My boyfriend doesn't like the body I am trying to get
MeIShouldB
Posts: 578 Member
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He was with me at my heaviest, and his ex was a big woman. As I started losing weight I was concerned he would not find me attractive. It hasn't really been a problem, but recently I decided to start doing weights (to tone, not get big) and Saturday I showed him a picture of a girl who has the kind of muscle definition I want. The first thing out of his mouth was "eww". The girl was laying on a weight bench pressing and the pic was dark. He said that the reason he said eww is because the angle he saw it at it looked like the girl had tennis ball sized arm muscles. He was like "You've always said you don't wanna look like that" I said so what if I change my mind. I showed him a clearer picture of what I want to look like and he was fine with the clearer picture (I don't want huge arms, on that first pic I like her stomach and thighs, which he was fine with). But my problem is now I feel like as my body keeps changing, I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.
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Replies
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While its nice to have his opinion and all you have to work for what YOU want to look like. Don't please him by doing what he wants, it's your body. You have an idea of what you want to be like it sounds like. I'm sure once you get to your goal he will change his mind;) good luck!!0
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If you guys are meant to be together, he'll love you and find you attractive at any weight. If not, well maybe he isn't the one for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's true. He should respect the size you want to be.0
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My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me
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My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me
Really? That's nice.0 -
If you guys are meant to be together, he'll love you and find you attractive at any weight. If not, well maybe he isn't the one for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's true. He should respect the size you want to be.
Don't apologize, it' ok.0 -
If you guys are meant to be together, he'll love you and find you attractive at any weight. If not, well maybe he isn't the one for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's true. He should respect the size you want to be.
This. If he isn't attracted to you when you get to where you want to be than that's his own fault. No sense in staying ... sorry to say it.
You need to do what is best for you and what will make you happier and healthier. You are the one you need to worry about. You can't keep a body you are unhappy with just to please him. If that means losing him than unfortuantely you aren't meant to be together.0 -
I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.0
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My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me
I think that this is the best advice, at times guys are stuck in a no win situation there. If he says how much he likes that he worries that you'll think he's not attractive now (no matter how much you might assure him, he's going to worry that), so he might say "eww" when in reality he'd like it. The best advice I can give you is to do what you want to do for YOU, if he can't accept that then someone else more deserving will.0 -
We all have types that we like and don't like. If he is the type that likes larger women then the two of you may not be right for each other. It sounds like you are doing this for you and not him, which is the way it should be. But you also have to remember that he is not the only man out there. If he truly loves you, then you losing weight and getting healthy will make him happy and if it doesn't then he's not the one for you. Give it more time, and also keep reiterating to him that you only want to be toned and not a bodybuilder. He may have some misconceptions of what strength training for a woman will result in. Good luck.0
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When you learn to be happy in your own skin in the way YOU want then you will be happy. Others opinions are that, and like arseholes, everyone has them.
Be YOU.0 -
1. You're not going to get big. Period. Unless you do some 'roids and a serious calorie surplus, etc.
2. He can get over it. If he really loves you, this should not be a problem.0 -
You have to do this for you and he will mould and change with you eventually.
I was in the same situation - my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years...his ex is a very big girl. I was very very slim when i met him but unhealthily so and he made me eat because he thought i was too thin...i ballooned and ended up very overweight,he didnt mind this at all and he put on an extra 2 stone. I have lost all my weight and im thinner than i was when i first met him but muscly...he was not happy to begin with and he still makes fun of me calling me a lollipop etc etc BUT yesterday he ordered himself a running machine AND bar weights!!
He's caught the bug...and he quickly changed his mind about hating my new body when he took me out and all his mates were giving me compliments and congratulating him (banter as the UK calls it)
Do it for yourself, get some renewed confidence and he will come round.
Good luck! 0 -
You just look how you want it will make you more confident which is always sexy0
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Is it possible that he thinks as you tone and become the women you want to be that he may not be the man you want anymore??0
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1. You're not going to get big. Period. Unless you do some 'roids and a serious calorie surplus, etc.
2. He can get over it. If he really loves you, this should not be a problem.
This ^^^0 -
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Couldn't have said it better! 0
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He'll still think you're hot. He could probably look at a dozen pictures of strangers, say he doesn't like their bodies, then see you with one of their exact bodies and think you're gorgeous. You're not a stranger, he knows you. His primary attraction to you isn't based on how you look at all, which is why he's found you attractive across a range of sizes. What he'll find attractive is seeing you happy and confident - if you love your body, he'll love it too. Don't stress
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I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.
It may also get him moving and want to join you...ya never know! The "Jealousy" may get to him enough that he may realize that is what HE needs to do. I secretly think about this when it comes to my husband...he keeps saying he needs to do something but, still doesnt do much. So, here's hoping!!
But yes, do this for YOU, not for HIM! It is YOUR body and YOU are the only one who can do anything about how you feel and he doesnt know, no matter how much you may tell him, how you feel. You'll be alright in the end, no matter the result! Just keep pushing toward your goals!0 -
Take it from an older woman: realistically, you're going to have your body a lot longer than you're going to have this boyfriend. If I'm wrong and he's a keeper, he'll love you even if your body changes. If he's not, you'll have the body you want and time to find a boyfriend who loves it as much as you do. Win win.0
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yeah I know what you are feeling. I have the same questions when it comes to my husband. When he talks about my little sister (and I mean that in every way, she's younger than me, skinner than me, and even a little shorter than me) he doesn't find her attractive, which is good because well he's my husband. and although i never want to be her size (she's almost 23 and is less than 100lbs) I feel he won't find me sexy when I hit my goal weight. He's a boob man and since we've been together I've lost 2 cup sizes and he's sad he is "losing his boobies" so it scares me that he will not find me attractive anymore. He says that won't be an issue the issue will be will i still find him attractive when i am smaller. pff as if 0
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You just look how you want it will make you more confident which is always sexy
Agreed!0 -
Don't you love men? When you want them to state their opinion they don't say anything, and when you want them to mind their own business they can't keep their mouths shut. *Sight*
Why would you even discuss it with him? Don’t even pay attention to it, be healthy, happy, and comfortable with yourself, everything else will fall into place.0 -
I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.
I actually showed the guy i'm seeing a pic of what I want to achieve this weekend (he's a big guy too - 6'3" - 320lbs) he made a snarky comment about me just wanting other guys to notice me. When i asked him if he'd feel good knowing that all those guys would be jealous of him, because he gets to go home with me, he just smiled and said "Well yea, but I guess that means I have to lose weight too now" It sparked a good, long conversation about getting healthy together. Good luck! Like the others are saying- make sure you do this for you! Even if my guy hadn't supported me, i would still be on that path to what i want- because in the end YOU are the only one who matters 0 -
Take it from an older woman: realistically, you're going to have your body a lot longer than you're going to have this boyfriend. If I'm wrong and he's a keeper, he'll love you even if your body changes. If he's not, you'll have the body you want and time to find a boyfriend who loves it as much as you do. Win win.
Exactly this!!0 -
Is it possible that he thinks as you tone and become the women you want to be that he may not be the man you want anymore??
Part of me thinks that may have something to do with it.0 -
While its nice to have his opinion and all you have to work for what YOU want to look like. Don't please him by doing what he wants, it's your body. You have an idea of what you want to be like it sounds like. I'm sure once you get to your goal he will change his mind;) good luck!!
Yep this. And if he doesn't want you to be healthy and happy do you really want to be with him?0 -
Is it possible that he thinks as you tone and become the women you want to be that he may not be the man you want anymore??
Part of me thinks that may have something to do with it.
If you think this may be the reason sit down with him and talk to him. See if he has any concerns. Explain to him the reasons why you are trying to better yourself. Sometimes people think that their partner may leave for someone better when they are working on losing weight, building muscle, or whatever health quest someone is on.
This seems to be a common thing with both men and women. However, unfortuantely sometimes people are only attracted to a certain look of someone. His issue is something you need to find out so you can either help him get over whatever issue he has or you can re-evaluate your relationship now instead of a few months or years down the road.0 -
My husband says he would love me if I was large or thin...BUT then says he doesn't want me to get as thin as I was when we first got married. My wedding gown was a size 6 and still needed to be taken in a couple inches. He thought I was miserable and cranky all the time and didn't eat much. AND he will point to women who weight lift and say please don't ever get like that yuck! I think he would love me no matter what. He just says some silly things now and then. We've been married over 20 years and my weight as well as his has been up and down. It really doesn't matter. When I was heavy he made cute comments about how soft I was but in a nice way. When I was skinny he made cute comments about how delicate I looked and called me his doll baby. Just go with it as it comes..and goes. If he is turned off by the way you look then sad to say he really didn't love you anyway. I hope I explained this well enough.0
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Sometimes it's best just to "cross that bridge when you get to it". You may look different from the photo at that body fat, you may never get there at all, he may find that he likes that look when he sees it on you, or he may not be a part of your life for other reasons when you get there. Too many variables to spend the time and energy worrying about it now.0
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