how to deal with saboteurs?

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  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    i define 'saboteur' as someone who, intentionally, with evil intent, knowingly tries to undermine my determination to keep my blood sugar under control, lose some weight, and become healthier. if i decline, a saboteur will then argue with me, try to manipulate me, or somehow 'punish' me if i don't give in. because of course it is a POWER STRUGGLE and has nothing to do with food.

    they may be saboteurs (according to my own definition), but i am the only one who can make them SUCCESSFUL saboteurs. but yes, they do exist.

    i would like to be treated with respect. if i say,'no thank you', that's what i mean. if i say, 'yes, thank you', that's what i mean.

    Yes, people need to respect the wishes of others. However, "with evil intent" is most likely pushing this much too far.

    you only say that because you haven't met my M-I-L! seriously though, she's not evil, but there are some that are. sadly, some people feel accomplished and happy, or at least less miserable, if they can do damage to others. there is something wrong with that, but i'm not a professional, so i don't know how to deal. you are right, though, my exaggeration is unnecessary.
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    Will power is like a muscle, you have to work it to make it stronger.
    Just tell them " no I don't want to eat that but thank you for your help strengthening my will power ":laugh:

    aha! i can get stronger even if i'm not at the gym! :happy:
  • CoraGregoryCPA
    CoraGregoryCPA Posts: 1,087 Member
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    Change your "don't" "no" to positives.

    Like "I want to eat vegetables instead" "I want to wait to eat later". "I want to avoid that". " I would rather have skinny cow ice cream" <-- I used this last week at my dad's house while they ate brownies :)

    Stay positive, the rest is easy.
  • melindanew
    melindanew Posts: 150 Member
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    99.9% of the time, I'm all in with those who say there's no saboteurs, food is a social lubricant, they don't live in your head so how do they know you've stopped eating doughnuts every single day and so forth.

    But I do know someone with evil intent (my mother, actually) and she does everything she can to undermine what I'm doing. She competes, so when I do something better ( lose more weight, do more time at the gym, wear a nicer dress, have a better job, whatever) she either one-ups me, or trys to destroy what I've accomplished. She will actually cry/yell/scream/pout if I do not eat what she has offered, either in person or take pictures of me eating it when she sends it to me. (We live far away from each other, guess why?)

    I do realise though that's not the norm in life. Most people won't have someone who is, frankly, mentally ill and determined to keep you down as a result of that. (Borderlines are so much fun to deal with, not.) It's not just food related but of course she installed all my food issues and knows how to manipulate them and me.

    So yeah, there are 'saboteurs', but so rare and far between that I accept the statement that there are none to be absolutely true for nearly all of the population.

    As it turns out, moving to another country was mostly sufficent to stop mine from undermining me. Mostly. :)
  • jriehl08
    jriehl08 Posts: 157 Member
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    No such thing as a saboteur

    ^^ Right there this isn't high school if you give in to the pressure you are not committed to yourself. At my office they are always eating out at lunch or have cookies donuts candy everywhere all the time. I just walk right by. I know if Im going to be around in 10 yrs this is what I have to do, no if ands or butts about it. Its my choice to not eat those things if I want to live longer and lose this weight that I put on eating everything and anything that got in front of me. This isn't a diet this IS a life style change.
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    alexfit12, i like what you have said. thank you for saying it.
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    Change your "don't" "no" to positives.

    Like "I want to eat vegetables instead" "I want to wait to eat later". "I want to avoid that". " I would rather have skinny cow ice cream" <-- I used this last week at my dad's house while they ate brownies :)

    Stay positive, the rest is easy.

    that is a good idea. perhaps i have been rather negative lately. (cranky because i need more food? ha,ha! healthy food, of course!)
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    Bury them in the backyard. Done.

    does that count as yardwork? how many calories do i burn doing that? :tongue:
  • droneofvelvet
    droneofvelvet Posts: 290 Member
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    I always say I just ate a big sandwich. :laugh:
  • bitsyland
    bitsyland Posts: 49
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    ugh...I get it...my dh has been the same size since i met him 30 plus years ago....30' waist....I am obese. He comment that I should lose wight ...and remarks about foods i eat...yet when i am trying to change "OUR" eating habits he complains there are not sweets or chips in the house...I didn't get any goodies. It's so hard to sit next to him and watch television and not eat the Doritos he's mowing down on. He doesn't mean to drive me crazy with food but he has no clue how hard it is for a person with an eating disorder to control these things esp at first.
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
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    No such thing as a saboteur

    Was just about to post the exact same thing. I work with a very nice lady who always brings donuts for every holiday. Valentine's, St. Patrick's, Mardi Gras...you name it. She pressures us to eat them and sometimes I've caved to that pressure, but I never thought of her as a saboteur. I made the decision consciously. She didn't hold a gun to my head and neither do the people who pressure anyone else.
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    No such thing as a saboteur

    ^^ Right there this isn't high school if you give in to the pressure you are not committed to yourself. At my office they are always eating out at lunch or have cookies donuts candy everywhere all the time. I just walk right by. I know if Im going to be around in 10 yrs this is what I have to do, no if ands or butts about it. Its my choice to not eat those things if I want to live longer and lose this weight that I put on eating everything and anything that got in front of me. This isn't a diet this IS a life style change.

    sir, i understand what you are saying. i basically said the same in a previous post. i don't really have trouble resisting temptation. i have made up my mind, and that's it.

    but occasionally people bother me, and i just wanted to vent. i'm not a victim, blaming my poor choices on others. when i eat a piece of cake, i plan for it. or, i burn off the extra calories with additional exercise. this ain't my first rodeo, so to speak, i've been diabetic for fifteen years. diabetes is relentless - and sometimes people are too, which is why i get so angry sometimes.

    i like the words you used: committed to yourself. it reminds me that i can respect myself, even if others don't. thank you for these words.
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    No such thing as a saboteur

    Was just about to post the exact same thing. I work with a very nice lady who always brings donuts for every holiday. Valentine's, St. Patrick's, Mardi Gras...you name it. She pressures us to eat them and sometimes I've caved to that pressure, but I never thought of her as a saboteur. I made the decision consciously. She didn't hold a gun to my head and neither do the people who pressure anyone else.

    no, i don't have trouble with people being nice. she sounds like a person with a generous heart, and someone like that i can appreciate. i still don't cave unless i want to - and i haven't done it yet.

    but let's face it, some people are just mean. and, dangit, mean people suck.

    it doesn't usually bother me, but this time it did, and i vented.
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    I always say I just ate a big sandwich. :laugh:

    ha,ha! that reminded me of the subway commercials that has the adults in the office speaking with childrens' voices! that poor man never gets to eat his sandwich!
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    No such thing as a saboteur
    This.

    You seem to think their attempts to feed you require a response. Explaining yourself to them is an act of submission and invites future dominant behavior. If you don't want people treating you like you're submissive, stop being submissive.
  • btsinmd
    btsinmd Posts: 921 Member
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    I haven't had problems with my diet as yet, but I really get where you're coming from. I cannot tolerate alcohol or vinegar well. I have someone at work who feels it is his mission to get me to like some sort of alcoholic drink. Very nice in all other ways, but just won't let up. I have to get along with all my coworkers and again, in all other ways he is nice. Of course, I am never tempted because I really do get quite sick. I find it very frustrating. I have looked him firmly in the eye and said "It makes me nauseous", but it still doesn't work. I obviously haven't tried the right drink yet. Now I just don't respond when he brings it up.

    Maybe with all my practice I'll now have no trouble with someone wanting me to eat something that doesn't fit with my plan for the day. :)
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    perhaps if i acknowledge the effort and love that went into the food they would not feel rejected.
    If you reward behavior, expect it to be repeated.
  • Admiral_Derp
    Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
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    No such thing as a saboteur

    Truth.

    No one makes my choices, but me.

    Also, someone offering you cake is not sabotage. That's nice. I always just make my birthday party guests watch me eat my entire cake. It is MY birthday.

    ^This.

    And a quote from my profile that actually comes from someone on MFP that really sums up these types of "situations" and reminds me that I am responsible for ME....

    "Stop being weak, only weak people allow themselves to be sabotaged" - MFPer Acg67

    ^This, that and the other.
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Will power is like a muscle, you have to work it to make it stronger.
    Just tell them " no I don't want to eat that but thank you for your help strengthening my will power ":laugh:

    I like that ^ :flowerforyou:
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    I just avoid anyone who cuts me down. I don't need the negativity. If people don't mean to sabotage, but are just well-meaning yet annoying, I'd give them a pass, but limit interaction. I have little patience for nonsense. But people who intentionally undermine me can go harass someone else. I have no use for them. Maybe I'm heartless. Oh well.

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