married or single folks please read....

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  • ShannonS2714
    ShannonS2714 Posts: 135 Member
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    one more thing is I believe he's a great dude I mean this wife had a daughter that was two when he meet her now that girl is five her father walked out on her but he didn't care but what's kinda messed up is ( I shouldn't tell you this lol) but the daughter always wants him to go to work because she asks when are you leaving? I told him that's pretty weird since when his wife use to work she would cry or ask when mommy is coming back?

    You're on a public forum on the internet...when you say "I shouldn't tell you this lol"....it's extremely disrespectful to those you're talking about, even if we don't know them.

    Of course the little girl cries when her mom leaves...it's her mom. He's "new", so it doesn't bother her as much when he leaves. Why is it "messed up" what a 5 year old says? My kids say all sorts of crazy *kitten* to both of us on a daily basis! :-)

    This needs to be between him and his wife. If he's not going to respect her enough to talk to her, then he should at least get out of the way so she can move on and find happiness.
  • pg3ibew
    pg3ibew Posts: 1,026 Member
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    A wise man once told me, "Getting divorced is easy. Staying married is hard work."
  • sammirust
    sammirust Posts: 83
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    personally if he isnt happy, then he should leave. staying in a marriage that one or both parties isnt happy with will do nothing but make everyone more miserable. marriages only work if you want them to work. its hard work and dedication. it isnt like in the fairy tales where everyone is just "they live happily ever after." if he isnt willing to put in the hard work to make this marriage work, then he should leave, for his sake and the childs. - this is just my opinion, and take it with a grain of salt.
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
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    Don't make his problem, your problem. Be the friend you are and be there for him but I'll let him make his own decision. I hope it works out for the best..
  • HerBravado
    HerBravado Posts: 392 Member
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    Wow. :c After 6 months, that means he wasn't ready, at all.
    He should have waited,
    but now he hasn't much choice.
    If he leaves, he totally throws away what he has because he wants to hang out & be like the "good old days."
    There's something else underlying I'm sure,
    but.
    I would just not get involved.
    Because when shet hits the fan, you're going to end up taking part of the blame, too (from the wife's perspective).
    This is a tough one.
    In the end, if he isn't happy, he's not going to make her happy.
    & then it'll just be a mess where he starts pulling away.
    It's much better for a guy to be upfront from the beginning about how he feels, whether it's positive or negative.
    Saves a lot of heartache in the long run.
  • jlorscheider
    jlorscheider Posts: 14
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    Why did he marry her? Did he marry her because he loves her? Why does he want to leave? Sounds to me like he has a wife and child....now he doesn't want the responsibilities of both. ANYONE who has been married or in a long term relationship with children has, I'm sure, thought....man, it'd be nice if I was single again and could do whatever I wanted....but that's short lived when you see your loving spouse and the child (children) that you've brought into the world....(as long as you got married because you LOVED the other person)

    I was 22 when my husband and I got married. We're insanely happy and have a beautiful daughter. Do I sometimes think of how great it would be without a lot of responsibility? Yes. But, I KNOW that life would get old soon. I love my husband and my daughter :) It's worth it in the end.

    If he's serious and has a REAL reason to want to leave he should talk to his wife. My recommendation to you as a friend of both of them is to do your best to stay out of it. It'll just create drama.

    That's just my two cents.
  • nenacakesxo
    nenacakesxo Posts: 118 Member
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    for the sake of his wife, tell him to divorce. Theres no reason to keep dragging her around especially if he plans to cheat. just my opinion.
  • Pulka_Dot
    Pulka_Dot Posts: 87 Member
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    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought

    I'm sorry, but what respect is there to be had for a man that dumps his wife and child because he refuses to grow up!? Seriously - the answer is simple yet revolutionary - be a man of your word - discover the meaning of integrity, honour and create a family heritage that few children have the benefit of being part of these days!

    Another little tip - there is a difference between a CONTRACT and a COVENANT. Marriage is intended to be a covenant - this means that there are no conditions - that the person signing up is signing up NO MATTER WHAT the other person does (of course breaking the marriage bond through adultery creates such a deep rift in the relationship that this could be seen as ONE exception). Unfortunately people today view marriage as a CONTRACT - basically, if the other person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, there is freedom to break it. Please please people, view your marriage as a covenant, there is nothing more sad and destructive as broken marriages - for the kids, the spouses and society in general!!

    ^Amen.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    I'm going to pm you something for your friend. I will also post it here. So bump.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
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    www.manup116.com

    Man up anthem with lyrics- lecrae- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cCTGSp1VzA

    Man up- original video- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_K9sjB2pKM

    Just like you- lecrae- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDOyQCCpKsheart
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
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    he told me he loved her I was there when you cried getting married I feel like he still does love her but is not in love with like he use to I tell him to stay for the kid but if I was in this situation would I stay no because I would rather have two parents split that love their child then two parents that one is unhappy because he or she had to stay
  • Prismapencils
    Prismapencils Posts: 154
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    Why is everyone pushing for divorce? Is there a chance that they can spice up their relationship a bit, so that neither are bored? Also, couldn't she just allow more guy time without him running off with another woman? I don't know. I feel that you guys have good points as far as not raising kids in a toxic environment, but at the same time, I feel that's a little drastic. I dunno. You're his friend and you know her--what do you think? Can this relationship be saved?
  • zephtalah
    zephtalah Posts: 327 Member
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    Wow! I can't believe all the "just get divorced" opinions. Does committment really mean that little to you? Anyway, he made a promise. Keep it! Simple as that. As far as the unhappily married issue. Fix it! Learn to work on your marriage instead of whinning to others about it. Learn to love. Love is a choice. Lust is a feeling. Like is a feeling. Love is a choice. There will always be good and bad days, but after time of continuous working at it those good days can be more and more frequent.

    Also, why does everyone assume that if you get married young it is destined to fail? Yes, sometimes young people are selfish and immature, but so are some older people with the addition of having more years practice of being selfish and immature.

    However, when it comes down to it. It is up to him. You (op) can't do anything to save his marriage. You can encourage and give good advice or you can complain with him and give bad advice, but he will be accountable for his own actions.
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
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    Why is everyone pushing for divorce? Is there a chance that they can spice up their relationship a bit, so that neither are bored? Also, couldn't she just allow more guy time without him running off with another woman? I don't know. I feel that you guys have good points as far as not raising kids in a toxic environment, but at the same time, I feel that's a little drastic. I dunno. You're his friend and you know her--what do you think? Can this relationship be saved?
    I want it to be but then again I'm not sure just because I feel you tried to grow up too fast and I know that so people can do but then again some people can't
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
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    I am neither married nor single so I didn't read. GOODBYE!
  • Prismapencils
    Prismapencils Posts: 154
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    ^That did a lot of good. Take care, I suppose. XP

    Has he talked to her at all about this--maybe not saying directly that he wants to leave. I'm just asking if he's let her know that he's upset about something. Maybe his needs in the bed aren't being met. Maybe he wants some more variety or a romance day away from the kids or some fun once in a while. Maybe they need a sitter once a week, so they can have their own time to cut up and do whatever. Maybe she needs to give him some more space to hang out with you. Has he been honest with her about his needs? I understand that when you have a kid, you need to be responsible, but there also needs to be some happiness in life. Maybe they can compromise. She gives him some space and fun time. He ends up being a better dad and maybe gives her something else she wants.
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
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    It's natural to feel nostalgia for a more carefree time in one's life when there was less pressure and fewer responsibilities. At the end of the day though, he needs to accept the fact that he isn't living for himself anymore. The most important person in his life is now his child. Providing a stable family life for that child is his purpose in life, everything else must come second, including his own happiness.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    I'd stay out of it. It's his marriage and he's the one who has to live with his decision.
  • treagal
    treagal Posts: 264 Member
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    My ex left me with a 7 month old and it was AWFUL, the most awful time of my life...tell him to grow some balls and manup. Life can be hard, it's a hard phase to go through, getting married and having a kid is probably the biggest life changer out there. But the kid will get older and will get to be more fun, his wife will slowly get back to her regular and better self too. he needs to be patient and he needs to be a supportive father right now and understand that this is a difficult time in a relationship and the worst thing he could do is leave. Give it time...encourage him to see a counselor
  • Rose_bee
    Rose_bee Posts: 226 Member
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    1) Marriage counseling for them both. ASAP!

    2) Just because he's married with a (presumably) small child, doesn't mean he has to totally eliminate all of his personal friends/activities. Have him take turns with his wife of watching the child so the other spouse can have some alone time.

    3) Find a good babysitter and use him/her regularly. He needs to have some alone time with his wife to even have a chance at rekindling their romance

    4) Personal experience (from a child's viewpoint):
    My biological dad & mom were unhappily married for several years until they finally divorced when I was almost 8. Those years prior were absolutely tortuously miserable for me. I still have permanent emotional scars from that. It would've been much better for my emotional health if my parents had either 1) kept all aruging & fighting out of my earshot (& not assume I was asleep & wouldn't wake up, or asleep & wouldn't hear), and 2) never said anything negative to me about the other parent. This didn't not happen making the years before & after the divorce pure hell.

    Do NOT do this to your child. My biological father was so resentful by the time they divorced that he pretty much abandoned & ignored me so that he could focus 100% on his own ****. The scars that this left me are indescribable.

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