Definition of supportive

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  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Smart friends know when to be a type "A" friend, and when to be a type "B" friend.

    ^^^^ totally this

    Why do people have to constantly dichotomise everything? There are times when people need someone to tell them to stop beating themselves up over small failures and focus on the positives, then there are times when people need someone to tell them to get off their backside and stop making excuses. And there are times when people need to be told that what they're trying to do is not going to work or may even harm their health. You will never know which kind of support your friend needs and what approach works best if you don't have any empathy for them or their situation. It involves truly caring for that person. Additionally, sometimes people do need to hear truths that they don't like, but they're more likely to hear them if they can see that you really care about them and have tried to understand their actual situation, rather than just judging from the outside.

    I'm also going to echo in with someone earlier in the thread, that there's also a type C, who thinks they're being a type B, but is actually being insensitive, unsympathetic and judgemental. They march in with hobnail boots on and give "tough love" to someone they've never met before (or never bothered to get to know), whose situation they haven't tried to understand, and they do more harm than good, and what they're trying to say does not get heard.

    A little empathy and understanding goes a long way and sometimes what a person really needs is "type A" support from a friend that understands them.
  • Lifting_Knitter
    Lifting_Knitter Posts: 1,025
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    A mixture of both a and b. but I think it only works when they interact back and we get to know them on here. I have added people who have asked for supportive friends and they are just blank except for completing their journal and logging exercise. So it just feels wrong to write wtg or good job because you never know what they are thinking.
  • Skrib69
    Skrib69 Posts: 687 Member
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    I prefer predominantly Type B, but as has been said, they need to be able to recognise when they need to be Type A. Too much A looses it's effect when it is constant and gushing! Being Type B myself, I can miss the obvious when looking at myself.
  • RATSMITH69
    RATSMITH69 Posts: 127 Member
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    Most definitely B. I have no use for smoke blowing. If I don't do what I'm supposed to do, I want someone to kick me in the *kitten*.

    ^ ^ ^
    this for me too
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Type A. I can admonish myself quite well. What I need are people to tell me to relax, to breath, to be nice to myself.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
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    Type A. I can admonish myself quite well. What I need are people to tell me to relax, to breath, to be nice to myself.

    I am normally viciously abusive in supporting my friends but QT is a delicate flower, so I save up all my "actually positive" support for her.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    B...

    but a lot of folks on MFP just want you to pat them on the head and tell them it's ok...even though it's not ok. I'm actually amazed that some of the folks I come across on MFP have actually survived in the real world for as long as they have...how much coddling does one need?
  • TesselCat
    TesselCat Posts: 74
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    The best friends are the ones who can tell you what's wrong with your logic, point out your flaws, show you where you're going wrong, while still telling you that you're awesome and encouraging you towards your goals. Friends who are only negative, or only positive only make things worse.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Type A. I can admonish myself quite well. What I need are people to tell me to relax, to breath, to be nice to myself.

    I am normally viciously abusive in supporting my friends but QT is a delicate flower, so I save up all my "actually positive" support for her.

    Dawwww! :love: You're good for teh lovey lovin. You're a fantastic friend!
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
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    Double post. Sorry.
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
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    The supportive I need most is the 'zero bounce' kind.

    The rest of the time, I like a mixture of a, b and c. I'm more of a c myself, ie, I'm there but not saying a great deal. Variety is good.
  • traceyjj
    traceyjj Posts: 406 Member
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    Smart friends know when to be a type "A" friend, and when to be a type "B" friend.
    ^ Most definitely this!
    I'm only human, and I can and do make mistakes... I like to hear I have done well, but I also like to know I've done bad, and how to make changes for the better.
  • pyrogurl321
    pyrogurl321 Posts: 3
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    Most definitely B. I have no use for smoke blowing. If I don't do what I'm supposed to do, I want someone to kick me in the *kitten*.

    Most definitely agreed!
  • TheRightWeigh
    TheRightWeigh Posts: 249 Member
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    I like both to be present on my friends list...also the Type C another poster introduced earlier. I don't prefer any...they all have their time and place in my support system.

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