If u owned a gym what totalitarian policies would u enforce?

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  • leighann881
    leighann881 Posts: 371
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    1. No ellipticals, treadmills, or bikes (with the possible exception of a self-powered Woodway Curve and AirDyne bikes) - if you want to run, walk, or bike, do it outside.

    2. No weight machines - learn how to lift.

    3. No mirrors - there will be time to admire yourself when you're done.

    4. No A/C - this will keep the pansies out.

    5. When you join, you will write down specific, measurable goals (fat loss, muscle gain, performance goals, whatever). Periodically, you will be required to demonstrate that you've made progress toward those goals. If you haven't, bye bye.

    ^ this minus 4. depending on where you live. That would be dangerously brutal in AZ.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Double Post
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    I only do 12 mins of cardio. Guess I'm banned.


    P.S. your profile pic totally looks like a gym selfie.

    Jacksmom gets to go to my gym for free, and can take as many selfies as she likes...Just don't mind the other cameras behid the mirrors! :laugh:
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    4. No A/C - this will keep the pansies out.

    If you don't get heat stroke between sets, you aren't hardcore.

    I might suggest that if you DO get heat stroke lifting weights, you aren't hardcore.

    I live in Texas. I have a fan. It's enough. This "let's make everything as comfy as possible" bull**** is why the gym is full of people texting and talking and eating and goofing around for 2 hours, hogging all the equipment, instead of getting in, getting their work done, and going home. And it's why I built my own gym.
  • c2hrist3a
    c2hrist3a Posts: 67 Member
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    Rule #1: If you are caught curling in the squat rack you will be kicked out and publicly humiliated (as though being seen curling in a squat rack wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #2: If you are caught saying "core", "muscle confusion" or any of the like you will be publicly humiliated (as though being heard saying ridiculous crap like that wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #3: If hearing the more serious members grunt, swear, yell, spew blood or drop their weights offends you then you will be publicly humiliated.

    Basically, my gym would be the absolute opposite of Planet Fitness. We would have a sissy alarm and on saturdays we would serve protein shakes mixed with guinness "because you earned it".

    I'm joining your gym! I LOVE Guinness.
  • grantdumas7
    grantdumas7 Posts: 802 Member
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    Rule #1: If you are caught curling in the squat rack you will be kicked out and publicly humiliated (as though being seen curling in a squat rack wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #2: If you are caught saying "core", "muscle confusion" or any of the like you will be publicly humiliated (as though being heard saying ridiculous crap like that wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #3: If hearing the more serious members grunt, swear, yell, spew blood or drop their weights offends you then you will be publicly humiliated.

    Basically, my gym would be the absolute opposite of Planet Fitness. We would have a sissy alarm and on saturdays we would serve protein shakes mixed with guinness "because you earned it".
    What?! Does that mean no pizza on Thursdays as a reward?
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    Women only. Who wants to get hit on, look at men's hairy underarms, or any of that stuff when you're just trying to work out?
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    4. No A/C - this will keep the pansies out.

    If you don't get heat stroke between sets, you aren't hardcore.

    I might suggest that if you DO get heat stroke lifting weights, you aren't hardcore.

    I live in Texas. I have a fan. It's enough. This "let's make everything as comfy as possible" bull**** is why the gym is full of people texting and talking and eating and goofing around for 2 hours, hogging all the equipment, instead of getting in, getting their work done, and going home. And it's why I built my own gym.

    Yes. That's EXACTLY why I go to the gym. I go there for the air conditioning. Sorry but no matter what the temperature is in a gym you'll still have the people who go there and do a half-assed workout or just sit and text. I personally am not a fan of a hot and humid gym because it's uncomfortable. I prefer it to have A/C when I get there because I'll work up enough of a sweat on my own where I'm uncomfortably hot. I don't need to be sweating my butt off just walking to the locker room.
  • Loftearmen
    Loftearmen Posts: 380
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    1. No ellipticals, treadmills, or bikes (with the possible exception of a self-powered Woodway Curve and AirDyne bikes) - if you want to run, walk, or bike, do it outside.

    2. No weight machines - learn how to lift.

    3. No mirrors - there will be time to admire yourself when you're done.

    4. No A/C - this will keep the pansies out.

    5. When you join, you will write down specific, measurable goals (fat loss, muscle gain, performance goals, whatever). Periodically, you will be required to demonstrate that you've made progress toward those goals. If you haven't, bye bye.

    ^ this minus 4. depending on where you live. That would be dangerously brutal in AZ.

    Metroflex gym is in TX and has no A/C. It regularly hits triple digits with moderately high humidity here.
  • Loftearmen
    Loftearmen Posts: 380
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    Rule #1: If you are caught curling in the squat rack you will be kicked out and publicly humiliated (as though being seen curling in a squat rack wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #2: If you are caught saying "core", "muscle confusion" or any of the like you will be publicly humiliated (as though being heard saying ridiculous crap like that wasn't embarrassing enough)

    Rule #3: If hearing the more serious members grunt, swear, yell, spew blood or drop their weights offends you then you will be publicly humiliated.

    Basically, my gym would be the absolute opposite of Planet Fitness. We would have a sissy alarm and on saturdays we would serve protein shakes mixed with guinness "because you earned it".
    What?! Does that mean no pizza on Thursdays as a reward?
    Yes, my friend, that's exactly what it means. *evil laughter*
  • monicalosesweight
    monicalosesweight Posts: 1,173 Member
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    Not a rule, but if I ran a gym, every treadmill would have a mirror in front of it, and a huge tv screen behind it that you could set to zombie apocalypse, angry bear, T-rex, boston marathon, etc. so it looked like you were running for your life (or winning a race) for motivation.

    Oh, I like this one. I'd probably do a screen shot with rolling hills or some other interesting scenery. You could change it from a T-rex to just about anything that would want to eat you. It might be amusing to have the threat change. Grin.
  • thecakelocker
    thecakelocker Posts: 407 Member
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    All squats must be performed in the nude to below parallel.
  • dixiewhiskey
    dixiewhiskey Posts: 3,333 Member
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    No holding on to the treadmills or any backwards crab walk sh--.

    All men must walk around topless

    Makeup and beautiful hair is welcome, jealous folks not welcome.

    i **** you not, there is a girl at my gym who does press ups in the reverse crab position.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Scary sight
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 510 Member
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    This entire thread is why I would NEVER go to a gym. You people are @$$holes. Seriously.

    I don't even know what the heck half this stuff is and if you DON'T know, apparently, you should be punched in the face. Thanks for helping a newbie out.

    Hence, why I exercise at home, thanks.
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
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    6. If you can't do at least 5 pullups after your first month of membership, your membership dues increase 30%.

    7. Coconut water water fountains.

    That is all.

    You wouldn't have many females working out at your gym then, I've been working for a few months now and can only do 3 chin-ups and 1 neutral. No pull-ups yet. Not saying females can't do pull-ups but it means you're in exceptional shape

    Coconut water is a bullsh!t fad, how about free protein shakes
  • jayche
    jayche Posts: 1,128 Member
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    In my gym, skinny people with legs the size of my arms who think doing pullups is badass have to load and rack the 100lb plates for the squatters and deadlifters.
    I don't get it, are pull-ups not badass or something? I always thought they were
  • Cre8veLifeR
    Cre8veLifeR Posts: 1,062 Member
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    NO EFFIN PERFUME LADIES! ugh! Gag!
  • meggyannpt
    meggyannpt Posts: 73 Member
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    I would also hire a physiotherapist to make sure people squat right etc.
    ^^^This. I have to fight the urge to smack people who do crazy things that are just asking for injury! (Note: I have seen personal trainers give TERRIBLE advice to clients, basically setting them up for back pain)
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    When trainers walk around, they have to talk to everyone, not just the three prettiest girls.
  • Loftearmen
    Loftearmen Posts: 380
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    This entire thread is why I would NEVER go to a gym. You people are @$$holes. Seriously.

    I don't even know what the heck half this stuff is and if you DON'T know, apparently, you should be punched in the face. Thanks for helping a newbie out.

    Hence, why I exercise at home, thanks.

    You'd better stay out of my gym. Or else face public humiliation.

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