"Married" but not "MARRIED"

SemperAnticus1643

I know this couple that isn't married but put their Facebook status as married. I have a cousin that claims married as her relationship status every time she gets into a new relationship. I see couples in my line of work that are engaged for 5 or 6 years and have multiple children and live as a "married" couple but don't ever get married. I am an accountant so I see what those couples are doing. The boyfriend makes 50k and the girlfriend makes 20k claiming all of the children thus qualifying for earned income credit and getting a big refund. I also see other couples that go back in forth between married and single every other day. Or my favorite of them all, the ones that claim to be married but don't even live together.

What are your reasons for getting married or not getting married (granted you are in a committed relationship and living as a married couple)?

fara180

when i think about marriage, i see $ signs. it's hard to live comfortably off of one paycheck- if you're already cohabiting and eating the same meal every night, why not share the spoils?

_the_feniks_

She was late and her brother was a sniper in the Marines.

wolverine66

i really didn't think any further than - i love this woman, i want to be with everyday and i want to marry her.

so, if you are looking for something like a check list of criteria, or set of logical standards, reasons - then I have not much to offer.

_DaniD_

I don't really care if an unmarried couple wants to change their Facebook status to married, as long as they don't share an account, yuck.

My reason for not getting married is mind ya bidness.

SemperAnticus1643

i really didn't think any further than - i love this woman, i want to be with everyday and i want to marry her.

so, if you are looking for something like a check list of criteria, or set of logical standards, reasons - then I have not much to offer.

The question being then why not get married? I am talking about couples that want to claim to be married but don't actually do so. What is keeping those couples from actually getting married.

SemperAnticus1643

I don't really care if an unmarried couple wants to change their Facebook status to married, as long as they don't share and account, yuck.

My reason for not getting married is mind ya bidness.

But are you going around saying this is my husband, this is my wife but not actually married?

nornas42

.... I don't know anyone who does this.

People do this?

TylerJ76

mind ya bidness.

You're one to talk..
:huh: :yawn:

TylerJ76

I don't really care if an unmarried couple wants to change their Facebook status to married, as long as they don't share and account, yuck.

My reason for not getting married is mind ya bidness.

But are you going around saying this is my husband, this is my wife but not actually married?

After like 7 years of being together you're legally married anyways.

Why do I care if they want to be "married"...or why do you care??

_DaniD_

I don't really care if an unmarried couple wants to change their Facebook status to married, as long as they don't share and account, yuck.

My reason for not getting married is mind ya bidness.

But are you going around saying this is my husband, this is my wife but not actually married?

We probably have before. I don't know, what's it to you?

JustJennie1

i really didn't think any further than - i love this woman, i want to be with everyday and i want to marry her.

so, if you are looking for something like a check list of criteria, or set of logical standards, reasons - then I have not much to offer.

The question being then why not get married? I am talking about couples that want to claim to be married but don't actually do so. What is keeping those couples from actually getting married.

The reason the couple doesn't want to get married is THEIR reason. And yes, I do know people who are living together and committed to each other, not married but say "this is my wife/husband". Why? Because they've been together for so long it's just easier to say that. Their reasons for not wanting to get married aren't any of my business and in all honestly I don't care what anyone in a relationship calls it because it's not my business.

People have their own reasons for doing what they do.

SemperAnticus1643

just curious as to the reasoning of why not.

JustJennie1

just curious as to the reasoning of why not.

But why does it matter to you? Is their Facebook status effecting the way you live your life?

Duck_Puddle

I've been with my BF for 17 years. We own a home, raised a child (countless pets-this place is just this side of a zoo), have merged our financial and other resources. We have no plans to get married now or in the future. I refer to him as my pseudo-husband to people we know, and often refer to him as my husband in casual discussion because attempting to explain that we are in a very long term (longer than most of our friends' marriages btw) and very committed relationship is just too cumbersome, annoying (for all) and really irrelevant. There's nothing "keeping" us from getting married, it's just not what we (and especially me) want.

I'm not sure why it's such a big deal? I guess I can see if you feel that we are insulting the institution of marriage when we talk about each other as husband/wife in random social situations given that we aren't married. But most people care about our relationship status about as much as they care about how I lost weight (aka-they don't). So to carry on with whatever conversation we are having or whatever, it's just easier for everyone.

_DaniD_

just curious as to the reasoning of why not.

It's an odd thing to be curious about and you come off quite disapproving of others choice to not be married. Worry about your own relationship.

cmriverside

I'm with vitaminddd. Plus, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" sounds weird after you're 25. It's just easier to explain the relationship as married.

I had a live-in significant other (see how cumbersome that is) who once introduced me as his lover. Yeah. That caused a long discussion back at the hacienda later.

Duck_Puddle

I'm with vitaminddd. Plus, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" sounds weird after you're 25. It's just easier to explain the relationship as married.

I had a live-in significant other (see how cumbersome that is) who once introduced me as his lover. Yeah. That caused a long discussion back at the hacienda later.

Hey lover-oh that's exquisite. That might just bring on a pseudo-divorce for our pseudo-marriage.

devilwhiterose

She was late and her brother was a sniper in the Marines.

LOL :laugh:

As for the OP...

We were going to get married eventually anyway...but I was pregnant, he was deploying, and...he had better benefits than my job at the time. :laugh:

concordancia

We live in a common law state. Technically, as soon as we "hold ourselves out as married," we are. In actuality, we will get around to filing a form authorizing said common law marriage, eventually. And yes, we will do it this way, asking the state to acknowledge what we have already built, rather than applying for a license.

You don't need to have kids to suffer from the marriage penalty. We ran the numbers through turbo tax last year and the difference was $6k (mostly losses on rental property, which phase out). Even just clicking "married, filing separately" on my return this year meant a difference of $1 (can't claim student loan interest).

More importantly, "marriage" just doesn't mean anything to us except as a list of benefits and responsibilities. It doesn't inherently mean forever, what with divorce being relatively easy in most states. We have a clearer long term plan than any newlyweds we know - they are all focused on the next five to ten years. We are planning out the next ten to fifteen years to reap the maximum benefits after that yet.

As long as our homosexual friends can't reap those benefits, we feel very ambivalent indeed about doing so ourselves.

I'm with vitaminddd. Plus, "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" sounds weird after you're 25. It's just easier to explain the relationship as married.

I had a live-in significant other (see how cumbersome that is) who once introduced me as his lover. Yeah. That caused a long discussion back at the hacienda later.

Hey lover-oh that's exquisite. That might just bring on a pseudo-divorce for our pseudo-marriage.

We settled on "partner." He had a slight preference to "companion," but he is also a Firefly fan...

Caught off guard, we often use husband and wife. Especially at Home Depot: "Can I help you ma'am?" "No, I am just waiting on by husband." Needs no explanation.

pseudomuffin

Everyone has different dynamics in their relationships, nothing to lose sleep over.