STOP IT WITH THE FOOD PUSHING!!!
Replies
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Why is the assumption that the skinny girl is trying to sabotage you? Even if she has motivations other than being generous (which, honestly, most people pushing food really just like to offer others food and see them get enjoyment out of it), it's probably more like "I really wish someone else would eat some of this so I wouldn't feel so bad about eating it" instead of "Gotta keep her fat so I'll look better by comparison!" Anyone can suffer from food guilt. Sharing can be a way to assuage that guilt. I get that saying no over and over can be frustrating, but instead of thinking mean things about the skinny girl, try to imagine what her issues and struggles may be, and maybe even talk to her about it.
I agree with this too. Now that I think about it, I'm a bit of a pusher, myself. I LOVE baking but I don't want to eat it all, so I'll bake amazing things and give them away. I want to bake all the things but I need other people to eat them. I'd back off if someone asked me too.0 -
but just dealing with the nuisance of a food pusher is enough to make me want to go down to the vending machine and go apesh*t on a pack of Reese's Cups!!
This made me laugh really hard. Just stay Strong and say NO! Keep going!0 -
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I appreciate all the feedback and suggestions. I am very glad that I have learned to overcome my weakness for junk food (especially at work!). My main point is that this person is close enough of a friend to know what a struggle it is for me with my weight and making good food choices (she comments on it all the time). And while I would like to think that her intentions are completely innocent and meant in friendship and generosity, I know there are some deep underlying issues that make her unable to stop this. It's not just a random comment here or there, either. It's more like this:
Her: Hey, I have a box of doughnuts over here. Hot 'n' Now light was on!!! You want one?
Me: No, thanks.
30 minutes later
Her: OMG these doughnuts are so good! Come get one!
Me: I just had a yummy bowl of oatmeal and I'm not very hungry. Thanks for offering, though!
30 minutes later
Her: Only a couple of doughnuts left--better come get one before they're gone! Great with a big glass of chocolate milk!
Me: Appreciate you thinking of me but I am really not a big doughnut eater.
I value her friendship but wish I could get her to stop this one thing. Just venting, really. Love all the great comments!!0 -
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People at my job pretty much know that i eat somewhat healthy, and they'll offer me whatever junk food they tend to bring in on occasion. My reply is a simple "thank you".0
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And just one more comment to put it in perspective.
Let's just say my friend was allergic to nuts. We are close enough that I would go out of my way to not even talk about foods that she couldn't eat, much less constantly offer her the Reese's Cups. I know being overweight and being allergic to nuts are 2 different things, but it's more about our relationship and respecting what each other has to deal with.0 -
I have a co-worker just like that (do we work at the same place
:laugh: ). She's so skinny but is always eating things like double cheeseburger, donuts, steak and cheese subs, etc. And she always wants you to eat it (to the point where she'll ask you a dozen times). I tell her 'no thank you' and she then replies "oh yea, that's right you're on your diet" or "sorry, you can't eat that on your diet can you" :huh: . She's a sweethart but annoys the -ish out of me! 0 -
I appreciate all the feedback and suggestions. I am very glad that I have learned to overcome my weakness for junk food (especially at work!). My main point is that this person is close enough of a friend to know what a struggle it is for me with my weight and making good food choices (she comments on it all the time). And while I would like to think that her intentions are completely innocent and meant in friendship and generosity, I know there are some deep underlying issues that make her unable to stop this. It's not just a random comment here or there, either. It's more like this:
Her: Hey, I have a box of doughnuts over here. Hot 'n' Now light was on!!! You want one?
Me: No, thanks.
30 minutes later
Her: OMG these doughnuts are so good! Come get one!
Me: I just had a yummy bowl of oatmeal and I'm not very hungry. Thanks for offering, though!
30 minutes later
Her: Only a couple of doughnuts left--better come get one before they're gone! Great with a big glass of chocolate milk!
Me: Appreciate you thinking of me but I am really not a big doughnut eater.
I value her friendship but wish I could get her to stop this one thing. Just venting, really. Love all the great comments!!
She's offering them to you because she wants you to cosign her choice to eat 'junk' food, undoubtedly subconsciously. She feels worse about her own choice because you, who is choosing to eat healthy, is saying 'No'. It's pretty simple psychology, actually. Most people's motivations can be traced back to their own feelings about themselves for situations like this- it has nothing to do with you, really.0 -
Just break up then0
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This rarely happens to me. I also don't get people offering me advice unless I specifically fish for it. I think it's a dominant/submissive thing, because when you look at the circumstances you don't find bosses being food-pushed or given unsolicited advice by their subordinates. Same directionality for parents/offspring etc.
I'm guessing if this happens to you it's because you are submissive, or are just putting off "submissive vibes" that other people are picking up on.
I can't see someone trying that (repetitive crap) with me... if they did, regardless of who they are, the first response would be no thanks, the second response would be, "which part of no don't you understand," and the third would be either, "go die in a fire," or turning it back on them and pushing their buttons until they regretted ever asking. They probably know or suspect that.
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Why is the assumption that the skinny girl is trying to sabotage you? Even if she has motivations other than being generous (which, honestly, most people pushing food really just like to offer others food and see them get enjoyment out of it), it's probably more like "I really wish someone else would eat some of this so I wouldn't feel so bad about eating it" instead of "Gotta keep her fat so I'll look better by comparison!" Anyone can suffer from food guilt. Sharing can be a way to assuage that guilt. I get that saying no over and over can be frustrating, but instead of thinking mean things about the skinny girl, try to imagine what her issues and struggles may be, and maybe even talk to her about it.
I agree with this too. Now that I think about it, I'm a bit of a pusher, myself. I LOVE baking but I don't want to eat it all, so I'll bake amazing things and give them away. I want to bake all the things but I need other people to eat them. I'd back off if someone asked me too.
all of this^ I love baking too. My best friend is a lot bigger than me and she just started eating healthier 3-4 months ago and sometimes I just forget that shes "on a diet" or I don't even think about it. I just like to share stuff with people, especially stuff I bake myself.0 -
i just realized that I AM A FOOD PUSHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I"m always baking tons of cookies and then making everyone take them home! I'm horrible!!
I just..i love baking! and I love sharing!!!! And COOKIES SAY I LOVE YOU!0 -
Hah, I thought this was a post about all the folks on here who insist on telling others to eat their calories back. Not that it works:-)0
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She's offering them to you because she wants you to cosign her choice to eat 'junk' food, undoubtedly subconsciously. She feels worse about her own choice because you, who is choosing to eat healthy, is saying 'No'. It's pretty simple psychology, actually. Most people's motivations can be traced back to their own feelings about themselves for situations like this- it has nothing to do with you, really.
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I think you're on to something here. I also know that her own mother was extremely obese and they had a very contentious relationship over the years. I think she fears being fat more than anything else in the whole wide world. I've tried to help her develop more healthy eating habits, but a lifetime of eating out and junk food and aversion to healthy foods is a hard thing to get over.:frown:0 -
I come from a long line of food pushers... my brother is the worst - he will hold something up and say "try this" and as you are forming the word "no" (picture it - mouth open in circular formation) he shoves the food in. Now THAT is food pushing
That's when instead of saying no, you kick him in the nuts. He'll stop pretty quick.
Ha! That or spit it on him.0 -
My dad's side of the family are "food pushers". I'm just strong enough to say no..
What's worse is the guilt trip aftermath.
"Suit yourself"
"You're missing out"
in that "you should really just eat it" under tone.0 -
Do people not understand what 'need to vent' means? It means at this stage of the game this is what OP is dealing with and she'd like to hear who else has this same problem and how did they dealt with it. "Just say no" is of course everyones goal so is not a helpful comment - if we could all just magically do that this website wouldn't even exist now would it?
(Sorry, I'm not usually so *****y but the stating the common sense answer as 'help' is getting to me today - 99% of people if asked if they should sit down and eat 2 bags of Doritos in one sitting or not would answer 'not' - that doesn't mean they could actually resist doing it. If they ask for help someone telling them they just shouldn't do that is not helpful. If you want to help people you have to listen to the real question and give them tangible tips for what they are struggling with right that moment, not broad stroke 'obvious' answers. If someone who is working out posts a complaint that when they run their thighs rub together and get chaffed and they ask for suggestions to prevent the chaffing everyones answer isn't "lose weight and they won't rub together anymore" is it? Why does "I have *insert struggle with food here* get answered with "stop having that issue with food"
No really... not this *****y usually. hehe0 -
Next time she does it make sure you have a rolled up newspaper next to you. Now here is the important part which you have to do correctly to get her to stop. You look her straight in the eyes as you hit her over the nose and say NO with a clear assertive voice. I guaranty you she won't do it again.0
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Yeah that and people tend to explain themselves or offer an excuse for saying no, because they're trying not to offend.I appreciate all the feedback and suggestions. I am very glad that I have learned to overcome my weakness for junk food (especially at work!). My main point is that this person is close enough of a friend to know what a struggle it is for me with my weight and making good food choices (she comments on it all the time). And while I would like to think that her intentions are completely innocent and meant in friendship and generosity, I know there are some deep underlying issues that make her unable to stop this. It's not just a random comment here or there, either. It's more like this:
Her: Hey, I have a box of doughnuts over here. Hot 'n' Now light was on!!! You want one?
Me: No, thanks.
30 minutes later
Her: OMG these doughnuts are so good! Come get one!
Me: I just had a yummy bowl of oatmeal and I'm not very hungry. Thanks for offering, though!
30 minutes later
Her: Only a couple of doughnuts left--better come get one before they're gone! Great with a big glass of chocolate milk!
Me: Appreciate you thinking of me but I am really not a big doughnut eater.
I value her friendship but wish I could get her to stop this one thing. Just venting, really. Love all the great comments!!
She's offering them to you because she wants you to cosign her choice to eat 'junk' food, undoubtedly subconsciously. She feels worse about her own choice because you, who is choosing to eat healthy, is saying 'No'. It's pretty simple psychology, actually. Most people's motivations can be traced back to their own feelings about themselves for situations like this- it has nothing to do with you, really.
But if you said no for a reason, then they think if they can negate that reason, you'd say yes. So in effect you've invited the other person to negotiate/haggle with you about your decision.
Don't explain yourself. Say, "no thanks" and nothing more. If asked why, and you really feel the need to respond, only answer with a question!
-Want some?
No.
-Why?
Why what?
Z?
Why do you need to know why?
Why do you need me to eat it?
That's a good question, why do you think I don't?
Why does it matter?
How about that local sports team, eh?
Will you turn into a pumpkin if I don't eat it?
(etc)0 -
For some people feeding others is caring. No need to read any sort of malice into it. "Thank you, but I'm going to pass" with a smile and you go on with your day.0
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Lol. Yes. I get offereed food a lot here. I've been in the same office for almost 7 years. I have had to learn how to leave and/or avoid the food conversations and how to turn down food.
Most of the time I just want to say "EWW that cake looks so nasty why are you eveing eating it!??!?!"
The people who have been here with me the whole time have seen me lose a lot of weight but I still don't get into those conversations. It's annoying and a waste of time.
It's super frustrating. my most effect response has been "Ohh noo... I'm so full already or I TOTALLY WOULD! Thanks for offering though!"
I look so nice.....
There are things that I just flat-out refuse to eat, regardless of diet. But I just keep on with the smile and the lie. They don't need to know that I think Italian cake is gross or that I'm allergic to shrimp. OR that I hate any dessert with nuts in it.
vent away missy. You're not alone It's just one of those things in life. 0 -
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! YES!!! I HATE HATE HATE this. Half the time it's the same people who tell me I need to lose weight. Or the people who are freakin' oblivious and after I tell them I'm eating healthy they come over, we eat dinner and they want to go out for desert. They are the fattening friends. How I deal with it is (a) ignore it, (b) don't eat out with them - tell them we can meet up after we both eat dinner and (c) avoid spending time with them. Mostly I avoid spending time with them because no matter what I end up eating more when they are around.
Some skinny people have no comprehension of what it takes to lose weight, especially the thin ones who eat crap all day. Really. They don't understand that, NO, I can't have just one cookie. First of all, I'm not going to stop at one, and second of all, nobody (including the friend) will be stopping at one.
Maybe it's just me, but when someone tells me they are trying to lose weight, I don't invite them out for an f'''ing Baker's Square pie.0 -
I experienced the same thing, with a coworker. I said "no, thank you." politely and that was not enough. Finally I said, "Sure! Thank you!" Took the ugly nasty pastry and threw it in the trash.
SOLVED.
Later she asked me how it tasted and I told her I threw it away. She couldn't believe it, but she's never offered me her nasty food again.0 -
My mom did this to me for years. Not only pushes food but if she hears you going near the kitchen she wants to know what your eating. It's a control thing.
I've spoke to her about it. She doesnt' know she's doing it, so now when she asks I don't answer or just say, "food"
And when she pushes, I say: "I will choose what to eat when I am hungry."
I am hoping making a point out of it will make her realise her obsession.
But I do understand, feeding people is one way people show affection. So it is hard in some circumstances to push back and take control. You have to do it though, there isn't much good to eat out there, and you need to use your own mind when eating.0 -
One of my very slim friends calls me her "eating pal" and says she loves when I'm home because she can binge eat because I'll do it with her...and for some reason I feel badly refusing, if I try to eat healthier she gets very judgmental/ upset. It's so bizarre. Luckily since I've permanently moved away its not too much of an issue now haha. Sorry about your work friend, would a calm but serious discussion where you ask her to just plain not offer you food be productive?
That didn't sound like a good friend to begin with...eek.
I think most of my good friends have caught on - and now it's more fun to swap healthy recipes than unhealthy snacks.0 -
this is my mother, whom I also work with. She buts cookies, donuts, all kinds of Junk and leaves it laying right outside my office. It is really hard!0
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Just break up then
Kick her in the taco.0 -
Yes, It's annoying. It happens at my work all the time. I just tell them the truth, I say, no thank you. Processed Sugar is Death. I don't eat that stuff, and eventually they don't even ask you anymore. Hope this helps.0
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I tend to be a smartass, so my responses tend to be shocking but they reduce the pushing phenomenon ... the last time a co-worker asked me if I wanted a donut, I said "No, would you like to smoke some crack" ... it stunned her but she hasn't done it since.0
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