usually parents who never wanted the kid(s) make for really ****ty parents.

Manda86

Agreed. I have some complicated stuff I won't get into too deep here.. but long story short, Married 5.5 years. Own a house 2 years. Have a 1.5 year old German Shepherd. I am a Paramedic, husband is a Sgt. for S.O.
We are getting a **** ton of pressure from all the ' breeders' in our community.. and ya know what? IDGAF.
Call me selfish, assume I am barren, I do not care to bring another human into this world right now.
This really hits me hard, as my son's adoptive parents brought up me having more children, because my 'son' is ok with it. I don't care WHO is ok with how we chose to enjoy our lives.
Grrr. this subject gets me wound up. :explode:
It is not selfish.

Hey, don't knock us breeders! Making babies is a lot of ... erm... work... :blushing:

:laugh:

christy3565

I didn't want children for a very long time for personal reasons. I was told by a lady I worked with all the time that I was being selfish. I could never understand why she thought that but figured she was just unhappy in her world.
I did however change my mind and had my first child at 33. I had decided that I only wanted one child, and AGAIN was told I was selfish lol. Apparently I needed to have a brood of children to satisfy those with know it all opinions.
It boils down to what you want in your life and what you know is right. Not everyone is made to be a parent and that is ok!
For the record I now have two boys that I couldn't imagine not having in my life....but they are my choices. As selfish as I am

oregonzoo

I have two children whom I love with all of my heart.

That said, if somebody makes a personal choice not to have children I don't find that selfish in the least.
I think that for somebody to have a child just based on social pressures is more selfish.

Children are hard effing work. So why on earth would you want somebody who didn't want a child to have one? It makes no sense.

I totally respect people who are willing to stick to their guns on these things and know in their hearts that children are not the right choice for them.

supahstar71

Only stupid people say that crap.

AuddAlise

It is NOT selfish to NOT have children. It would be selfish of someone to have children for the wrong reasons.

BTW I have 4 children.

AllTehBeers

I'm selfish. And what? I love other people's babies but I don't want any. Sorry, i'd rather be planning my next trip then the next bake sale.

strawberrytoast

I've never heard anyone being called selfish for not wanting/having children!

smae1980

Ironically I know a few childless people who are generally selfish people, but I don't think that NOT wanting children MAKES someone selfish. I agree with those who posted that it's more selfish to have and keep a child someone didn't want in the first place. And I don't necessarily think it's selfish to have only one child, but I feel bad for only children. I grew up with siblings and I can't imagine my life with out them. I have one child, a daughter who is almost 6 and I feel guilty every time she asks if she can have a brother or sister. But the reason she doesn't have one is because I have been in school the last 4 years, so that I can get a better job to better help support my family. A decidedly unselfish reason.

darrensurrey

for someone to NOT have children....?

You don't have children, do you?













Sorry, couldn't resist. I don't either. :laugh:

clydethecat

i've been called selfish for not having kids. i think it was because i was depriving my parents of becoming grandparents. but my parents totally understand my point of view, and do not want me to have kids i do not want just to make them happy.

i dont want kids. i dont think i would be a good mom. thats not selfish. thats me being the opposite of selfish. i'm saving some poor kid from having a crazy mom.

dont worry about it. other peoples opinion doesnt count when you're planing your family, no matter what your family looks like.

cuterbee

It's not selfish to live your life in a way true to yourself. Sometimes people who regret their own choices will attempt to guilt you into doing the same thing so they don't have to be jealous of your freedom. A child is a lifetime commitment.

Do you want to know what selfish is? It's not people who choose not to have children. It's the people who had children and treated them like crap or ignored them or allowed others to abuse them because they were too weak to withstand social pressure or couldn't handle the responsibility or were simply too stupid to realize their inadequacies.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that people who choose not to have children would make crappy parents. People who choose not to have children are mostly thoughtful people who have considered all the consequences in their lives and made the decision accordingly, with enough guts to withstand social pressure. In my mind, these are all qualities of good parents had they chosen that route instead.

People are free to live their lives the way that they choose. Making the right choice for your own happiness does not make you selfish.

AllTehBeers

i've been called selfish for not having kids. i think it was because i was depriving my parents of becoming grandparents. but my parents totally understand my point of view, and do not want me to have kids i do not want just to make them happy.

i dont want kids. i dont think i would be a good mom. thats not selfish. thats me being the opposite of selfish. i'm saving some poor kid from having a crazy mom.

dont worry about it. other peoples opinion doesnt count when you're planing your family, no matter what your family looks like.

I'm lucky to have a brother and a sister who want babies.

lhulewsky

I have a boat load of kids. I raised 9 and I do not think it is selfish to not have kids. It is a smart decision especially if you don't want them or don't have the means to take care of them. I think it is a very unselfish decision and it is smart to know what your limitations are. I applaud all of you who have made the decision in a reasoned manner. I wish more people were like you all since too many kids are born into terrible situations. My youngest two children are from a drug addicted mother and father. My husband and I adopted them which i consider rescuing. Not all children get rescued...

tndejong

i cant have kids and don't currently have any. its nice to spoil my nieces and nephews and send them home.

ValerieMartini2Olives

I don't think it's selfish at all. It's a choice you've made and odds are, you probably thought long and hard about it.

dirtnap63

What's selfish is having kids when you don't want them / aren't willing to make the sacrifices necessary to be a decent parent. The world is not a your daycare.
I applaud anyone who conscientiously makes that decision.

Trechechus

Are you familiar with the "child free by choice" group?