Advise me please

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stellcorb
stellcorb Posts: 294 Member
in Chit-Chat
So... my 3 year old son's fish died today after only a month... not sure why, but its definately dead. I'm taking a poll... which do you think I should do:

Option 1) Flush the fish now and not bring attention to the missing fish and bowl when he gets home
Option 2) Wait until he gets home and tell him and have him help lay it to rest
Option 3) Buy another similiar looking fish and replace it before he gets home

Note: I understand that Option 2 is the most mature way to approach it... but there may be meltdown consequenses.

Vote please!:flowerforyou:
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Replies

  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    Option 2. Kids deal with this pretty well. Then go get a new one with him. Tell him that he can still love the dead one, but he can also love a new one.

    My kids would call BS on me if I didn't go with option 2.
  • gingabebe
    gingabebe Posts: 165 Member
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    I vote 2, 1 doesn't offer closure at all, try 3 and he might realize something has changed. My cat got ran over when I was 6 and my mom lied to me, told me it ran away. I found out later she had lied and I was upset.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    2.

    It's sad that you even have to ask..
  • DrBentonQuest
    DrBentonQuest Posts: 151
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    Option four. Tell him he killed the fish and he can't have any pets until he is an adult.
  • Rachlmale
    Rachlmale Posts: 640 Member
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    2

    Or 4 as previously mentioned is excellent!
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,442 Member
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    Been there. Done that. Option 2, definitely. The earlier to introduce your children to reality, the better.
  • njean888
    njean888 Posts: 401 Member
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    Option 3. He's 3 year's old people save the life lesson's for the next fish.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    Option 2.

    My dad has killed several of my 4 year old brother's fish. He just wants a new one each time it happens. He still tells everyone that "crazy eyes" died like it's NBD.

    Edit to add: one of the cats also was run over and killed recently. He handled it fine. He still talks about the cat and how he is in Heaven.
  • cbeckl
    cbeckl Posts: 79
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    Option 2.

    I have 2 girls ages 7 & 4. We've unfortunately have had some animal deaths in our family recently between a horse colicking, our dog having cancer and a fish. They've definitely dealt much better with the deaths when they were able to say their goodbyes, they weren't able to with the horse but were fully prepared the night we put our dog down.
  • n2thenight24
    n2thenight24 Posts: 1,651 Member
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    2. My kids always take their fish dying pretty well, and are always excited to go pick out a new one. Get a sturdier fish this time though!
  • KimberlyDCZ
    KimberlyDCZ Posts: 525 Member
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    # 2, it's never too early to learn a valuable life lesson
  • 1223345
    1223345 Posts: 1,386 Member
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    Option 2 for sure. Honesty is always best. We must lead by example.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Oh my; I used to have a meltdown when anything died, including the baby birds that fell out of their nest that I put in a box in the garage and the lightning bugs I caught and put into a jar. Although I'd be tempted to go with #3 (he has plenty of time to get used to the harsh realities of living and dying), I think the right answer would be #2.
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
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    Option four. Tell him he killed the fish and he can't have any pets until he is an adult.

    tsk tsk
  • DRJ311
    DRJ311 Posts: 58 Member
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    WOW obviously the option four people don't have kids!! (RUDE)
    Anyway, DEF option 2. This happened to my son's fish. And we did it together. He literally forgot about it within a few hours. We never got a new one, though. But if you want to take him and get a replacement, certainly do so. The more upfront and honest you are with him in the early ages, the more of a mature adult he will become.

    Good luck!
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    My ex wasn't ready to deal with the fact that his sons hedgehog died. So he put him in a plastic container, taped it all up, marked it "Dad's please do not touch" and put it in the freezer.

    I, being the respectful girlfriend, did not touch and moved that carton through two house moves. Finally after it being in the freezer for 3 years, I got nosy (shame on me) and opened it up.

    I promptly screamed....which brought the kids running....

    and then we had to deal with the whole

    OMG THAT'S where Pixel went!!!! You said he ran away Dad!!!

    and the crying...holy hell the crying....

    so I would say option two.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    My mother did option #3 when my dad died.
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
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    Option 2 is the best -also good way to introduce a life lesson here. I have an almost 3 year old with her own fish tank. I understand where your coming from so if you don't want to deal with it a replacement fish acceptable also. But I think I would do number 2 then take her to pick out another fish.

    PS. if you need advice on keeping fish let me know. I am kind of a fish nerd!
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    So... my 3 year old son's fish died today after only a month... not sure why, but its definately dead. I'm taking a poll... which do you think I should do:

    Option 1) Flush the fish now and not bring attention to the missing fish and bowl when he gets home
    Option 2) Wait until he gets home and tell him and have him help lay it to rest
    Option 3) Buy another similiar looking fish and replace it before he gets home

    Note: I understand that Option 2 is the most mature way to approach it... but there may be meltdown consequenses.

    Vote please!:flowerforyou:
    My wife's dad died suddenly when our first daughter was 2. We had to deal with that. My opinion of how resilient kids are, that talking about death and dying frankly with children is an opportunity for learning, etc. is less important than your own internal barometer of what to do.

    If you already know what the most mature way of dealing with a situation is, why let the threat of a melt-down steer you from taking that action?

    I can (sometimes) understand the fear of a melt-down when in public - restaurant, car, etc. - postponing until home. But you are home. Deal with the situation in the way you already know is right. Don't let your child's reaction (or your fear of his reaction) be an excuse.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
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    He wont understand death other than the fish is gone. Option #3.

    Why my kids were around the age of 8 & 10 their animals died and one of them died while they were holding it. I had to leave work. It was traumatizing and I swear my daughter now has PTSD over the event now that she is 21.

    I also let a fish die when they were young and its mouth was left open and my daughter hates fish now and thinks I starved the fish to death, which I did. Not on purpose. So be careful of what you decide.

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