Can getting in shape ruin a relationship?

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  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,473 Member
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    YES,,, you get too hot looking, then they are jealous as hell.
  • rockangel8907
    rockangel8907 Posts: 429 Member
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    I dated a guy in the past that wanted me all to himself, he would constantly have nothing but unhealthy food, only take me to disgustingly greasy restaurants, comment on my weight, call me a fatass and tell me he was doing me a favor by being with me because no one else would want to. When I started losing weight he got meaner, I had bought some sexy lingerie and he told me I looked like a walrus, we would have sex and the entire time he would tell me how disgusting I was.
  • DaBossLady24
    DaBossLady24 Posts: 556 Member
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    I suppose it could but my wife and I are just the opposite. We both thrive off of each other's accomplishments and encourage each other in our fitness goals. Not to mention the benefits that go along with being in shape:smile: .

    My thoughts exactly... and by "benefits", I think you meant to put this face right here :wink:
  • LessMe2B
    LessMe2B Posts: 316
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    Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.


    ^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
  • DollyMiel
    DollyMiel Posts: 377 Member
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    Sounds like it affected your relationship in a positive way, imo.
    Why would anyone want to be with someone controlling in that way?

    I suppose it is potentially natural for someone in the relationship to be threatened by their partner getting into shape, as if that person may leave them, so yes. But this can turn into either a positive (learning how to be less insecure and more trusting of one's partner, and/or even becoming more in shape as well) or a negative (controlling, abusive; dissolution of partnership) outcome.
  • sarahh87
    sarahh87 Posts: 25 Member
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    It affected mine! My (ex) boyfriend was never really very forthcoming of his emotional support of me - especially once I started training for my first half marathon. He started with the underhanded insults and came across like he was waiting for me to fail miserably. I had self confidence issues, and we had been together for years, so I tolerated it. When he wasn't there as I crossed the finish line 5 months later (mind you - a day after cheering him on at HIS first half marathon) and didn't congratulate me I knew it was time to move on. Lesson learned, the people closest to you should be your biggest supporters - not filling you with ANY doubt of your own success or potential!

    I have since upgraded to a much, much more supportive man who is also now my workout partner! ;)
  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
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    Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

    Yes. My husband and I have been together for 20 years today. Gaining 90 lbs didn't ruin our relationship and losing 60 so far hasn't ruined it either. He has loved me and been wonderful and supportive no matter what I've weighed.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    The short answer is NO. Getting in shape cannot ruin a relationship... it only revealed what was there and brought it to light. You are absolutely correct in your assessment here... It is his insecurity... and the weight loss only served to reveal his insecurity. Doing this is something you have to do for yourself... and if it reveals something in your partner, then it is NOT YOUR fault... It only reveals what is there anyway. I am sorry this happened to you. Similarly, I think that when others downgrade you because you are out of shape and it "ruins their relationship" then it is a problem in the partner in that case as well... I am who I am whether I am 225 or 425... Yes, I am a more energetic and able bodied person at 225 than when I was 344, but the person within is who I am... That being said, my wife has always been supportive of me, regardless. That being said, life is better without the extra weight.
  • JLPaige
    JLPaige Posts: 194
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    I don't think the fact that my body is changing upsets my husband. I think the fact that I go to the gym after work instead of coming home to cook for him and clean the house bothers him. Now he is forced to make himself dinner. I don't feel bad at all.
  • GoffGirl1029
    GoffGirl1029 Posts: 93 Member
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    Yes! I dated a very insecure, controllin' man for a while. When we first met I was about 150 lbs, then lost 25 lbs, he complained I was too skinny. Then I gained it back, and I was a "fat cow". It boiled down to he didn't want any other man to be interested in me so he tore me down til I believed he was right. Now, even though I am married to a man who truly loves me no matter my size, I still deal with issues from it. It affects my relationship even now.
  • edge_dragoncaller
    edge_dragoncaller Posts: 826 Member
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    Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

    snap

    oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....

    How does one work towards single status? Is there an app? M25SS?

    haha... technically I am still married... we are separated... I am therefore not single. Once the divorce goes through, which has already taken hours and hours of mediation (a lot of work), I will be single.

    Therefore... I'm working towards single status. :)

    Hah, just perved your profile there MireyGal76. It was just insecurities. Looked at your pics, I think your Abs probably made him feel emasculated and no man can handle feeling emasculated.

    FYI, yer damn hot.

    thank you :flowerforyou:

    for the record, the six pack came AFTER we split... I just leaned out and started toning at that point.

    But now... being a 6'1" boxing chick with a six pack... I've really narrowed my playing field. lol
    sadly it takes a very special, and secure, man to want to hang with me. :-P

    :laugh: Sadly, We're too late for one another...I'm married. Keep rocking though, you could be the poster girl for the "Are you Man Enough for me" Ladies club.
  • Carlyannabelle
    Carlyannabelle Posts: 621 Member
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    Yes I think it can have an effect if the other person isn't supportive. I was pretty much in the same boat as you...Someone very insecure and was happy with the way our lifetyles were...Lazy and and unhealthy....I made up my mind that I wanted to be healtier not only for myself, but for my children as well...It got to the point where I had lost quite a bit of weight and other people would notice and say nice things and even comment to my husband about it and he would never say a word. I tried getting him involved, but he didn't care, and thought it would be too hard. We got into a lot of arguments and he would constantly call me obsessed. I am working on my single status now like you, not only for this reason, but for many other reasons as well. However, I do believe that me bettering myself was really the starting point of the downfall of our marriage.
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
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    Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

    There are two sides to every story and I'm sure the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with. Sour grapes on the forums again. Funny how this is allowed but celebrations aren't.

    Um...huh? What im saying is she should be allowed to celebrate her weight loss and not feel like it is responsible for problems in her marriage. Bad attitudes, lack of trust and the inability to be happy for your significant others victories can definitely ruin a relationship. If her husbands response to her weight loss is the previously mentioned negativity than you can be sure that its going to be a problem.
  • smittybuilt19
    smittybuilt19 Posts: 955 Member
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    Nvm, i'm skeered. Answer: It seems that way to me so far.

    How do I deal: Just keep logging and trying to incorporate exercise into my life. MY life.
  • smittybuilt19
    smittybuilt19 Posts: 955 Member
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    would constantly call me obsessed

    I hear that way too often in my home. It gets very irritating.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

    There are two sides to every story and I'm sure the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with. Sour grapes on the forums again. Funny how this is allowed but celebrations aren't.

    Um...huh? What im saying is she should be allowed to celebrate her weight loss and not feel like it is responsible for problems in her marriage. Bad attitudes, lack of trust and the inability to be happy for your significant others victories can definitely ruin a relationship. If her husbands response to her weight loss is the previously mentioned negativity than you can be sure that its going to be a problem.

    Firstly, I didn't take what she said initially as being sour grapes. I think perhaps your response was referring to how it seemed that she was saying it was all his fault, and I will acknowledge openly that it takes TWO people to wreck a marriage.

    I could smash him and say it was all his fault, but I am sure that there are just as many fingers to point at me when it comes to why our marriage failed. I've heard it said that it takes two people to propagate disrespect... the one person who is being disrespectful, and the other who is allowing it to continue.

    Regardless, I'm not blaming my "getting in shape" as the only reason why my marriage failed. I am not as naive as that.
    I am of the belief that it may have been a catalyst that forced us to look at our relationship with open eyes.

    In any event, I was curious to see if there were people who had experienced this struggle AND found a way to overcome it and how...

    I thought the topic valid to the site - since a number of people here are drastically changing their lifestyles for the better, and thereby injecting potentially drastic change into their relationship... I can't see how tips to improve and strengthen relationships along the way would be a bad thing. :)
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
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    Nvm, i'm skeered. Answer: It seems that way to me so far.

    How do I deal: Just keep logging and trying to incorporate exercise into my life. MY life.

    I saw your post before you edited. Let me just say that I've been miserably overweight for years and i married a man with a six pack that loved me despite my weight. But the bigger i got the more i loathed his dedication to fitness. My attitude was bad and i was making us miserable. My husbands success and dedication was not the problem in our relationship. I was. My crappy attitude and feeling stupid and ugly standing next to my husband who obviously loved fitness. At one point in our relationship he gained weight and was miserable and felt bad about himself and in that moment i realizes that i never wanted for him to feel like me. I encouraged him to get back in shape, changed my attitude and now our relationship is strong again. Just keep doing what you are doing and don't let her discourage you. Just understand its about her insecurities and do what you can to encourage her through your example. Some day she might get it.
  • milf_n_cookies
    milf_n_cookies Posts: 2,244 Member
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    and it's not always insecurities or a less then solid relationship that causes these issues, we all have a "type" that we are attracted too, if the other person in the relationship no longer fits into that type because of the changes they have made (bigger or smaller) it can cause issues.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.

    snap

    oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....

    How does one work towards single status? Is there an app? M25SS?

    haha... technically I am still married... we are separated... I am therefore not single. Once the divorce goes through, which has already taken hours and hours of mediation (a lot of work), I will be single.

    Therefore... I'm working towards single status. :)

    Hah, just perved your profile there MireyGal76. It was just insecurities. Looked at your pics, I think your Abs probably made him feel emasculated and no man can handle feeling emasculated.

    FYI, yer damn hot.

    thank you :flowerforyou:

    for the record, the six pack came AFTER we split... I just leaned out and started toning at that point.

    But now... being a 6'1" boxing chick with a six pack... I've really narrowed my playing field. lol
    sadly it takes a very special, and secure, man to want to hang with me. :-P

    Whatevs. I ain't scared of you. What's your official single date? I'm making a notation in my calendar
  • Ncharles2013
    Ncharles2013 Posts: 16
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    Man think that if you look good that you might one day realize {how good you really look} and start looking for attention somewhere else. It's all insecurity, i think instead of them telling you "dont work out" etc.. they should motivate their wife and be proud to have a good looking wife with a HOT BODY!

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