Left Handed Compliment. Who's getting them....

breyn2004

Ugh... lately I've been disturbed by people saying things like "you better not lose any more weight!"

Excuse me, you don't even know how much I weigh. And... just because I'm still eating better and exercising does NOT mean that I'm trying to "lose more weight". Maybe I trying to maintain my weight loss or (gasp!) gain muscle.

I know people don't mean anything by it, but I still think it's rude. I wouldn't say "you better not gain any more weight" to anyone, would I??

This!

ToFatToBeSick

Bump for later. I enjoy reading how clueless people can be (not you guys, people giving the "compliments).

citygirlkate

"You're going to be gorgeous." Apparently I have not crossed the good looks threshold yet.

"You'll find someone now." Because as referenced by the above I was an undateable she-beast before.

"Undateable she-beast" hahahaha

Let's be friends.

coolraul07

TL;DR: Don't get butthurt because you misinterpreted someone's compliment.

To be honest, I don't think a lot of these comments are meant maliciously. The topic of weight is very touchy for a lot of people, and I think friends and family can feel awkward about the situation. They want to recognize your progress but don't know how to go about doing it. Think about it. Girls of any size are known to say "OMG I look/feel/am so fat!" and her friends will likely respond "No! You look great! You're perfect how you are." So if you are trying to be open about your goals with your friends by saying "I still want to lose another 15 lbs and gain some muscle" their response will be the same "No, you look great right now! You don't need to change at all!" I mean, how else would you respond? "Yeah, 15 lbs and some muscle would do you a lot of good. Get on it, chubster!"

Having used it myself in this context before, I believe "Make sure you don't get too skinny!" is a sign of concern. They may worry that you have an eating disorder or are doing it unhealthily, but don't want to confront you directly with it. The best thing is just to use time to prove you ARE healthy and safe and doing it for your health and wellness. When I was much heavier, I dreamed of weighing 110lbs (at 6'-yuck) and being a supermodel. Now that I have a little age and perspective, I am shooting for a healthy 170 with a healthy-athletic body fat percentage. What impression do you give off, even if you are shooting for a healthy goal? Instead of saying "Oh, I wish I was that skinny" I talk about my weight loss in terms of "I'm trying to run a 5k by my birthday and I'm trying to get my butt to look like Leila Ali's" I don't get the "don't get too thin" comments anymore because people understand that a number on the scale is not my focus.

And finally, the fact is, healthy people DO look better. I wasn't attractive at 270lbs. I couldn't do physical activities with my friends. My friends didn't choose to hang out with me because I looked good though, they hang out with me because they like my personality. I'm not offended at all if people tell me "You've lost weight! You look so good now!" It's 100% true. I look a lot better than I used to and am lot healthier. So I respond "Thank you, I feel great, too." They aren't saying I was any less of a person before.

People have asked if I got sick. I always assume their concern is genuine. Having a serious illness IS a big reason people lose weight quickly. I just explain to them that I was tired of feeling sick all the time before so I took steps to get healthier. In essence, with pre-diabetes, insulin resistance, and joint pain, I WAS sick. It just so happened the best treatment was weight-loss from exercise and a healthier, mindful diet.

<slow clap> I was going to post something like this but was beat to the punch! Some (not all) of the posters here in my opinion were overly-sensitive. I would LOVE to hear what you would've rather heard OR how you would've responded if the shoe was on the other foot. I bet that if you think really hard enough, you've been guilty of doing/saying similar things and there was no ill intent on your part.

I like to consider myself a tactful person, but every so often I'll say something in a less than tactful way, completely unintentional. What has helped me to become more tactful is when people address the situation with me right then, or as soon as feasible. And when they do, I immediately ask how I could've said it better. The interesting thing is that the vast majority of time they can't provide a better version. I then ask, "Well, would it have been better if I said nothing at all?" The usual reply is "No", so I then say, "Well, you've had time to think about it and can't think of a better version AND you don't think I should've said nothing at all. I, on the other hand, was responding on-the-fly and didn't have the luxury of hindsight. Do you think maybe you were being overly-sensitive and/or I was doing the best I could in that situation?" The level-headed people actually take heed, but my words are completely lost on those intent on being butt-hurt just for the sake of it.

In summary:
If you're in such a situation in the future and:
1) can immediately think of a better way that they could've responded, then TELL them! Not weeks/months/years later, but right then or soon enough afterwards that it's still fresh in their mind. Maybe they'll take heed, maybe they won't, but at least they can't say "I had no idea!" And make sure you use the same tone that you wish they used with you! Lead by example! Now if they still wanna be an @$$ afterwards, put'm on 'your list' and move on.
2) can not immediately think of a better way that they could've responded, then cut them some friggin' slack and give them the benefit of the doubt! Are there jealous, or snarky, or passive-aggressive, or mean-sprited people out there... YES. But that may not be the person you're dealing with at that time.
If someone says to me, "Damn! How much did you weigh?!", I tell them without hesitation or hurt feelings! I'm proud of my progress and proud to contrast 'where I am' from 'where I've been'. If someone says to me, "You must be starving..." or "You must be doing cardio for hours a day..." or "What type surgery did you have?" or some other crap like that, I take that as an opportunity to educate them to the real deal of what worked for me. No specific diet plan (WW, Atkins, Paleo, etc.), no fads, no shakes, no pills, etc. Basically 2 things: (1) reasonable increase in activity (e.g. cardio) and logging foods to maintain caloric deficit while meeting my macros. ...oh and that I plan to add strength training but am only in the planning stages.

<steps down off of his soapbox that's sitting on top his high horse>

sugarbabygirl78

I cant stand it when someone describes another person to me by saying she not as big as you or..... shes as big as you were before.....HATE IT!!!!!!!!

shaybuggie

My sister: "Who u tryin ta look gud fuh?"
Translation: "Who are you trying to look good for?"

hawaii86442

This is not quite on topic but I have a neighbor who said dont get rid of your bigger clothes because you will regain the weight. I think not. It is the best inspiration to stay on track.

Colleen118

Ugh... lately I've been disturbed by people saying things like "you better not lose any more weight!"

Excuse me, you don't even know how much I weigh. And... just because I'm still eating better and exercising does NOT mean that I'm trying to "lose more weight". Maybe I trying to maintain my weight loss or (gasp!) gain muscle.

I know people don't mean anything by it, but I still think it's rude. I wouldn't say "you better not gain any more weight" to anyone, would I??

I can not stand it when people tell me I need to stop losing weight and that there is no way I weigh what I say I do.
FIRST: What woman have you ever known is going to say they weigh MORE than what they do? IF we lie, it's taking it down 10+ lbs, not adding it.
SECOND: When I am happy with where I am, I will stop losing weight and (hopefully) not before. My Doctor is the only person who has the credentials to tell me I am too thin.

*step off soap box... sorry for the rant. Been getting that from a particular co-worker a lot lately and it is seriously driving me in-freaking-sane

mchilds4

I lost 44 lbs and then got pregnant with my second baby and while out maternity clothes shopping with my MIL she turns to me and says that I had to watch what I eat because I needed to remember how hard it was to lose the weight... Nevermind I was still exercising and eating well and wearing my non-maternity clothes at 5 months along.

ChristyRunStarr

When I really started to lose weight, at about 45 pounds down, my residents at work started asking me if my cancer had returned and if I was undergoing chemo...

Nope, cancer is still in remission, I'm just losing weight to get healthy.

Why? Did your boyfriend threaten to dump you if you didn't get hot?

Ugh... I just said no and walked away from that one.

I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing at this :laugh: All I can picture is someone, with the most serious straight face ever asking you if your boyfriend threatened to dumpy you if you didn't get hot. People need a better filter between their brains and mouths

VelaPulsar

Well if YOU could do it...

Colleen118

This is not quite on topic but I have a neighbor who said dont get rid of your bigger clothes because you will regain the weight. I think not. It is the best inspiration to stay on track.

I had this one too.... "I wouldn't get rid of those 14's jsut yet"

I am now wearing size EIGHT 14's have been long gone!

KiltFuPanda

Now, would ANYONE say "You've got the fattest legs I've ever seen"?

Not "fattest", but I get so many "compliments" on my calves that it comes pretty close.

Other, non-specifics that I've heard:

"But you're not FAT fat."
"You're mostly muscle"

estrobabe

"Did you decide to lose weight and get cute again because we aren't together anymore?"

:noway: :grumble: Lol a recent conversation with my ex-bf about my weight loss progress and then that slips out his mouth. :noway:

jazzyali

These are great- I was JUST laughing at all the awkward conversations I've been a part of lately... open mouth, insert foot

healthy_fit_me

I've been asked 3 times if Im pregnant and I can totally tell when people are looking at me and thinking it. Last time I was so embarrasssed that I just went along with it. I hate gaining first and losing last in my stomach!

folieeadeuxx

2 years ago when i was heavier my anout 30lbs I was talking to my friend and he goes "Youre big blond and beautiful" and a bunch of people laughed. :laugh: :sad:

postrockandcats

Today after talking about my weight loss:

"Oh wow- you used to be even fatter?"



...yes. Yes, I was. Keeping that trend going, thanks

Achrya

My sister: "Who u tryin ta look gud fuh?"
Translation: "Who are you trying to look good for?"

Do we have the same sister? I called mine to ask how she/my nephew were doing, mentioned I was on day 5 of the 30 day shred and her exact words "Who u tryin ta look gud fuh? U alreaty murried."

Me: ...what?

DivineRED1

"You're going to be gorgeous." Apparently I have not crossed the good looks threshold yet.

"You'll find someone now." Because as referenced by the above I was an undateable she-beast before.

RUDE!!! Man, some people are just RUDE and mean. They must have a black hole where there heart is supposed to be.