My boyfriend doesn't like the body I am trying to get

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MeIShouldB
MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He was with me at my heaviest, and his ex was a big woman. As I started losing weight I was concerned he would not find me attractive. It hasn't really been a problem, but recently I decided to start doing weights (to tone, not get big) and Saturday I showed him a picture of a girl who has the kind of muscle definition I want. The first thing out of his mouth was "eww". The girl was laying on a weight bench pressing and the pic was dark. He said that the reason he said eww is because the angle he saw it at it looked like the girl had tennis ball sized arm muscles. He was like "You've always said you don't wanna look like that" I said so what if I change my mind. I showed him a clearer picture of what I want to look like and he was fine with the clearer picture (I don't want huge arms, on that first pic I like her stomach and thighs, which he was fine with). But my problem is now I feel like as my body keeps changing, I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.
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Replies

  • alyssa92982
    alyssa92982 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    While its nice to have his opinion and all you have to work for what YOU want to look like. Don't please him by doing what he wants, it's your body. You have an idea of what you want to be like it sounds like. I'm sure once you get to your goal he will change his mind;) good luck!!
  • Seajolly
    Seajolly Posts: 1,435 Member
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    If you guys are meant to be together, he'll love you and find you attractive at any weight. If not, well maybe he isn't the one for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's true. He should respect the size you want to be.
  • RandiLandCHANGED
    RandiLandCHANGED Posts: 630 Member
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    My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me :wink:
  • MeIShouldB
    MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
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    My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me :wink:

    Really? That's nice.
  • MeIShouldB
    MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
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    If you guys are meant to be together, he'll love you and find you attractive at any weight. If not, well maybe he isn't the one for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's true. He should respect the size you want to be.

    Don't apologize, it' ok.
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
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    If you guys are meant to be together, he'll love you and find you attractive at any weight. If not, well maybe he isn't the one for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's true. He should respect the size you want to be.

    This. If he isn't attracted to you when you get to where you want to be than that's his own fault. No sense in staying ... sorry to say it.

    You need to do what is best for you and what will make you happier and healthier. You are the one you need to worry about. You can't keep a body you are unhappy with just to please him. If that means losing him than unfortuantely you aren't meant to be together.
  • MeIShouldB
    MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
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    I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.
  • RunWinterGarden
    RunWinterGarden Posts: 428 Member
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    My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me :wink:

    I think that this is the best advice, at times guys are stuck in a no win situation there. If he says how much he likes that he worries that you'll think he's not attractive now (no matter how much you might assure him, he's going to worry that), so he might say "eww" when in reality he'd like it. The best advice I can give you is to do what you want to do for YOU, if he can't accept that then someone else more deserving will.
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
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    We all have types that we like and don't like. If he is the type that likes larger women then the two of you may not be right for each other. It sounds like you are doing this for you and not him, which is the way it should be. But you also have to remember that he is not the only man out there. If he truly loves you, then you losing weight and getting healthy will make him happy and if it doesn't then he's not the one for you. Give it more time, and also keep reiterating to him that you only want to be toned and not a bodybuilder. He may have some misconceptions of what strength training for a woman will result in. Good luck.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    When you learn to be happy in your own skin in the way YOU want then you will be happy. Others opinions are that, and like arseholes, everyone has them.

    Be YOU.
  • Ge0rgiana
    Ge0rgiana Posts: 1,649 Member
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    1. You're not going to get big. Period. Unless you do some 'roids and a serious calorie surplus, etc.

    2. He can get over it. If he really loves you, this should not be a problem.
  • celb500
    celb500 Posts: 76
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    You have to do this for you and he will mould and change with you eventually.

    I was in the same situation - my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years...his ex is a very big girl. I was very very slim when i met him but unhealthily so and he made me eat because he thought i was too thin...i ballooned and ended up very overweight,he didnt mind this at all and he put on an extra 2 stone. I have lost all my weight and im thinner than i was when i first met him but muscly...he was not happy to begin with and he still makes fun of me calling me a lollipop etc etc BUT yesterday he ordered himself a running machine AND bar weights!!

    He's caught the bug...and he quickly changed his mind about hating my new body when he took me out and all his mates were giving me compliments and congratulating him (banter as the UK calls it)

    Do it for yourself, get some renewed confidence and he will come round. :) Good luck!
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
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    You just look how you want it will make you more confident which is always sexy
  • coastie_wife07
    coastie_wife07 Posts: 99
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    Is it possible that he thinks as you tone and become the women you want to be that he may not be the man you want anymore??
  • markpmc
    markpmc Posts: 240 Member
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    1. You're not going to get big. Period. Unless you do some 'roids and a serious calorie surplus, etc.

    2. He can get over it. If he really loves you, this should not be a problem.


    This ^^^
  • Tatiyanya
    Tatiyanya Posts: 255 Member
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  • jenelayne77
    jenelayne77 Posts: 2 Member
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    Couldn't have said it better! :)
  • crystalflame
    crystalflame Posts: 1,049 Member
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    He'll still think you're hot. He could probably look at a dozen pictures of strangers, say he doesn't like their bodies, then see you with one of their exact bodies and think you're gorgeous. You're not a stranger, he knows you. His primary attraction to you isn't based on how you look at all, which is why he's found you attractive across a range of sizes. What he'll find attractive is seeing you happy and confident - if you love your body, he'll love it too. Don't stress =)
  • MommaKit79
    MommaKit79 Posts: 852
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    I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.

    It may also get him moving and want to join you...ya never know! The "Jealousy" may get to him enough that he may realize that is what HE needs to do. I secretly think about this when it comes to my husband...he keeps saying he needs to do something but, still doesnt do much. So, here's hoping!!

    But yes, do this for YOU, not for HIM! It is YOUR body and YOU are the only one who can do anything about how you feel and he doesnt know, no matter how much you may tell him, how you feel. You'll be alright in the end, no matter the result! Just keep pushing toward your goals!
  • meaningful99
    meaningful99 Posts: 174
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    Take it from an older woman: realistically, you're going to have your body a lot longer than you're going to have this boyfriend. If I'm wrong and he's a keeper, he'll love you even if your body changes. If he's not, you'll have the body you want and time to find a boyfriend who loves it as much as you do. Win win.

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