Fat people are invisible somehow.

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  • lovingmyjaybird
    lovingmyjaybird Posts: 153
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    I agree it has alot to do with confidence.. I was at 269 and a size 22/24 jeans with NO CONFIDENCE and very low self esteem.. and no dates..lol

    I am now down to215, a size 15/16 jeans but over flowing with confidence. I wore a skirt the other day.. out of the house.. that's how confident I have become and wouldn't you know it, I got a cat call. I am still pretty big, but a guy whistled as me.. Do you know how amazing that felt..sure he was old and gross, but he whistled lol I just smiled and continued on my way.. I've had guys I went to highschool with ask me out, and in highschool I was smaller with no confidence.. But now that I'm not ashamed anymore, and I'm happy in my skin.. I get asked out at least twice a week.. I don't go because a few months ago, I started dating someone, feeling fabulous stopped worrying about weight loss so much and gained back 5 lbs in one month =( .. So for now, I'm not going to date.. I am not losing weight to "catch a man".. I'm losing weight to get healthy.. and I need to be healthy for me and my son before I start dating again
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
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    I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

    this is so true. my 300 lb friend gets all the dudes at the club, i **** you not. it has gotta be the boobs that go with it!
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    [...] so I am sorry to say this, I just think guys can be jerks.


    All human beings can be jerks...not just guys.
  • MattySparky
    MattySparky Posts: 771
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    Yeah lets not hate on guys ok, we're all human and human nature is very cruel. You women are just a guilty as men at having all these same attributes
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
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    Yeah lets not hate on guys ok, we're all human and human nature is very cruel. You women are just a guilty as men at having all these same attributes

    human nature or socialization?
  • MattySparky
    MattySparky Posts: 771
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    Human nature. Humans are very cruel by nature... just look around the world.
  • kwardklinck
    kwardklinck Posts: 1,601
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    I really do think it's about confidence. I've still been wearing my big clothes so people don't notice my weight loss so much. Fact is I feel better and am more willing to smile and talk to people. I've received a lot more attention lately than I have in years.
  • Steph_135
    Steph_135 Posts: 3,280 Member
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    Yeah lets not hate on guys ok, we're all human and human nature is very cruel. You women are just a guilty as men at having all these same attributes

    human nature or socialization?

    Touché. :laugh:
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    definitely bumpin this to reread this over a few times and I thought I was the only one who thought this way! I used to want to be invisible and even nowadays I can slip into that without thinking, definitely not a fun place to be and not a 'moving forward in life' action.

    All of you had so much good to share, I always learn alot on differing opinions as well.

    I'm glad so many of you opened up and shared, looking forward to coming back when I have a bit more time!:wink:
  • KarenECunningham
    KarenECunningham Posts: 419 Member
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    Sometimes fat people are treated like they are invisible but it can be overcome with some confidence. I believe a smile and a big dose of self-confidence helps overcome some of it. It comes from within and knowing that no matter what size you happen to be,you are beautiful and you do matter. :happy:
  • kiffypooh
    kiffypooh Posts: 1,045 Member
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    I have to say I think it is confidence and also the expression on our faces. My sister and I (back in the day) use to go to the bars together. I've always been a good 50 lbs bigger then she is/was but I've always been much more social. She is beautiful, always knows what to wear, how to do her hair, makeup, etc. I, on the other hand would go out with a pony tail in, no make up, jeans and a t-shirt. I LOVE to flirt and tend to have a smile and approachable look on my face and would end up with all the guys talking to me, her friends would be hanging out with me, etc. My sister, on the other hand, has a "default sour face". When she isn't paying attention to herself and is just looking around her body language and her face is sending the message, "don't talk to me, don't even look at me." She finally believed me once my husband told her why guys don't go up to her. She has tons of self confidence, but she just looks unapproachable when she's just hanging out.
    I'm not saying that there are a whole bunch of people out there who do not like fat, overweight, unhealthy, etc people, because there are those people, but it's not all about the looks always.
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
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    Human nature. Humans are very cruel by nature... just look around the world.

    i disagree, but that is a topic for another forum lol
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    bump
  • happy_jax
    happy_jax Posts: 289 Member
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    It is so true! I hate the feeling of being invisible!! I have had it both ways in my life...and I sure prefer the way I was treated when I was skinny!!

    I was fat from the ages of 12-15 (so all through Secondary school! Agh..nightmare!) and used to get bullied about being the fat kid. Okay, so not invisible - but kids are so hurtful and the number of times I went home in tears were awful! Then at our end of school Dance, when I was 16, the main guy who used to bully me asked me to dance...it was the best feeling in the whole world when I could just laugh and turn away to dance with a friend. (Who was he kidding? Did he forget the pain he put me through?!)

    I was pretty much slim since then, really sporty and taking care of myself. I wore a red dress to the Christmas Party of my first full-time job and my boss joked that he had never been in a bar where every man turned to stare at one person. It was one of my happiest moments...I just glowed with happiness!

    But now...I guess I've just got too comfortable. I've been with my partner 4 years so when I put on weight from some medication, I didn't panic too much - until I started noticing the changes in the way people treated me again. I can feel people stare at me when I go to swim (and not in a good way!!) and when we go out I might as well not be there. The door men you used to flirt with you skip a queue now don't even see you and old aquaintances look the other way when you pass them in the street.

    ...Being fat SUCKS! :(

    Yes, I totally see people's points that it's partially about confidence/attitude etc - but let's be realistic, there's a big difference in the way people treat skinny-minnies and those of us that are a little over-rounded.
  • rcatr
    rcatr Posts: 374 Member
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    I remember all too well the hurt of being teased and made fun of when I was overweight. I made up for it by being the funny one...I made the joke about my being fat before anyone else could make it...the best defense is a good offense, right? I laughed at myself harder than others dared to.

    I think once we're on the other side or close to it (and forgive my generalizations) we might forget how awful the struggle was and how hard it was to be on the "dark side". We forget what it was like to not get asked to dances, to not experience dating, to not fit into the cute clothes in the magazines, overlooked, feeling invisible....all those things ya know?

    I think I need to remember these things before I tell anyone who is struggling with feeling invisible to just buck up and gain some confidence and everything will be okay.
  • dizzle2209
    dizzle2209 Posts: 10
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    I think it all depends on the group of people that perceives overweight people.

    I've never been obese but I've also never been skinny - kinda hovers above the "healthy weight" and overweight. I've felt ignored in parties and have also been hit on the dance floor/at a bar. Although I'm not the life of the party, I can say I have confidence in myself and I like who I am.

    In the situations where I felt ignored are often in groups that tend to be very young - like high school, college aged, up to mid 20s even. I think it's possibly because they are still immature, shallow. The guys still want the skinny blonde that might have nothing brilliant to say. They are still in that state of mind where appearances are everything and being cool is too. (Funny, this just happened last weekend!)

    In contrast, the times when I have been approached seem to involve older men - not significantly, more like late 20s, early 30s (I'm early/mid 20s btw). Or if they weren't older, they were considerably more mature and thoughtful at least based on my conversations with them.

    So maybe it's not your problem with confidence. Maybe it's the people that you are around. Maybe you don't have to change but just change the group you hang out with. No one should feel obliged to have to make a 180 personality turn around or lose XX lbs. just so they can please a group of people - it totally goes against the idea of having confidence in yourself. Because if you have to force yourself to be the talkative one/the perky one/the flirty one in any given situations just to feel accepted, then doesn't it mean you're just succumbing to their standards of "coolness." Be the quiet one, be the shy one. Be the snarky one. It doesn't matter. Just be who you are. So long are you're nice and good to people, they will like you and in a planet with 6 billion people, I can assure you, somebody will.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
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    I was just mentioning it to another MFP that I noticed in September that my weight was starting to have an affect on how people behaved around me....and also when I started to feel very self conscious. I found that if I went clubbing, whereas before I would get some attention from the opposite sex, as I got bigger, I was becoming invisible....there was a particular night that we went out for a friends 21st so she had friends from uni come and celebrate....all the girls were very lovely but literally every single guy was avoiding me like the plague but not my skinny friends....I wanted to see if you also felt that being "obese" made you invisible.....and unfortunately proves that your weight does affect the way people perceive you (shallow bas***ds) lol. Looks do count in life it appears to be.

    x

    Not that I haven't had my share of nights out at the bar. But, you're at a bar! Not exactly an enclave of enlightenment, love, and empathy. I'm generalizing here, but most guys at a bar are really after one thing, and it's not enlightened conversation.

    Secondly, I also agree it's about personality, and being aproachable. I know plenty of over-weight people that have no problem pulling from the opposite sex.

    As far as acceptance of over weight people in general? I've seen that there is a bias, but only if you're looking for a bias. However, as America gets fatter, there will probably more and more acceptance of it.
  • highrise
    highrise Posts: 147 Member
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    You know, I have to disagree - when I was in my early 20's, I was 5 ft. 7 in. tall and weighed all of 114 pounds; strawberry blond hair, straight teeth, and clear complexion - I would go to bars and men would run the other way; I remember thinking to myself "what the hell is wrong with me". People would say men were intimidated, but I did not buy that at all, I was fun and outgoing and very confident - so I am sorry to say this, I just think guys can be jerks.

    Have got to agree - I was never short of suitors at my highest weight (17 stone) Now, at 11 stone, I'm not finding it easy to meet men. In fact, a lot of the men I meet prefer very curvaceous - even obese - women. Horses for courses :o) I'm happier in myself now, so that's what counts.
  • Nina74
    Nina74 Posts: 470 Member
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    It's not just the club....it's everywhere.

    I work in a male dominated field and when colleagues from our other locations come to our office, they completely do not "see" me ......even to say hello! They will, however, go right to my very skinny colleague (even though they are supposed to come to me & they know this). I am very confident at work, and yet, a big majority of the male colleagues who visit our office don't see me/talk to me. The ones that treat everyone the same, are the truly nice, normal among them! I don't care either way. Makes less work for me. :laugh:
  • machinegun74
    machinegun74 Posts: 12
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    If you had the body of a swimsuit model would you be interested in a 300lb guy?

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