The difference between being mean and having an opinion
Replies
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I cant contribute anything constructive but this song is in my head because of this thread...
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson [OOOH]
I am for real
Never meant to make your daughter cry
I apologize a trillion times....
It makes me want to be mean and have an opinion at the same time. Not sure where to go from here. :huh:0 -
It certainly is possible to have a different opinion and to express it in a kind way. But, it seems that most people here do not have the ability to do that. Snide remarks are all they are capable of. I feel it is a good idea to read over my responses before hitting "reply" and try to imagine how it sounds.
You could be as kind as humanly possibly and still manage upset someone....
That is true. I tend to just let things roll of my back. It is the internet, you can't read things exactly how people meant to say them. It may seem rude when it really wasn't meant that way. Ha, it isn't like you can call and ask what they meant! :laugh:0 -
The content itself isn't at all bad, I just couldn't get my head around the motivation behind it, really, what is the point?
It is a bit odd.
Maybe they think that if they did it on the open board they might get a warning / strike whereas if they do it via PM they are less likely to suffer any consequences.
Dunno.
I would never go into a lady's inbox without asking...
<<<<< has manners.0 -
To me, if your going to post your business on a forum you need to be prepared to get some advice or opinions that you don't agree with.
I also find that a lot of people find it easier to be judgmental and troll when they hide behind a computer screen. They say and do things they never would in real life.
So I guess its a little of both. I am known for being a little blunt on here but honestly, that's how I am in life too. Its important to me to be truthful, genuine and protect my integrity rather than say something that is socially correct or enable people just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. That would be selfish of me to spare my feelings so I don't have to be "the bad guy".
This is true, I'm astonished at some of the business that is posted on here sometimes :laugh:0 -
Almost everyone I know thinks I'm mean, I think that there are some people in this world who can't handle pointed and direct statements...A lot of it has to do with upbringing and natural disposition (nurture/nature).
My boss is pointed and direct. I spent the first year working for her thinking she was mean. She's not. She's really terrific...She simply doesn't have a filter, per se.
Personally, I would rather get it straight than have it sugar coated, because sugar has calories, and also leaves room for doubt. :laugh:0 -
The content itself isn't at all bad, I just couldn't get my head around the motivation behind it, really, what is the point?
It is a bit odd.
Maybe they think that if they did it on the open board they might get a warning / strike whereas if they do it via PM they are less likely to suffer any consequences.
Dunno.
I would never go into a lady's inbox without asking...
<<<<< has manners.
Such a gentleman! :flowerforyou:0 -
the difference is all in the delivery! the problem is that most ppl can't seem to state their opinion without being assy about it...so yes, some ppl take it to heart and get their panties in a wad. But just like it's in some ppl's genes to be "assy" all the time it's in some ppl's genes to be on the defense all the time. That's just something that will never change.0
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Many times the folks who are "just giving their opinions" give it in a manner which is rather rude. Think about it, you go to a class that you've never been in before. You raise your hand and you ask the teacher a question in reply to which the teacher just says "This is a very stupid question and you should know the answer to it already. Thank you sir for wasting our time with your stupid question" and then behind your back, they say things like "What an idiot that guy is!". The teacher insulting in your class is the equivalent of being insulted on the forums and the "What an idiot that guy is!" behind your back is what goes on with some of these popular kids on their newsfeed.
Are they giving valid opinions. Sometimes. The knowledgeable folks have to realize that there are loud noises coming from every direction to a new user. People with 6 pack saying "Cut fat, carbs, protein and just eat 2 tootsie roll and drink your saliva" and then there are other wonderfully healthy folks saying "You can eat everything as long you're on a deficit" etc. Basically, 10 people, 10 theories, all screaming at each other on the forums.
So please, try some patience. I didn't learned these things by people yelling and screaming at me. Tough love is good but only when the other person realizes there is love present. Since most of us are strangers to each other, your tough love just comes off as being ... well... rude!
Just a thought.0 -
:sad:0
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More often than not, I find that the difference is in the interpretation by the person receiving the comment rather than the person giving it.
Unfortunately, most people can't take honest constructive criticism. They just want someone to nod and agree. That's why I usually just keep my mouth shut. Don't ask for my opinion unless you really want it.0 -
An opinion is based on a persons knowledge and their experience. It's a point of view. What shows through when people over react to a stated opinion is their own lack of self confidence. I don't expect others to agree with my opinions, they are mine, It's just food for thought meant to make you think and just maybe help another person expand their knowledge.
Now if they want to see mean, I can show them mean. But what's the point? I don't ever reply to DQ posts or the "My way is the only right way" kind of posts. While they can give a few moments of hilarity they are usually packed with aggression, bias and closed mindedness. I want to expand my knowledge, create new experiences that continue to improve ME.0 -
:drinker:I don't know, this site is full of whiners. I honestly don't know how these people exist. It's like trying to have a serious discussion with a bunch of cranky 6 year olds who have missed their nap time. Except most 6 year olds have a higher calorie goal and are generally cooler to hang out with.0 -
the difference is all in the delivery! the problem is that most ppl can't seem to state their opinion without being assy about it...so yes, some ppl take it to heart and get their panties in a wad. But just like it's in some ppl's genes to be "assy" all the time it's in some ppl's genes to be on the defense all the time. That's just something that will never change.
I suppose we have the luxury of tone of voice etc in real life0 -
:sad:
:flowerforyou:0 -
More often than not, I find that the difference is in the interpretation by the person receiving the comment rather than the person giving it.
Unfortunately, most people can't take honest constructive criticism. They just want someone to nod and agree. That's why I usually just keep my mouth shut. Don't ask for my opinion unless you really want it.
I'd much rather take constructive criticism over the treading on egg shells approach.0 -
I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.
It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.
Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.
Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.
The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.
There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.
Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.0 -
I don't know, this site is full of whiners. I honestly don't know how these people exist. It's like trying to have a serious discussion with a bunch of cranky 6 year olds who have missed their nap time. Except most 6 year olds have a higher calorie goal and are generally cooler to hang out with.
I'm not even reading past this. Perfect. lol.0 -
I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.
It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.
Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.
Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.
The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.
There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.
Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.
This!!! Thanks Brett, I actually saw the thread that you are talking about! It does seem awfully one sided and biased. It seems that even the opinions that wouldn't usually be deemed as controversial or radical aren't accepted just incase someone takes offence...0 -
I enjoy watching the back and forth debates over which is the best way to lose weight without losing lean body mass. I love watching people deplore and defend 1200 calories. It's when the conversations denigrate into GIF posts to mock, belittle, or otherwise ridicule one or more contributing debaters/OP that my eyerolling starts - it's like people don't know how to validate their opinions with facts so they resort to GIF-posting.
I find debates, especially the heated ones, enlightening as you can get a real earful of what people think and why and are able to derive your own thoughts and opinions. I usually opt out of commenting if its a field I know next to nothing about, which even a year later is a LOT of stuff =P Most people like chiming in. Its just who we are I suppose.
That and people who are bad at losing a debate and then cry about it or have a tantrum. That is never pretty to see.
I hope this thread doesn't end up as a GIF-a-thon :grumble:
Sorry ...Had to :flowerforyou:
Hah! Funny
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I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.
It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.
Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.
Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.
The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.
There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.
Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.
Fantastic post.0 -
Completely agree with that post.
I replied to a thread regarding a woman who had done a fantastic job of losing loads of weight - so much so that she looked like a different woman. I congratulated her and asked her why she had waited until she had encountered health problems to decide to lose weight. It was a genuine question because I think there are so many people out there who are in the same position and I was looking for a genuine response.
Needless to say that all I got was a load of responses about how I'd made a rude/nasty comment and taken away her limelight. There was even one person who said that I clearly had an eating disorder because I was obsessed with remaining the same weight all the time. What I was actually saying was that when I step on the scales and see that I've gained a couple of pounds, I do something about it...rather than piling on 5 stone and waiting for the doctor to tell me I've got Type 2 diabetes!
It's ridiculous. People on MFP appear to be happy to post their stories about losing weight but not prepared to answer genuine questions about their journey. Had the woman have answered me...I may have been able to help a couple of my heavily overweight friends who are also ignoring to do anything about their weight.
Rant over.
I'm guessing this has to do with the fact that you can't hear tone or inflection over the internet, plus the fact that there are some genuinely rude members on mfp, as with anywhere people are. They probably imagined you saying it in a snarky way, so therefore they got pissed off. Usually, if I ask something that even has the *slightest* chance of seeming snarky, I make a note about why I asked it, so people don't misconstrue what I've said.0 -
I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.
It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.
Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.
Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.
The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.
There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.
Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.
:flowerforyou:
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I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.
It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.
Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.
Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.
The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.
There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.
Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.
Why you gotta be all smart and logical, Brett? You should know by now there is NO room on this site for that kind of thing. :flowerforyou:0 -
The biggest difference I've personally seen on here is that having a differing opinion is great; to be expected. Its when you respond and you're obviously talking down to someone trying to make them feel stupid or insignificant; then you're just being a jack-*kitten*. Some things are lost in context on a forum thread, but when you start a response in all caps and follow it up with alternating exclamations and question marks........ there's nothing constructive there. No miscommunication at all; you're just trying to look better than the other person...............
Educating someone is awesome and its what we need on these forums. Educating someone by making them look dumb and your own self look "superior" just means you have your own issues to deal with and you probably don't need to be dispensing your "valuable advice".................
Other than that, people need to get a thick skin and respect differing views. That small change in perspective has helped me on more than one occasion. IMHO anyways......................0 -
The problem with typing is there is no emotion in it and what I may read as rude and uncalled for you may have typed it as sincere and honest with a soft voice and smooozy. Some people really are rude and hateful just because they can hide behind their computer and not have to be face to face with anyone cause they are really whimpy people and scared of face to face confrontations. And some people take everything to heart no matter what you say. Had one lady get all offended because I said for me haveing WLS would have been the easy way out and she truly got upset and was very fiesty over it. I even messaged her and told her to read my post again, I didn't say anything about the surgery being easy just that for ME it would have been the easy way out, still she was pissy about it. I get flack all the time over the way I eat, but it works for me perfectly and I know for me it's right, but it's not right for everyone and I would never ever encourage someone to eat like I do, but people read my posts and say I'm encouraging others to eat like I do and then I get the sweet messages from the mods saying tsk tsk shame on you. I am also the kind of person who can't let something go if you tick me off, I'm going to come back at you hard. Funny enough I've made friends by standing up to them and telling them exactly how I feel. They apologize and I in turn apologize too. Now some others believe that there is only one way to diet and if your not doing it that way your doing it wrong and you can't convince them otherwise. I'm a firm believer in everyone is different no matter if our bodies are supposed to work the same way they don't. Dammit I am a special "snowflake" LOL0
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I have never started a thread because I know myself and I am sensitive:sad: and I deal with it by not setting myself up for criticism.
I posted a blog once that was not meant to be serious and one person bashed me and i had to delete it LOL!
You have to know yourself and accept the backlash
People will always disagree especially on a site like this where there is such a varied amount of ages, lifestyles, countries etc. This is what makes life interesting!!! :drinker: 0 -
I find this thread to be relevant to my interests.
It's a real problem for me around here, because I enjoy debate. If you ask about Shakeology I'm going to tell you it's overpriced. If you complain about your significant other I'm not automatically going to take your side.
Both of those things can get you in big trouble around here.
Yesterday a good friend of mine was permanently banned because some girl wanted to complain about her boyfriend and to him she sounded like a nag. So while it was ok that her boyfriend was called a liar, cheater, and a jerk (all without hearing his side) you can not ever suggest that maybe, just maybe, the original poster may be the one at fault.
The mods of this site themselves have stated, it's not so important to them that weight loss information be accurate or beneficial, just so long as you say it nicely. Sorry but to me that's a terrible policy. I've seen plenty of people who very sweetly and kindly gave AWFUL advice. And I've seen tons of good and helpful advice come in a no-nonsense format.
There are a lot of other failed weight loss sites out there. Most of them fell into this trap. People so worried about their feelings that eventually it becomes nothing but, "You're great, whatever you choose to do for you is the right thing, have a cookie." And the salespeople worm their way in and run amok with their shakes and powders and scams.
Some people here are serious about fitness. Others just want you to tell them what they want to hear. And right now the latter group is in charge.
^^^ This^^ Let me start by noting that NONE of them are part of my FL nor have I even asked them to be, but it does not matter, because all I want is their knowledge. I was always told that my rights end when someone else’s rights begin, so when someone gets banned from the forums is a loss for the whole community. Why? It is a loss to the community because we have the right to receive information even if it is from someone we “I don’t like” or “click” with. I have the right to ask questions and receive the correct answer from people that have done it, that have achieved what I am aiming for, that made the mistakes and now are telling me how to get to my goals in a more efficient way. It drives me up the wall when opportunities are taken away from me because someone does not know how to control their emotions. Toddlers are the ones that cry “mommy he’s being mean to me”, not adults. Adults are supposed to have the maturity to filter what’s good from bad and make a decision to accept in their hearts what it’s beneficial to them without crying foul.0 -
NOTE: This is not an accusation against you or anything you've done or do. It just brings up a point I want to make.
I also find that a lot of people find it easier to be judgmental and troll when they hide behind a computer screen. They say and do things they never would in real life.
This goes both ways. The same people who are constantly upset about mean people, calling them out, decrying them as the entire problem that plagues humanity would NOT (or at least I hope not) do such a thing in the middle of the grocery store, their jobs, etc etc.
So those who feel superior that people are only jerks over the internet should also know that they are displaying EXACTLY the same behavior they are complaining about.
Pot, kettle, blah blah blah.0 -
The biggest difference I've personally seen on here is that having a differing opinion is great; to be expected. Its when you respond and you're obviously talking down to someone trying to make them feel stupid or insignificant; then you're just being a jack-*kitten*. Some things are lost in context on a forum thread, but when you start a response in all caps and follow it up with alternating exclamations and question marks........ there's nothing constructive there. No miscommunication at all; you're just trying to look better than the other person...............
Educating someone is awesome and its what we need on these forums. Educating someone by making them look dumb and your own self look "superior" just means you have your own issues to deal with and you probably don't need to be dispensing your "valuable advice".................
Other than that, people need to get a thick skin and respect differing views. That small change in perspective has helped me on more than one occasion. IMHO anyways......................
I feel the same way. I don't expect everyone to have the same opinions as me. I don't even mind being proven wrong, as long as you’re not being a total d*ck head about it. There are people on the internet who don't know how to debate like adults and people who don't know how to let it go. I would never resort to writing a personal message though, no matter how rude someone was. That’s just setting yourself up to be bashed some more.0 -
This goes both ways. The same people who are constantly upset about mean people, calling them out, decrying them as the entire problem that plagues humanity would NOT (or at least I hope not) do such a thing in the middle of the grocery store, their jobs, etc etc.
I've always found that odd too, and I've mentioned it in a few threads.
People seem to be genuinely SHOCKED that not every one of the hundreds of thousands of users here aren't the nicest people in the world who want to support them and be their friend. They have this feeling that this place is supposed to be somehow different from the rest of the world. That here everyone will love them and be kind and helpful at all times.
Anyone ever gone into the office and declared, "Why are some of you so mean?! We're all here for the same reason!" No. You'd be looked at like a crazy person.
Not everyone in the world is nice. I learned that when I was like 4. Didn't everyone else?0
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