married or single folks please read....

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  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
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  • Laura42012
    Laura42012 Posts: 180 Member
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    A) He should get a divorce because it sounds like he will cheat
    B) Everyone should have time to go out and be have fun but not at the expense of the family, if money is tight or there are no babysitters, etc.
    C) What conflict is he experiencing with his wife that causes B?
  • ShannonS2714
    ShannonS2714 Posts: 135 Member
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    He has some soul searching to do.What does he really want? If it's just the hanging out
    maybe you could get together once a week or so.
    If it's more than that he should asked himself if he really wants to give up his
    family to hang out with friends.
    And your involvement, you can give him advice or just stand by him as a friend but that should be it.

    I agree with this.

    It's only been six months...has he talked to his wife? Would they consider marriage counseling? There is way more to this than what we know, and what you know....there always is. This should be something they work out together, whether they split or not.

    I've been divorced....it's not fun. I've also been the product of a divorce....that's not fun, either. I hope they can work it out, but if not I hope they can both at least be mature about it.
  • Dementedllama
    Dementedllama Posts: 177 Member
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    Then he should talk to her about why he isn't happy and see if they can find a way to fix things and make it work. Marriage is a SACRED VOW. Not something you can just decide to stop when you get bored or things aren't perfect anymore.
  • SunshineT83
    SunshineT83 Posts: 158 Member
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    first let me say I agree with two answers already posted. You should stay out of it and tell him to talk to his wife about how he feels. That's really the only way.

    Wanting a divorce because he wants to hang out like he used to is a bit immature. And based on the age you just listed that explains why. He can't hangout as he did because he has kid, not because he is married. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and I go hangout whenever I want....sometimes with him, sometimes without. BUT we don't have kids.

    ****THIS****
    Because even if he DOES choose to leave his wife he will still have the responsibility of putting his child before himself. Only without his wife to be part of a team/unit/family with him, things will be more difficult for the both of them.

    What is it that he really feels is missing in his life? He needs to talk to his wife about that not you. Because if it's sex, money, his career, fear of failing as a husband, a father, or just overall as a man these things do not impact YOU. They impact his wife and child. He needs to man up, face his life, and decide what is it that he really and truly needs. NOT what he wants, because that will inevitably change throughout his life. The party only lasts for a short time, he has to think beyond Friday Night and into 10-20-30 years from now.
  • ShannonS2714
    ShannonS2714 Posts: 135 Member
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    He wants to leave so he can go play the field, then what is going to happen? He will meet some other chick, get her pregnant and have TWO babies to support. He needs to grow up, and fast. And if you are a good friend, you will want him to do right by his wife and child. We all make decisions we regret later, but you don't just walk out on responsibilities because you wanna go play.

    I think this is horrible advice. I've known children who were raised in a home where one or both of the parents wanted out. One of those children committed suicide at 15 because of the misery that was his home life. No one has to "do right" by their spouse. Having a child is not a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship. Children need to be raised in an environment that is full of happiness and love....not one that is full of resentfulness and hate.
  • Caged_Heat
    Caged_Heat Posts: 1,031 Member
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    And this kids, is why you always use protection, unless you are ready to become a husband and father!

    Having a kid doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship where you are not happy or you don't want to be.

    This is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get a second chance. So you made a mistake. It doesn't mean you have to be miserable with it for the rest of your life.
    Agree. My uncle wasted most of his life waiting for his three kids to grow up. He was miserable the whole time, or so we realized later. He walked out when the last one turned 18 and found a woman he was happy with. Died a happy man. In the meantime, all three kids never talked to him again for walking out. He could never provide input into their being raised anyway so it was a lose-lose.

    This is now referred to as "the good old days." Yea right.

    He should definitely try to make it work and you should tell him that. Does he really love her or not? He needs to decide that first. Then if he tries, doesn't get over his feelings of making a mistake, he should try to change.

    My opinion only.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    He wants to leave so he can go play the field, then what is going to happen? He will meet some other chick, get her pregnant and have TWO babies to support. He needs to grow up, and fast. And if you are a good friend, you will want him to do right by his wife and child. We all make decisions we regret later, but you don't just walk out on responsibilities because you wanna go play.

    And you know this how?

    And by "do right by his wife" do you mean stay with her because they have a child? Sorry but I can't agree with that one if that's what you mean.

    Don't matter that he got her pregnant and thought he'd "do the right thing" and marry her and is now realizing it was wrong. If he's going to stray then he needs to leave her legally and support the child they had. I can't condone being in a relationship where you're not happy regardless if there are kids.
  • Caged_Heat
    Caged_Heat Posts: 1,031 Member
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    He wants to leave so he can go play the field, then what is going to happen? He will meet some other chick, get her pregnant and have TWO babies to support. He needs to grow up, and fast. And if you are a good friend, you will want him to do right by his wife and child. We all make decisions we regret later, but you don't just walk out on responsibilities because you wanna go play.

    I think this is horrible advice. I've known children who were raised in a home where one or both of the parents wanted out. One of those children committed suicide at 15 because of the misery that was his home life. No one has to "do right" by their spouse. Having a child is not a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship. Children need to be raised in an environment that is full of happiness and love....not one that is full of resentfulness and hate.
    Amen.
  • deannajf4
    deannajf4 Posts: 223 Member
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    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought

    I'm sorry, but what respect is there to be had for a man that dumps his wife and child because he refuses to grow up!? Seriously - the answer is simple yet revolutionary - be a man of your word - discover the meaning of integrity, honour and create a family heritage that few children have the benefit of being part of these days!

    Another little tip - there is a difference between a CONTRACT and a COVENANT. Marriage is intended to be a covenant - this means that there are no conditions - that the person signing up is signing up NO MATTER WHAT the other person does (of course breaking the marriage bond through adultery creates such a deep rift in the relationship that this could be seen as ONE exception). Unfortunately people today view marriage as a CONTRACT - basically, if the other person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, there is freedom to break it. Please please people, view your marriage as a covenant, there is nothing more sad and destructive as broken marriages - for the kids, the spouses and society in general!!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    he made his bed, let him lie in it. he made a promise for life and if he's too immature to handle that then let him drain his bank account getting a divorce and deal with the stress of raising the child of a divorce himself.

    Yeah, lets focus on him and his suffering and ignore the two people he's going to put through hell in the process.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought

    I'm sorry, but what respect is there to be had for a man that dumps his wife and child because he refuses to grow up!? Seriously - the answer is simple yet revolutionary - be a man of your word - discover the meaning of integrity, honour and create a family heritage that few children have the benefit of being part of these days!

    Another little tip - there is a difference between a CONTRACT and a COVENANT. Marriage is intended to be a covenant - this means that there are no conditions - that the person signing up is signing up NO MATTER WHAT the other person does (of course breaking the marriage bond through adultery creates such a deep rift in the relationship that this could be seen as ONE exception). Unfortunately people today view marriage as a CONTRACT - basically, if the other person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, there is freedom to break it. Please please people, view your marriage as a covenant, there is nothing more sad and destructive as broken marriages - for the kids, the spouses and society in general!!

    For the kids? So someone should stay in a dead marriage where they are absolutely miserable "for the kids and the sake of the "covenant"? BULLPUCKIES!!!

    NO ONE should be in a relationship that is bad or that they aren't happy with regardless of the child situation. One should NEVER stay in a relationship "for the sake of the children". I know too many people who are so miserable because they have to "do the right thing because of the children"

    Screw that! If you're unhappy get out and find someone who will MAKE you happy. There's not just one soul mate or person for every one out there.

    Ask me how I know.
  • BamsieEkhaya
    BamsieEkhaya Posts: 657 Member
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    I honestly do not understand why people stay in unhappy relationships because they have a child together...this craze annoys me !!

    A child should be brought up in a happy and healthy environment where they can learn to establish a real relationship and are absorbed in love....If two parents stay together merely for the child and have no love there is a risk you end up doing more harm !! One of the ways we form/perceive relationships is through learning and psychology has suggested that children brought up in certain parental relationships face more psychological damage/issues in their later relationships as adults (I am secretly an insecure avoidant and lord knows how my BF has coped 4years)

    Only real advice is a child shouldn't be the only reason to stay in a relationship ...sometimes it's better to split up but be sure to give your child all the love and care in the world without messing them up and having them grow up witnessing a bitter, unloving relationship b/w it's rents !
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
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    A) He should get a divorce because it sounds like he will cheat
    B) Everyone should have time to go out and be have fun but not at the expense of the family, if money is tight or there are no babysitters, etc.
    C) What conflict is he experiencing with his wife that causes B?
    idk to tell you the truth haha I would say money is tight because most of the time when we go to the bar its just him let they don't go out together much
  • WannaDizzolve
    WannaDizzolve Posts: 270 Member
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    first let me say I agree with two answers already posted. You should stay out of it and tell him to talk to his wife about how he feels. That's really the only way

    Also tell him to get some marital counseling. He's awfully young to be in this predicament, but that's how it goes. Time to be an adult and deal with this stuff like an adult.

    I'm a widow; so i've been both single and married.
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
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    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought

    I'm sorry, but what respect is there to be had for a man that dumps his wife and child because he refuses to grow up!? Seriously - the answer is simple yet revolutionary - be a man of your word - discover the meaning of integrity, honour and create a family heritage that few children have the benefit of being part of these days!

    Another little tip - there is a difference between a CONTRACT and a COVENANT. Marriage is intended to be a covenant - this means that there are no conditions - that the person signing up is signing up NO MATTER WHAT the other person does (of course breaking the marriage bond through adultery creates such a deep rift in the relationship that this could be seen as ONE exception). Unfortunately people today view marriage as a CONTRACT - basically, if the other person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, there is freedom to break it. Please please people, view your marriage as a covenant, there is nothing more sad and destructive as broken marriages - for the kids, the spouses and society in general!!
    hold here this subject is getting outta hand he's a great father and loves his child and I'm sure will still be there for him
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
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    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought

    I'm sorry, but what respect is there to be had for a man that dumps his wife and child because he refuses to grow up!? Seriously - the answer is simple yet revolutionary - be a man of your word - discover the meaning of integrity, honour and create a family heritage that few children have the benefit of being part of these days!

    Another little tip - there is a difference between a CONTRACT and a COVENANT. Marriage is intended to be a covenant - this means that there are no conditions - that the person signing up is signing up NO MATTER WHAT the other person does (of course breaking the marriage bond through adultery creates such a deep rift in the relationship that this could be seen as ONE exception). Unfortunately people today view marriage as a CONTRACT - basically, if the other person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, there is freedom to break it. Please please people, view your marriage as a covenant, there is nothing more sad and destructive as broken marriages - for the kids, the spouses and society in general!!

    For the kids? So someone should stay in a dead marriage where they are absolutely miserable "for the kids and the sake of the "covenant"? BULLPUCKIES!!!

    NO ONE should be in a relationship that is bad or that they aren't happy with regardless of the child situation. One should NEVER stay in a relationship "for the sake of the children". I know too many people who are so miserable because they have to "do the right thing because of the children"

    Screw that! If you're unhappy get out and find someone who will MAKE you happy. There's not just one soul mate or person for every one out there.

    Ask me how I know.
    I should be letting you talk to him haha seriously
  • ShannonS2714
    ShannonS2714 Posts: 135 Member
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    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought

    I'm sorry, but what respect is there to be had for a man that dumps his wife and child because he refuses to grow up!? Seriously - the answer is simple yet revolutionary - be a man of your word - discover the meaning of integrity, honour and create a family heritage that few children have the benefit of being part of these days!

    Another little tip - there is a difference between a CONTRACT and a COVENANT. Marriage is intended to be a covenant - this means that there are no conditions - that the person signing up is signing up NO MATTER WHAT the other person does (of course breaking the marriage bond through adultery creates such a deep rift in the relationship that this could be seen as ONE exception). Unfortunately people today view marriage as a CONTRACT - basically, if the other person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, there is freedom to break it. Please please people, view your marriage as a covenant, there is nothing more sad and destructive as broken marriages - for the kids, the spouses and society in general!!

    The list of things "more sad and destructive (than) broken marriages" is a LONG one. This is dramatic and is more about religion than personal choices. No one should feel forced to stay somewhere that they will be unhappy as well as somewhere they will make others be unhappy. I was married young and divorced young....and found my true love and soul mate thanks to that divorce.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Tell him to divorce her so SHE can be happy.
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
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    one more thing is I believe he's a great dude I mean this wife had a daughter that was two when he meet her now that girl is five her father walked out on her but he didn't care but what's kinda messed up is ( I shouldn't tell you this lol) but the daughter always wants him to go to work because she asks when are you leaving? I told him that's pretty weird since when his wife use to work she would cry or ask when mommy is coming back?

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