Is it rude to delete/decline friends with a private diary?

Calliope610

How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

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KANGOOJUMPS

mine is private, and i tell ya,,
I have some of the best friends in the world,
we are quite close and they mean the world to me!
THANKS FRIENDS,
YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN!

cmriverside

Well, I don't even log food consistently, and I don't ask for help or support with my food choices.

You are free to use this site as you see fit. I don't look at my "friends" food diary.

ncl1313

Well, we are friends and my diary is private. You are welcome to unfriend me if you want, but I think there are more things than just a food diary to be supportive of. We can see each other's workouts, weight loss, forum posts, etc. The food diary is just one tool, one aspect of what this site has to offer.

sandradev1

I have my friends list restricted to people who I have something in common with and who I interact with. Tbh I don't really worry too much if a friend chooses to have a closed diary I just do not comment on it when they post, as it would be pointless to comment on something I haven't seen. I respect my friends decisions to do this their way and concentrate on the things I have in common with them.

sugboog29

How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

In my opinion....if I ask for you help/suggestions then yes you should be able to see my diary. I posted a week or so ago asking for help..at that point mine was viewable by only my friends. I made the decision to make it public so that I could get feedback. If I ask and it is private it kinda defeats the purpose of even asking! But...to each his own!

DaniH826

I'm friends with people, not diaries.

Now, if they're griping and need help, then ok open that diary. Otherwise, who cares? What you eat and whether or not you log it is your business. I'm nobody's food police.

socajam

I do not reply to closed diaries, or have friends with closed diaries. If I am asking for advise on this forum and expect honest answers to my question, personally my diary should be open for others to answer the question on the information that can be viewed. Whether I view those answers as negative or positive; I should be an adult to take the bad from good to help me.

My goal is to lose at least 25-30 by July, if someone can push me in that direction by their advise, so be it.

Calliope610

@ncl1313,

We can see each other's workouts, weight loss, forum posts, etc. The food diary is just one tool, one aspect of what this site has to offer.

You are right, maybe this is more about relatively inactive friends and those I simply have nothing in common with. You are a keeper. lol

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monamecha

i didn't even realize my diary was set to private i thought everyone who was my friend could see my diary automatically. It wasn't until i went into my profile for another reason did i even see the diary settings and put it to where my friends could see it. maybe some people just don't know they are set to private, it's the default setting when you sign up for MFP.

jacklis

I'm friends with people, not diaries.

Well said.

SoViLicious

Too be honest I never look at anyone's diary so I don't care.

Dark_Roast

I don't look at my friends diary unless they bring something to my attention. I would be irritated if someone commented on what I ate actually, especially since I never ask for advice on my food selection.

Sharla_G

It really is helpful to me to see what others are eating. Just for ideas, you know?

You have to decide what you want from your friends here and act on that.

amymrls

I made mine private because to many people are nosy about what I eat. TBH it is no ones business what goes in my mouth but my own. I am the only person I need to please. If I am not happy with what I am feeding myself it is my fault. I got tired of negative comments because everyone has a difference of opinion.

If you choose to be this way you could be missing out on some amazing friends

sunsnstatheart

Do you really care if you decline some random stranger to your FL? Does anyone?

ncl1313

@ncl1313,

We can see each other's workouts, weight loss, forum posts, etc. The food diary is just one tool, one aspect of what this site has to offer.

You are right, maybe this is more about relatively inactive friends and those I simply have nothing in common with. You are a keeper. lol

:happy:

I've never actually look at anyone's diary unless they specifically mention something about it, like how they only ate 800 calories and are full. I want to know what someone is eating to be full after only 800 calories. Usually it's raw veggies, and then I'm sad because raw veggies are evil.

mamasmaltz3

My diary is viewable by my friends. However, I don't "complete" my diary at the end of the night. Because I don't need other people to cheer me on in that aspect, plus I don't like seeing the "If every day were like today..." message that comes up when you complete it. I don't like getting caught up in the weight it tells me I should be in five weeks. I also don't look at my friends diaries very often or comment on them. A couple people eat similar to me, or eat what I want to be eating, so I may look at theirs for some new ideas. However, I have a lot of friends that don't eat like me and unless they ask me for my opinion, I am not going to give it. I always try to comment on exercise to be an encouragement with that. Yes, I do think it would be rude to delete someone for not having an open diary. Many people who start on here are not ready for that kind of openness, but are still looking for support. Many of my friends started out with a closed diary and after building friendships, felt safe enough to open them.

nashsheri33

rude? i hope not! i unfriended my own husband. i kept getting notices that said "your dear husband has not logged in since the dawn of time. he might need some encouragement."

well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. and everybody needs 8 glasses a day!

ChristiSykes

some people don't know their diary is private I just recently opened mine because I kept seeing these type discussions.

bcattoes

How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

If you don't want friends with private diaries, I'd suggest putting that in your profile or asking about it before accepting friend requests.

quirkytizzy

I have my friends list restricted to people who I have something in common with and who I interact with. Tbh I don't really worry too much if a friend chooses to have a closed diary I just do not comment on it when they post, as it would be pointless to comment on something I haven't seen. I respect my friends decisions to do this their way and concentrate on the things I have in common with them.

This how I do things.

highervibes

I'm friends with people, not diaries.

Well said.

this.

WanderingLass

This is an interesting question.

My gut reaction is why would I want to be friends with someone who has "restrictions" like I have to share my diary with them (this is a generalization, not directed at the OP specifically, just using her example).

It carries over to friends in general. I had one who had so many restrictions that it became tedious even just to send her a text. She didn't do phone calls. She didn't do emails. She only wanted texts between certain hours of the day (understandable to an extent as they have to keep the phone nearby even when sleeping since her husband is a state trooper) and these hours would change without notice. She wouldn't tell me major events - she assumed I would read them either on Facebook or on another forum we frequent. It got to a point where I didn't know when I could text her (her preferred method of communication) and I am trying to cut back on online time and spend more time doing "me" things like becoming more active, painting and writing so I was missing out on a lot of her life.

For me, it seems more rude to put conditions on friendships. However, I also understand that if I want you to help me with my dietary habits, you need that information. So I guess -- helpful answer -- it depends? :ohwell:

ThickMcRunFast

Its your FL, do what you want.

however, my diary is private because I find the notion of strangers going through my daily food choices utterly creepy.

highervibes

And what's with the obsession people have about diaries?! It is a TOOL, for the person using it.

Do your friends know how big your husband's *o*K is if you're asking for advice about intimacy?

Who really cares?! lol Get on with your own life and if you don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't list all their foods for you to see, well my guess is that loss is yours.

missigus

My diary's private just because if I post something community wide the whole world sees it, or so it seems. If I have a lousy day, or don't log for whatever reason, I don't need reminders of that. I know when I'm being less than perfect already and probably feel crappy about it anyway. I enjoy my friends for the purpose of giving feedback on great workouts or sometimes other issues they have going on, and because I know they are there if I want to message or personally ask a question. I'm not really looking for someone to shake their finger at my diary. That being said, I do admire the people who have open diaries, but would never critique it without invitation. I guess if it really bugs you to not know whats going on- it's up to you whether you keep 'em or not.

fitplease

I try to friend people who have similar goals to me, or who encourage me in some way. If someone wants to friend me but their profile doesn't tell me anything about them, then I ignore the request.

If a person asks me about their eating patterns and does not explain to me what they are, then it is helpful to have access the the diary. I sometimes look at friends' diaries for meal ideas, or to learn how I can budget my calories better. But, the diary is not a dealbreaker for me.

Cr01502

I don't know I just look at their cleavage and decide from there.

I don't even think my friends log their food.