My boyfriend doesn't like the body I am trying to get

iulia_maddie

This boyfriend may not be forever. Your body is.
Don't settle for something that doesn't make you happy just so that he is content with what you look like.
Also, if he finds YOU attractive, odds are he'll find you attractive no matter what.

sandradev1

Whilst you have to work at relationships, you also have to be true to yourself. You are also your own person and need to be who YOU want to be. If he cannot deal with it, get yourself a new boyfriend as well as a new body. If he really loved you he would want you to be happy.

Maddalen101

It sounds like you are working incredibly hard for his approval of what you are doing.
Do this for YOU - not for his approval ... and don't let his reaction affect your actions!

evileen99

When I first started lifting, my then boyfriend said he didn't like muscley women. I told him Too bad, I like it when I have muscles and feel strong.

Then I started to get a little six pack, and he thought it was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. We've been married for over 10 years.

RECowgill

That guy is a jerk and has no clue what he's talking about.

glenette1

Are you doing it for him or you?

HealthWoke0ish

Pretty sure he'll love it once he sees the finished product. Good luck!

katejkelley

If you have to change yourself for someone else, you're doing it for the wrong reason. Either do it for you or don't do it at all.

Cognito1025

1. You're not going to get big. Period. Unless you do some 'roids and a serious calorie surplus, etc.

2. He can get over it. If he really loves you, this should not be a problem.

For reals!

Mads1997

He is your boyfriend not your husband that means you are free to leave at any time. He sounds like he is only attracted to big women so I am guessing this problem is only going to escalate the closer you get to your goal weight. Do this for yourself and if he doesn't like it show him the door. There are many other men out there who would support you 100%.

angelicarubi

I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.

'

You should tell him that!

fightingautism

You have a right to be the healthiest you that you can be. Be healthy period. Your health isn't negotiable. If your goals make you stronger and healthier, your goals are valid. No one has a right to tell you not to do that.

reallifealien

why does it matter what you look like? are you moving towards a healthier, more active lifestyle for yourself or for him? honestly the idea that people go through so much trouble changing their appearance against their will in order to be more attractive to someone else is beyond me.

Laurlkat

My husband freaks out a little more with every pound I lose. He's always been very insecure, and I think the idea of me ending up "hot" (the thought of that freaks me out a little bit too) is weirding him out. Of course, it probably doesn't help much that I tell him I want to look like Sarah Connor in Terminator 2...

kimosabe1

When you learn to be happy in your own skin in the way YOU want then you will be happy. Others opinions are that, and like arseholes, everyone has them.

Be YOU.

^^^^^^^^ what he said girl!

Trechechus

So... If you get the body you want, when you take your clothes off is he going to send you out of the room because you have "tennis-ball-sized arms?"

Trechechus

if he does not like "in shape" or "athletic" ladies he sounds like a complete moron in my book..but that is just my opinion...

MeIShouldB

Didn't you start a thread a few days ago about why you don't lift heavy? Now you're lifting heavy and afraid he's not gonna like your new body?

I'm confused. :huh:

I posted that the day I decided to start lifting heavy. Kinda like a "this is what I thought it would do to my body, but that may not be true so I'm gonna try" type of thing.

_Lori_Lynn_

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He was with me at my heaviest, and his ex was a big woman. As I started losing weight I was concerned he would not find me attractive. It hasn't really been a problem, but recently I decided to start doing weights (to tone, not get big) and Saturday I showed him a picture of a girl who has the kind of muscle definition I want. The first thing out of his mouth was "eww". The girl was laying on a weight bench pressing and the pic was dark. He said that the reason he said eww is because the angle he saw it at it looked like the girl had tennis ball sized arm muscles. He was like "You've always said you don't wanna look like that" I said so what if I change my mind. I showed him a clearer picture of what I want to look like and he was fine with the clearer picture (I don't want huge arms, on that first pic I like her stomach and thighs, which he was fine with). But my problem is now I feel like as my body keeps changing, I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.

I learned the hard way to NEVER live my life according to what others want for me. I live with some regrets for doing what men wanted me to do (career wise, childwise and even body wise). Anyway, where did he say he didn't want you fit? I think he fell in love with you and with his ex bc he LOVED the insides of you two and not because he loves big women. He wants you happy, healthy and confident. If you are sick, you won't be able to be there for him. If you are not confident, he won't really be attracted to that, bc no man wants a woman who is insecure. The fact that you want to change and have a goal, tells me it is for a reason. IT is bc you KNOW what you want. You WANT that look and will be most confident for achieving a goal and for looking your best. Shoot for your goals and he will love you more than you ever dreamed, bc you will be a confident, sexy, happy woman with a rock hard bod he will want to ravage.

p.s. my ex hubby never wanted me fit bc he was insanely jealous. I couldn't leave the house without him etc. But anyway he made sure I didn't get more fit. He wouldn't let me go to the gym (and like a dumb young girl, I obeyed). I gained weight and he started looking at other women. . .go figure?? So I started shaping up and losing and he got mad. So I kept going and he got madder ,so I divorced him and got a banging body and now I wonder what he thinks, lol. Oh well, I am happy. That's what counts most and I want a man who will LET ME BE ME.. Nothing worse than being with a man who doesn't support your dreams.

ARDuBaie

Although looks are important when it comes to being sexually attracted, men should love a woman for more than just her looks. If he cannot accept you for how you want to look (and feel), then that is his loss.

Could it be that he feels 'safer' with a woman who is a little heavy and doesn't work on her body? Could he be afraid that others will find you attractive and he will lose you? Who knows what is going through his head.

hanniejong

I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.

Maybe he is just afraid that when you get to where you want to be, you will be more attractive to OTHER men, in other words he may be a bit jealous of the idea. My hubby keeps saying what if.....
Just stop worrying about it and enjoy the changes.

Teanbaa

My boyfriend has already told me that if i weight train and achieve the body i want then he wont be attracted to me and if hes not attracted to me then he doesn't see it lasting.

Needless to say it annoyed me a fair bit but ill cross that bridge when i come to it and deal with it if i have to. It only means that it wasnt meant to be.

My body is with me for life and i intend to look as good as i can for as long as i can and " aint no man gon stand in ma way"

I say do what you want and what makes you happy

wllwsmmr

He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things.

You already identified that love and attraction are two different things! While I don't know the dynamic of your relationship and how he really feels about you, just based on reading your post, it seems like he isn't gonna be changing how he feels about you based on how you look! Also, if he does choose to not love you anymore because he doesn't like your new body then he isn't worth your love!
But totally agree with the dude that said sometimes guys don't know what the right thing to say is because they don't want their significant other to think that they dislike their current bodies!!

I'd say do what you want and for you!!! Ultimately you are the one living with your body

evedroid

1. Take baseball bat
2. Wrap in towel, because we're not mean, and you do care about him
3. Use muscles to connect bat to boy. Correct form will engage chest, core, shoulder & arm muscles.
4. Do 5 sets of 5 reps each or until boy's attitude is sufficiently adjusted.
5. If resistance continues, add weights to the bat.

Check boy's attitude once a week (same day & time, for consistency).

Remember to be patient, results do not come overnight.

hahaha this!

Sqeekyjojo

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He was with me at my heaviest, and his ex was a big woman. As I started losing weight I was concerned he would not find me attractive. It hasn't really been a problem, but recently I decided to start doing weights (to tone, not get big) and Saturday I showed him a picture of a girl who has the kind of muscle definition I want. The first thing out of his mouth was "eww". The girl was laying on a weight bench pressing and the pic was dark. He said that the reason he said eww is because the angle he saw it at it looked like the girl had tennis ball sized arm muscles. He was like "You've always said you don't wanna look like that" I said so what if I change my mind. I showed him a clearer picture of what I want to look like and he was fine with the clearer picture (I don't want huge arms, on that first pic I like her stomach and thighs, which he was fine with). But my problem is now I feel like as my body keeps changing, I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.

Your body. Not his.

And what's to say you'll still find him attractive when you look and feel hot and he doesn't?

Which could be a reason for him going 'ewwww', possessiveness. Thinking you'll be more attractive to other guys and wanting to stop that by keeping you the same.

soldiergrl_101

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He was with me at my heaviest, and his ex was a big woman. As I started losing weight I was concerned he would not find me attractive. It hasn't really been a problem, but recently I decided to start doing weights (to tone, not get big) and Saturday I showed him a picture of a girl who has the kind of muscle definition I want. The first thing out of his mouth was "eww". The girl was laying on a weight bench pressing and the pic was dark. He said that the reason he said eww is because the angle he saw it at it looked like the girl had tennis ball sized arm muscles. He was like "You've always said you don't wanna look like that" I said so what if I change my mind. I showed him a clearer picture of what I want to look like and he was fine with the clearer picture (I don't want huge arms, on that first pic I like her stomach and thighs, which he was fine with). But my problem is now I feel like as my body keeps changing, I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.

You need to realize that as you and your boyfriend get older you will grow and change, that said you will either change with each other or grow apart. Ultimately its your body and you need to do what makes you happy if he doesn't like you after then he is probably not the right guy for the new you. My husband doesn't want me to loose weight either, he is afraid that once I am skinny I will leave him...but I am not going to stay fat and unhealthy for his own insecurities