Emotional affair-need advice!
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From personal experience.......... IF THERE IS NO TRUST THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!
I chalked it up to his loss and left his a** and to this day he is a miserable a**hole and deserves every minute of it!!
**KARMA**
I LOVE HER!!!!!0 -
Run away from the affair. As fast as you can. Now.
You think that your situation is different and will find every way you can to justify staying in the affair. Been there myself. Trust me on this. Stop it now.0 -
I would guess its a regular poster who didn't want to post under their usual profile for obvious reasons.0
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I have a huge amount of respect for you that you were strong enough to move on the first time.0
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You should check out
www.survivinginfidelity.com
Its a great support board for all types of infidelity.
Good luck!0 -
Just Break Up
Seriously though....no trust = no relationship! Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me
Edited to add..are you really sure its really still an "emotional affair"? If he's saying she has the best 'whatever' he's ever seen...how do you know they haven't consummated the relationship? Just because she lives hours away, doesn't mean she hasn't come to see him...or met somewhere else..
Either way...you obviously don't trust him, or you wouldn't be reading his phone messages at this point. Its far better to move on and be either happy by yourself, or get the heck out and try to find someone you can actually trust! Good luck!0 -
No one knows your heart and feelings like you do. I think you already know what to do but are too scared to follow through. Listen to your own gut feeling, it usually is right. Good luck.0
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i would tell him to kiss your you know what and then throw him out. thats no way to live.0
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Oh Honey, this isn't an emotional affair. This is an affair, period. You gotta talk to him. Get counseling if you need, but in the end you need to do what is best for you, and really know one can tell you what that is. You have to figure it out for yourself.
I wish you the very best.0 -
There is a great book, "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. I strongly suggest you buy/download it and start reading it today. It talks about how destructive it is to a relationship to be in the place where you are constantly asking yourself if you should leave or not. Then it gives step-by-step guidance on how to decide if you should stay or get out of a relationship. I really liked it because - as much as possible- it takes the emotion out of the decision and forces you to focus on the facts.0
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Talk to HIM. You've been together 17 years so you know communication is key. Perhaps after, you will decide on counseling or divorce. But seriously, what is a bunch of strangers going to really be able to tell you? The best advice is to keep your relationship issues "in house"...or at least go see a counselor.
Sharing your personal issues with him with a bunch of strangers isn't really going to do you any good. We don't know the whole story and what we tell you could be something that you really shouldn't take to heart. Also, I'm sure he'd be pissed if he found out and if this "messaging" turned out to be nothing...then this post would end up being the something that causes an argument (if he found out...which, though to point out, if you want honesty, you should also be able to return.)
This X 1000! At the most, you could message people on your friend's list for support - but really? Complete strangers? Why do people do this! A relationship is between 2 people. Keep it that way.0 -
I am truly amazed by what some people put up with.0
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Kick him to the kerb. Even if he isn't bumping uglies with her in real life, he's doing it in his head. If this was the first time, I'd say work it out, but this is the second time you've caught him which means there is at least another 3 times you don't know about.
my man knows if he ever cheats on me i am gone. that is my number one, unbreakable rule. i've been cheated on before and took it in stride, and he cheated again, and again. f* cheaters!0 -
Get out of the relationship. You may love him, but he clearly does not respect you enough. You can find better.
Sounds like you made him your priority while he's only made you his option. Don't waste any more time. He's shown you for a second time now.............0 -
Can I recommend a forum specifically for this? Go to Survivinginfidelity.com and post in the just found out forum. I think you will find the answers and advice you need there, those people have been through it (some numerous times). Take care of yourself in the mean time. Once the shock wears off the anger is going to hit hard, make sure you are eating and sleeping.
This X 10000 -
Talk to HIM. You've been together 17 years so you know communication is key. Perhaps after, you will decide on counseling or divorce. But seriously, what is a bunch of strangers going to really be able to tell you? The best advice is to keep your relationship issues "in house"...or at least go see a counselor.
Sharing your personal issues with him with a bunch of strangers isn't really going to do you any good. We don't know the whole story and what we tell you could be something that you really shouldn't take to heart. Also, I'm sure he'd be pissed if he found out and if this "messaging" turned out to be nothing...then this post would end up being the something that causes an argument (if he found out...which, though to point out, if you want honesty, you should also be able to return.)
Agreed. 100%. People who have never had infidelity impact their relationships don't necessarily understand there are a whole lot of complex reasons why people do this sort of thing. Talk to him directly about it. Sort it out at home. And if you need to talk to someone, talk to a counsellor. They'll give you the most objective input out there. Maybe even talk to a counsellor before you talk to your husband so you know how to approach him about it.0 -
Sorry to hear you are going through this.
I think the question you have to ask yourself is why are you letting someone treat you this way?
Yes you are together a long time but why put up with this?
Best of luck
100% agree. YOU DESERVE BETTER.0 -
I would write your feelings in a journal and really examine where your heart is. that would be a more healthy approach then confronting him. take a retreat to your own space and give yourself time to think sort your feelings out.0
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Not cool, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. You only get one chance with me, you've given him more than that already.... Move on.0
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I've been in a relationship 17 years. I do love this man, as any couple we've had our ups and downs. Probably about 5 years ago he was in a period where he was drinking too much and was sending horrible messages to a woman that works in our same organization about wanting to meet for you know what. As you probably figured out, I found out. Huge heart to hearts and drinking stopped and we rebuilt and moved on.
Fast forward to today. I find messages on his phone from his high school sweetheart. Asking her to call at 0100. I was at work. Next email he said what a sexy voice she had. Another said that she has the best you know what's he's ever seen.....hands down. Now I know she lives hours away.......but how do I handle this situation??? Thanks for listening!!!!!!!
He's cheating on you, sexting is cheating. Do you what a relationship that you always have to monitor his phone and emails to see what he's up to? I couldn't live with that level of mistrust. I'd leave him and move on!0 -
Hearing one side of a story and making suggestions on it is being subjective and not objective. To be objective, we'd need to hear his side.
Why? Well, it could well be he is a flat out cheater, or like a friend of mine who was very devoted to his wife, he got tired of being ignored/mentally abused by his wife and found comfort and speaking with another female who thought he was a good guy.
Point is, it's NOT always the guy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Kick him to the kerb. Even if he isn't bumping uglies with her in real life, he's doing it in his head. If this was the first time, I'd say work it out, but this is the second time you've caught him which means there is at least another 3 times you don't know about.
he's a MAN
of course he's bumping uglies in his head!
lol0 -
maybe YOU drove him to it.0
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Please do not be any mans doormat!0
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maybe YOU drove him to it.
OUCH! :huh:0 -
maybe YOU drove him to it.
OUCH! :huh:
Yeah that's kind of sh***y!! Leave it to a guy to post that!0 -
I completely agree with this statement....there's always three sides to these things...his, hers, and the actual truth!Hearing one side of a story and making suggestions on it is being subjective and not objective. To be objective, we'd need to hear his side.
Why? Well, it could well be he is a flat out cheater, or like a friend of mine who was very devoted to his wife, he got tired of being ignored/mentally abused by his wife and found comfort and speaking with another female who thought he was a good guy.
Point is, it's NOT always the guy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
That being said though...sneaking around and cheating is a cowardly and crappy thing for anyone (man or woman) to do. When you've made a committment to someone, you should get out, or at least start the process of getting out, before getting involved with anyone else.0 -
If you don't personally know the OP, then why would it be ****ty? You don't believe a female can drive a male away?maybe YOU drove him to it.
OUCH! :huh:
Yeah that's kind of sh***y!! Leave it to a guy to post that!
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Standard MFP advice... JUST BREAK UP!0
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This is not about gender. This is about one person disrespecting another. Man or woman...it's bad behavior.0
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