"Married" but not "MARRIED"

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135

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  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Never getting married unless the law changes so I can protect my assets.


    Prenup.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.

    I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.

    so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.

    I think she's referring to us sinners who have sex outside out marriage? I enjoy my non-marriage just fine, I don't think it needs to be blessed.

    *points finger* FORNICATOR!!!
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    Never getting married unless the law changes so I can protect my assets.


    Prenup.

    Yup yup!!
  • SpecialKitty7
    SpecialKitty7 Posts: 678 Member
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    It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.

    I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.

    so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.

    I think she's referring to us sinners who have sex outside out marriage? I enjoy my non-marriage just fine, I don't think it needs to be blessed.

    ahh gotcha. i just get my hackles up when someone equates what we have to something less than what it is. i'll sin away, thank you very much.:laugh:
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    I don't care if you're married or not. Just don't give me advice and let Gays have the right to be married!
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.

    I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.

    My partner funds my IRA. That is serious long term commitment.
  • sdpursley
    sdpursley Posts: 63
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    what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?

    what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.

    Ok. I can understand the perspective thing but why? I never really thought about why someone would or wouldn't get married let alone why they would say they're married if they're not. I know plenty of people who are in committed relationships, not married yet say they are because it's just easier.
    It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.

    I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.

    Um, right. I don't really think so. My husband and I weren't going to get married. We were committed to each other but just didn't really want to get married. We had joint accounts. We bought things together so even not married if things didn't work out it still would could have been as ugly as a divorce because of the shared assets. Not being married doesn't make the relationship any less complicated.

    she's asking why because she knows a couple and is curious. i don't believe her motives or curiousity are at all trivial or intrusive. perhaps she's using this platform to gain that perspective because she would be uncomfortable asking the people she knows. perhaps she's trying to get third party perspective so she doesn't portray any judgemental negativity towards them. this forum does indeed give a broad arena of thought.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,224 Member
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    It's a bunch of bologni... all the reasons people list why they do not get married. Truth is, one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person. There could be someone better for me". It is less complicated to walk away from someone who you are not legally bound to.

    I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or selfish be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed only within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing. We have all these broken up relationships in recent 70 or so years, when people starting to practice cohabitation. Does not look like it is working, is it?

    My cohabitation relationship has lasted longer than any marriage that either of us know of. Happily I might add.

    And there are lots of ways for us cohabitated folks to be legally bound to each other. Additionally, it's actually MORE difficult to separate from someone with whom you have significant joint assets but no marriage or other "prenup" document. There are no laws/guidelines for that so it's a very messy free-for-all. Married folk have laws to govern their divorces. So I could argue that I am MORE committed to my non-husband because there is nothing to protect me in the event that out relationship ends. I've laid it all on the line (as has he).
  • micabrito2012
    micabrito2012 Posts: 103 Member
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    I'm married and in our faith through God and Cival. I'm married to love, respect and cherish my husband and to set an example to my children that all things through God will sustain them. I really believe this.
  • avababy05
    avababy05 Posts: 930 Member
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    I was married for 8 years and that was enough.

    Followed by a ten year relationship which produced a child.Never married him because I didn't want to and the first marriage taught me I don't want to mix finances with anyone ever again.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,224 Member
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    It's a bunch of boloni...all the reasons why couple does not get married. truth is one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person". It is less complicated to walk away form someone who you are not legally bound to.

    I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing.

    so because i don't have a legal document, i don't enjoy my "marriage"? there's your baloney.

    I think she's referring to us sinners who have sex outside out marriage? I enjoy my non-marriage just fine, I don't think it needs to be blessed.

    *points finger* FORNICATOR!!!

    With as much regularity as possible. I shall sin to my hearts content-I will have plenty of friends down where the sinners go. I'll just be taking an express trip apparently.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
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    It's a bunch of bologni... all the reasons people list why they do not get married. Truth is, one of them or both think " I am not willing to commit to this person. There could be someone better for me". It is less complicated to walk away from someone who you are not legally bound to.

    I think it is very foolish to share your life, give away yourself to someone who is not willing to take it seriously and commit. Or selfish be the one who uses other person for convenience. Certain things are created to be enjoyed only within marriage and if outside of it, it will not bring blessing. We have all these broken up relationships in recent 70 or so years, when people starting to practice cohabitation. Does not look like it is working, is it?
    What an incredibly simple-minded opinion.

    As for the original topic and to the OP: I don't care what other people are doing with their lives, as long as they're not hurting anyone else. I have many gay couples as friends on Facebook, they can't exactly get married "for realsies" just to please people like you, now can they?
  • learningtolove
    learningtolove Posts: 288 Member
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    Me and my boyfriend will have been dating for 5 years in April. We have a 5 week old son together. Were not married or even engaged because of a few reasons :

    1. Age- granted we're "old enough" to be parents,but at 20 and 22 we don't feel old enough to be married.
    2. My mom has been divorced twice,my dad has...well quite the track record,his mom has been divorced twice,AND his Dad has been divorced twice. In our families marriage seems to be the beginning of the end. Makes us question if we even want to take the plunge.
    3. Wedding and engagement rings are expensive,we would rather have fun with our money!

    But about the tax thing,yes now that we have a kid we will be at least filing our taxes as common law,even though according to facebook I'm not even in a relationship with him.
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
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    what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?

    what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.

    yes, i was also wondering this. it never hurts to ask a question.

    frankly, i don't know the answer to the OP's question. i have been married for 28 years to the same man, and i wouldn't have it any other way. i guess maybe it's because i chose a good man, and he chose a good woman. our kids are grown now, and we are having the time of our lives.
  • hrubyk1804
    hrubyk1804 Posts: 51
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    When I asked my pastor one time 'when does God view a couple as married'? His response..."when the couple decides they want to be". He said nothing of needing a piece of paper from the state in order to be 'married'. Those couples who are in committed relationships aren't any less committed to each other because they lack a piece of paper. It's the commitment to each other that matters, not the paper...
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
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    Never getting married unless the law changes so I can protect my assets.


    Prenup.

    Can't risk a court not upholding it.
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
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    I was 20 pregnant and he was a 22 year old Marine set to deploy. He and my mom supported me and our unborn child as i finished school while pregnant. We did not get married just to get married, yet some people really tried to "force" us because of the benefits he had... (if he died, my daughter would virtually see none of that insurance money because he was not my husband therefore he was not on the BC bc of being in Iraq at the time...)


    He came home, we loved each other...we got married. Yet...we got married a little sooner than we wanted because due to his rank and years in service he could not live with just a girlfriend...I had to be his wife....best decision I made.

    That was over 4 years ago....<3
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    Me and my boyfriend will have been dating for 5 years in April. We have a 5 week old son together. Were not married or even engaged because of a few reasons :

    1. Age- granted we're "old enough" to be parents,but at 20 and 22 we don't feel old enough to be married.
    2. My mom has been divorced twice,my dad has...well quite the track record,his mom has been divorced twice,AND his Dad has been divorced twice. In our families marriage seems to be the beginning of the end. Makes us question if we even want to take the plunge.
    3. Wedding and engagement rings are expensive,we would rather have fun with our money!

    But about the tax thing,yes now that we have a kid we will be at least filing our taxes as common law,even though according to facebook I'm not even in a relationship with him.

    You need to check on the laws in your area. In the US, only five states have common law marriages and in at least one of those states, filing taxes as married means that you are legally married. That is, while you can do anything as long as you don't get caught, picking and choosing from the buffet of marriage benefits can result in a fraud charge. For example, if you claim married for the tax benefits, but single when you file for unemployment.

    ETA: I see you aren't in the US, so perhaps there aren't as many misconceptions about common law marriage there!
  • avababy05
    avababy05 Posts: 930 Member
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    When I asked my pastor one time 'when does God view a couple as married'? His response..."when the couple decides they want to be". He said nothing of needing a piece of paper from the state in order to be 'married'. Those couples who are in committed relationships aren't any less committed to each other because they lack a piece of paper. It's the commitment to each other that matters, not the paper...

    I like how your pastor thinks
  • SpecialKitty7
    SpecialKitty7 Posts: 678 Member
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    But about the tax thing,yes now that we have a kid we will be at least filing our taxes as common law,even though according to facebook I'm not even in a relationship with him.

    the feds recognize no such thing, your state, maybe. otherwise same sex couples could file as married as they also qualify as "married" under the common law rules.

    never mind, didn't look where you were from.

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