UNFAIR!! I'l probably get slated for this but here goes!
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I have to say, I find myself commenting most of the posts / updates of people who remark on mine the most. So it's a two way street...... give and you shall receive
At the start I always give people the benefit of the doubt and write comments anyway 0 -
Eh.
I'm not here to get atta girls from internet strangers. That being said, only 1/3 of my friends fit that bill. The other 2/3 are people that I speak with on a semi-/regular basis in real life.
And like someone else mentioned, I'd rather get some real feedback instead of a blind "good job." I see that and wonder if they even bothered to look at my diary. I ate 700 calories below goal and it was all craptastic food. How is that a "good job"?
That's just you posting something so you can feel better about yourself. "I'm such a good friend; I comment on everyone's stuff!"0 -
I take on board everything you all say. Not sure how to individually post...lol Still learning.
Its not easy to get on when we are so busy, I know. I had to post "super busy but, have a great day" when I'm out doing things.
I'm not having a jab at people that have busy lives, I just thought it was so unfair for them to say so much about themselves (they were already on mfp) and said nothing to my friend when they had done such a good job for the week.
I have some really lovely friends on here and I guess I'm lucky. I wish you ALL good luck in your goals. "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." Forget who said that but like it. 0 -
I've noticed this too. It kind of makes me want to stop commenting of any sort because I feel like I'm talking to myself. It also makes coming on here for me redundant, sure the calorie counter is nice, but if there's no support I'm not doing anything here different that I can't do privately in my food journal.0
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Sometimes those short sentences on statuses feel insincere when i post them.. that bothers me but I feel obligated to post back.
I prefer talking on the forums and maybe helping people that way.0 -
It's true that just a couple words here and there can make a difference in someone's day. I've had some personal things to deal with the past few days, and my being down on myself has kind of kept me from entering and releasing food because it makes me angry that trying to do what I need to do hasn't worked for a couple of weeks. But I know it's just a couple of weeks and things will get back on track, so I just have to stick to it. Having friends get on and say "you got this" or "baby, just do it today" has helped me when I get low.
I want to make my friends feel as good as they make me feel. I hope that I am.
Okay....whew....I feel better. Happy Monday All.0 -
Nice pug! It's easy enough to avoid friend collectors. Then again, some people motivate each other in other ways. Not everyone can walk through their FR every morning and give "atta girls." Some do, some don't, and some of my most caustically sarcastic friends are also among the most motivational. I like the sentiment though.
True-- I have to smirk a bit every time someone says "we're all here for the same reason" because we clearly aren't.
I guess the take away is that there are enough people here for everyone to be able to find the kind of friends they want. I have a mixture and I'm fine with that. Different friends offer support in different ways.
Yes!! I have a good mix of personality types, many of whom I'm sure would hate me IRL, particularly after a couple of drinks,but I like their perspectives on things.0 -
I always give at least one comment to each of my friends per day. I only have 4 friends though, and I'm very happy with them. They are pretty responsive to me too, so it's a win- win.0
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The people in my friends list don't need me to say "good job" every time they do something they should be doing.
Just like I don't need them to say it to me.
I can be pretty fake sometimes, when my diary was public, I left it blank for day and closed it out. I had 6 comments that said "looking good!" or "way to go!" There was NOTHING in it!!!0 -
I often go and comment on the statuses of those people that don't get any comments, and I am more likely to comment on those, than the ones that get a lot of comments.
Some of my friends get like 17 comments on each post, and my first thought is, OK this person has enough encouragement and support, let's find someone who did not get any comments.
Am I bad for thinking this way?
No, I do the same thing. Some of my friends can post one or two word statuses and immediately get 15 comments about it. Others don't. (I'm in the latter category, myself.) I usually go for the ones that tend to be supportive of me too.0 -
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I'm that friend. I don't post "way to go!" or "great job!" or any of that, but I don't send out friend requests and I make it known that I am not all that supportive when I am requested. I'm here to do and be me.0
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I guess it depends on the people. There is THOUSANDS of different personalities on this site. I get and give motivational and uplifting messages all the time!0
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Thanks for the reminder - I just went back to my friends list and posted some "Happy Mondays" and "You can do its" on their walls. We're all in this together!0
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My dad always used to say, "WE are strong, so WE carry it."
I post a lot more than I receive...but I'm down with it. Maybe the other peeps are going through a rough patch or maybe that's just the way they are. It doesn't affect me too greatly. Would I like more encouragement? Sure. But does receiving less encouragement than I give make me want to work/do less? Nope. Maybe being 'the encourager' is just part of my personal program. If it is, I'm down with it.
(But I understand your sentiment and appreciate it. 0 -
You shouldn't need strangers saying great job every time you post something, yes every now and then is great but you should know yourself if your doing well...
Check the mirror. check the scales...0 -
I like looking at my friend's diaries if they are open. It gives me some great ideas about food. And it helps make my comments more personal. I will also call you out if you're not eating enough especially if you are working out really hard. I acknowledge almost every post from my friends. I will delete those that don't offer any support or comments. Fortunately it doesn't happen often.0
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I often go and comment on the statuses of those people that don't get any comments, and I am more likely to comment on those, than the ones that get a lot of comments.
Some of my friends get like 17 comments on each post, and my first thought is, OK this person has enough encouragement and support, let's find someone who did not get any comments.
Am I bad for thinking this way?
No, I do the same thing. Some of my friends can post one or two word statuses and immediately get 15 comments about it. Others don't. (I'm in the latter category, myself.) I usually go for the ones that tend to be supportive of me too.
^^^ This. I also have friends that have 100's of friends, and even though I still say good morning or make one or two comments I never send them a message of encouragement because they receive it every day. I tend to send a personal message asking if everything is alright after the news feed says that they have not logged for more than three days. I sometimes get a response, but many times I don’t. On the on the hand I only get comments from the same five people. I guess is just like in real life, you connect with some more than with others.0 -
I often go and comment on the statuses of those people that don't get any comments, and I am more likely to comment on those, than the ones that get a lot of comments.
Some of my friends get like 17 comments on each post, and my first thought is, OK this person has enough encouragement and support, let's find someone who did not get any comments.
Am I bad for thinking this way?
No. I like to do this.0 -
If I see you on my news feed or I interact with you on a regular basis I'll support you.
The truth is it get's difficult to keep track of who isn't getting enough support.
I try my best but personally I think that if the person has been doing this for a while then their motivation should be from within.0 -
I agree with the OP. It's not facebook and we need to actively support our friends. I want friends that do that for me as well. Also, don't comment if you haven't really looked at my, or a friend's, diary. I don't want "empty" encouragements or praise and I'm sure others don't either. That's not helping anything.
MFP needs to come up with some way of alerting us online when someone makes a comment on out page.0 -
Okay to encourage people to keep up with their friends.
But
Some people want a back-and-forth exchange and some don't.
Some people want "good job" comments on their exercise and diary.
Some people want no comments except if they have a problem.
Some people want to share a lot and others want to share nothing.
Some people want a few friends who stay in touch daily.
Some want to acquire a lot of friends and only stay in touch via message.
There is room for everyone on MFP as far as I can see. Each person is responsible to find the friends that meet their needs. Can't always figure that out until you've had them on your list for a while. So if they aren't a good match for you it is ok to delete them and try someone else.0 -
Were all strangers to one another in the beginning until we start interacting. Some people are going to feel a connection to one another and be more compatible than others. There's nothing wrong with deleting someone if you're not compatible and you feel you're not getting what you need. I've deleted people in the past for not interacting and now I have a pretty great friends list of 25 people who are all super supportive. I've gotten to know most of them beyond the "WTG" and "good job" comments. To the OP, I understand what you're saying and I think your friend needs to delete those that aren't giving him what he needs and find some people that are a better match for him.0
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I'm very much like you. I have one or two friends on here I actually met on here, but for the most part, most are people I actually know from RL or elsewhere and are on my friends list for other reasons or for chatting or what-have-you. Not for constant pats on the backs. And if one of us were to tell each other that we're doing well or the like, at least we know it is coming from a place of actually knowing each other and looking, not the blind "good job"s you mentioned. I prize honesty, not fluffing each other for the sake of fluffing each other.Eh.
I'm not here to get atta girls from internet strangers. That being said, only 1/3 of my friends fit that bill. The other 2/3 are people that I speak with on a semi-/regular basis in real life.
And like someone else mentioned, I'd rather get some real feedback instead of a blind "good job." I see that and wonder if they even bothered to look at my diary. I ate 700 calories below goal and it was all craptastic food. How is that a "good job"?
That's just you posting something so you can feel better about yourself. "I'm such a good friend; I comment on everyone's stuff!"0 -
Okay to encourage people to keep up with their friends.
But
Some people want a back-and-forth exchange and some don't.
Some people want "good job" comments on their exercise and diary.
Some people want no comments except if they have a problem.
Some people want to share a lot and others want to share nothing.
Some people want a few friends who stay in touch daily.
Some want to acquire a lot of friends and only stay in touch via message.
There is room for everyone on MFP as far as I can see. Each person is responsible to find the friends that meet their needs. Can't always figure that out until you've had them on your list for a while. So if they aren't a good match for you it is ok to delete them and try someone else.
Great post and my thoughts exactly!0 -
I'm glad the encouragement does a lot for you, but not everyone feels the same way so I wouldn't waste so much emotional energy being upset for your friend. Maybe it doesn't bother her. If it did, she could very easily seek out friends who are like minded. In my opinion, being on MFP SHOULD be all about ME-ME-ME as we should be doing this for ourselves and no one else.
I personally don't care if anyone posts on my wall. I am not here for atta-girls from others. I don't make friend requests on here but I accept them and occasionally I will comment on a friend's post, but not usually. Most of my MFP friends are IRL friends, too, so my support for them is done live and in person. It really is a great thing when you learn that you don't need outside re-inforcement to believe in yourself or be happy with yourself, especially when it comes to weight loss. I know many maintainers who have found it hard because all that positive attention goes away after a while once you reach goal. If you don't know how to encourage yourself, it can be a long, hard road.0 -
Good for you for speaking up! Then maybe it's time to find new pals. There are plenty of us out here that give more than they take. )) 0
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I'm that friend. I don't post "way to go!" or "great job!" or any of that, but I don't send out friend requests and I make it known that I am not all that supportive when I am requested. I'm here to do and be me.
Same here.
I think I'm very supportive on the forums. But I don't want MFP to turn into a game of Farmville, either, where instead of collecting crops all morning long, I spend hours posting generic "WTG" and "You can do this!" messages on everyone's profile.
Sometimes I get messages on my wall where I know the person doesn't know one thing about me. Like "keep at it! you can lose that weight!" when I've been maintaining for a year and a half. I appreciate that someone's trying to be supportive, but something that off-target isn't helping anyone. :laugh:0 -
I'm that friend. I don't post "way to go!" or "great job!" or any of that, but I don't send out friend requests and I make it known that I am not all that supportive when I am requested. I'm here to do and be me.
Same here.
I think I'm very supportive on the forums. But I don't want MFP to turn into a game of Farmville, either, where instead of collecting crops all morning long, I spend hours posting generic "WTG" and "You can do this!" messages on everyone's profile.
Sometimes I get messages on my wall where I know the person doesn't know one thing about me. Like "keep at it! you can lose that weight!" when I've been maintaining for a year and a half. I appreciate that someone's trying to be supportive, but something that off-target isn't helping anyone. :laugh:
My thoughts exactly. I'm gaining weight, so please don't congratulate me on my loss.... *sigh*. In my opinion, that is worse than being supportive, because you clearly know nothing at all about me.0 -
Great reminder.
And I'd love to see less of the negative/just useless comments. Stop and think before you hit reply: Am I helping or hurting?0
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