Folks with daughters....
Replies
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I thank you for being there!!! It's so scary to think that this stuff happens, but it does and it is rare to hear of someone stepping in, like you did. There needs to be more people out there like you - again THANK YOU!!!!0
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I would never allow my scantily dressed young teen daughter to sit in a steam room with strangers!
I'm not so sure their parents even knew. Our Y has a lot of great activities for kids. There are many kids who come straight from school and hang out. They swim, workout, play with the XBox kinect, play pingpong or pool. Today was a holiday and there was no school. These girls could have just said they were going swimming, or their parents may have been at work.
I don't think it's what's allowed or forbidden as teens will do what they feel is appropriate despite the rules, sometimes. They need someone to talk with them about the signs of predatory behavior and how to deal with it when they see it.0 -
As somebody's daughter, and a mother of one, THANK YOU!
You did two things there. 1: Got a young impressionable girl away from a creep (biggest yay!) 2: Helped that girl learn that ditching your friends for a guy is NOT a grown up thing to do. I know 2 is completely besides the point, but I just felt that needed pointing out as well. This creep's desire to tell her, "being a grown up means talking to guys", completely negates the whole, "being a strong woman who has solid friendships" thing.
Back to #1 though. What you did there? Just awesome
actually 2 is not besides the point because today it's gym's and older members, tomorrow it will be nightclubs/parties/college nights and guys they meet there. Couple of times i had to insist that a new "friend" not leave me at a club alone cause she wanted to go home with a guy she just met. To me it was like yeah i like this guy too but I'm just gonna exchange numbers and take it from there, no need to separate? (and endanger ourselves). Girls need to have some hard and fast rules as they get older and start venturing out. I think you told her something she needed to know and I hope she took it to heart.0 -
holyyy craaaap some freaking people out there...0
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i would have put my foot in his face !0
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Scary. The guys sounds like a serious predator - especially alarming that he went so far as to try to get the other girl to stay. I hope your fitness center keeps an eye open for him0
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It is a really messed up world out there.
My niece was raped from age 2 to 7 by the guy my sister paid to watch her.
My best friend's niece was raped and murdered, and left in the woods to rot (RIP Amanda Lankey)
One of my former co-workers is in prison... a repeat offender. He had three years worth of video tapes of him raping is granddaughter, from infancy to three years old.
This stuff has hit me so close to home, so many times, my daughter does not leave my sight unless she is with my mother or her day care lady (whom I have a very close relationship with- I know she's safe there). My father-in-law gives me crap about being over-protective... too freaking bad.
That's one of the reasons I intervened. I had a niece who was molested by her stepfather and her step uncle. Her mother knew they were both convicted offenders, and still let them babysit her. Heck, she let them throw a birthday party for her with a bunch of her friends, and showed them porno flicks. My brother didn't find out about it until years later, and he sued for and got custody. It was too late though and the damage was done.0 -
This is serious. I hope you reported the guy to the management as people like that should have their membership revoked. This happened to me at a Gold's gym when I was about 16. Same thing. I was with a friend and we were working out, in the steamroom where there was a creepy older guy (probably 40's or 50's but not a good judge of age at that time). He kept flirting and invited us to go have a drink with him in his hotel room nearby. We got up and left.
I belong to the Y, along with my 12 yr old daughter. We were told when signing up that she can go pretty much anywhere she wants on her own because it's safe and there are staff everywhere. I tend to be a more protective type of parent and I don't just accept that kind of statement blindly and use my common sense. But the fact is that the Y promotes a "safe" atmosphere and I'm sure many parents will let down their guard accordingly. Things like that should be reported immediately, and I actually hope the Y cautions parents to watch their kids. These days it seems predators are more balsy and plentiful.0 -
Personally, I would have laid his *kitten* out when he grabbed the girl by the wrist. I would have at least followed him out of there and made sure I brought him to the attention of security.
I hope, at the very least, that you reported the incident to management so that they could keep an eye out for anyone acting suspiciously. Odds are, he is there often.
I did tell the front desk. There is no security per se. They hire a bunch of high school and college aged folks to run this place. I gave a description, but don't know how well he would be recognized in the future. I'll be looking for him though.0 -
It is ironic that you posted this a week after another MFP user asked if she overreacted at the gym when she was in a similar situation.
The thread link does not appear to work but here is part of the OP's post:
"I went to a new gym for the first time today and was swimming and sharing a lane with a girl of about 14 or 15 and we chatted a bit. She was obviously in training and her coach was there. When she got out her coach sent her to the hot tub which is in a separate room with a closed door and she was going to be alone with 2 older men."
Some people told the OP she was overreacting by sitting in the hot tub and talking to the girl, and a few men were offended:
"Ok, so it is wrong for us men to feel slighted for being perceived as sexual predators, but perfectly ok for a woman to feel uncomfortable when choosing to go sit in a hot tub that was already being occupied by two men. Logic."
Hindsight bias makes it clear in the OP's situation (in this current thread) it was the right thing to do to intervene. OP, thank you for posting this to show people that there IS a reason to be wary. No, not everyone is a sexual predator. But with 1 in 4 women being raped, it can't hurt to be cautious.0 -
Mate you definatly did your good deed for the day
what a tool that guy was0 -
It is ironic that you posted this a week after another MFP user asked if she overreacted at the gym when she was in a similar situation.
The thread link does not appear to work but here is part of the OP's post:
"I went to a new gym for the first time today and was swimming and sharing a lane with a girl of about 14 or 15 and we chatted a bit. She was obviously in training and her coach was there. When she got out her coach sent her to the hot tub which is in a separate room with a closed door and she was going to be alone with 2 older men."
Some people told the OP she was overreacting by sitting in the hot tub and talking to the girl, and a few men were offended:
"Ok, so it is wrong for us men to feel slighted for being perceived as sexual predators, but perfectly ok for a woman to feel uncomfortable when choosing to go sit in a hot tub that was already being occupied by two men. Logic."
Hindsight bias makes it clear in the OP's situation (in this current thread) it was the right thing to do to intervene. OP, thank you for posting this to show people that there IS a reason to be wary. No, not everyone is a sexual predator. But with 1 in 4 women being raped, it can't hurt to be cautious.
I don't see the irony at all. In this situation there was a creeper. In that situation there were two regular men who were simply existing (frankly much like the OP was in the same room as the girls here). I hope you are able to distinguish the two.
And way to go on attempting to hijack a good thread where the OP demonstrated sound judgment.0 -
Personally, I would have laid his *kitten* out when he grabbed the girl by the wrist. I would have at least followed him out of there and made sure I brought him to the attention of security.
I hope, at the very least, that you reported the incident to management so that they could keep an eye out for anyone acting suspiciously. Odds are, he is there often.
I did tell the front desk. There is no security per se. They hire a bunch of high school and college aged folks to run this place. I gave a description, but don't know how well he would be recognized in the future. I'll be looking for him though.
I misread your initial post. I thought you were telling the story as a more passive observer. I'm sorry if I seemed a little harsh. Thank you for looking out, and definitely stay on that. Predators are everywhere.0 -
what the hell? what a creep!
i have a lot of experience with this. i worked at a destination resort from the time i was 15 until i went off to college (18). i encountered a LOT of creepers and at first, i didn't know how to deal with them. i don't know why some men think it's "okay," to talk to young girls in that manner, but it's really not! i've had men try to buy me alcoholic drinks when i was 15, try to get me to come to their hotel room, ask me to go on overnight cruises, etc when they KNEW how old i was. one guy even offered to lie to my dad (who was picking me up from work) and say that i was being offered an internship with his company so that i would start sleeping with him on the weekends. blah! it's really sick and inappropriate. i hope young women have enough common sense and self respect to avoid getting themselves into compromising situations.0 -
It is ironic that you posted this a week after another MFP user asked if she overreacted at the gym when she was in a similar situation.
The thread link does not appear to work but here is part of the OP's post:
"I went to a new gym for the first time today and was swimming and sharing a lane with a girl of about 14 or 15 and we chatted a bit. She was obviously in training and her coach was there. When she got out her coach sent her to the hot tub which is in a separate room with a closed door and she was going to be alone with 2 older men."
Some people told the OP she was overreacting by sitting in the hot tub and talking to the girl, and a few men were offended:
"Ok, so it is wrong for us men to feel slighted for being perceived as sexual predators, but perfectly ok for a woman to feel uncomfortable when choosing to go sit in a hot tub that was already being occupied by two men. Logic."
Hindsight bias makes it clear in the OP's situation (in this current thread) it was the right thing to do to intervene. OP, thank you for posting this to show people that there IS a reason to be wary. No, not everyone is a sexual predator. But with 1 in 4 women being raped, it can't hurt to be cautious.
I don't see the irony at all. In this situation there was a creeper. In that situation there were two regular men who were simply existing (frankly much like the OP was in the same room as the girls here). I hope you are able to distinguish the two.
And way to go on attempting to hijack a good thread where the OP demonstrated sound judgment.
Was going to respond with almost the exact wording.
To the O.P. great job. we need more people that will step in when they see this type of behavior.0 -
All I have to say is that in this situation, I am very glad you were there. I am glad there are more men like you in this world than men like him. But you are right. Teaching daughters (and even sons) to be wary of predators is very important.
Thank you for being there.
This^^ i agree you're great 0 -
It is ironic that you posted this a week after another MFP user asked if she overreacted at the gym when she was in a similar situation.
The thread link does not appear to work but here is part of the OP's post:
"I went to a new gym for the first time today and was swimming and sharing a lane with a girl of about 14 or 15 and we chatted a bit. She was obviously in training and her coach was there. When she got out her coach sent her to the hot tub which is in a separate room with a closed door and she was going to be alone with 2 older men."
Some people told the OP she was overreacting by sitting in the hot tub and talking to the girl, and a few men were offended:
"Ok, so it is wrong for us men to feel slighted for being perceived as sexual predators, but perfectly ok for a woman to feel uncomfortable when choosing to go sit in a hot tub that was already being occupied by two men. Logic."
Hindsight bias makes it clear in the OP's situation (in this current thread) it was the right thing to do to intervene. OP, thank you for posting this to show people that there IS a reason to be wary. No, not everyone is a sexual predator. But with 1 in 4 women being raped, it can't hurt to be cautious.
I don't see the irony at all. In this situation there was a creeper. In that situation there were two regular men who were simply existing (frankly much like the OP was in the same room as the girls here). I hope you are able to distinguish the two.
And way to go on attempting to hijack a good thread where the OP demonstrated sound judgment.
Exactly - in his case, the op reacted appropriatley because something happened. In the older thread, the OP thought something might happen simply because there were men present.....
In fact if the man in this thread hadn't ben present, it could have been a lot worse...0 -
Just make sure that your kids know that there are some creepy predators out there, and teach them how to resist. It really irked me that this guy appealed to the girls desire to be grown up, and used that as a tool to try and get friendly with this girl.
grrrrrrr.
Thanks for relaying that incident. There are indeed some very creepy predators out there.
You should be congratulated for saving that girl from an awful experience.0 -
As the others have said, thank you for noticing this situation and stepping in.
I was in a lot of creepy/similar situations when i was that age (not THAT long ago!) and even though my parents told me how to react and I always defended myself, I still to this day feel creeped out when thinking about it. Having an adult nearby reacting as you did is an instant assurance for the girls that their gut feeling is right, that they should indeed get the hell out, and it feels good for them to realize they reacted as an adult would have 0 -
I have three daughters. I would have stood up as soon as the other man got inappropriate and asked him leave the sauna room. If he didn't, I would help him to the door. Then, once the girls were safe, I would have reported him.
I realize that such actions may be cause for legal action, but, I would do it for my daughters, for your daughters or or any person that was uncomfortable in a similar situation. And, if someone stepped in and came to the aid of my daughter and faced legal action, I would post his bail and pay for his attorney.0 -
Thanks for the post: I have 3 grown up daughters and an empty nest. Even then I worry about them. World stats state than 1 in 3 women will be sexual abused. That is horrifying .....0
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i was gonna send you a link to the topic "did i overreact at the gym today" but it won't come up. unsure if that means it's deleted.
but here is this one
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/864976-father-brings-his-daughter-into-the-men-s-locker-room?hl=4+year+old+in+men's+locker&page=14#posts-13030644
clearly gym's need to rethink the amenities they provide and whether they are coed or not and age limits. the whole thing seems to be making people uncomfortable in many ways.
Please. There is a huge difference between taking YOUR very young child into a locker room with you and a grown man being inappropriate with two teen girls. Not even close!0 -
As a former teenage girl I'm fully aware of all the creeps in the world and have pretty much seen it all. I wish my mother would have discussed this more with me though so I could have better handled situations like this.
If it were me, I would have spoken up on behalf of the girls and also reported the creep.0 -
WOW. I would have reported him anyways and I don't think I could have sat there while he grabbed her. You just do not do things like that.0
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That's some messed up stuff. Way to be quick on your feet Kevin!0
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In the south we would of stomped a mudhole in em and walked it dry. Just sayin....
Because I'm a single full time dad and had a guy follow my daughter back to me in a mall one day and she was 10 at the time. I wasn't but a few aisles over but I scared the crap outta that guy.
Way to do the right thing brotha.
Z, the protective daddy0 -
I have a 9-year old daughter and *kitten* like this is my nightmare.
Good for you for saying something.0 -
i was gonna send you a link to the topic "did i overreact at the gym today" but it won't come up. unsure if that means it's deleted.
but here is this one
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/864976-father-brings-his-daughter-into-the-men-s-locker-room?hl=4+year+old+in+men's+locker&page=14#posts-13030644
clearly gym's need to rethink the amenities they provide and whether they are coed or not and age limits. the whole thing seems to be making people uncomfortable in many ways.
Please. There is a huge difference between taking YOUR very young child into a locker room with you and a grown man being inappropriate with two teen girls. Not even close!
The "did I over react" thread was about a coach who sent a girl in to a hot tub with two adult men and didn't supervise her. The OP was concerned and watched out for the girl and then got attacked on the forum for it. I can never state loudly or clearly enough. Never trust any one with your child. If you want to know why I feel this way pm me, or just take my word for it. OP THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! If I could hug you I would.:flowerforyou:0 -
as a dad with a daughter , well done sir0
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I have three daughters. I would have stood up as soon as the other man got inappropriate and asked him leave the sauna room. If he didn't, I would help him to the door. Then, once the girls were safe, I would have reported him.
I realize that such actions may be cause for legal action, but, I would do it for my daughters, for your daughters or or any person that was uncomfortable in a similar situation. And, if someone stepped in and came to the aid of my daughter and faced legal action, I would post his bail and pay for his attorney.
THIS!!!!!!!!0
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