Can getting in shape ruin a relationship?

MireyGal76

This is a spin off from http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/870304-can-letting-yourself-go-ruin-a-relationship

I am opening discussion here, because I think the converse can also be true... at least it had an impact on mine.
I was married to a very insecure man, who needed to feel "better" than me - he downplayed my intelligence, ensured he one upped me as much as he could, and even tracked my weight so that he could weigh less. I get that we did not have a solid relationship.

I started going to the gym early in our marriage, with my sister, and he was always on me about how long I was going for, that he missed me, he didn't want me going, and I ended up stopping. I put on some weight. We had kids. I got a tad insulated.

I started going to the gym again, and he started up on me again, but this time I was going on my lunch hour at work, so he couldn't complain about me stealing time from the family.

The thing is... the better shape I got in, the more controlling he got.

My question is this:
has getting in shape affected your relationship in a negative way? how did you / are you dealing with this?

concordancia

Any change can ruin a relationship if the other partner does not want to change or if the partner changes in a different direction.

SoDamnHungry

Maybe your husband was afraid you'll leave him for a better mate, not that it was a competition? Sadly, it sounds like he drove you to do so.

My ex always wanted me to work out with him, even though I was fairly thin. My losing weight made him happy, since he was a pretty thin guy and I doubt he wanted to be outweighed by his girlfriend. If I weighed a little more, though, he didn't care, since then my boobs were bigger.

DavPul

Any change can ruin a relationship if the other partner does not want to change or if the partner changes in a different direction.

that's a pretty solid answer. what the hell are you doing in chit chat?

mleech77

I'm still in the early stages of getting back into shape, but I'm working out 6 days a week. I can honestly say my wife has complained a little already just about how much time I'm spending working out. Add on top of that the events that I'm planning on participating in this year and she's not looking forward to how much time I'm dedicating to this. It doesn't help matters that on top of working 50+ hours at my main job, I also work for a car racing organization so at least one weekend a month from Feb - Nov I'm out of town.

It has kind of inspired her to start working out more though. She is very competitive, so the thought of me getting better at swimming, and maybe being better than her has her going more often.

Micahroni84

Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

FitBeto

I said i would sleep with 6 women for every ab that popped.

I now have a six pack and slept with only .5 women since i started

MireyGal76

I said i would sleep with 6 women for every ab that popped.

I now have a six pack and slept with only .5 women since i started

congrats on the 6 pack... I feel sorry for the half woman...

JohnnyResets

You know I think that is probably a "theme" in a lot of relationships. One partner is trying to improve themselves, but the other is not into it. The partner doing the growning/ improving is no longer "enabling" the other partner, and the success experienced is a threat to that partner.

Same thing sort of happened to me with my ex wife and smoking. It didn't break us up, that was the drunken hating that did that lol, but for me trying to quit while she was still smoking a pack and a half a day was crippling to my effort. Finally succeeded after getting divorced...

milf_n_cookies

Yes, it can. I posted on the other thread, but basically my husband liked me fat, he doesn't like me thin and fit. The end.

holeshottdr

I suppose it could but my wife and I are just the opposite. We both thrive off of each other's accomplishments and encourage each other in our fitness goals. Not to mention the benefits that go along with being in shape .

saxmaniac

Self-improvement can strain a relationship. It will either make a good one better, or, send a bad one to a long-overdue grave.

Good, functional relationships means that either person can grow and improve with your partner having your back. Best case, you do this both together.

TheRoadDog

Getting in shape will not ruin a SOLID relationship. A shallow relationship can be ruined by anything.

FullOfWin

Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

snap

MireyGal76

Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

snap

oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....

djames92

yes yes it can

sunsnstatheart

Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

There are two sides to every story and I'm sure the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with. Sour grapes on the forums again. Funny how this is allowed but celebrations aren't.

Mhaney

Getting my entire life into shape is part (by no means ALL) of the reason my marriage failed.
I went back to college and was guilt tripped because I spent too much time on studies instead of him. I was also accused of using him for support while I finished school so I could leave when I'm done... (I say, WHY WAIT THAT LONG?)

I joined my kids' TKD class, got some confidence, and told him to kick rocks. All he ever told me when I wanted to do something for myself was that I never start what I finish and never will... I finished the divorce pretty quickly.

EstiloPanama

Yes..

My fiance was married to this woman for 17 years. She became chubby as time went on, and resentful about her wife. For all those years, even though their kids went to school, she stayed at home with the "SAHM" status. She supposedly ate bon bons and watched trash TV all day. She got up to 250. Three years before their divorce, she decided to 'lose weight', and got a gastric bypass procedure done. As soon as she lost the weight, she felt better than him. She felt so empowered, that she felt she could do better. She started to cheat on him and go on wild parties with new friends. They were both in their late thirties when this happened. I guess her losing weight motivated her to feel like she was superior somehow, and their relationship fell apart. I guess losing weight caused her to have this huge ego, and she went out of control. In a way it was good for her; she gained confidence, began college, started her life. But she really neglected the family and not only did the marriage suffer, but the relationships with their kids did as well. When I lose weight, I have to be careful that I don't get big headed or egotistical. I have to remember, and just naturally be, humble and remember where I started.

diodelcibo

Maybe-yes-no-definitily-possibly-conceivably-without-a-doubt.

kaligrl1

AMEN!!!!!

Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.