STOP IT WITH THE FOOD PUSHING!!!
Replies
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Let's just go with "she is a generous person..." and stop there. You can't really know what her intentions are, but assuming she is being spiteful (even subconsciously) sets everyone up for resentment and that ever-popular "women are horrible to each other" thing.0
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My mother in law is the same way! She's always saying " Eat,eat-there's plenty!" I have eaten plenty-that's why i am so overweight! I'm not the kind to be forceful so i just say i'm fine, or i'm full! I feel like i'm offending her if i dont eat more, but i guess it's time to take a stand and just say NO!
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to all the people who say ' learn to say no' that does work with some, but not everyone!
my colleague - tall, blonde, skinny - goes on a different diet every week - no sugar, no wheat, juice diets blah blah - but always tries to push junk my way. because of her obsession with food she also speaks about food ALL the time! (she sits next to me, difficult to escape from). i think she derives satisfaction from depriving herself and seeing others not being able to have that level of control.
that said, i have for the first time managed to consistently eat healthily and lose weight. whats changed? i didnt tell ANYONE that i'm doing this. not even my sisters. because subconsciously even, ppl want to push you.
pecan pie anyone? i'm too full and am under my 1200 cal daily limit!
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My roommate does this at work sometimes. (Never at home though, thankfully!) She gets all offended when someone says no to her offer of homemade cookies. One time an older gentleman who's lost lots of weight (maybe like 100 lb) told her he used to be really fat, and showed her an old picture. And then stated again that he really doesn't want even one cookie. She lightened up after that!0
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is she italian???
I could sit at a table with my italian famiglia and all the women will be talking about how they are trying to lose weight, at the same time insisting I eat more of the cookies they baked for my visit.
Luckily, I don't visit them much. If she isn't a relative, you can say no. But if it's your Nonna, you better eat the damn cookie and just work out extra hard later!0 -
She does it for attention because she loves that she is skinny and talks about food. And YES she wants to be the skinny one..she's trying to sabotage you.
I suggest boring her with detailed low fat recipes when she talks about food. She'll shut up when it isn't all about her.
Also..consider dumping her as a friend. Is she really?:flowerforyou:0 -
I had the same thing with a co-worker and sometimes NO doesn't get through their skinny heads. I had to go to my dark side and say "oh so since I'm fat I'll eat anything, is that what you're saying" , she never asked me again if I wanted anything.
OMG you're so funny! That cracked me up. I can't believe you said that :-)
yes!!!!! that is good0 -
My mom used to be pretty bad about the food pushing when I was first losing weight but she did slow down a lot once she saw the proof that all my "no thanks" was paying off and all those "it's just one, everybody needs a treat now and then" was causing her to gain weight.
My ex-boyfriend was still in the picture for about half of my weight loss journey and as hard as I was trying to lose weight and become healthy he seemed to be trying to gain weight and become as unhealthy as possible. It took me about 6 months to lose the first 50 of my 80 lb loss, it took him about that long to gain 80lbs(!) and none of that was muscle. It caused a lot of issues on top of a bunch of others that lead to the end of our relationship. But it was very hard and stressful to be trying so hard to lose weight while so many people around me where just trying to sabotage me but themselves as well.
Interestingly enough, after I hit my goal weight, a year after I started, my best friend and several other friends started making an effort to lose weight. It was kind of cool, that after everything they'd seen me go thru they had decided if I could do it so could they. So hang in there, it's amazing how much support you'll get from the same people who didn't think you could do it once you prove them wrong. :drinker:0 -
I had the same thing with a co-worker and sometimes NO doesn't get through their skinny heads. I had to go to my dark side and say "oh so since I'm fat I'll eat anything, is that what you're saying" , she never asked me again if I wanted anything.
Love that!0 -
Hahahha cracked up at going ape**** on the Reese's! I experience this with friends who will only eat an unhealthy binge if I eat it with them. One of my very slim friends calls me her "eating pal" and says she loves when I'm home because she can binge eat because I'll do it with her...and for some reason I feel badly refusing, if I try to eat healthier she gets very judgmental/ upset. It's so bizarre. Luckily since I've permanently moved away its not too much of an issue now haha. Sorry about your work friend, would a calm but serious discussion where you ask her to just plain not offer you food be productive?0
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to all the people who say ' learn to say no' that does work with some, but not everyone!
my colleague - tall, blonde, skinny - goes on a different diet every week - no sugar, no wheat, juice diets blah blah - but always tries to push junk my way. because of her obsession with food she also speaks about food ALL the time! (she sits next to me, difficult to escape from). i think she derives satisfaction from depriving herself and seeing others not being able to have that level of control.
that said, i have for the first time managed to consistently eat healthily and lose weight. whats changed? i didnt tell ANYONE that i'm doing this. not even my sisters. because subconsciously even, ppl want to push you.
pecan pie anyone? i'm too full and am under my 1200 cal daily limit!
You are so right...best to keep being on a diet to yourself..because people just want to wreck it..0 -
Oh god..most of my coworkers are food pushers! They are also mostly overweight, go figure..They have potlucks with the most calorific foods imaginable every Saturday. I dread Saturdays at work, it is such a huge exercise in willpower to resist.. I work in a small clinic and it's hard to NOT see/be around all the goodies laid out.. as a binge eater I have terrible self control as it is.. ugh. Of course, hearing "Go ahead and have a cupcake! Have another cookie! We need to fatten you up, you can afford to eat some more!" doesn't help. It isn't like being "thin" comes naturally to me. I have to work very hard to remain this size and they don't get it..0
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I don't think asking you if you want something is food pushing. I also think it would be really rude of her NOT to offer you something she was sharing, even if she knew the answer was most likely no.
She's treating you like an adult (at least in your description) and assuming you will say no thank you to food you don't want to eat. Whats the big deal?0 -
I always start with "no, thank you" and if the pushing doesn't stop after 2-3 times I get a bit huffy. NO MEANS NO!0
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Unfortunatly I am the food puher. Not so much a pusher but I always offer food and I think its becuase I cant eat it so I want to see someone happy and enjoy it (junk food that is). But I have to be honest one of my co-workers is a skinny little 20 something year old and when she got pregnant I bought her donuts and cookies all the time. Just felt like when your pregnant you should eat. But that is why I am in the boat I am in (and its not a little boat). Its easy for me to say no at work but once I am home and the kids offer me food i take it.0
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I smell an 'ABC afterschool special' here...
<script>
<skinny girl walks around corner... opens one side of trenchcoat...> "Pssst! Wanna honey bun?"
<...switches to coat's other side...> "...How 'bout some Skittles? Got dem Skittles right here!"
HA!0 -
lol i am an eternal dieter AND a food pusher. not intentionally though; i just love food and always want to share. but in my defense, i cook most of what i share and it is both delicious and nutritious! even for us fatties!0
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learn the word no
/end thread
OP didn't say she didn't know how to say know, she was saying the person was annoying.... just like people who don't comprehend when their over-simplified 'help' is not needed.0 -
I totally know how you feel,
My roommates (my best friend and his fiance) were supposed to be dieting and exercising with me (to get in shape for THEIR wedding). Yet they have only worked out twice in the past month, and have quit and restarted the diet numerous times. That is until he got a cold and therefore had an excuse to binge because he wasn't feeling good, so he had to eat like a pig to feel better. I tried explaining that eating a ton of refined sugar and salt is not exactly what the doctor orders to get over a cold, to no avail.
I, however, am working very hard to stay focused on my goals and what I am doing to accomplish them, while they are constantly coming home with fast food and sweets. My female roommate has also recently baked fresh brownies and chocolate chip cookies and encouraged me to have some, saying "one isn't going to kill you".
Its very frustrating. I'm starting to think that they are intentionally trying to sabotage my efforts because of their own insecurities about how quick they gave up and they feel that if I were to give up also then they wouldn't feel so bad about themselves. I know its crazy to think that my friends would do that but its starting to get a little ridiculous.
Not sure what to do other than stay strong. At least I can come here and vent about it and stay vigilant in my efforts. Good luck to all of you out there fighting the good fight. Its very difficult but the rewards are numerous and will always materialize if you work for them.0 -
I come from a long line of food pushers... my brother is the worst - he will hold something up and say "try this" and as you are forming the word "no" (picture it - mouth open in circular formation) he shoves the food in. Now THAT is food pushing
hehehe Sounds like something a brother would do0 -
Oh wow - is that how paranoid we become? That skinny people that want to be generous and feed you are actually out to sabotage you?
Skinny girls can have weight issues too, and be obsessed with weight and food. Ask any anorexic or bulimic who is 85 lbs, and they'll tell you that they're fat.0 -
Let's just go with "she is a generous person..." and stop there. You can't really know what her intentions are, but assuming she is being spiteful (even subconsciously) sets everyone up for resentment and that ever-popular "women are horrible to each other" thing.
Well put - great post!0 -
I once had a roommate who whenever she saw me trying to lose weight would bring me pastries from Starbucks, which she knew were my crutch, and if I tried to decline it, she would freak out and say I was a bad friend. And she would watch me eat it and make sure I knew how much it cost her, and it really wasn't a gift, at all. It was a "Don't you dare get thinner/hotter than me." She had issues, and I'm so glad I haven't seen her in three years.0
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DH was my pusher. I would ask him over and over to stop bringing home my favorite ice cream, candy, etc. He'd stop for a week or two and then do it again. Of course, I'd eat it all. BUT, as soon as I stopped eating it, he stopped bringing it home. Seriously, no matter how many times I asked him to stop, he kept on, but once he saw that it was just going to sit there and rot, he realized I was serious. I don't think he was trying to sabotage me or anything; he just didn't take me seriously b/c I wasn't ready to be serious about it. I don't know what the deal is with this lady but just keep turning her down and hopefully she'll catch on.0
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I come from a long line of food pushers... my brother is the worst - he will hold something up and say "try this" and as you are forming the word "no" (picture it - mouth open in circular formation) he shoves the food in. Now THAT is food pushing
That's when instead of saying no, you kick him in the nuts. He'll stop pretty quick.0 -
If your work friend stops, there will be another work friend, or new coffee shop, or family member, or whomever just waiting to offer temptation. The buck stops with you. You have to learn to control yourself in the face of whatever happens to be in front of you. There is no way to stop everyone else.0
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to all the people who say ' learn to say no' that does work with some, but not everyone!
my colleague - tall, blonde, skinny - goes on a different diet every week - no sugar, no wheat, juice diets blah blah - but always tries to push junk my way. because of her obsession with food she also speaks about food ALL the time! (she sits next to me, difficult to escape from). i think she derives satisfaction from depriving herself and seeing others not being able to have that level of control.
that said, i have for the first time managed to consistently eat healthily and lose weight. whats changed? i didnt tell ANYONE that i'm doing this. not even my sisters. because subconsciously even, ppl want to push you.
pecan pie anyone? i'm too full and am under my 1200 cal daily limit!
You are so right...best to keep being on a diet to yourself..because people just want to wreck it..
I agree with these posters! I'd avoid the discussions at lunch over food, diet, etc. Talk about ANYTHING else, the weather, news, weekend plans or even fun work outs. Then stick with the firm no thanks and resort to the snarky comments if they don't get the hint (that's just me though, you may not feel comfortable doing this).0 -
Why is the assumption that the skinny girl is trying to sabotage you? Even if she has motivations other than being generous (which, honestly, most people pushing food really just like to offer others food and see them get enjoyment out of it), it's probably more like "I really wish someone else would eat some of this so I wouldn't feel so bad about eating it" instead of "Gotta keep her fat so I'll look better by comparison!" Anyone can suffer from food guilt. Sharing can be a way to assuage that guilt. I get that saying no over and over can be frustrating, but instead of thinking mean things about the skinny girl, try to imagine what her issues and struggles may be, and maybe even talk to her about it.0
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Maybe its the culture I grew up in, maybe its my faith in humanity, maybe its the fact that my people believe that sharingn food spreads joy and blessings but no, I don't think people are trying to sabotage your efforts. My own family pushes food and I simply tell them politely no. Why do I not rage? Because my ego refuses to let me think that I am so important that everyone in my life will mold THEIR lifestyles just to fit mine in. Just say no. Or, if they're pushy (some people are like that) take a small bite and then say that is enough for you for now and you'll ask for more later if you need more. You will go much further if you become responsible for your own actions rather than expecting others to change when they're not doing anything wrong. Sharing food is a GOOD thing.
Good luck with everything. Just try to say no next time 0
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