HOW is it selfish?

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  • smae1980
    smae1980 Posts: 794 Member
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    Ironically I know a few childless people who are generally selfish people, but I don't think that NOT wanting children MAKES someone selfish. I agree with those who posted that it's more selfish to have and keep a child someone didn't want in the first place. And I don't necessarily think it's selfish to have only one child, but I feel bad for only children. I grew up with siblings and I can't imagine my life with out them. I have one child, a daughter who is almost 6 and I feel guilty every time she asks if she can have a brother or sister. But the reason she doesn't have one is because I have been in school the last 4 years, so that I can get a better job to better help support my family. A decidedly unselfish reason.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    for someone to NOT have children....?

    You don't have children, do you?













    Sorry, couldn't resist. I don't either. :laugh:
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,094 Member
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    i've been called selfish for not having kids. i think it was because i was depriving my parents of becoming grandparents. but my parents totally understand my point of view, and do not want me to have kids i do not want just to make them happy.

    i dont want kids. i dont think i would be a good mom. thats not selfish. thats me being the opposite of selfish. i'm saving some poor kid from having a crazy mom.

    dont worry about it. other peoples opinion doesnt count when you're planing your family, no matter what your family looks like.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    It's not selfish to live your life in a way true to yourself. Sometimes people who regret their own choices will attempt to guilt you into doing the same thing so they don't have to be jealous of your freedom. A child is a lifetime commitment.

    Do you want to know what selfish is? It's not people who choose not to have children. It's the people who had children and treated them like crap or ignored them or allowed others to abuse them because they were too weak to withstand social pressure or couldn't handle the responsibility or were simply too stupid to realize their inadequacies.

    Don't fall into the trap of thinking that people who choose not to have children would make crappy parents. People who choose not to have children are mostly thoughtful people who have considered all the consequences in their lives and made the decision accordingly, with enough guts to withstand social pressure. In my mind, these are all qualities of good parents had they chosen that route instead.

    People are free to live their lives the way that they choose. Making the right choice for your own happiness does not make you selfish.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    i've been called selfish for not having kids. i think it was because i was depriving my parents of becoming grandparents. but my parents totally understand my point of view, and do not want me to have kids i do not want just to make them happy.

    i dont want kids. i dont think i would be a good mom. thats not selfish. thats me being the opposite of selfish. i'm saving some poor kid from having a crazy mom.

    dont worry about it. other peoples opinion doesnt count when you're planing your family, no matter what your family looks like.

    I'm lucky to have a brother and a sister who want babies.
  • lhulewsky
    lhulewsky Posts: 50
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    I have a boat load of kids. I raised 9 and I do not think it is selfish to not have kids. It is a smart decision especially if you don't want them or don't have the means to take care of them. I think it is a very unselfish decision and it is smart to know what your limitations are. I applaud all of you who have made the decision in a reasoned manner. I wish more people were like you all since too many kids are born into terrible situations. My youngest two children are from a drug addicted mother and father. My husband and I adopted them which i consider rescuing. Not all children get rescued...
  • tndejong
    tndejong Posts: 463
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    i cant have kids and don't currently have any. its nice to spoil my nieces and nephews and send them home.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
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    I don't think it's selfish at all. It's a choice you've made and odds are, you probably thought long and hard about it.
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
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    What's selfish is having kids when you don't want them / aren't willing to make the sacrifices necessary to be a decent parent. The world is not a your daycare.
    I applaud anyone who conscientiously makes that decision.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    Are you familiar with the "child free by choice" group?
  • jjscholar
    jjscholar Posts: 413 Member
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    Personally, I do not believe that it is selfish to be childless...

    I say this because having children is only the simple biological drive to perpetuate the human spices and nothing more...

    In addition, it is selfish to have children if you have a genetic defect...
  • xXxHBICxXx
    xXxHBICxXx Posts: 370 Member
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    It's your life live it the way you choose. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I have 2 children, boys and I love them more than I love anything in this world but I can see why some people don't want kids, it's a lot of work and responsibility and takes a lot of sacrifice. I had my kids because I have always known I wanted to be a mother. Having children was one of my dreams and it came true, life is to short to live it the way everyone else thinks you should. Live and let live and be happy.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
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    When people say things like this it is incredibly selfish. There are more infertile couples out there than people can ever imagine, and many don't let everyone know as it is a very personal struggle. People have absolutely no idea how hurtful a "simple" statement like "why don't you want children" or "when are you finally going to give us a grandbaby" can be. I feel very strongly that people with opinions on your choice of childbearing should keep their mouths firmly shut.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
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    It's not .
  • smae1980
    smae1980 Posts: 794 Member
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    Personally, I do not believe that it is selfish to be childless...

    I say this because having children is only the simple biological drive to perpetuate the human spices and nothing more...

    In addition, it is selfish to have children if you have a genetic defect...

    That's not fair, many genetic defects require both parents to have the same defect before it will present in their children and even then it's not 100%. If someone decides to have children and goes in knowing the risks and are willing to love the child no matter what I think that is unselfish. There are a lot of people out their who have perfectly healthy "normal" children and treat them badly. Why is it selfish of someone who really wants to have and love a child, but who's child may not be your idea of perfect, to have a family?
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    It would be selfish of me to not reproduce and pass on my awesome genes.
  • leahestey
    leahestey Posts: 124 Member
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    The only time I see it as selfish is when the parents want grand kids and the child of that parent doesn't.
  • xFamousLastWordsx
    xFamousLastWordsx Posts: 301 Member
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    Ugh I hear this all the time. I don't want kids, I don't like kids and people call me selfish. Too bad for them, I'd rather have a cat.
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
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    I think the selfish thing comes from those who believe, based on their religion that it is our duty to bring children into the world.
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
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    My folks implied that I was being selfish and holding out on them because I didn't have kids when I was married (at the age of 18-20). They said I "owed them grandchildren" and brought it up everytime I saw them. The marriage didn't last, no kids, and no desire to have them next time around.

    Also, it's funny to note that they now DON'T want me to ever have kids unless I get married again. :laugh: (My sis had a kid so I guess their "grandchild-fever" has subsided)

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