UNFAIR!! I'l probably get slated for this but here goes!

sallyaj

I agree with the OP. It's not facebook and we need to actively support our friends. I want friends that do that for me as well. Also, don't comment if you haven't really looked at my, or a friend's, diary. I don't want "empty" encouragements or praise and I'm sure others don't either. That's not helping anything.

MFP needs to come up with some way of alerting us online when someone makes a comment on out page.

This is a really good point. Other social sites alert you when someone has replied to your post. I wish MFP did that.

lhalket

I know I comment to every single person on my friends list...sometimes I hear back from a lot of them, sometimes not. I try not to let it get to me either way. I just love being here and motivating people and being motivated by their successes!

Well said - I feel the same way!

cardinalsfootball

What is the right way to be a real "friend" here? Honestly, I don't know.

Is it to comment 5-10 times per week of "thatta girl/boy", "nice", "good job", and "keep it up"?

Is it to comment once a week with a 1 sentence line when someone weighs in and loses a bunch of weight? Something that seems sincere?

Is it to wait until someone posts their discouragement, or question, or something, then given a thoughtful 5 minute response?

Or is it even to call people out, somewhat gently if possible, if they are filling their diary with crap, having regular "cheat days" and just not being nice to themselves? One of my friends said early on he wanted to hold his friends accountable and be held accountable too. Did he mean it?

I'm really at a loss. I want to be a friend, but I don't have time to do ALL OF THE ABOVE. For that reason, I've kept myself with fewer than 25 friends.

But honestly... what really is the best approach? Should I never show "tough love"?

IslandRider

Everybody has their own way they communicate and thier own comfort level. I have many friends that do post on my feed and I find it very encouraging. I also have friends that seldom do but that doesn't mean they are any less encouraging. Just because you don't see a post on my feed doesn't mean that we don't communicate, it just means that some people feel more comforable communicating with a private message instead.

Each person has to decide whether the level of interaction they are getting is what helps them as well as how comfortable they are posting to someone else's feed, rather than worrying about what other people are doing.

karakreature

For me personally, the atta girls, good job, all that stuff helps. That may sound pathetic to some of you but I started a month ago at 285. I had not exercised in over 15 years. It took me a long time to finally start doing something. The first atta girl I got, was awesome. It made me smile. Granted, I am the one that is doing the hard work, and I am the one that talks to myself every morning to get moving and do my work out, but the praise is nice.

I understand some people don't or cant do this. I understand others don't need this. To me, that is part of the point of this site, is to provide/receive encouragement. Doesn't matter to me if the person that commented looked at my diary or not. The fact that someone took time out of their day to even give me two seconds of a nice thought, that's wonderful.

If I have a friend that doesn't comment, I still comment on theirs. I read diaries. Sometimes I might sound like I'm repeating myself with my comments, but that doesn't make it any less sincere. I genuinely mean it when I say "good job" to someone. If someone doesn't agree with my diary, they are free to say so and have. It helps us get better but that doesn't mean the atta girls are not welcomed either.

Carolyn_79

Everyone has different expectations of what they expect from their friends. The key is to find the friends that you're compatible with and delete the rest. It's quite simple really.

wahmx3

Hey guys, I just want to get something off my chest. I know most on here are here to lose the weight and jump the hoops. I know how hard it is to stay focused and positive! One bad day can have you running for the comfort food right? But, I'm seeing someone who gives out support to all their friends and when I visit their profile page,..well, lets just say I've noticed that no-one seems to say anything positive back! My comments are still on top from the previous day!

Why is this?? Can we not just stop going on with the "ME ME ME" attitude? We all have busy lives and crap things going on I know, but, it takes ONE minute to say "good job" OR "you can do it" to keep someone on track and put that smile back on their face to let them know someone has their back!

Please lets support our friends in the right way. Not just to gain numbers, it's not facebook. I know I'm going to try harder.

❤ Thanks for listening and good luck with your own personal journey and stay positive because YOU CAN DO IT!! ❤

I totally agree, I think some of us, me included, have too many friends and don't take the time to support, motivate or offer a helpful tip.

CkepiJinx

I have added many friends with a similar health issue as me. Other people have friended me based on things they have seen me write in the forums. I don't comment on people's diaries simply because I feel we all have different food preferences and I don't know if they have certain food limitations. I am a moderation person, I believe eat what you love in proper amounts. Some people cut out certain foods, if that works for them great.
I tend to comment on days logged on by tens I.e. 10, 20, 50 , 100.
I comment on exercise because most of the people I am friends with have medical conditions that can make exercise more difficult so I want to support it when they can do it. My support is in the form of good job, great job,awesome, and fantastic depending on the amount of calories burned but always something no matter how small because that may be all they can do on any given day.
I also comment on weight loss because that's why most of my friends are here and any amount is a step in the right direction.
And I always comment when I see the so and so hasn't logged on for a week or more unless they have already said they will be Mia for a while.
Some friends comment on mine some don't but it's all good.

wibutterflymagic

I often go and comment on the statuses of those people that don't get any comments, and I am more likely to comment on those, than the ones that get a lot of comments.
Some of my friends get like 17 comments on each post, and my first thought is, OK this person has enough encouragement and support, let's find someone who did not get any comments.
Am I bad for thinking this way?

I so do this too. That's often how I pick the forum posts to respond to also.

svgarcia

Well said! Which reminds me that some of my friends don't comment either. Gonna start sweeping my friends list..

peniculala

I decided to pare down my friends list to people who support me and who I feel I can support. I had one friend who constantly ate crap no matter what and groused that he was gaining weight. I had to let him go. But, now, I have enough friends that if I check in a couple times a day I have time to say nice things to all of them. I work really hard at that and now, I don't hear a lot from many of my friends. I wonder if I made the right decision, but I know that I couldn't keep up with more friends than I have. It's tough. But, it's important for me to give AND to receive!

Monica_has_a_goal

Keep trying harder and you'll find MFP friends that will support you too!

STAYING POSITIVE!

_LilPowerHouse

I keep my friends list to no more than 35 people or less so that I can offer them support to all of them without losing some in the news feeds.. Thanks

supertracylynn

I have this problem, too. I've been here for well over a year. I've never been over 100 friends for this reason - I frequently clear out the people who say nothing.

Which means a lot of my friends should be worried.

ETA: I had to repost the puppy, it's so adorable!!!

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

I have this problem, too. I've been here for well over a year. I've never been over 100 friends for this reason - I frequently clear out the people who say nothing.

Which means a lot of my friends should be worried.

ETA: I had to repost the puppy, it's so adorable!!!

um. no ma'am.

cwolfman13

If someone has a specific issue they're dealing with...specific question...specific plea for some assistance, "I'm really struggling with x,y, and z"...I'm there. I do not really do the obligatory good job stuff though when MFP posts that you logged in today or whatever...that stuff is on you, if you can't manage that stuff then there's really not a whole lot I'm going to be able to help you with. I will send one PM if I get a notification that one of my friends has been inactive but that's it...if I don't see you become more active you're deleted. I am of the personal belief that 99% of this comes from within...sometimes we all need a little help pushing us to give it that extra 1%...but far too many people want their hand held IMHO. Far too many people don't ask for specific assistance and it can be very hard to help someone who doesn't ask for it.

EricB56

I was an MFP member previously and had a couple of 'supporters'. They were more like a cheerleader. Post your exercise or complete your log and get a pat on the back. I would love to find a couple of serious supporters on here where if you miss logging a couple of days or start cheating on your diary, they will call you out on it. On the flip side, it would be great to have (or be) a few close friends that could also serve as a 'sponsor' role. When we are tempted to give in to the box of girl scout cookies someone just sat out at work, there is someone to connect with and get talked off the ledge, so to speak. Same for workouts. Everyone has days where you just cannot get motivated to go out and workout. It would be great if someone out there that was struggling would ping me for a little encouragement or vice versa.

Anyone interested in being a supporter/supportee instead of a cheerleader is welcome to add me!

MartinaNYC

Thank you for posting and thank you to all those who answered. I have to say, I sometimes refrain from commenting too often because I don't want people to think that I'm stalking them or judging them for what they did or did not do... But Im glad to hear that most of you actually appreciate a positive/negative feedback and people encouraging you! I'll keep up with the good work then

jendraka

I will send one PM if I get a notification that one of my friends has been inactive but that's it...if I don't see you become more active you're deleted.

Think I had a couple "friends" do that to me. Deleted me when I wasn't active. Thing was, I made a point of announcing that I was taking a break from dieting due to illnesses in the family and my own subsequent fatigue issues and that I would be back in probably 2 or 3 months. I got several responses that wished me well and that they would be there when I returned and when I did return a couple months later...I was missing a few friends. In the long run though, found out which ones would actually stick with me.

MartinaNYC

I will send one PM if I get a notification that one of my friends has been inactive but that's it...if I don't see you become more active you're deleted.

Think I had a couple "friends" do that to me. Deleted me when I wasn't active. Thing was, I made a point of announcing that I was taking a break from dieting due to illnesses in the family and my own subsequent fatigue issues and that I would be back in probably 2 or 3 months. I got several responses that wished me well and that they would be there when I returned and when I did return a couple months later...I was missing a few friends. In the long run though, found out which ones would actually stick with me.

That's just horrible!!! Glad you're back