Wife gets depressed when I lose weight. What to do?

raystark

Cartoon gud. :happy:

ldrosophila

Never compare yourself to a man if you are female. Sets you up for some rough time. My fiance lost 4lbs overnight! Just keep encouraging her, telling her she's beautiful, and applaud her for any efforts she makes. If she wants to do this she'll do it but she has to do it for herself.

elisa123gal

i don't agree with spouses pulling each other down.. there are even cases on here where the non dieting spouse tries to derail the other..that is very common. Your wife is being immature and silly and it is unfair to you.

You could ask you wife if she'd prefer each each of you not weigh so the numbers won't bother her or perhaps do not discuss the numbers lost?

Also..we all know men lose way faster then women..it is not like she is any different than the rest of the world.

twoss9112

She HAS gotten off of her *kitten*. She lost 6 lbs in 3 weeks, which speaks to her effort. She is just frustrated that she is unable to pace her husband. It is unfair to imply she is lazy. She may prefer working out with someone closer to her own fitness profile. It might be offputting or intimidating to try and keep up with someone who out performs her fitness. Who is to say she does not work out alone? The scale moved, so she is obviously doing something right.

6 lbs in 3 weeks is GOOD and right on normal pace with healthy weight loss.

Men and women lose differently.
And as someone pointed out, even women vs. women lose differenly.

A few year ago, my best friend and I, who were also roommates at the time, embarked on plans to lose a few. She had more to lose than I did, but still, we went to the gym together and being roommates, we often ate together meaning we ate many of the same things, and we both counted the calories, etc.

She started losing and I lost NOTHING. Not even 1/2 lb. And if really frustrated and depressed me. What worked for her did not work for me, simple as that.

Your wife is doing fine. In fact she's doing better than I. I am not losing, and it IS frustrating, but it takes time and I am ignoring the scale and paying attention to how clothes are fitting etc. Otherwise I frustrate myself.

CorvusCorax77

well. it doesnt make sense when couples become competitive with eachother. Maybe make yourselves a team with a total loss for the both of you. Rejoice in both of your successes.

It might take her longer, but if she sticks with it, it'll work.

Or it might make sense for y'all to keep your individual progress on the DL???

FluroFaye

Her weight loss is perfect and since you're a man you will naturally lose weight faster. I know of a guy who lost 15st in about a year. I don't know of girls who could do the same, chronically obese or not!

I certainly wouldn't stop losing weight or try to decrease the amount you're losing. Show her these posts that plenty of people think she had done an awesome job. 2lbs a week is over a hundred lbs a year!

Also, try and get her strength training. Cardio is great for taking calories away in the short term and boosting endurance but weight lifting (heavy!) will get her burning calories for about a day after and it's a wicked good fat burner.

I suggest taking measurements, too. A lot of the time when we have been good and don't see movement on the scale we will see movement on the measuring tape! I go to Slimming World and whilst it's great support, putting so much emphasis on the numbers on the scale when your image is the most important thing isn't exactly healthy!

susanswan

If she is on here or if you could get her to join independently of you and your thoughts (which are perfectly fine and helpful!) she could meet women her own age and just by being here she can see what is reasonable for herself. The lie is losing 2 pounds a week is ordinary. I lost over 70 pounds and started when I was 49. I was a couch potato and finally had a long talk with myself. Even when I was 100% faithful to my eating plan and exercise plan the best I could do was 1.1 pounds a week over time. I cried. Tears dripped off of my face. I can't compete in the weight loss arena of losing weight quickly. But I've learned a lot about myself and my relationship with food along the way and I still lost 70 pounds the slow way. My husband has been the very same weight give or take 5 pounds since the day I met him. We are all individuals. Our bodies will do what they will do. Best of luck to your wife. She needs her own private peer group where she can go off about your weight loss privately.

heaven137

I wish my husband would learn that. Eating well is the key. I think what you said about wieght watchers is correct. With us we are opposite of the man who posted. I lose wieght, after straying from the path for too long, and excercise so I can wiegh what I wieghed when we were married 20 years ago. Meanwhile my husband has high blood pressure high colesterol and had gained 50 lbs. since marriage. He does not see how all this wieght around his middle is affecting/effecting him. I would love it it we worked together. I would expect him to lose 6 to my every one. Your wife is trying to focus on you to divert attention from her. Stay the course and try not to talk about the wieght as the benefits but rather the increased health and energy from eating well and excercising. I lose only one pound a week and that is all I ever expect. This is a lifetime of maintanance so I figure go slow. I will never be done tracking. It's a lot more rewarding to track one lb. per week then stayed the same or worse gained. Once I lose 10lbs. I will be done losing so the thrill of losing will be over. I will have to track to just not gain. see if she can read these posts instead of you explaining to her.

heaven137

that made me LOL. Thanks!

MrsG2

If she has lost 6 pounds in three weeks she is doing well. That is an average of 2 pounds a week which is exactly the right pace. I think men always tend to lose faster than women.

I agree with others than she needs to compare her results with other women. Everyone loses at a different pace. I actually lose the first 35 pounds quickly but then I slow down so everyone has different experiences.

I would also try being honest with her about how it makes you feel when she doesn't support you. I wouldn't argue, just tell her how you feel and give her time to think about her behavior/remarks so she can process. She may come around.

Good luck! There are no perfect answers here...sorry.

YES!

cebreisch

Unfortunately, that's the way it is. Men lose weight faster and seemingly "more easily" than women.

When she finds something that makes her uncomfortable enough to push past the fear and do it anyway, she'll do it....get on board with the program.

Until then, be strong. Lead by example. Be positive. Encourage her to sign up on MFP. Try to encourage healthier eating - using ground turkey when you make chili or spaghetti, try changing the pasta to whole wheat or whole grain.

My moment of "no turning back" came when I went to an event with my daughter at her school and could hardly walk to the front door - once in the door I had to sit down to catch my breath, and knew then that I had to do something. When her moment finds her, she'll be compelled to move forward on her journey too.

alitap

well, i truly understand how your wife feels cos I used to feel dejected each time my ex lost weight, and i didnt, especially when i encouraged him to work out in the first place.

she needs your support. make her realise what/whom she is doing this for. Attaining a healthy body isnt a competition but rather a process of self-realisation. you dont do it for anyone else but you....

missjanetleigh

I was just coming in to post something similar.

Since just starting this workout and new way of life I have chosen, I have noticed the people in my life all of a sudden are scarce.

It's like as if I had won a vacation to some extraordinary beach and I just posted pictures all over the place.

It's been this way in my family for years so I really don't expect anything different.

Even after my son died and if something good happened in my life they still couldn't be happy for me.

I'm thankful for the people who are supportive of me because it does help on the day's when it almost seems impossible. I hope that your wife can see the benefits and be encouraged instead of letting herself get down about it.

DesiRocks

To the person who said divorce, no way.

DesiRocks

Divorce.

That's just stupid.

He should stay married and gain weight so his wife feels better.

That's not helping.

kreene1987

Treat the loss as a % instead of lbs? That's really my only suggestion.

ellew70

When my fiance & I started, we were in this together. It's been 6 mo. and he's reached his gw, but of course I haven't. The best thing that kept my spirits was finding a fellow female that was willing to do this with me.

This. I'm wondering if its better that you don't work out, etc. together. This has to be her journey on which she has he own successes. Doesn't mean you don't support her any way you can.