If u owned a gym what totalitarian policies would u enforce?

24

Replies

  • CarlieeBear
    CarlieeBear Posts: 325 Member
    I'd get booted, just for changing my shoes...and what about the toilet?
    no sitting down unless you are holding something heavy and preferably moving it through the air.

    I guess your gym doesn't have spinning classes, stationary bikes, or rowing machines. Bummer. I get tired of treadmills.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    I'd get booted, just for changing my shoes...and what about the toilet?
    no sitting down unless you are holding something heavy and preferably moving it through the air.

    I guess your gym doesn't have spinning classes, stationary bikes, or rowing machines. Bummer. I get tired of treadmills.

    Learn to pee standing up, duh.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    One rule: everybody out. Now. :happy:

    Perfect. This will solve all of the problems of chicks wearing makeup, people chatting, not cleaning off machines, people actually looking in thoses mirrors that line the entire gym, heavy breathers and people with bad breath.

    I like this gym.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    curling in the squat rack gets you tarred and feathered

    <---curls in the rack on the regular

    game-of-thrones-gif-12_zps04d0e38c.gif
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    curling in the squat rack gets you tarred and feathered

    :laugh: Great idea!

    Eta: Admit I dunnit, too. Still funny!
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    curling in the squat rack gets you tarred and feathered
    And then set on fire!
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
    okay what is wrong with a striped tank top?
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    okay what is wrong with a striped tank top?

    You're supposed to be shirtless.
  • leighann881
    leighann881 Posts: 371
    no sitting down unless you are holding something heavy and preferably moving it through the air.

    I guess your gym doesn't have spinning classes, stationary bikes, or rowing machines. Bummer. I get tired of treadmills.

    me too... which is why i get my cardio from circuits. I hate all "cardio machines." My gym would certainly not have any...
  • clariemoo
    clariemoo Posts: 34 Member
    Ban sugary drinks like the Sarsbucks frapuccinos I saw people walk around with and placing in the cup-holders of the elliptical machines.
  • leighann881
    leighann881 Posts: 371
    I'd get booted, just for changing my shoes...and what about the toilet?
    no sitting down unless you are holding something heavy and preferably moving it through the air.

    I guess your gym doesn't have spinning classes, stationary bikes, or rowing machines. Bummer. I get tired of treadmills.

    Learn to pee standing up, duh.

    It's like a wall sit without the wall ;-)

    I see so many people sitting around and staring off into space while taking their 5 minute break in between sets... drives me crazy... especially if I'm waiting for a bench.
  • JenaePavlak
    JenaePavlak Posts: 350 Member
    Do you even lift? :tongue:

    Selfies can help encourage people (and it's nice to see the pics of muscles all pumped up)
    My warm up is 10 min on a cardio machine

    What I don't like:
    People sitting on equipment on their phones oblivious to the world around them
    People using 4 sets of dumbbells when the gym is packed
    Not wiping up their sweat after their cardio
    Curling in the squat rack
  • MichelleZannone
    MichelleZannone Posts: 121
    If you are in the 30 minute circuit training section you must move along with the program I don't care about your phone app. Keep track of that in your head and get off the # 12 the light is green already and I still have to wipe your sweaty *kitten* print from the machine UGH...:grumble:
  • danimalkeys
    danimalkeys Posts: 982 Member
    In my gym, skinny people with legs the size of my arms who think doing pullups is badass have to load and rack the 100lb plates for the squatters and deadlifters.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    In my gym, skinny people with legs the size of my arms who think doing pullups is badass have to load and rack the 100lb plates for the squatters and deadlifters.

    But the OP can do FIVE WHOLE PULLUPS! I know one pullup may not be much, but surely you bow down to his greatness since he can do 5 pullups.
  • suv_hater
    suv_hater Posts: 374 Member
    7. Women get their own free weight section that is attended to by one male trainer (think Ryan Gosling on Tijuana steroids) to offer assistance with racking, re-racking (ain't nobody time for that, ladies), and spotting, etc.

    8. NO BRO ZONE. This policy ensures a 50:50 ratio of men to women in the club at all times.

    9. Speaking of the ladies, 24-hour around the clock Zumba classes. Men also welcome.

    10. A Jack Lalanne hologram that greets members at the front door and offers tip for the day.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    I would require that you can't lift without proving you've consumed a minimum of 100g of protein that day.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    1. No ellipticals, treadmills, or bikes (with the possible exception of a self-powered Woodway Curve and AirDyne bikes) - if you want to run, walk, or bike, do it outside.

    2. No weight machines - learn how to lift.

    3. No mirrors - there will be time to admire yourself when you're done.

    4. No A/C - this will keep the pansies out.

    5. When you join, you will write down specific, measurable goals (fat loss, muscle gain, performance goals, whatever). Periodically, you will be required to demonstrate that you've made progress toward those goals. If you haven't, bye bye.
  • 8goodgirl0
    8goodgirl0 Posts: 127 Member
    No one fitter, stronger, slimmer or better looking than me.

    Result: empty gym! perfect
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member


    4. No A/C - this will keep the pansies out.

    If you don't get heat stroke between sets, you aren't hardcore.
  • grantdumas7
    grantdumas7 Posts: 802 Member
    I would require that you can't lift without proving you've consumed a minimum of 100g of protein that day.
    Do you mean we would have to consume 100g of protein prior to lifting? What about those who lift first thing in the morning? No way would we consume 100g of protein before lifting. It would be stupid.
  • Loftearmen
    Loftearmen Posts: 380
    Rule #1: If you are caught curling in the squat rack you will be kicked out and publicly humiliated (as though being seen curling in a squat rack wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #2: If you are caught saying "core", "muscle confusion" or any of the like you will be publicly humiliated (as though being heard saying ridiculous crap like that wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #3: If hearing the more serious members grunt, swear, yell, spew blood or drop their weights offends you then you will be publicly humiliated.

    Basically, my gym would be the absolute opposite of Planet Fitness. We would have a sissy alarm and on saturdays we would serve protein shakes mixed with guinness "because you earned it".
  • cjlorigan
    cjlorigan Posts: 209 Member
    Forget the cell phones and re-racking stuff..... it's your gym so what would you REALLY enforce because YOU CAN?

    Here would be some of mine:

    1. Any member caught taking a selfie is banned for two weeks. Second violation is permabanned.

    2. No striped tank tops, guys.

    3. All cardio equipment must be used for AT LEAST 25 min. No quickies here, folks. Any violation sets off a siren alarm in the machine and violating members will be banned for one week. - I also do a 10 min warmup prior to heading to the free weights..I'm banned:ohwell:

    4. Only sports-related programming on the TVs.

    @#mn gym. :)

    6. If you can't do at least 5 pullups after your first month of membership, your membership dues increase 30%. - I'm not there to do pull ups. I'm there with my own specific routine. I'm out..too expensive now.

    7. Coconut water water fountains. - um ew. Water is fine.

    That is all.

    Now for my policies.

    1. If you are there to lift...then lift and come prepared. Do not rack your weights and then leave to go mix up your energy drink, find a weight belt, check your cell for messages, stretch, and find your record keeping materials. - Yes I see a guy do this regularly on the ONLY squat rack in the gym.

    2. Cell phones are fine UNLESS its a voice call. No one wants to hear who you did last night at what bar.

    3. NO FOOD on the elliptical - Had a lady eating pretzels during her entire leisurely 30 min stroll

    4. If I catch you not wiping up your sweat you'll be required to clean the entire gym after hours - enough people don't do it so I should never have to pay to clean the gym
  • danimalkeys
    danimalkeys Posts: 982 Member
    No one fitter, stronger, slimmer or better looking than me.

    Result: empty gym! perfect

    Welcome to my basement! :)
  • 8goodgirl0
    8goodgirl0 Posts: 127 Member
    No one fitter, stronger, slimmer or better looking than me.

    Result: empty gym! perfect

    Welcome to my basement! :)
    Proper scary
  • 8goodgirl0
    8goodgirl0 Posts: 127 Member
    How do you make any progress to be stronger and fitter if the gym won't let you in because you're a 'pansy'?

    We all have to start somewhere.
  • danimalkeys
    danimalkeys Posts: 982 Member
    No one fitter, stronger, slimmer or better looking than me.

    Result: empty gym! perfect

    Welcome to my basement! :)
    Proper scary

    Yeah, that does have some creep factor in it now that I read it! :) I guess I should say, my gym is my basement and I'm the only one there. No waiting, no policies, just me and the iron.
  • Darmonatrix
    Darmonatrix Posts: 35
    people who bang weights = people who get a punch in the balls/ovaries.
  • Loulady
    Loulady Posts: 511 Member
    Not a rule, but if I ran a gym, every treadmill would have a mirror in front of it, and a huge tv screen behind it that you could set to zombie apocalypse, angry bear, T-rex, boston marathon, etc. so it looked like you were running for your life (or winning a race) for motivation.
  • Darmonatrix
    Darmonatrix Posts: 35
    No holding on to the treadmills or any backwards crab walk sh--.

    All men must walk around topless

    Makeup and beautiful hair is welcome, jealous folks not welcome.

    i **** you not, there is a girl at my gym who does press ups in the reverse crab position.

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