Just need to talk

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  • Momma_Grizz
    Momma_Grizz Posts: 294 Member
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    Dan, good luck on the job hunt...I just wanted to say, as a lady person, women aren't as visual as guys are. My husband isn't the skinny kid I married twenty years ago, but he is so perfect looking to me. I super love him. I love his voice his smell his presence his smartness his conversation his humor his sweetness....I love just being around him.

    If your wife says she loves you as you are, no matter what, accept that and don't distance yourself from her. Being distant can mess up a marriage a lot faster than some extra weight! It will make things worse and make you more depressed. Extra weight doesn't lower your value as a human being or remove all the things that make you YOU that she fell in love with.

    I wish you all the best as you try to get healthy....

    ^^^This! It's so much easier with loving support that you can hold.
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
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    So much great advice. I just wanted to say good luck. Take it one day at a time, and you'll do wonderful :flowerforyou:
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    I am starting today, just getting everything sorted for Monday, been done a small shop for my self, just some soups, and chicken and potatoes, changed to brown bread, and brought some flora butter, brought some green tea to replace my coffee, wife has hidden all my favourite crisps, would eat 10 bags aday so I'm going for it. Can't live like this anymore. Wife (Jess) is going to start eating healthy as well with me, stay off the takeaways even thou she don't need to, Jess is one of those that could eat a horse and still stay lovely. But glad I spoke to her... If anyone is reading this then do speak to your other half because avoiding it like me is a bad idea, makes you more depressed. Wish me luck and will keep you updated, and I wish all of you best of luck too x

    Start today my friend no need to push to Monday!

    You will be alright Dan, life tosses those tests to keep us in check and interested otherwise things get boring.

    You said your an electrician, ever consider working for yourself? I don't know how strict the rules are in the UK about breaking into such a profession without a company backing. In the US it's rather easy for tradesmen to get a certification if they know what they are doing. You can start out small in the neighbourhood next to yours (never experiment where you live) put up fliers or craiglist type posts, that way you can get small jobs here and there and build your reputation. Just something to think about.

    But like I said man, you will be okay and keep up a smile for your little ones they can sense sadness.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    I'm glad you're here! I agree with those who say to start small. What worked for me personally was to spend the first month or so just getting a handle on eating less, sticking to my calorie goal. Not being crazy under it. The calorie goal is the amount of calories you are supposed to eat to lose weight. Stay close to the number. Anyhow, during my first month or so I became a little more active but didn't really add in a formal exercise plan until the second month or so.

    Good luck!!!!
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    You've got brains in your head, and feet in your shoes. You can steer them in any direction you choose.
    ~ Dr. Seuss

    You're steering in the right direction, and you've got a lovely wife who wants to help you. Best wishes!
  • MorganLeighRN
    MorganLeighRN Posts: 411 Member
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    Hi Dan,

    You have come to the right place. Many of us have been in your shoes so we know what you are going through. The first step is knowing that you need to change and than actually doing something about it. Here are a few things I have learned: 1) It is hard at first and you most likely will fall off the wagon. Learn from you mistakes and get right back up. 2) Find an exercise that excites you. For me it is running. I love doing obstacle courses with my younger brother. There are times when need motivation so I look up races that are in my area. 3) Once you have been doing this for a while you may not like the foods that you used to. 4) This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. This one is forever.

    I sent you a friend request. Good luck, you will do awesome!
  • SquidgySquidge
    SquidgySquidge Posts: 239 Member
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    Gosh I must be a little hormonal as this thread is making me feel a bit emotional!

    It's so rare to see a whole thread of people being nice :laugh: Great support guys

    Dan you sound lovely, I sent you a friend request there.
    As I said in my mail to you, the difference between failure and success for me has been the wonderful friends I have on MFP.
    Without their advice, support and motivation I probably would have got bored a while back and would be sitting here scoffing something fatty right now instead of posting this.

    I used to log in to Facebook every day when I got up and now I'm straight onto MFP instead :laugh:

    You can do this - and we're all here to do it with you, welcome to MFP you will love it.
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
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    Lots of great advice here! Many of us have been or are in a similar situation and you'll find a lot of support here. Feel free to add me if you're looking for MFP's. It's slow going, but it will get better!
  • Sassyallday
    Sassyallday Posts: 136 Member
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    Good for you, Dan- - -voicing your feelings. Not only have you given yourself a chance to face them. You've given us all a reminder that it's okay to acknowledge our own.

    I am really glad to see you making concrete plans for changing the way you approach food and exercise. That is really the only you can change. Otherwise, as with most of us. we will rely on our instincts to make choices. It's those unhealthy instincts that got us into trouble in the first place!

    I also agree with the poster who suggested that you talk with your doctor about depression. When I find myself in a cycle of behavior that I just can't stop, I know that's what it is. For me, years of talk therapy gave me the tools to break the cycle. But the hard thing about depression is that it dulls your senses so you may not even realize that you are feeling it! So, when your behavior isn't healthy and you don't feel quite right- - -reach out. Here, to your wife, your doctor or in prayer or meditation if it is in keeping with your beliefs.

    All the best!
  • Moonshine703
    Moonshine703 Posts: 1
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    I know exactly how you feel. You sound depressed which makes a lot of sense. have you thought about taking your kids somewhere cool for a long walk? A park or cave or waterfall? nature almost always gets me out of my head without food. You sound like a brave guy, which is ALWAYS sexy and your wife is a hero, too. How blessed you are. These tough times WILL pass. You deserve to be healthy to enjoy them. One less calorie today -surely I can give up ONE!!! -means one more calorie I've burned. DON'T GIVE UP! You ARE worth it!
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    You sound as if you have reached the end of your rope, and are ready grab hold of it, and take control again. You opened yourself and admitted to the demons you are facing, and I'll bet they don't look as scary as they did hidden deep down inside, do they?

    I see lots of good advice posted here, and I would like to add mine...start now, and start small. Remember how long it took to get where you are now, and realize it could take that long(or longer) to get where you want to be. Lean on this site, and the people here. They will lift you up, crack you up, and sometimes make you want to give it up! Find some good friends, and some healthy habits that work for you, and GET MOVING!
  • IamRoJ
    IamRoJ Posts: 530 Member
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    Such a brave post, and it tells me you want* this change. When I started this (years ago) I had no idea it would stick. I was at an age and weight where I'd lost hope. I've lost/gained during the past few years. I still go through periods of great insecurity like you're feeling (um...like yesterday) but by now this is such a habit I never TOTALLY give up hope. And when I start feeling shaky, there's so much support here it picks me right back up. Keep logging, get a support network (feel free to add me) and you'll amaze yourself!!!
  • itbepanda
    itbepanda Posts: 11 Member
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    It's so easy to give up, and so hard to find motivation. It took me a very long time to get to that point where it finally began sinking in. I've been unhappy for a while (because really, who's really happy being overweight?) but chronic pain has kept me from doing much about it. Chest pains drove me to the doctor, and while my heart was fine, and my cholesterol levels were decent, my triglyceride levels were 3x what they should be. She suggested a low-fat diet, and as I realized I seemed to be slimming down a bit I decided that eating habits alone weren't enough. My husband and I had made a promise to each other to make sure we'd be around to grow old together, he needs to learn to relax, and I need to lose weight.

    Dig deep, and find your motivation. You'll get there! When you want to give up, think of the consequences. Think of your arteries hardening. Think of a heart attack, and then think of your family. I have to be mean to myself like that sometimes :(

    It's easier for me to sit on the couch with migraines, fibromyalgia, and rheumatoid arthritis... These things helped the weight pile on, but they say losing it will make it hurt less too. Either way, losing it will help me spend more time with my love, so it'll be worth it. :) and it'll be worth it for you. Good luck. Don't give up. You'll get there!! Your wife loves you :)

    Add me if you'd like a buddy :)
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
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    We've all been there and we all understand.

    All you've got to do is start. Don't make it complicated, it doesn't need to be. I started out by exercising a little and trying to eat less.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    Hi Dan,

    Your story sounds all too familiar. Take those first baby steps, and make the change that you are seeking. There are a lot of great people on here who have great advice to share and have had real success keeping things simple.

    Welcome.
  • RumOne
    RumOne Posts: 266 Member
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    Yes I understand all too well. I'm glad you talked with your wife, its very important. Start small, log EVERYTHING, Add more movement into your day and see where you are at and where you can make some long term changes.

    You are not alone. Just keep going. :flowerforyou:
  • Dulcemami4ever
    Dulcemami4ever Posts: 344 Member
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    Dan, I'm so happy that you have decided to be more healthy. I WAS going to give you some tough love but it seems you are off the feeling sorry for yourself bit and on to better things. Too many times people sugar coat and are way too sympathetic and you need that strong voice to push you thru the tough times!! I know I did.

    I'm also happy you talked to your wife. She sounds like a loving person and I am glad you have her there to help you with your goals. Believe me, it makes it so much easier lol.

    Stay strong! Remember food is not everything in life. Dig deep and push yourself like you have never pushed. Think about your health, your wife, your children and never look back. You will be much more happy and healthy and gain that self confidence back. You deserve this, so don't stop and make excuses ok?

    Add me as a friend if you like. I will cheer you on. And I hope you can return the favor lol. Good luck and welcome to MFP!
  • birdbrainy
    birdbrainy Posts: 5
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    Amazingly brave! You can do this. But first you need to believe in yourself. Please add some friends to help encourage you. I'd be glad to help encourage you along your journey
  • petithamu
    petithamu Posts: 582 Member
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    Very honest post which is nice to see on MFP in the midst of all the 'do you think the person above is hot...' posts....

    Dan, the fact you recognize there is a problem is the biggest step you can take. Now you just need to make small goals. Baby steps...definitely baby steps. Make small achievable plans and not big grand ones. Accept that there are days where you will feel like your will power is weak and you might even slip and eat half of a pizza (like me...from time to time...) but just accept that's just life and get back on track as soon as possible. Don't be hard on yourself if you do slip because it happens to the best of us.

    Welcome to MFP and you can get some amazing supports here. I found blogging my journey really helps because it keeps me accountable and I write down all the good days and all the bad days. Find something (someone) that will keep you accountable and you will get where you want to be.

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