HOW is it selfish?

245

Replies

  • jjscholar
    jjscholar Posts: 413 Member
    Personally, I do not believe that it is selfish to be childless...

    I say this because having children is only the simple biological drive to perpetuate the human spices and nothing more...

    In addition, it is selfish to have children if you have a genetic defect...
  • xXxHBICxXx
    xXxHBICxXx Posts: 370 Member
    It's your life live it the way you choose. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I have 2 children, boys and I love them more than I love anything in this world but I can see why some people don't want kids, it's a lot of work and responsibility and takes a lot of sacrifice. I had my kids because I have always known I wanted to be a mother. Having children was one of my dreams and it came true, life is to short to live it the way everyone else thinks you should. Live and let live and be happy.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
    When people say things like this it is incredibly selfish. There are more infertile couples out there than people can ever imagine, and many don't let everyone know as it is a very personal struggle. People have absolutely no idea how hurtful a "simple" statement like "why don't you want children" or "when are you finally going to give us a grandbaby" can be. I feel very strongly that people with opinions on your choice of childbearing should keep their mouths firmly shut.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    It's not .
  • smae1980
    smae1980 Posts: 794 Member
    Personally, I do not believe that it is selfish to be childless...

    I say this because having children is only the simple biological drive to perpetuate the human spices and nothing more...

    In addition, it is selfish to have children if you have a genetic defect...

    That's not fair, many genetic defects require both parents to have the same defect before it will present in their children and even then it's not 100%. If someone decides to have children and goes in knowing the risks and are willing to love the child no matter what I think that is unselfish. There are a lot of people out their who have perfectly healthy "normal" children and treat them badly. Why is it selfish of someone who really wants to have and love a child, but who's child may not be your idea of perfect, to have a family?
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    It would be selfish of me to not reproduce and pass on my awesome genes.
  • leahestey
    leahestey Posts: 124 Member
    The only time I see it as selfish is when the parents want grand kids and the child of that parent doesn't.
  • xFamousLastWordsx
    xFamousLastWordsx Posts: 301 Member
    Ugh I hear this all the time. I don't want kids, I don't like kids and people call me selfish. Too bad for them, I'd rather have a cat.
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
    I think the selfish thing comes from those who believe, based on their religion that it is our duty to bring children into the world.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    My folks implied that I was being selfish and holding out on them because I didn't have kids when I was married (at the age of 18-20). They said I "owed them grandchildren" and brought it up everytime I saw them. The marriage didn't last, no kids, and no desire to have them next time around.

    Also, it's funny to note that they now DON'T want me to ever have kids unless I get married again. :laugh: (My sis had a kid so I guess their "grandchild-fever" has subsided)
  • SueGremlin
    SueGremlin Posts: 1,066 Member
    The only selfish person in this scenario is the person who is Not You, yet makes judgments about how you live your life and what life choices you make. (And basically what goes on in your uterus). For the life of me I will never understand why anyone imagines that they even GET an opinion about that.
  • Mhaney
    Mhaney Posts: 467 Member
    I'm actually glad my sister took the extra precautions to not have children, she's entirely too selfish to raise another human being.
  • ahjenny
    ahjenny Posts: 293 Member
    I might ask someone about kids when we meet and are getting to know each other. If someone doesn't have or want kids, that's fine by me. They can do what they want with their lives. The only childfree people whom I don't like are the ones who hate kids because they're kids and think that they are all brats. I know a lot of them can be, but a lot of kids are also good people who just haven't grown up yet.
  • GaiaGirl1992
    GaiaGirl1992 Posts: 459 Member
    thats so annoying !!!! i hear that all the time!! glad I'm not the only one. i do not want to have kids... ever.... i think its exactly the opposite of being selfish!! the world sucks!! im not raising a kid in this F'd up place. I like my freedom, independance and money. Id rather travel the world with my partner and not be tied down. i guess that sounds selfish, but the alt ernative would be worse. i know i dont want to be a parent, so being forced into it just because, is stupid and selfish.

    ^this^ Plus I feel I wouldn't be a good parent, just too damned impatient. I am happy to support my brothers with their kids/future kids, and chase dreams I have!
  • adenajoy
    adenajoy Posts: 15 Member
    It's not selfish. It's selfish for that person's parent/family member who thinks they gave birth to a child so that their child would produce grandchildren.

    People may say it's selfish because having a kid makes you have to live your life for them. You don't have time for yourself anymore. So in that sense, it's a little selfish to not want to give up your life for another - but you can easily do this in other ways (volunteering for example) if kids aren't your thing.
  • momof2TONI
    momof2TONI Posts: 112 Member
    I don't judge people on whether they want children or not. I had two because I wanted them. My son is in his 40's and has no biological children. (although he did marry a woman who already had some kids) My youngest stepdaughter is 30 and says she doesn't want kids. I figure that's her right.
  • purplegoboom
    purplegoboom Posts: 400 Member
    Deleting my comment, because I really don't want a *kitten* storm.

    I'll just say I don't want kids, I never will, and I fully admit to being a selfish b*tch.
  • freddykid
    freddykid Posts: 265 Member
    I have never heard anyone say it was selfish not to have kids. So I am not sure what the context is that someone would say that.

    When I was younger I didn't want kids, I thought, why would I want to be responsible for screwing up a kid?" But I didn't want to get married either. That all changed when I spent a few years traveling in the military, I realized that I wanted to be a family man and not an everlasting bachelor. To each their own.
  • gpaladines3
    gpaladines3 Posts: 1 Member
    Amen!
  • cfregon
    cfregon Posts: 147
    I don't want kids (now anyways). I figure my selfish self can always decide otherwise, rather than having a kid I don't want right now just in case. If I get too old, I can adopt. Plenty of kids out there to go around. I've known I didn't really want kids since I was 12. Still don't want them, but I'm open to the possibility if I find the right person. It's unfortunate if people think that (or similar circumstances) is selfish. Last time I checked, it was my choice whether to get pregnant or not. At this point, even if I wanted a kid right now, I wouldn't have one. I plan on moving in the near future, my money situation isn't quite as stable as I think would be best for a child, etc.

    I think it would be selfish of me to have a child out of want right now when I don't think I could support it and give it the life I know it should have.
  • lovelyMYlovely
    lovelyMYlovely Posts: 1,066 Member
    i never wanted children but now that i have them I LOVE THEM DEARLY its like no other love you can imagine..

    i hate woman who are parents and judge if someone doesnt have children... I dont think its selfish to not have children. ESPECIALLY if the person wont know how to love the child.. some may think its selfish to not have children because obviously all you have to worry about is yourself...

    in my opinion people just say this because they are miserable and wish they could take vacations and go out and have fun without worries.. maybe thats y people say your selfish for not having children... in my opinion i dont really care if someone has a child or not.. i worry about my life and my responsibilities.

    everyone has opinions... about everything... i dont think they really think your selfish in fact they may be jealous... lol... that being said i never wanted children and now that i do have them i am very happy for it! they are sooo much fun and if i didnt have them i would probably be dead of partying to hard. now that i have kids i never go out or drink anymore. so im happy my life changed :)
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    I know a lot of people who seem to think of their children as insurance policies i.e people who will take care of them when they're old...so maybe whoever is telling you that thinks you are selfish for putting your elderly care onto people who are not your children? I don't know what else they could possibly mean.. People can be so strange.
  • kaylinn9
    kaylinn9 Posts: 112
    Being selfish is having a kid and not wanting it. Being selfless is knowing what your parameters are and knowing that, with your capabilities or personal discretion, not having kids is a decision that will ultimately be a benefit to both yourself. What's the point of putting a child on this earth if you didn't want it? That would be considered selfish.

    And also, having children is more of a social standard. It's just expected of everybody in their lives.

    Not everyone is fit to be a parent and that is totally personalized and should be a decision made for your own good, not for the sake of conformity.

    So no! It is not selfish at all!
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    Deleting my comment, because I really don't want a *kitten* storm.

    I'll just say I don't want kids, I never will, and I fully admit to being a selfish b*tch.

    :heart: me too
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    Deleting my comment, because I really don't want a *kitten* storm.

    I'll just say I don't want kids, I never will, and I fully admit to being a selfish b*tch.

    i thought what you said was right on, but i get that it would have started a *kitten* storm.. too bad we're not more enlightened.
  • rgohm
    rgohm Posts: 294 Member
    My theory is if you don't want them then don't. It isn't selfish it is you living YOUR life for you. You don't need to get anyone's approval.

    I have two kids and love them more than the world and would never trade them for anything, that is my life. I remember struggling with the choice to not have anymore. I wondered if I was a bad person or if people would think I was selfish, in the end I realized no one has to live my life except me and I know what is right for me. Plus with no kids, less mess, less stress more "me" time right? Do what is right for you.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    It's selfish for me to not have kids because I would be the greatest parent ever (I would even get a coffee mug which stated just that), and my children would be so wonderful and clever that looking at them with the naked eye would be dangerous, because of their brightness.

    Oh well. Sorry, Earth.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    It's not. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be child-free. I think it's selfish for someone to have kids when they know damn well they're not financially stable enough to do so.....but that's just my opinion.
  • rockangel8907
    rockangel8907 Posts: 429 Member
    Actually, people usually have children because they have a desire for it. It is a natural instinct.

    I pretty much hate when they act like following this desire is formulated in a way that it becomes some sort of heroic act or something they do for their country or society or anything. They do it for themselves to fulfill their desire, so calling childless people selfish is like the biggest hipocracy ever.
    Or the need for unconditional love. My cousin who is under 30 and is pregnant with her 8th....she can't keep a man so she keeps having kids.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    It's selfish for me to not have kids because I would be the greatest parent ever (I would even get a coffee mug which stated just that), and my children would be so wonderful and clever that looking at them with the naked eye would be dangerous, because of their brightness.

    Oh well. Sorry, Earth.

    I'm sending you a kid and a mug. Grats.

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