My boyfriend doesn't like the body I am trying to get

13

Replies

  • nklunk
    nklunk Posts: 149 Member
    My profile pic is my recent before and after of my back...which now has more muscle showing. Before I posted it I sent it to my hubby (been married 5 years next saturday) and his response was....Thats gross looking. As much as it hurt I do the working out and eating healthy for me!
  • StevenjHaley
    StevenjHaley Posts: 38
    Hello, when you say your guy is chunky, does that mean he is overwight himself?

    Could he be worried that as you changed you might not be attracted him? Other blokes will be attracted to you? And that plus that equals that?

    Might be best to sit and have a chat with him also.
  • cryswest57
    cryswest57 Posts: 141 Member
    Just look the way you want to look. I can tell you that after having a baby, I had to re-adjust my way of thinking. I had a c-section so I know I won't look perfect. If he loves you, he will love you no matter what your size is. My husband has been really encouraging through this process with me.
  • lilmissbamaqueen
    lilmissbamaqueen Posts: 184
    ucOiHAZ.jpg?1

    I love this, it is so true. :happy:
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    I think you're overreacting a bit. He said he didn't like the picture, not you. The rest is in your head. Make yourself look how you want to look. Probably, he'll love it. But, maybe not. That's the risk when you change yourself.
  • RhodRhod
    RhodRhod Posts: 109
    Me thinks he'll likey when it happens. Men are visual creatures after all. Seriously though, he was probably talking out of insecurity. Just let him know it'll all be for him and him alone(your body I mean) and he'll come around to your way of thinking. Good luck!
  • bbydl64
    bbydl64 Posts: 30 Member
    He seems to prefer larger women. That is not who you want to be. You will discover in time where this relationship is headed...whether it be good or bad. Take your time and explore who you are.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
    Unlike some here, I won't condemn him for liking what he likes.

    But if you aren't compatible it's better to find out now and make a cut rather than keep going and end up married (and miserable).
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Unlike some here, I won't condemn him for liking what he likes.

    But if you aren't compatible it's better to find out now and make a cut rather than keep going and end up married (and miserable).

    QFT
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    Tell him to get f*cked.

    Why? maybe the op can go get f*cked for deliberately making herself unattractive to her boyfriend ...
  • likeschocolate
    likeschocolate Posts: 368 Member
    1. Take baseball bat
    2. Wrap in towel, because we're not mean, and you do care about him
    3. Use muscles to connect bat to boy. Correct form will engage chest, core, shoulder & arm muscles.
    4. Do 5 sets of 5 reps each or until boy's attitude is sufficiently adjusted.
    5. If resistance continues, add weights to the bat.

    Check boy's attitude once a week (same day & time, for consistency).

    Remember to be patient, results do not come overnight.
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,371 Member
    Your change will be very gradual and he'll have plenty of time to come to terms with the new you! He may be worried about being left behind and may be encouraged to join you instead!
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
    someone probably said this but i am too cranky and pissy to look

    you have to work freaking hard to get anywhere NEAR bulky and eat at a surplus

    you will probably be just fine working hard and kicking butt...if you ever do somehow get bigger than you planned it will most likely be a miracle, and you can re evaluate your program and worry about it if you get there.
  • xaMErica
    xaMErica Posts: 284 Member
    If you guys are meant to be together, he'll love you and find you attractive at any weight. If not, well maybe he isn't the one for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it's true. He should respect the size you want to be.

    I agree with this.. Honestly I had the same concerns. I started this entire weight loss thing right after mine and his 4 th anniversary. I was just all around scared that he didn't find me attractive at all the way I was at my heaviest and when I got to my goal -_- I just talked to him about it.. he doesn't want me to get to muscley.. but I don't either.. I showed him pictures of what I would like.. honestly he is going to love me any way. He cares about my health. That is what is important here. Our HEALTH! =)

    Good Luck <3
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    if he does not like "in shape" or "athletic" ladies he sounds like a complete moron in my book..but that is just my opinion...
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    If he likes your insides, he will probably like your outsides too. And really, get fit for yourself and reach your goals. If he's not happy for you, then eff him.
  • BigAndTallSection
    BigAndTallSection Posts: 46 Member
    Someone up there said it way before me but I will say it my own way. If he loves you for who you are then your size or shape should really not matter. When I met my wife I was 210 lbs. Much to thin for me and where I feel comfortable and I was struggling to put weight on. She on the other hand was also at least 70 lbs lighter. While I was attracted to her then I am still attracted to her 21 years later. I have seen her ever size from 10 to 22 and never did any of it bother me other than at size 10 I did feel that she was to thin. We are both big as in tall people with large frames so she even admitted to me that at 210 I was to thin. She was very used to me at about 250 or 260 but even at 100 lbs over that she will tell me that I still look the same in her eyes when we talk about my weight.

    Now I will tell you that if it was not for health reasons and the lack of mobility that set in since a major life changing accident in the summer of 09, then I really would not even want to lose weight but having said that, she supports my weight decisions 100% and even though she prefers me at a "bigger" size, she has no problem with my desire to shrink.

    Anything less that that from your partner tells me that there might be something wrong. That is just my opinion but I really do believe that.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I agree that you have to do what is best for you. Hopefully he doesn't truly know what he doesn't like and will actually like it when he sees it.

    People have what can seem to be strange preferences about body types, though. My neighbor in St. Louis spent a lot of time at the gym; he was muscular almost to the extreme. His wife had to have weighed at least 300 pounds and the only exercise she got was what she did around the house. That was his ideal for a woman; he obviously adored everything about her. (I don't know if her feeling about him was the same however. She was more aloof.)

    P.S: While watching movies or TV shows, I will mention admire how a woman looks, and my husband will say "too skinny". I don't know if that's his way of reassuring me that he thinks I look better or what.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    Tell him to get f*cked.

    Why? maybe the op can go get f*cked for deliberately making herself unattractive to her boyfriend ...

    If he decides he isn't attracted to her new body, I would suggest she find someone else and follow your advice :wink:
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    I wouldn't worry about what problems your boyfriend MIGHT have with the body that you WANT to get. You aren't married or engaged, you don't know that you can achieve the body you covet (genetics plays a huge role into how much and where women build muscle), or that you WILL achieve this body. Just work on yourself and make yourself happy, the rest will play out with time.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    Tell him to get f*cked.

    Why? maybe the op can go get f*cked for deliberately making herself unattractive to her boyfriend ...

    If he decides he isn't attracted to her new body, I would suggest she find someone else and follow your advice :wink:

    So cheating is the right answer? I just hope that if body shape is a real deal breaker for him, he'll man up and break up with her with no bs and no games.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    He'll either get on board or he won't. Nothing you can do about it.
  • rosiereally2
    rosiereally2 Posts: 539 Member
    I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have.

    Trust your instincts. I fear you are correct. Hopefully he'll stop dragging you down you with his own self estemm issues, and instead use your success as motivation to boost himself up to living a healthier lifestyle. If he's comfortable with his current body, that's one thing, but it sounds like he isn't.
  • caryn7780
    caryn7780 Posts: 54 Member
    I was dating a guy when I started to lose weight before and as I got smaller he became less interested. We finally sat down and talked about it and the issue he had was that he also saw my self confidence rising and that made him uncomfortable. He also did not like that fact that as I started getting healthier and slimmer other guys were looking at me. The bottom line issue for us was that he did not trust me. I am not saying this is the case in your situation, but I believe that you have to be the person you are meant to be and work toward the goals that you have set for yourself. Do not stop working for what you want because of what anyone else thinks. You are strong and beautiful and either he will see that and love you for it, or there is someone else who will love you and appreciate you and the amazing woman you are.
  • robot_potato
    robot_potato Posts: 1,535 Member
    It's a good thing it's not his body then. Do what you do, for you. If he doesn't like it, someone else will. Sounds harsh, but I wouldn't be with someone who didn't appreciate me.
  • iorahkwano
    iorahkwano Posts: 709 Member
    I find men don't want women to workout because:

    1) They're afraid you'll lose your boobs.
    2) They see photos of professional female bodybuilders & think you're going to have huge biceps, pecs, 8-pack and ginormous thigh muscles.
    3) They're afraid you'll over do it and look too thin or boyish.

    Only when the transformation starts happening will they realize that working out = smaller waist, perkier butt, toned stomach, firmer thighs & nice subtle muscle curves in the arms/legs.
  • Rhonnie
    Rhonnie Posts: 506 Member
    I think showing someone a picture of a person while they are in the middle of lifting is going to give them a skewed view of what you what to look like - even most women body builders to not look all that ripped when they are not pumped up.
  • cynthiadmail
    cynthiadmail Posts: 90 Member
    Being supportive is part of a healthy relationship specially when its about better health. You need to set the tone now on how you want to be treated. Talk to him , if hes scared then he needs to tell you that, if he just plain is being selfish, your not going to put up with it and he can go find someone who will. I hope things work out for you either way, but never let anyone man ,woman make you back down when your trying to make positive changes in your life, its your life and you only live once. There;s so many people in this world that would love to take his place just remember that. ( Never just one fish in the sea )
    Live happy and live the way you want. Good luck and thanks for sharing
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Cross that bridge when you get there.
    The body of fitness models take years of dedication and is not achievable by everyone, and is often not sustainable by the models themselves.
    Keep up the hard work and see where it takes you.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    So cheating is the right answer?

    I didn't say that.

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