Advise me please

stellcorb

So... my 3 year old son's fish died today after only a month... not sure why, but its definately dead. I'm taking a poll... which do you think I should do:

Option 1) Flush the fish now and not bring attention to the missing fish and bowl when he gets home
Option 2) Wait until he gets home and tell him and have him help lay it to rest
Option 3) Buy another similiar looking fish and replace it before he gets home

Note: I understand that Option 2 is the most mature way to approach it... but there may be meltdown consequenses.

Vote please!:flowerforyou:

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

Option 2. Kids deal with this pretty well. Then go get a new one with him. Tell him that he can still love the dead one, but he can also love a new one.

My kids would call BS on me if I didn't go with option 2.

gingabebe

I vote 2, 1 doesn't offer closure at all, try 3 and he might realize something has changed. My cat got ran over when I was 6 and my mom lied to me, told me it ran away. I found out later she had lied and I was upset.

TylerJ76

2.

It's sad that you even have to ask..

DrBentonQuest

Option four. Tell him he killed the fish and he can't have any pets until he is an adult.

Rachlmale

2

Or 4 as previously mentioned is excellent!

quiksylver296

Been there. Done that. Option 2, definitely. The earlier to introduce your children to reality, the better.

njean888

Option 3. He's 3 year's old people save the life lesson's for the next fish.

pastryari

Option 2.

My dad has killed several of my 4 year old brother's fish. He just wants a new one each time it happens. He still tells everyone that "crazy eyes" died like it's NBD.

Edit to add: one of the cats also was run over and killed recently. He handled it fine. He still talks about the cat and how he is in Heaven.

cbeckl

Option 2.

I have 2 girls ages 7 & 4. We've unfortunately have had some animal deaths in our family recently between a horse colicking, our dog having cancer and a fish. They've definitely dealt much better with the deaths when they were able to say their goodbyes, they weren't able to with the horse but were fully prepared the night we put our dog down.

n2thenight24

2. My kids always take their fish dying pretty well, and are always excited to go pick out a new one. Get a sturdier fish this time though!

KimberlyDCZ

# 2, it's never too early to learn a valuable life lesson

1223345

Option 2 for sure. Honesty is always best. We must lead by example.

KenosFeoh

Oh my; I used to have a meltdown when anything died, including the baby birds that fell out of their nest that I put in a box in the garage and the lightning bugs I caught and put into a jar. Although I'd be tempted to go with #3 (he has plenty of time to get used to the harsh realities of living and dying), I think the right answer would be #2.

Crankstr

Option four. Tell him he killed the fish and he can't have any pets until he is an adult.

tsk tsk

DRJ311

WOW obviously the option four people don't have kids!! (RUDE)
Anyway, DEF option 2. This happened to my son's fish. And we did it together. He literally forgot about it within a few hours. We never got a new one, though. But if you want to take him and get a replacement, certainly do so. The more upfront and honest you are with him in the early ages, the more of a mature adult he will become.

Good luck!

Alex_is_Hawks

My ex wasn't ready to deal with the fact that his sons hedgehog died. So he put him in a plastic container, taped it all up, marked it "Dad's please do not touch" and put it in the freezer.

I, being the respectful girlfriend, did not touch and moved that carton through two house moves. Finally after it being in the freezer for 3 years, I got nosy (shame on me) and opened it up.

I promptly screamed....which brought the kids running....

and then we had to deal with the whole

OMG THAT'S where Pixel went!!!! You said he ran away Dad!!!

and the crying...holy hell the crying....

so I would say option two.

billsica

My mother did option #3 when my dad died.

Rivers2k

Option 2 is the best -also good way to introduce a life lesson here. I have an almost 3 year old with her own fish tank. I understand where your coming from so if you don't want to deal with it a replacement fish acceptable also. But I think I would do number 2 then take her to pick out another fish.

PS. if you need advice on keeping fish let me know. I am kind of a fish nerd!

kennethmgreen

So... my 3 year old son's fish died today after only a month... not sure why, but its definately dead. I'm taking a poll... which do you think I should do:

Option 1) Flush the fish now and not bring attention to the missing fish and bowl when he gets home
Option 2) Wait until he gets home and tell him and have him help lay it to rest
Option 3) Buy another similiar looking fish and replace it before he gets home

Note: I understand that Option 2 is the most mature way to approach it... but there may be meltdown consequenses.

Vote please!:flowerforyou:

My wife's dad died suddenly when our first daughter was 2. We had to deal with that. My opinion of how resilient kids are, that talking about death and dying frankly with children is an opportunity for learning, etc. is less important than your own internal barometer of what to do.

If you already know what the most mature way of dealing with a situation is, why let the threat of a melt-down steer you from taking that action?

I can (sometimes) understand the fear of a melt-down when in public - restaurant, car, etc. - postponing until home. But you are home. Deal with the situation in the way you already know is right. Don't let your child's reaction (or your fear of his reaction) be an excuse.

dodihere

He wont understand death other than the fish is gone. Option #3.

Why my kids were around the age of 8 & 10 their animals died and one of them died while they were holding it. I had to leave work. It was traumatizing and I swear my daughter now has PTSD over the event now that she is 21.

I also let a fish die when they were young and its mouth was left open and my daughter hates fish now and thinks I starved the fish to death, which I did. Not on purpose. So be careful of what you decide.

KCoolBeanz

Option 2.

When I was a kid my goldfish died, and I thought it was "sleeping", and I told everyone who would listen. My parents left it in the bowl for like 3 days becuase they didn't have the heart to tell me it was dead (LOL!!). I got suspicious when it got skeletal. :P

sunsnstatheart

My ex wasn't ready to deal with the fact that his sons hedgehog died. So he put him in a plastic container, taped it all up, marked it "Dad's please do not touch" and put it in the freezer.

I, being the respectful girlfriend, did not touch and moved that carton through two house moves. Finally after it being in the freezer for 3 years, I got nosy (shame on me) and opened it up.

I promptly screamed....which brought the kids running....

and then we had to deal with the whole

OMG THAT'S where Pixel went!!!! You said he ran away Dad!!!

and the crying...holy hell the crying....

so I would say option two.

^ This is why option 2 is best. Kids eventually figure out that you lied. Besides, living things die. It's a good life lesson and starting with a fish is a good approach. Have you seen the "Harold and the Purple Crayon" episode on "Goldie?" It worked for us.

Alex_is_Hawks

My ex wasn't ready to deal with the fact that his sons hedgehog died. So he put him in a plastic container, taped it all up, marked it "Dad's please do not touch" and put it in the freezer.

I, being the respectful girlfriend, did not touch and moved that carton through two house moves. Finally after it being in the freezer for 3 years, I got nosy (shame on me) and opened it up.

I promptly screamed....which brought the kids running....

and then we had to deal with the whole

OMG THAT'S where Pixel went!!!! You said he ran away Dad!!!

and the crying...holy hell the crying....

so I would say option two.

^ This is why option 2 is best. Kids eventually figure out that you lied. Besides, living things die. It's a good life lesson and starting with a fish is a good approach. Have you seen the "Harold and the Purple Crayon" episode on "Goldie?" It worked for us.

VERY true...and now both those boys are very paranoid when it comes to pets and their father.

everytime he had to take a dog to the vet for a check up, they would get extremely suspicious and worried....

sure that the pet wasn't going to come back or would get "lost" again...

so he's made his bed in that regard....

trust...with kids it's a big deal.....they trust you to show them the way....they really do...and they never forget when you fail them.

alishacupcake

My ex wasn't ready to deal with the fact that his sons hedgehog died. So he put him in a plastic container, taped it all up, marked it "Dad's please do not touch" and put it in the freezer.

I, being the respectful girlfriend, did not touch and moved that carton through two house moves. Finally after it being in the freezer for 3 years, I got nosy (shame on me) and opened it up.

I promptly screamed....which brought the kids running....

and then we had to deal with the whole

OMG THAT'S where Pixel went!!!! You said he ran away Dad!!!

and the crying...holy hell the crying....

so I would say option two.

This is awful, hilarious. But awful. LOL

Edited: Oh yea, and Option 2. I have a 3 year old. You gotta level with them, deal with the meltdown but honestly.

jessicas082409

Option 2, kids understand more than we give them credit for. We lost our pitpull last year and my (then) 4yr old sat with him through out the day until he passed....it is going to involve a lot of answering questions...and then more questions....but it's part of being a parent. My son took it very well, he was sad but understood puppy wasn't hurt anymore and was in puppy heaven and such. I think you should ask him if he wants another fish b/f just buying another one...

Scott2ndGradeTeacher

There are no easy choices, but option two is the best in my opinion.

Anything we can do to help this generation of children have a better sense of balance in their lives is a good thing. All too often, we try to insultate kids from the bad parts fo life "for their own good".

(...and then we wonder why 30 year old "men" are unemployed and living in their mother's basement.)

The "Everybody gets a Trophy" mentatility, where there are no losers or negative consequences is killing this country.

thebigcb

Flush it and tell him he was Nemo and must of climbed out the window with the help of Jacque etc and that we'll have to get another one tomorrow

sizzle74

2.

It's sad that you even have to ask..

Do you have kids? When my son's fish died when he was about 4 or 5 he freaked out. Started asking where he went when he dies and if he would still have his bones, etc. He was TERRIFIED. This is not a suprising parental question IMO.

Good luck OP.....I think you will handle it beautifully.

Wonderwoman2677

Option 2. Being honest is a quality I think we all want in our kids... they learn what we teach.

He's 3, he'll either not care, or he'll cry for a bit and then forget. Ask him if he wants another fish.

Also, it helps him learn about death in an easier situation than with a family member. It's a part of life, it sucks, but it's better for them to have some understanding and be able to talk to you about it. Just don't lead his responses or questions. Offer your condolences and let him guide you on how much to tell him.

sullus

What about option 5: Leave the dead fish for the kid to find on his own.