Is it rude to delete/decline friends with a private diary?

fit4lifeUcan2

Its one thing if someone asks "what am I doing wrong" and their diary is private then you can ask them to open their diary. Personally my diary is private. I don't ask silly questions nor do I ask people to critique what I eat. Its no ones business what I eat, when or how much. I log in for myself and no one else. Too many know it all's out there making rude comments so I closed mine up.

fit4lifeUcan2

Its your FL, do what you want.

however, my diary is private because I find the notion of strangers going through my daily food choices utterly creepy.

This and the fact that you get nagged to death if you eat a piece of bread or have a treat once or twice a week

I got nagged about my yogurt consumption. I say mind your own business. Do what you want with your FL. Delete people for whatever petty reason you want. Its your list.

ladyark

I dont think so. You are supposed to be supportive and encouraging and you need to see these things. I wont accept a request if someone wont at least leave me a message with the request ( is that to much to ask?) or if they havent filled out anything on their profile at all. I want to know about you! As far as the food diary....it would be nice to be able to see what they are eating but, if they are too embarresed to share it i understand. I dont know why anyone would keep it private otherwise.

Jonesie1984

I do it all the time.

Edit: the reason I do is not to critique people's food choices.. I really could care less. You "eat clean".. go for it. "Paleo".. live it up. "IIFYM".. good for you. It's mainly because I will not support people who are on extreme calorie deficits and unhealthy measures to lose weight.. burning 1000 calories and consuming 1200 calories/day is exercise induced anorexia and for that someone will be deleted. They need help and support that I can not provide.

bdtyson77302

^^This! ^^

kelseyhere

Sometimes it's more about the motivation for the workouts, not all about food. I have friends who's diary I can't see, doesn't mean I can't say, "hey awesome job on that bike ride!" or answer other questions they may ask.

hartshorne84

to be honest it is your choice to accept or delete as you feel fit too, or you could just ask them to share there diary with you x x x

Tat2dDom0105

I don't think it is at all. I have a few friends that keep theirs private, but at the same token comment on my statuses and vice versa. Being active and supportive at the same time towards each other is what matters to me. What they do with their diary is none of my business. It's a personal preference.........

twinketta

Just to throw the cat amongst the pigeons...IMO most people ( I may be wrong) add people who they thing have done or are doing well with losing weight/gaining muscle so it would make sense to me that those people would want to check out the diary you are keeping?

If you have an open diary then it could be because you think it is a good diary to share and you are not bothered if people check it out?

So, if you add a friend, they are going to be looking at this diary, can they question you about it?

If this friend sees something that they find `wrong` about your food/exercise logging can they not message you about it? What is the whole `friend` thing about?

RenCara

You can support someone's health and fitness goals without knowing what they are eating. The only time you need to know what someone is eating is when they express that they have stopped losing weight and have asked for advice. That being said, we all have our own ideas of what we are looking for in a MFP friend. So, if you believe knowing someone's food intake as important to you, delete all others. I do not but that's still OK.

Duck_Puddle

What is the whole `friend` thing about?

I have a very active friends list and none of it is related to food diaries. I run as do many of my friends. They congratulate me on good runs and console me over bad ones. The commiserate when I whine about work or other things in life. I do the same for them. I don't know what a deadlift is, but it sounds impressive that one of my girl friends can deadlift my 22 year old son. So I congratulate her for that. I am constantly entertained by my friends lives and antics and I occasionally give them a laugh too. We share a common goal of weight loss/fitness at various stages, and I rely on my friends to provide insight and experience with things I'm struggling to do. My friends encourage each baby step forward, and help me not get sucked into the pit when I take a step back. They answer my dumb questions, which are nearly endless. I do the same things for them-although none of them ask dumb questions. I've never looked at a friend's diary, and they have never seen mine. I have a race tomorrow that I'm incredibly worked up about. And even if I trip and break my ankle and ride the course in an ambulance, my friends will have encouraging comments. And that will make it all ok. That is what the "friends" thing is about to me. If anyone ever cared what I ate, I would tell them. My running is already on display for the world to see.

petersonabt

How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

I have a few friends who have closed diaries and it doesn't bother me. I support them in other aspects and if they have food questions we talk privately...some people don't want it open and that's up to them, doesnt make them less supportive or need any less support.

I do understand what you are saying, so if that's your main goal here is for that sort of support and to give that kind, then just decline if its private.

Deipneus

How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

You don't want friends with closed diaries and I don't want suggestions. See how well this works out?

Contrarian

Do what you want.

smilesback

I think it is more important what *MFP friends, pals* say to you rather than what they put in their mouth. If they are staying under their calorie goal, hopefully, they are doing it healthily. If they want support they will ask for it I guess. I am here for support too, and try not to judge how someone is eating but don't like the less than 1200 calories club either. There are so many ways to figure out calories in and calories out so it must be working for them. I find the MFP exercise log so far off as I use the bodybugg and I trust that I am not burning more calories than it says. Haha! I KNOW I am not burning more calories than the BB says because I am not losing any weight, so definitely there is some irony there. Oh wells, decline/delete or unhide as you need to for your own reasons. We are here for each other and not everyone is available for whatever reasons. I wouldn't feel guilty cuz this is your program and you are not to be judged. Ask for help like this and you will get many kinds of opinions. What matters in the end is your own mental health, you have to live with yourself 24 / 7 right? I wouldn't beat myself up over this because someone told me that in the big scheme of things, MFP is here to help me on my journey and that's not meant to make me or anyone feel bad - hope this helps.

michellelemorgan

I LOVE looking at my friends food diary's. I try to look at my favorite friends diaries every day. Their good choices encourage me to keep making good choices. I like keeping my diary open because I have my friends to hold me accountable. No one cares what I eat and of course I'm not going to judge my friends for their choices either. Every now and then we ALL need a piece of chocolate cake!!

Velum_cado

Depends on what type of friends you want. Personally, I don't care if your diary is open or closed. My diary is private because I don't feel I need advice or support around what I eat. Food is a bit of a triggery issue for me after struggling with eating difficulties in the past, so I don't find it remotely helpful to have my food choices scrutinized. I've found a healthy system that works well for me, so I'm going to keep doing it. Your opinions will mean absolutely nothing, so I don't see the point in having an open diary. I'm more likely to need motivation to work out, so that's what I make public.

I'm willing to offer other people diet advice - I've lost quite a bit of weight so far, so I think what I have to say might be worth hearing - but if my closed diary puts you off, fair enough.

ruperthumphrey

I made mine private because to many people are nosy about what I eat. TBH it is no ones business what goes in my mouth but my own. I am the only person I need to please. If I am not happy with what I am feeding myself it is my fault. I got tired of negative comments because everyone has a difference of opinion.

If you choose to be this way you could be missing out on some amazing friends

I whole heartily agree with the above!
And I do not look at my friends food diary, what they eat is their business and they are adults!

Macgeek74

Its being uptight but you can do whatever you want to do.

rm7161

You are free to use this site as you see fit. I don't look at my "friends" food diary.

This.

If someone has a drama fit over the fact my diary is private, I am happy to show them the way off my friends list. I didn't join to share my diary with others. I'm happy to be supportive and answer questions if someone wants help, but there is no reason to force yourself onto someone who is not asking for your help.

brynnsmom

I don't think it's rude at all, we're all in this but at the same time have different approaches. I keep my diary private, but can understand why your asking the question.

JeneticTraining

No. It's your choice who you want to be in your circle of support

MissChyna

I LOVE looking at my friends food diary's. I try to look at my favorite friends diaries every day. Their good choices encourage me to keep making good choices. I like keeping my diary open because I have my friends to hold me accountable. No one cares what I eat and of course I'm not going to judge my friends for their choices either. Every now and then we ALL need a piece of chocolate cake!!

^^^^^Yes! I am the same way. With some of my friends....we share each other's food / meal ideas. I love it.

I never fully understood having a private diary on a weight-loss/fitness site lol. I can see why people do it but then again....based on what people tell me....they are almost ashamed of what they consume at times. However, that's what MFP is for...so we can motivate and help our friends to accomplish certain goals. No one is judging...because at the end of the day, we are all striving for some of the same things. That's why were are on MFP.

I respect anyone's choice to remain open or private nonetheless ^_^

dixiewhiskey

I'm friends with people, not diaries.

Now, if they're griping and need help, then ok open that diary. Otherwise, who cares? What you eat and whether or not you log it is your business. I'm nobody's food police.

:laugh:

Well said!!