Guide to success on MFP
Note from MFP Staff: This topic has been reported to us and because we have nothing against satirical posts in the guidelines, I have moved the OP's second post in this topic to the top so the intent of this topic is clear. Thanks all! Olivia, MFP Community Manager
Always form Cliques
Whether it be your status, private forums or main forums. Fighting is no fun if it’s 1 on 1. Everyone knows this. To make it better, we will form cliques. Groups of 10-20 core people and 10-20 people that the core people don’t really like but deal with anyway. This way, when drama occurs, it is a forum wide event and very few people (usually people who don’t talk ever) are excluded. Think of the street brawl in Anchorman. Same type idea.
If you’re going to leave, leave with a bang!
Look, I don’t care if you have to make status updates for a week pointing every hour that you’re leaving or making threads about how much this site sucks and how good the next site you’re/you’ll be on is, or better yet, telling the mods off for doing a horrible job. Just as long as you make it fun. And nothing is more fun than chaos. Hulk likes chaos (or was that Joker? I keep forgetting…). The point is, the only way to leave is to leave like a boss! And I expect you guys to do so! At the very very least, a 4-5 line thread is expected. Include in such message why you hate this place.
PS. Leaving MFP is kinda like leaving your home as a kid. Everyone knows you’re doing it for attention. Everyone knows you’re going nowhere. Nobody really cares since we know your butt don’t got nowhere else to go!
Always respond to trolls
They’re consistently the most active, sober and attentive members of any internet forums. If everyone respond to these fine fellows, and listened to them carefully, Israel and Palestine would no longer be at war.
Always tell others how *Insert body type that isn’t you* is unattractive
Especially if what you’re referring to as unattractive is a female fitness model who lifts heavy. Double points if she’s muscular built. Triple points if what you think is unattractive is some petite girl who eats well, works out and happen to naturally have a thigh gap. The nerve on these girls. Showing off their thigh gap like its theirs. It is however NOT cool to say anything negative about a morbidly obese girls figure who is bashing on the above mentioned body types. Because lets face it, we need to show love to them or else its just cruel. Also, they’re not fat, they’re curvy.
Anytime you’re not losing weight, its your families fault
Specially if its your mother who prepares food for you. That evil Satans minion at work! Double points if its your SO that just doesn’t get it because he is always naturally in shape. Its not the fact that he’s not on ridiculous diets and just eats everything on moderation. No, its just that he’s naturally thin and you’re not. So now, he must suffer with you and eat your low-fat, low-carb, gluten-free cat food that you make for yourself and if he DARES to refuse, he’s being unsupportive and should be dumped immediately.
Always trust Dr. Oz!
Seriously, whichever company is funding his show nowadays makes the best weight loss product and you don’t even have to lift a finger, get off that couch (well, maybe to get the product, can’t be THAT lazy right?) or stop eating 8,000 calories a day. If Dr. Oz supports the product, then that’s all you need!
Always initiate drama
Look, people call MFP just a site, and in a way they are correct. But MFP itself, your account, is a way of life and not just a site. The sites experience really begins only when you start to play on the forums and get to experience the drama. The less of an issue it is, the better. I’ll consider issuing an award each month to the member who initiates the most drama with the least amount of actual material. This is a skill lost to many MFP members nowadays and we need to revive it!
Always send a FR immediately after getting removed from a friends list
I don’t care if you two have talked to each other a total of maybe once since your friendship 8 months ago. You know in the bottom of your heart that he/she/it is a very close friend of yours and even though you had to spend 48 hours obsessing over who out of your 500 friends dared deleted you, you should just go ahead and send them another Friend Request right away. Don’t worry about emailing them asking if something you did offended them or if this was a MFP bug. Nope. Just send them another FR. Everyone likes persistent friends who you never talk to.
If you have a problem, report them to the mods!
The mods LOVE to hear about your problems and working and helping you work through them to solve whatever issue is bothering you. Think of them as your MFP parents. This is what they live for. I mean the fact that they tend to not socialize and in general stay hidden and are unable to respond to you right away should be a clue as to how available to your needs they are. Please, feel free to report them how somebody on the forums was “mean” to you by telling you that your 900 calorie diet is unhealthy. Or how somebody is bullying you by saying that simply heavy lifting doesn’t make a woman bulk up. And honestly, they’d much rather deal with this than having to put up with other issues like the site running, or keeping spammers away, or dealing with technical difficulties, or the thousand different other things they have to do.
*While this kills the joke, this thread is meant only for good humor and nothing on this thread should be taken seriously. Please, take the joke as a joke kindly. Thank you*
*Mods, I would understand if, even after making sure people know this is only in good humor, this is seen as a problematic thread you’d wanna delete it. Not that you need my permission or anything… *
Always form Cliques
Whether it be your status, private forums or main forums. Fighting is no fun if it’s 1 on 1. Everyone knows this. To make it better, we will form cliques. Groups of 10-20 core people and 10-20 people that the core people don’t really like but deal with anyway. This way, when drama occurs, it is a forum wide event and very few people (usually people who don’t talk ever) are excluded. Think of the street brawl in Anchorman. Same type idea.
If you’re going to leave, leave with a bang!
Look, I don’t care if you have to make status updates for a week pointing every hour that you’re leaving or making threads about how much this site sucks and how good the next site you’re/you’ll be on is, or better yet, telling the mods off for doing a horrible job. Just as long as you make it fun. And nothing is more fun than chaos. Hulk likes chaos (or was that Joker? I keep forgetting…). The point is, the only way to leave is to leave like a boss! And I expect you guys to do so! At the very very least, a 4-5 line thread is expected. Include in such message why you hate this place.
PS. Leaving MFP is kinda like leaving your home as a kid. Everyone knows you’re doing it for attention. Everyone knows you’re going nowhere. Nobody really cares since we know your butt don’t got nowhere else to go!
Always respond to trolls
They’re consistently the most active, sober and attentive members of any internet forums. If everyone respond to these fine fellows, and listened to them carefully, Israel and Palestine would no longer be at war.
Always tell others how *Insert body type that isn’t you* is unattractive
Especially if what you’re referring to as unattractive is a female fitness model who lifts heavy. Double points if she’s muscular built. Triple points if what you think is unattractive is some petite girl who eats well, works out and happen to naturally have a thigh gap. The nerve on these girls. Showing off their thigh gap like its theirs. It is however NOT cool to say anything negative about a morbidly obese girls figure who is bashing on the above mentioned body types. Because lets face it, we need to show love to them or else its just cruel. Also, they’re not fat, they’re curvy.
Anytime you’re not losing weight, its your families fault
Specially if its your mother who prepares food for you. That evil Satans minion at work! Double points if its your SO that just doesn’t get it because he is always naturally in shape. Its not the fact that he’s not on ridiculous diets and just eats everything on moderation. No, its just that he’s naturally thin and you’re not. So now, he must suffer with you and eat your low-fat, low-carb, gluten-free cat food that you make for yourself and if he DARES to refuse, he’s being unsupportive and should be dumped immediately.
Always trust Dr. Oz!
Seriously, whichever company is funding his show nowadays makes the best weight loss product and you don’t even have to lift a finger, get off that couch (well, maybe to get the product, can’t be THAT lazy right?) or stop eating 8,000 calories a day. If Dr. Oz supports the product, then that’s all you need!
Always initiate drama
Look, people call MFP just a site, and in a way they are correct. But MFP itself, your account, is a way of life and not just a site. The sites experience really begins only when you start to play on the forums and get to experience the drama. The less of an issue it is, the better. I’ll consider issuing an award each month to the member who initiates the most drama with the least amount of actual material. This is a skill lost to many MFP members nowadays and we need to revive it!
Always send a FR immediately after getting removed from a friends list
I don’t care if you two have talked to each other a total of maybe once since your friendship 8 months ago. You know in the bottom of your heart that he/she/it is a very close friend of yours and even though you had to spend 48 hours obsessing over who out of your 500 friends dared deleted you, you should just go ahead and send them another Friend Request right away. Don’t worry about emailing them asking if something you did offended them or if this was a MFP bug. Nope. Just send them another FR. Everyone likes persistent friends who you never talk to.
If you have a problem, report them to the mods!
The mods LOVE to hear about your problems and working and helping you work through them to solve whatever issue is bothering you. Think of them as your MFP parents. This is what they live for. I mean the fact that they tend to not socialize and in general stay hidden and are unable to respond to you right away should be a clue as to how available to your needs they are. Please, feel free to report them how somebody on the forums was “mean” to you by telling you that your 900 calorie diet is unhealthy. Or how somebody is bullying you by saying that simply heavy lifting doesn’t make a woman bulk up. And honestly, they’d much rather deal with this than having to put up with other issues like the site running, or keeping spammers away, or dealing with technical difficulties, or the thousand different other things they have to do.
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Replies
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100% endorse this message.0
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Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.0 -
here, here, great post!!!
taunto for head mod!!!!
:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:0 -
Ha! Wanna form a clique?0
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Coles Notes version = Be an *kitten*.
And
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Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.
Cliche: is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning, or effect, and even, to the point of being trite or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel
Clique: the word "clique" (CanE, UK /ˈkliːk/ or US /ˈklɪk/ is used to describe a group of 2 to 12 (averaging 5 or 6) "persons who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting
Just in case you're serious:)0 -
:laugh: and
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Taunto, you killed a guy with a trident!0
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Taunto, you killed a guy with a trident!
Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that... you might want to lay low for a while.0 -
Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.
Your gonna need to loose the attitude if your going to do well here, missy.0 -
Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.
Cliche: is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning, or effect, and even, to the point of being trite or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel
Clique: the word "clique" (CanE, UK /ˈkliːk/ or US /ˈklɪk/ is used to describe a group of 2 to 12 (averaging 5 or 6) "persons who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting
Just in case you're serious:)
Listen, we're in a cliche OK?? *flips hair and walks away*
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Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.
Cliche: is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning, or effect, and even, to the point of being trite or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel
Clique: the word "clique" (CanE, UK /ˈkliːk/ or US /ˈklɪk/ is used to describe a group of 2 to 12 (averaging 5 or 6) "persons who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting
Just in case you're serious:)
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Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.
Cliche: is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning, or effect, and even, to the point of being trite or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel
Clique: the word "clique" (CanE, UK /ˈkliːk/ or US /ˈklɪk/ is used to describe a group of 2 to 12 (averaging 5 or 6) "persons who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting
Just in case you're serious:)
Listen, we're in a cliche OK?? *flips hair and walks away*
Thanks Lora. People are always throwing these "definitions" at me but it's total bro science. We all know it's cliche. :glasses:0 -
Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.
Your gonna need to loose the attitude if your going to do well here, missy.
I believe it's spelled addytood. Get a clue.0 -
Um okay so I read this whole thing but I'm still confused.....CAN I count tea as water??
Also, I think it's spelled cliche, not clique.
Cliche: is an expression, idea, or element of an artistic work which has become overused to the point of losing its original meaning, or effect, and even, to the point of being trite or irritating, especially when at some earlier time it was considered meaningful or novel
Clique: the word "clique" (CanE, UK /ˈkliːk/ or US /ˈklɪk/ is used to describe a group of 2 to 12 (averaging 5 or 6) "persons who interact with each other more regularly and intensely than others in the same setting
Just in case you're serious:)
Listen, we're in a cliche OK?? *flips hair and walks away*
Thanks Lora. People are always throwing these "definitions" at me but it's total bro science. We all know it's cliche. :glasses:
GUURRLLL, I got your back. Oh snap.0 -
Reported!
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Is there cake here?0
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Is there cake here?
no.0 -
10/10 thread.0
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I would add just one more. Never offer constructive praise. Just drop in long enough to tell people what they are doing wrong. It is so motivational.:noway:0
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