Is it rude to delete/decline friends with a private diary?

2

Replies

  • hot2def
    hot2def Posts: 80 Member
    Seems kind of childish. "I'm not gonna be your friend because you won't let me see your food diary." Why not just be a friend because you understand we are all walking this path and it is a very hard road? Each person's food may be different, but the struggle is the same.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
    Mine is public, I don't really care about it. I don't normally ask for food help but I tend to leave it open in case people are curious.

    I will look at diaries quite frequently and especially when I see many "under calorie goal" and lots of weight being lost.. why? because this can alert me to the fact that someone might be getting frustrated and has started trying to starve the pounds off. I don't support this method and I will not remain friends with people who are determined to do it. I will gently suggest that the person start eating more healthily but I won't congratulate stupidity nor will I suffer fools for very long. If the person continues to under eat they get booted.

    I don't ask many people to be my friends because I don't care but if someone has asked me to friend them I assume it is because they want some help with accountability. If you send me a friend invite the first thing I do is check your diary. If I don't see it I remove you. I am not here to meet people, I am here to lose weight with people who have the same goal. This isn't Facebook or twitter, I'm not here to ask about your kids, your dog or your life. I rarely comment on things that are not weight related just because I am not good with those sorts of things and I do not like discussing personal details with people I have never met.

    So yeah..I don't think its rude at all. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't want to be my friend LOL
  • jamisnyder76
    jamisnyder76 Posts: 5 Member
    I never look at my friends food diaries. Mine happens to still be the default private setting. What works for one doesn't work for everyone anyway. There are alot more ways to support someone than their food diary.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
    I like to see what my friends are eating to get more ideas about how to switch up my diet and have some variety. HOWEVER, if their diary is private, I simply don't comment. And never in a million YEARS would I ever point out bad food choices to anyone! If you don't have anything positive or worthwhile to say, keep your mouth shut. It's just common courtesy.
  • confusious95
    confusious95 Posts: 1
    I wouldn't unfriend someone based on thier food diary being private. But I will say I'm new at this and being able to see what other people are eating / substituting is super helpful!!! I'm not sure if mine is private? I have no problem with my friends viewing mine. Helps keep me accountable lol
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
    If they aren't as perverted or twisted as me, they don't stay friends with me.
  • nytius
    nytius Posts: 173 Member
    Preface by saying...whatever works for you. Its your FL.

    I can't even stand when my own mother pries into my daily food intake (and she is the sweetest saint of a person I've ever met) much less some people from my friendlist. My weight is coming off steadily and at an even pace but if I hit a hump and the stuff I know that works doesn't seem to be cutting it anymore...well then I might open it up to my friends at MFP to mull over what I'm doing wrong. Until that time, I'll keep using it for myself and hopefully my MFP friends will continue to cheer and put their two cents in on the other things anyway. Holding up a mirror that reflects your flaws (and the progression of healing them) accurately is hard enough without having a bunch of people behind you looking at the reflection too. Unless the person has hit a real plateau or is asking for help, I really don't get this obsession with the diaries either.
  • neacail
    neacail Posts: 228 Member
    How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

    If any of your friends have private diaries, it is pretty safe to assume that they're not looking for suggestions with regards to what they're eating: unless they've specifically solicited your advice on the matter.
  • jessicawrites
    jessicawrites Posts: 235 Member
    My best friend in real life is on MFP with me. We're "long-distance gym buddies" living in different states, so the main thing for us is cheering each other on to make it to the gym and support each other if we're feeling discouraged. I couldn't care less about the fact that I can't see what she eats.
  • Teeladog
    Teeladog Posts: 157 Member
    My diary is private. I am better about logging and being completely honest when I don't worry that someone will comment on my food choices (I make bad choices on occasion but I still log them). When I went from public to private, 2 people unfriended me immediately. Probably better off without them really if that was their only criteria for being my friend.
  • TiffersStr1
    TiffersStr1 Posts: 67 Member
    I keep friends who choose not to post their diaries..and if they complete the day, and it shows they are under their calorie limit..I comment" good day" or "nice job staying under"..or some such comment. I don't need to know every thing that went into their mouth to be supportive. You all have a great rest of the day, or night..or whatever you are experiencing. :flowerforyou:
  • rachelannecraig
    rachelannecraig Posts: 92
    There are a lot of varying opinions - but you need to do what is best and motivates you! :smile:
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    It's totally your perogative.

    For me, the only person I'm accountable to is...me! I'm the one who disappoints myself if I mess up. I had mine public for a while, but when I kept getting a variety of unsolicited nagging, I shut it down to keep the peace and maintain friendships.

    Each to their own.
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
    My diary isn't public but you wouldn't need to worry if it was because the first time you commented on my food without me asking I would have already deleted you.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    My diary isn't public but you wouldn't need to worry if it was because the first time you commented on my food without me asking I would have already deleted you.

    I lost two friends this way.
  • Strangegirlz
    Strangegirlz Posts: 92 Member
    I don't show my diary for a few reasons. Some of the things I use every day, like homemade almond milk, I can't put the exact nutritional info in so I just try and use something similar. This doesn't bother me because i know when I look at it what it is, but if my diary was on show I would feel like I wasn't being exact for other people. Also I have 2 fasting days a week which change and if people looked on these days I wouldn't want them to think I eat very little as I'm conscious that it might be discouraging for people who didn't realise what I was doing. These are just a couple of the reasons
  • CJ_Holmes
    CJ_Holmes Posts: 759 Member
    I think you can decline or delete people based on whatever criteria works for you- I never knew someone would delete friends for commenting on their food without asking! Maybe that's why some people have deleted me, lol!

    I have a small group of highly interactive friends. I have deleted people who eat very low calorie, because I felt like I was responsible for them and didn't want to keep harassing them. I have deleted people who never interacted. I have deleted people who used MFP to generally ***** about life. I have deleted people who post nothing but their crossfit WODs. I figure, if I have nothing positive to say on your updates, we are probably not compatible as MFP pals! I personally won't accept anyone without an open diary and a message, but that's what's important to me- food and personal interaction. I get kind of invested and spend too much time if I have more than like 30 friends to keep up with.

    I figure we are each building support networks that meet our needs and our friends' needs. We don't always get to choose the people around us, but when it comes to fitness and diet, it seems like however it works for you is fine!
  • Lessz
    Lessz Posts: 17 Member
    I welcome positive feedback and i dont care what anyone thinks of my food choices . My diary is visible to my friends, and i dont expect my friends to comment unless its positive.
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
    rude? i hope not! i unfriended my own husband. i kept getting notices that said "your dear husband has not logged in since the dawn of time. he might need some encouragement."

    well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. and everybody needs 8 glasses a day! :)

    LOL I sent my husband a friend request after he created a profile and he never accepted! Of course, he has zero friends on MFP, it's just a logging tool for him... when he bothers.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,237 Member
    How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

    It's your FL, delete or add as you desire. But I have a FL full of wonderful, supportive people (who I also support). My diary is private and I've never looked at any of theirs. There are a million ways to support people without looking at diaries. And chances are very good that someone with a private diary isn't looking for suggestions or commentary on their food choices. If you're looking for ideas of things to eat, just ask. I'll happily and freely tell you what I eat (binges & bad stuff included). But it creeps me out to think people are poking around in my diary.
  • Argentino
    Argentino Posts: 52
    With so many strong opinions out there, I don't want anyone telling me what to eat and what not to. It can screw people up.
  • jsj024519
    jsj024519 Posts: 400 Member
    How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

    It's your FL, delete or add as you desire. But I have a FL full of wonderful, supportive people (who I also support). My diary is private and I've never looked at any of theirs. There are a million ways to support people without looking at diaries. And chances are very good that someone with a private diary isn't looking for suggestions or commentary on their food choices. If you're looking for ideas of things to eat, just ask. I'll happily and freely tell you what I eat (binges & bad stuff included). But it creeps me out to think people are poking around in my diary.

    This^
  • erinxo13
    erinxo13 Posts: 892 Member
    I only like it cause I don't keep people to eat too few calories...but I get if they don't open theirs.
    People don't always want advice either... be mindful of that.

    Just because my diary is open to friends doesn't mean I want them telling me how to eat....
  • spongebobsquarepants12345
    spongebobsquarepants12345 Posts: 7
    Its your FL, do what you want.

    however, my diary is private because I find the notion of strangers going through my daily food choices utterly creepy.

    This and the fact that you get nagged to death if you eat a piece of bread or have a treat once or twice a week
  • Triciasal19
    Triciasal19 Posts: 13 Member
    I don't have my diary open for the reason that it is for me to see. I don't look at other people's diary because I don't care. I have only added people that have similar goals to me and that works for me.
    We all eat differently and I don't want people thinking my stuff is off or I'm eating too much if they don't know my whole story. I breastfeed and need the extra calories and I don't need people saying that I'm eating too much or the wrong food.
  • MartinaNYC
    MartinaNYC Posts: 190 Member
    rude? i hope not! i unfriended my own husband. i kept getting notices that said "your dear husband has not logged in since the dawn of time. he might need some encouragement."

    well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. and everybody needs 8 glasses a day! :)

    LOL
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    You can do whatever you want. I don't care if people open their diaries or not, because they can do whichever works better for their own personal weight loss process.

    Mine is open to friends, in case anyone really wants to see it. I don't actually understand why anyone would want to. It's boring.....lithezebra ate her yummy chicken soup for the nth day in a row.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
    Well, I don't even log food consistently, and I don't ask for help or support with my food choices.

    You are free to use this site as you see fit. I don't look at my "friends" food diary.

    Same here.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
    Its your FL, do what you want.

    however, my diary is private because I find the notion of strangers going through my daily food choices utterly creepy.

    This and the fact that you get nagged to death if you eat a piece of bread or have a treat once or twice a week

    Or eat an amount appropriate for you.
  • onyxgirl17
    onyxgirl17 Posts: 1,722 Member
    Nah, and I like to keep mine to people with open diaries as well.

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