i need some boy advice!

Lil_Leah

ok. this is a long story, and i've asked my coworkers and other friends for advice and help, and i know you guys will give good input too, so here goes! :drinker:

ten years ago i met a guy named justin. i fell HEAD over heels for this guy. i showed my best friend at the time, katie, a pic of him on msn messenger - like, hey check out this guy i like.

next thing i know, katie asks me "would it bother you if i started talking to justin?" and of course, me being too nice, i said "no, of course not..." then, bam - theyre dating. i was CRUSHED. :sad:

four years later.. they break up. im excited again because maybe i can get a shot with him. we start hangin out a lot, then he gets a myspace message from my friend deena, asking him on a date. do i say anything? do i step up and say hey deena, this will bother me, because i've like him for 5 years? nope. i let it go again.

this brings us to just over a month ago. deena left justin. he's now single. we're talking again. we actually have a date this thursday. BUT, silly me, is all worried about hurting both of my friend's feelings because they're past exs. they're both still best friends of mine. so on one hand, i dont wanna step on their toes, but on the other hand - i've like this guy for TEN YEARS! i gave up my shot TWICE because my friends moved in, and i was too nice to step up and tell them that it bothered me.. killed me! so why in the heck should i miss my chance again?! i feel like i'm in that romantic comedy type movie, where i'm the girl thats been there all along, and finally might win my boy in the end.

what should i do? step back so i dont hurt my friends? or take my chances, because i've waited long enough, and let it slide by too many times? i should be happy, right? :frown:

MariSama44

Pardon my french, but screw your friends. If they're going to jump in and date someone you just TOLD them you liked, then their feelings shouldnt be taken into consideration because they never took YOUR feelings into consideration. Some friends.

Zara11

go get him!

rjadams

Its time to take care of yourself. Don't worry about what other people feel, they didn't care what you felt.

esco2186

i agree! your friends didnt care about your feelings so dont care about theirs! go for it! what are they gunna say to you? " hey but i use to date him!" you come back with "umm and? you 2 dated him and are still friends, and you didnt care that i liked him first so why should i worry about you??"

Reyemkcink

Screw your friends, I agree with the one that posted before me. If they ever actually cared what you thought and felt they wouldn't have done that to you. They walked on you because you are nice but that doesn't mean that you have to keep letting it happen, or even put up with it. Being nice is something that people should get only when they deserve that treatment, and they realistically dont.

`Jeff

sonjavon

Honey - this isn't "boy advice" - this is friend advice. I think it's time that you stopped letting your friends walk all over you... and while you're at it... look at other aspects of your friendship... is this the only time that they've been insensitive to your feelings?

If you want to date Justin - then go for it. If your friends have their feelings hurt, then tell them you're sorry, but it hurt your feelings when they went after the guy you were interested in.

Enjoy your date and have a great time! 10 years is a long time to wait!

goodgalpal

If you like him, date him. They went ahead and dated him when you liked him and had no regard for your feelings that way. I would say to go for it. I hope you and he have a nice lasting relationship.

Oompa_Loompa

Well did your friends KNOW that you liked him? Did you tell them? Because if they didnt know then you can't really be mad at them. BUT if they DID know then that is awful of them!!!! And that you def shouldnt worry about it..BUT do you find it weird that he's been with both your best friends? Like say it all works out and you guys get married( i know Im thinking wayyyy in the future lol) but would it be weird with your friends? Do whatever your heart tells you.

RedneckWmn

I agree! You've been after that man for years! Your friends will get over it! Go get 'em girl!

T_R_A_V

Screw him pick me....haha just playin

Take care you yourself first, no need to worry about what they think

mromnek

Friends?!?!?

I think you need to re-evaluate what you think friendship is. You have every right to go out with him, and the "never date a friends ex" rule doesn't apply, because your "friends" trumped it when they jumped in and dated your crush.

kelly_a

If you don't date him, you'll never know......this could be your one-true-love!

re your friends...no regrets, lesson's learned!

Good luck and I hope your heart smiles!

DG82

I agree with the comments left above!! How rude was it that not only one but TWO of your supposed best friends stepped in on a guy after you specifically told them that YOU liked him?! Maybe it's fate now that it's over with the other two and you guys are destined, ya never know?! I have had my share of heartache with the guy situation, I apparently will be perpetually single as far as I can tell. I am ready to give up on men altogether at this point :-( But I think it's your turn to try and be happy. I wish you all the best of luck w/this guy... lol, keep us posted how it goes?! (Hehe... it's like a mini real-life soap!) :-)

Take care,
~Donna

CasperO

History with friends is a non-issue. They did what they did, and they're not doing it any more. You ride roller coasters other people have ridden,,,

My question is - what's wrong with Justin? 2 friends have had relationships with him, and in both cases they didn't work out. How come?

I've had one serious relationship in my life - my 23 year marriage to my other half, so maybe I'm not a good example.

Lil_Leah

Well did your friends KNOW that you liked him? Did you tell them? Because if they didnt know then you can't really be mad at them. BUT if they DID know then that is awful of them!!!! And that you def shouldnt worry about it..BUT do you find it weird that he's been with both your best friends? Like say it all works out and you guys get married( i know Im thinking wayyyy in the future lol) but would it be weird with your friends? Do whatever your heart tells you.

yes they knew! i showed her a pic of him, like check out the guy im crushing on. she DID ask if itd bother me tho.. and of course i said it wouldnt. so its partially my fault too. and i agree, my friends would eventually get over it, and they'd be two of the ppl that are my bridesmaids, what an awkward wedding that'd be!! :laugh:

Lil_Leah

History with friends is a non-issue. They did what they did, and they're not doing it any more. You ride roller coasters other people have ridden,,,

My question is - what's wrong with Justin? 2 friends have had relationships with him, and in both cases they didn't work out. How come?

I've had one serious relationship in my life - my 23 year marriage to my other half, so maybe I'm not a good example.

there is NOTHING wrong with him. he's amazing. and perfect. katie cheated on him. and deena just fell outta love with him. and here i have been, all along... i'll have to update you guys on how the date goes on thursday. :happy:

sdirks

Honey - this isn't "boy advice" - this is friend advice. I think it's time that you stopped letting your friends walk all over you... and while you're at it... look at other aspects of your friendship... is this the only time that they've been insensitive to your feelings?

If you want to date Justin - then go for it. If your friends have their feelings hurt, then tell them you're sorry, but it hurt your feelings when they went after the guy you were interested in.

Enjoy your date and have a great time! 10 years is a long time to wait!

Amen.

The friend who "swoops in" usually isn't a very good friend. I had a similar situation between myself, my fiance and a mutual friend of ours (a guy): he "swooped" in on me, inconsiderate of my now-fiance's feelings for me. I got my heart broken so badly that I decided to move across the country for a work-study program. It took 5 years for my fiance and I to find each other again and get back together. If I had it to do over again, I would have listened to my own heart, not what anyone else wanted.

Good luck & keep us posted!

Oompa_Loompa

History with friends is a non-issue. They did what they did, and they're not doing it any more. You ride roller coasters other people have ridden,,,

My question is - what's wrong with Justin? 2 friends have had relationships with him, and in both cases they didn't work out. How come?

I've had one serious relationship in my life - my 23 year marriage to my other half, so maybe I'm not a good example.

I agree! I mean...he's dated 2 girls that are friends...about to be 3 because your going on a date with him..I don't know. Was he aware of how you felt while he was with the other girls..because if he was...then that was kind of insensitve of him..just something to consider.

stacey612

I think your friend should have been much more considerate of your feelings and not dated the guy you had the crush on. Thats what good friends do....protect each others hearts. The fact that you shared your crush with her and she decided to overlook your feelings, should show you that if she didn't look out for you, you shouldn't have a problem looking after yourself. Hope everything works out. :-)

Kristen81

My question is - what's wrong with Justin? 2 friends have had relationships with him, and in both cases they didn't work out. How come?

My thoughts exactly! When I read this, I was wondering the same thing. Also, why would someone want to date 3 best friends...kind of weird.
Either way, I hope all works out well for you! Good luck.

KeriD

PLEASE don't let life pass you by......it is YOUR TURN! Go for it!!!!

Lil_Leah

History with friends is a non-issue. They did what they did, and they're not doing it any more. You ride roller coasters other people have ridden,,,

My question is - what's wrong with Justin? 2 friends have had relationships with him, and in both cases they didn't work out. How come?

I've had one serious relationship in my life - my 23 year marriage to my other half, so maybe I'm not a good example.

I agree! I mean...he's dated 2 girls that are friends...about to be 3 because your going on a date with him..I don't know. Was he aware of how you felt while he was with the other girls..because if he was...then that was kind of insensitve of him..just something to consider.

im pretty sure he knew how i felt. deena wasnt in the picture from the beginning. she's a newly acquired best friend. and katie and deena dont know eachother. they just both happen to be friends of MINE. lol.

im not quite sure why him and i never dated before. probably because i was too shy to make the first move like my friends did. but now we've been talking for a while, and its like he's realizing ive been there all along (referring to my romantic comedy movie analogy, lol)

Lil_Leah

PLEASE don't let life pass you by......it is YOUR TURN! Go for it!!!!

THANK YOU! :drinker:

Mande_G

<snip>
I've had one serious relationship in my life - my 23 year marriage to my other half, so maybe I'm not a good example.

I'm the same way -- the hubby and I have been married for 6 years, but have been together for 10 1/2 years. He's my one and only -- and I'm his -- it's kinda neat.

As for the OP -- give it a shot, girl! Third time's the charm, as they say.

stacyoct19

Okay. This is just my opinion. Ya know in the beginning when you kind of have a crush on someone, but nothing has really developed??? Unless you just say, hey, I'm really wanting to pursue this, then it could just be a crush. So when your friend asked if you would mind, and you said no, she probably thought that's all it was. And 5 years later, the other friend may have thought you were over that already. And maybe not. Only you know the communication that took place.

However, as one who tends to avoid conflict. Friends are important, and guys can come and go. I wouldn't just say run after him only because if your friends can do it to you, then you shouldn't feel bad about doing that back. That's not being a true friend either. I would just have a girls night. Sit down, have dinner, and discuss it. The whole story. Not just hey, I want to date him. I would say ya know, 10 years ago I made a mistake. I really like Justin and I told you I wouldn't mind if you guys dated. I should have said something back then. And not that your angry with her for dating him. But that you should have said something back then. Let them know that you have an opportunity about dating him. And ask their advice. You may not like what they have to say. And you might walk away and decide to do the complete opposite. It's ulitmately your choice. But if you really care about how your friends will feel, and that seems to be your biggest concern here, then I wouldn't do anything without discussing the ENTIRE situation with them.

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SugarHi

My only advice is this: You didn't step up to the plate and let your firends know it would bother you if you did something. If you wonder if it will hurt them, then say something. You don't have to ask their permission, but being honest and up front is important with friends, period. Just state the fact and let them swallow the news. Drama is not good for any relationship.

bbblue92

OMG - You have to go for it!

haleysman

i say tread lightly, as an ex man *kitten*, i can say you might just be another notch in his belt, the 'trifecta girl' if you will...then again it all depends on how serious he was with other 2 girls. many good points made already re: what's wrong with him that 2 of your friends left him...if your friends share alot of your values as friends tend to do, there might be common issues that will also cause you to leave him...although maybe he left your friends cuz he had his eye on you all along and they didn't measure up...i would talk to friends get their 411, then make a decision that ultimately makes you happy, after all it is your life

nolachick

Honey - this isn't "boy advice" - this is friend advice. I think it's time that you stopped letting your friends walk all over you... and while you're at it... look at other aspects of your friendship... is this the only time that they've been insensitive to your feelings?

If you want to date Justin - then go for it. If your friends have their feelings hurt, then tell them you're sorry, but it hurt your feelings when they went after the guy you were interested in.

Enjoy your date and have a great time! 10 years is a long time to wait!

EXACTLY ! GO GET HIM! AND RETHINK UR FRIENDSHIPS WITH THESE GIRLS WHO DIDN'T CARE ABOUT UR FEELINGS BEFORE.

aippolito1

GO FOR HIM GIRL!