Do your partners/family give you support or not?

binglebandit

My husband wasn't really supportive until he caught the fitness bug. Now he is the one throwing my stuff out of the cart and looking for even better calorie choices. I don't think he wanted to focus on what I was doing before he started, as it made him feel worse about himself, and he just wasn't at the point of being ready to make a change. I don't think you can ask someone to support you, but it's at least important to have them respect your decision and not make it harder for you.

As for my family, my older sister and younger brother lost weight first, so they're super happy for me. My twin sister on the other hand is worried she'll be the "fat sibling" now, so I don't talk to her about it much to spare her feelings. In my experience you just have to talk with other people who are interested in the same things to get support, whether it's on here, or it's your aunt you hardly talked to before. A lot of people in my family have been supportive, it's just not the people I normally talked to before.

Try expanding your support network.

NYCNika

My husband if very supportive. Before, it was as if he was completely oblivious to the fact that I gained weight.
It was sweet but almost weird -- I mean how can you not see? I gained it during pregnancy though, so that was expected, but than I never lost most of it. But he still believed I was fine, until I looked up my BMI and it showed me as "overweight". He could not believe it.

Now, when I decided to work on it, he is making sure that I have every opportunity -- he will take care of the baby or anything that needs to be done so that I can run whenever I want to.

I am also lucky that he likes anything I cook and is into healthy eating and exercising himself.

He is also very patient with me rambling on about calories. He and MFP are my outlets for this, because I don't want to be one of "those" women and try not to talk about it to other real life people.

horrorghoul

My boyfriend gets so jealous and he says I am not spending time with him. Its annoying. Says I am going to leave him for someone else. Funny thing is that he is over weight also and if he wanted he could be out there with me losing weight to.

binglebandit

My sons are very supportive. My daughter makes the Jabba the Hutt laugh if she sees me with ice cream (her way of helping)

LMAO! This is great! I love quirky support. My husband likes to compliment me by saying I don't look like a hippo anymore. It sounds horribly mean, but we say stuff like that for the shock value, rather than to be cruel. We're always looking for the most shocking backwards compliment to out do each other. I'd totally do this the next time I see him eating something questionable, but I don't think he'd get the reference.

saxmaniac

No, I don't get any encouragement at all. Totally alone.

I'm glad, though, that people around me rarely try to undermine me.

Jerrypeoples

My family is very supportive. My friends also. My brother doesnt say much but other than that, whether people compliment me or say nothing at all I find ways to motivate myself.

If i was doing this to appease other people then I would definitely want their support but since i am doing this for me it is just much easier to find motivation.

the girl in the yoga pants in front of me on the treadmill
knowing i am running faster when playing basketball
knowing i am boxing out better and getting rebounds when playing basketball
my clothes fitting looser

Bownzi

Well for the most part my wife does not give any real support.... i get more at work than at home....

kymkan

Mine acts like he doesn't notice, but when he sees me naked, getting in the shower, I catch him looking.... lol. God forbid he say something positive. He thinks that I'm doing it to get attention from men.... Why can't we do something just to make ourselves healthier and happier without them thinking it has to do with someone else. Not only that, but he is a gorgeous, blonde haired, blue eyed 6'4" guy and I don't want ppl saying 'what is he doing with her?' when we're out - which is how I used to feel. not so much now, and not once I get it all off and get toned

laserturkey

My husband is along for the calorie-counting ride, and is supportive, though he does tend to encourage me to indulge in treats. I resist, so it's kind of a joke between us.

Me: I wonder how many calories were in those three fries I took off your plate.
Him: ZERO, because they weren't yours.
Me: . . . (logs an educated guess)

4ever420

My husband has never had a weight problem. When chips or chocolate is on sale at the store he buys a bunch of it and when I say that I don't want that stuff around he says just don't eat it. As if I got to the point I have by being able to say no to temptation! Argghh, he just doesn't get it.

autopilot_on

I tend to be extremely analytical so keep that in mind when reading further...

I wonder if he just doesn't know how to process what you're going through. He may feel a sense of jealousy that you are succeeding so well, or that he wants to follow your example but his pride may be getting in the way. He may want to change his eating and exercise habits and improve his own health but is so self-conscious about it that he criticizes to distance himself from the problem.

Typically when I get these kinds of comments and reactions it leaves the impression that the other person is conflicted. They are jealous of the success and want to despise you for it, but on the other hand they are proud of your accomplishment but don't know how to express it. As a result their comments seem underhanded. They may not even know that they are being offensive.

Aside from all the psychoanalytical mumbo jumbo above, if you are doing this for the right reasons and your motivations are not centered on the opinions of others than you should be able to pull through. I know it's hard when those around you aren't supportive. I feel it everyday. But this is YOUR health, and YOUR body, and YOUR life. Once you come to terms with your motivation, you may find yourself pitying those who belittle your success rather than being offended by them.

Stacy574

My hubby is fine with me working out,but does NOT like that Im on here talking to strangers. So I now have a secret mfp account bahaaaahahaha so he cant get mad about me talking to STRANGERS! btw I talk to strangers in the checkout line at the grocery too oohhh Im a rebel!

BeeElMarvin

I get none. Wife thinks I look good now, at my lowest, I was "too skinny" *smh*. She says she wants to join me but never quite gets the motivation to do it. She has started to cook a lot better for the most part

lina1131

Yes 100% supportive from my husband/family/friends.

saxmaniac

My husband has never had a weight problem. When chips or chocolate is on sale at the store he buys a bunch of it and when I say that I don't want that stuff around he says just don't eat it. As if I got to the point I have by being able to say no to temptation! Argghh, he just doesn't get it.

Some tough love - unless he's putting the food into your mouth, this is your problem to deal with, not his. The world isn't going to stop eating lots of yummy things just to make us more comfortable. We *do* have to be able to say no. It's a mental game. Discipline and habit. Eventually, we will have to go outside to a restaurant or party or ball game where other people are eating like crap, and be able to say no.

Like I said, it sure would be nice to have some encouragement, but I don't need it. It's just a bonus.

redbreastedsapsucker

Well in my personal opinion, I think he is sabotaging your efforts. I would simply make it clear to him by saying if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say nothing at all!! And leave it at that.

theCarlton

There's no guarantee that family will support you, unfortunately. Your satisfaction with your choices, your happiness over your milestones, and how you see yourself is often a one-man victory party. And there's nothing wrong with that. My advice is to continue to ignore the slick comments, and smile smugly.

FUELERDUDE

It can be a little disheartening. After all, who doesn't want positive support from those who are near and dear to us? My wife will say "You look better in that shirt now." but that 's about the extent of the support. I have felt let down, and somewhat despondent about the lack of encouragement up until a week or so ago. It was then I thought about it from her perspective.

We both have put on a good amount of weight since we have met each other, as well as both taking new job positions. I have more time to where I can work out regularly than she does. the last time I showed her how I am able to tighten my belt another notch, I noticed the brief look of despair in her expression. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she's getting fatter and fatter while I am loosing weight. In that moment, I realized her lack of support was not due to a lack of caring or excitement for what I am doing for myself, but is her wishing to be doing just what I am doing (she's on the same diet as I do the cooking). With this, I asked myself why I am doing this? I am doing this somewhat for her and us, as well as a host of other reasons, but primarily this is something I am doing for me. So long as I am happy about what I am doing and the results I get, all else is just extra icing on the cake (I now don't flaunt my progress to her either.).

mcsweetly

I am sorry to hear that your family is not supportive. They should be cheering you along the whole way! I am fortunate that my hubby is also trying to lose. He's doing a different plan than me, but also trying and losing. We have found that when we do it together that we are more successful. Does your other half need to lose too? Maybe he's afraid and doesn't want to get discouraged and doesn't want to discourage you at the same time?

darkangeljanie

When I started my weight loss, my husband said do it for you, he said I'm happy whatever decision you make. Luckily he doesn't make sarcastic comments. Although, when I first started he would kind of smirk cos' I measured everything but now he doesn't bat an eyelid when I do.

Now I'm counting calories if I eat something like a piece of cake or chocolate, I've got the calories to spare which is why I'm eating it and I probably haven't eaten a piece of cake in a while.

A lot of people think of weight loss as diet and diet=deprivation, which means no cakes, no sweets, no cookies, no soda and lots and lots of lettuce leaves. Just because you're losing weight doesn't mean you have to deprive yourself of anything you ate before. So it might not be that he's not very supportive, he might just be one of the many people out there who think the only way to lose weight is by cutting out everything that got you overweight to be begin with.

Maybe you need to sit down and give him an education, show him your diaries, show him your progress charts, show him that it's okay to eat this and that and look I'm still losing weight.

RhonndaJ

I'm sorry you don't have good support from those around you.

I'm incredibly lucky to have support from my husband, and my sister, even though she's long distance, also from my friends and even those I work with.

hairsprayhon

Weight has always been a very emotional issue for me, having suffered through yo-yo dieting syndrome. Now that I am living a fit lifestyle instead of a diet, my husband has been very supportive. The most supportive thing is not bringing the junk food into the house. He can buy a bag of cookies and eat one and forget about them, while the cookies would call me name!
For most of us eating is an emotional land mine, spouses are not quite sure how to be supportive. What is helpful for one person, for instance commenting on their eating junk food, would be humiliating and counter-productive to me. Communicate about how your spouse can be supportive. As for my kids, if one of them ever made a noise or a negative comment about my eating or weight, I would freak out. They are young adults now and they don't have weight issues. But as they were growing up, and my weight was fluctuating, they knew instinctively that my weight was a completely off limits topic.
I rely on MFP because the people here understand what I am going through and when I have trouble, they can nudge me back on track with words and suggestions that I would find hard to take from people I love.

PhillyTD

Not really it's mostly...

bsuew

My husband knows how hard it is for me to loose any weight plus he has a weight problem also. My best friend and her husband are my cheer leaders along with my daughter. She always a great support! My husband in the past has said comments when I eat something I shouldn't but on the whole he is awsome. I'm even getting a whistle now ~ rare but he does notice. I think as hard as it is maybe telling him how you feel should help. Good luck!!

abouttobebootylicious

Regarding my husband: When we first met (June 1997), I was 140lbs and wore a size 8. At my largest (June 2012), I was ~270lbs and wore a size 24. I think it bothered him that perhaps I wasn't as physically eye appealing as I had been but he never said anything about it. He is someone who prefers a little more meat on women, but I imagine that is up to a point. He has offered plenty of compliments verbalizing his notice of my weight loss, but he won't hold me to a nutrition or workout commitment, and isn't a good workout partner for me (he goes to the gym for strength training and I go for cardio exercises). If I asked him to run out and get me a milkshake, he would, and he wouldn't ask where I was on my calorie intake for the day before doing so. I think he is trying to act on the 'safe' side.

Regarding my family: My mom was a health and exercise fanatic long before it was trendy, so she is supportive. My cousin is convinced that this is all a phase and that I won't make the lifestyle changes for it to stick; that at some point I will get lax and relapse.

Still, I catch the most slack from my family for having my kids get on board with upping the physical activity and nutrition. Their mentality is "they're just kids, so they should regularly have a little bag of Cheetos or a Little Debbie snack cake before dinner..." I'm not a warden, but by no means are the kids exempt from our family's long history of heart disease. I think I am more strict about it at home because in elelmentary school there are so many birthday parties, classroom pizza parties, and unhealthy a la carte lunch options, so I am hoping to even things out.

namluv

Nope. No matter. I'm doing this for myself.

^^^ THIS x100

Goldie_13

I'm so thankful that my husband & family are supportive of my weight-loss. I'm not an emotional eater but my problem was lack of will-power. My hubby & Dad are both in the Army & very fit as was I before I got married. My Dad comes over every day at lunch & works out with me. My husband goes on walks with me in the evenings when it's nice out, he use to have to have coke in the house at all times but after having a heart to heart with him telling him that it's hard for me to want to eat healthy, workout when he's stuffing his face & downing coke all the time. He's stopped bringing it in the house instantly & if we go to a movie or dinner he'll get a soda every so often. I'm thankful for my family & husband & I'm sorry you don't have that support system. :flowerforyou: Stay strong & feel free to add me if you'd like.

JenniferEM2012

When I stated to my now husband that I wanted to lose weight he was on board. When I actually started he was trying to be supportive but instead he was being hurtful. I had to sit him down and tell him that he is not supporting me the way that I need. I made a list of dos and dont's, manly don't and together we worked on the do's. Now he is a lot better but he does slip up every now and again. But it taught me that if you do not tell them how to support you in what you need then they will not do it the way that you need.

Bronx_Montgomery

This is the main reason My Fitness Pal becomes My Flirty Pal. All of us are here to make a change in our lives and become healthy. We seek support, guidance, love, acceptance and being desired from our partners and for some odd reason we do not get that. Its almost as if being in the mind set of healthy has made them standoffish towards us. We do not hear the compliments that we want and thus falling into the My Flirty Pal Dark hole of sexual want. We are seeing others transform their bodies right in front of our eyes and complimenting them. They see the changes we are making and complimenting on us as well. That feeling is intoxicating. We hear....errr read on a daily basis how great we look, that we are sexy, keep going, you are awesome and we can't help but want more. In turn we seek more attention and acceptance from our partners but become disheartened when we do not get it thus in turn pushing our partner further away.

Its a tough situation and an even tougher battle to overcome. Main thing is to tell them how they are making you feel. See if they make a change because if not you will end up regretting them for a long time. If they still do not change then what every happens is their fault. You can at least live with the fact that you did everything you can and know in your heart that you would have never treated them in that manner.

crossfit_lover

This is the main reason My Fitness Pal becomes My Flirty Pal. All of us are here to make a change in our lives and become healthy. We seek support, guidance, love, acceptance and being desired from our partners and for some odd reason we do not get that. Its almost as if being in the mind set of healthy has made them standoffish towards us. We do not hear the compliments that we want and thus falling into the My Flirty Pal Dark hole of sexual want. We are seeing others transform their bodies right in front of our eyes and complimenting them. They see the changes we are making and complimenting on us as well. That feeling is intoxicating. We hear....errr read on a daily basis how great we look, that we are sexy, keep going, you are awesome and we can't help but want more. In turn we seek more attention and acceptance from our partners but become disheartened when we do not get it thus in turn pushing our partner further away.

Its a tough situation and an even tougher battle to overcome. Main thing is to tell them how they are making you feel. See if they make a change because if not you will end up regretting them for a long time. If they still do not change then what every happens is their fault. You can at least live with the fact that you did everything you can and know in your heart that you would have never treated them in that manner.

Couldn't have said it any better BX! It does hurt and bother me that those closest turn out to be discouraging by saying things like "you're becoming extreme" as soon as there's consistency with workouts. As many have said it's a LIFESTYLE and they don't like it as it reminds them of where they are in their lives. This is where I've learned to be more selfish and just put up a wall which is not a good approach but what else is one to do?