White guy who 'loves' black women.

joselo2

So if he had been black and acted the exact same way, same compliments, same air of entitlement, like she should be grateful he was talking to her, like he was owed something, would that be ok?

The air of entitlement would have suggested arrogance, maybe misogyny. I wouldn't have liked that guy either. But it would be harder to say racism, unless some kind of internal racism, idk.

You sound like you are dealing with some kind of internal racism yourself. Seek help.

In what way am I expressing internal racism? Genuine question.

Cr01502

In what way am I expressing internal racism? Genuine question.

In that you attributed his arrogance to the fact that he was white.

DeniseMCronin

I think that you are entitled to your opinion and that there are a lots of nasty people replying to you. I know how you are feeling and I know how difficult it is to express the feeling. There was just something scuzzy about the guy. If he had been including everybody for even part of the time in the conversation but it would seem that he wasn't.

dixiewhiskey

:laugh: Do I really need to spell it out for you? I'm bored so I'll do it anyway

The fact that it bothers you that a white male was hitting on your sister says enough as it is. It's one thing for a brother to be protective but to be up in arms over a man of different race chatting up your sister is for sure a sign that you have some issues. You specifically keep referring to his race, vs his sex repeatedly which is also troubling.. almost unhealthy.

I studied Sociology, we discussed people like you all the time. Made for some great discussions in class actually.

dixiewhiskey

I think that you are entitled to your opinion and that there are a lots of nasty people replying to you. I know how you are feeling and I know how difficult it is to express the feeling. There was just something scuzzy about the guy. If he had been including everybody for even part of the time in the conversation but it would seem that he wasn't.

I agree with your statement.. but there is a difference between complaining about a slimeball and harping about how he was a white slimeball. I am sure that's why people are replying in a not so pleasant way, assuming many replying are likely to be white themselves.

joselo2

In what way am I expressing internal racism? Genuine question.

In that you attributed his arrogance to the fact that he was white.

Internal racism is more about being racist on your own race, in my view. Also, it is a whole other debate whether black on white racism exists at all. A big whole other debate so I shall not start on that right now!

Thanks Denise. He was scuzzy, that much is true- I am basically certain there was some kind of entitlement and arrogance to him. Idk if race related- I never denied that I may or may not be being fully rational and fair here, which is why I was open to discussing it. Maybe I am not always perfect at expressing myself. Just talking about feelings realy.

taunto

So are we just gonna ignore the fact that he thinks his mom and sister are hot?

Really?

xLexa

I think he came across that way to you because of his reputation for loving black women. If I understand you correctly you were more irritated with the fact that he honed in on your sister merely because she was black and acted like she should be grateful. He didn't behave that way because he was white though, there are guys of all colours who behave that way, but I honestly think his reputation preceded him as the white guy who loves black women just for the colour of their skin. You probably want better for your sister than someone who, because of reputation, you feel might see her as just a skin colour.

dixiewhiskey

In what way am I expressing internal racism? Genuine question.

In that you attributed his arrogance to the fact that he was white.

Internal racism is more about being racist on your own race, in my view. Also, it is a whole other debate whether black on white racism exists at all. A big whole other debate so I shall not start on that right now!

Thanks Denise. He was scuzzy, that much is true- I am basically certain there was some kind of entitlement and arrogance to him. Idk if race related- I never denied that I may or may not be being fully rational and fair here, which is why I was open to discussing it. Maybe I am not always perfect at expressing myself. Just talking about feelings realy.

Internal racism goes beyond being racist to your own race.. it also includes feelings that other races should not relate to "your" race, e.g. The belief that blacks should only marry within their race.

joselo2

I studied Sociology, we discussed people like you all the time. Made for some great discussions in class actually.

I don't know what a 'guy like me' is but for sure I am interesting and a good guy, so I am sure there is lots to say

I don't know, as I explained in the first post, I did feel, and had some evidence that, the interaction WAS influenced by race and his feelings about it. But I am not saying I am definitely right about that.

Yeah, I didn't mean to be offensive, sorry if I was. But sometimes it is impossible to talk about racial politics and racism without offending some (not all) white people, and I don't see that as a reason not to talk about it. I think sometimes white people don't like hearing they have historically been at advantage, and to some extent still now, because they think it is an accustion that they are personally racist. But how can you talk of race without ever alluding to those things? I can't express this any other way.

taunto

I think that you are entitled to your opinion and that there are a lots of nasty people replying to you. I know how you are feeling and I know how difficult it is to express the feeling. There was just something scuzzy about the guy. If he had been including everybody for even part of the time in the conversation but it would seem that he wasn't.

umm, so you're saying the guy was scuzzy because he chose to go for one girl versus every girl in the joint? Wow. Men just cannot win can they? We're pervert if we go for multiple girls and we're pervert if we go for one...

I didn't knew this white guy but I do know one thing. I think the OP is scuzzy because he thinks his sister and mother are hot and that he screams racism when he doesn't like something done by people of other race even if HE's the one being irrational. I guess thats the society we live in.

OP gives people of color a bad name and he's a racist. And above all, a perv who thinks his sister and mother are hot

Cr01502

Also, it is a whole other debate whether black on white racism exists at all. A big whole other debate so I shall not start on that right now!

Since you mentioned it you might as well explain this to me?

Taunto . . . the attraction to his mother and sister are the least of my concerns right now.

Since I'm white and all it's totally normal to be attracted to one's siblings

squatsandlipgloss

Would you be as bothered if it was a black man doing this? I do think that a lot of white men try to make it a point to let black women (if they are into them) know how amazing and strong they are - really treating them different BECAUSE they are black. I do not care too much for that. I want men to treat me like I am a strong WOMEN, not a strong woman of color.

Don't get too upset about it, it is just people that don't know how to treat black women in general, feel like they have to treat them any different.

That being said: I absolutely don't think there is anything wrong with a man wanting to talk to a woman because she is black, if he finds it interesting and her attractive, so what? Take it as a compliment.

ashlinmarie

I don't see why color has anything to do with it. It is one thing if you're trying to protect your sister from an *kitten* but who cares if the *kitten* is white or black or brown or purple or green or whatever? Would you be okay with a black guy talking to your sister that way? If you are, then you are out of line but if not and it was about his words over his skin color then you have the right to tell the dude to back off and have some respect.

dakotababy

And basically, he thinks he is being charitable and so good. Like he is really good for to see the beauty of black women, and that they should be really grateful or something, even though he was nothing speical. Like they are to sit there are give him attention all night because he is kind enough to 'love' them. And there is not respect in that.

Soooo you talked to him about his intentions? Or your just judging him...because he's white?

dakotababy

Does your sister have no spine?

dixiewhiskey

I studied Sociology, we discussed people like you all the time. Made for some great discussions in class actually.

I don't know what a 'guy like me' is but for sure I am interesting and a good guy, so I am sure there is lots to say

I don't know, as I explained in the first post, I did feel, and had some evidence that, the interaction WAS influenced by race and his feelings about it. But I am not saying I am definitely right about that.

Yeah, I didn't mean to be offensive, sorry if I was. But sometimes it is impossible to talk about racial politics and racism without offending some (not all) white people, and I don't see that as a reason not to talk about it. I think sometimes white people don't like hearing they have historically been at advantage, and to some extent still now, because they think it is an accustion that they are personally racist. But how can you talk of race without ever alluding to those things? I can't express this any other way.

You're just a person on the internet but your semantics remind me of a co-worker who has made it her life mission to point out that blacks are superior and whites are evil, simply put. Don't get me wrong.. as a "sista" I see why you may feel this way but your sister is a grown woman. There is absolutely nothing wrong with someone wanting to talk to a member of the opposite sex because they are black, white, purple, etc. Did you ask your sister how she felt about the situation? That probably should have been your first avenue before asking strangers online, IMO.

joselo2

So are we just gonna ignore the fact that he thinks his mom and sister are hot?

Really?

YES because everyone else can see this is NORMAL... you are the weird one for thinking any expression that someone is beautiful must mean you fancy them!! Of course I don't fancy my family, you are being very silly. Everyone can see that. And I think you need to remind yourself of the forum rules, because you just being unkind to me now.

Thanks xLexa. I think you could be right, thanks for giving me a fair hearing.

I am not a racist (is racism from black to white even a thing? Debatable, and we shiuldn't get side tracked with that right now). I am not against mixed race relationships. In fact, as a person of colour in a mainly white area, MOST of my relationships have been mixed race myself.

sz8soon

I am a real gentleman whichis why this behaviour annoys me from the man. Thereis nothing sick or unusual about thinking someone looks beautiful, including family. If you cannot conceive of someone being thought beautiful outside of a sexual context, then I think it is YOU with the problem!

so there is something unusual about someone finding someone of a different skin color though?

and I know many men find her attractive, men of all kinds.

Men of all kinds? this statement disturbed me most- because all I could hear in my head was "stick to your own kind" ick- really hope that is not the type of "kind" you were referrencing.

Actually, I rarely perceive racism around me. I am not like that at all, sorry if I some how accidently give this impressions

For real dude? Ignorance is not bliss- step back and reevaluate how you perceive people.

If the guy is a douche and would put your sister in harms way and hurt her- then stand up and protect your sister, but if it is anything else butt out and mind your business. She's a grown woman and not your place to intervene

dixiewhiskey

I think that you are entitled to your opinion and that there are a lots of nasty people replying to you. I know how you are feeling and I know how difficult it is to express the feeling. There was just something scuzzy about the guy. If he had been including everybody for even part of the time in the conversation but it would seem that he wasn't.

umm, so you're saying the guy was scuzzy because he chose to go for one girl versus every girl in the joint? Wow. Men just cannot win can they? We're pervert if we go for multiple girls and we're pervert if we go for one...

I didn't knew this white guy but I do know one thing. I think the OP is scuzzy because he thinks his sister and mother are hot and that he screams racism when he doesn't like something done by people of other race even if HE's the one being irrational. I guess thats the society we live in.

OP gives people of color a bad name and he's a racist. And above all, a perv who thinks his sister and mother are hot

lmao

Your posts are KILLING me right now :laugh:

3dogsrunning

So are we just gonna ignore the fact that he thinks his mom and sister are hot?

Really?

YES because everyone else can see this is NORMAL... you are the weird one for thinking any expression that someone is beautiful must mean you fancy them!! Of course I don't fancy my family, you are being very silly. Everyone can see that. And I think you need to remind yourself of the forum rules, because you just being unkind to me now.

Thanks xLexa. I think you could be right, thanks for giving me a fair hearing.

I am not a racist (is racism from black to white even a thing? Debatable, and we shiuldn't get side tracked with that right now). I am not against mixed race relationships. In fact, as a person of colour in a mainly white area, MOST of my relationships have been mixed race myself.

For someone who doesn't want to get sidetracked by that right now, you've brought it up twice.

joselo2

I am a real gentleman whichis why this behaviour annoys me from the man. Thereis nothing sick or unusual about thinking someone looks beautiful, including family. If you cannot conceive of someone being thought beautiful outside of a sexual context, then I think it is YOU with the problem!

so there is something unusual about someone finding someone of a different skin color though?

and I know many men find her attractive, men of all kinds.

Men of all kinds? this statement disturbed me most- because all I could hear in my head was "stick to your own kind" ick- really hope that is not the type of "kind" you were referrencing.

Actually, I rarely perceive racism around me. I am not like that at all, sorry if I some how accidently give this impressions

For real dude? Ignorance is not bliss- step back and reevaluate how you perceive people.

If the guy is a douche and would put your sister in harms way and hurt her- then stand up and protect your sister, but if it is anything else butt out and mind your business. She's a grown woman and not your place to intervene

As I have said, I have no problem with mixed race relationships- I am black and live in a meainly white part of the world, so most of my relationships also have been mixed race. Also what is controversial about my comment that I rarely perceive racism around me? Surely that is a good thing.

My sister mainly just laughed it off. I meant, she has men of many races chat her up but most (regrdless of race), dont think they are doing her a favour.

janesmith1

I think what you object to is that your sister is just an exotic object to this man. This man is using black women as "the other" and exoticizing them which is another form of racism.

He's not treating her as a person, but as a thing, an other, someone who fits into his attractive paradigm only because of being "the other" but not as a real living attractive being.

OTOH, there are a few women who have made a lot of money marrying wealthy men who do this - Robert DeNiro's various wives and gf's for instance, George Lucas, and there is another billionaire who trades in his black wives for younger fresher versions of them. So my advice to her would be if one is going to be an object/pet for a man like that find one that is super wealthy.

OTOH, he could just be one of those men who only find BW pretty and it's just something personal, like men who only find blonde women pretty, or women who only date BM (although all of these veer off into exoticism imho, but otoh, who and what we're attracted to is sort of hard wired into us as kids).

dixiewhiskey

So are we just gonna ignore the fact that he thinks his mom and sister are hot?

Really?

YES because everyone else can see this is NORMAL... you are the weird one for thinking any expression that someone is beautiful must mean you fancy them!! Of course I don't fancy my family, you are being very silly. Everyone can see that. And I think you need to remind yourself of the forum rules, because you just being unkind to me now.

Thanks xLexa. I think you could be right, thanks for giving me a fair hearing.

I am not a racist (is racism from black to white even a thing? Debatable, and we shiuldn't get side tracked with that right now). I am not against mixed race relationships. In fact, as a person of colour in a mainly white area, MOST of my relationships have been mixed race myself.

We all gave you a fair hearing.. in fact, I told you to get over it and let your sister make her own choices.

Also, it's common for people of mixed races to have racial preference to one race over the other. If a black man hustled your sister in the way you described this white male did, would you have even brought this topic to the forums? I think that is where people are finding offense because it's likely that you would not have had the man had been a different race (e.g. black and not white)

joselo2

For someone who doesn't want to get sidetracked by that right now, you've brought it up twice.

Ok I'll try not to say it agin, just I don't know how else to say, when people say I am 'racist against white people'. I am not, regardless of if it is possible or not.

3dogsrunning

For someone who doesn't want to get sidetracked by that right now, you've brought it up twice.

Ok I'll try not to say it agin, just I don't know how else to say, when people say I am 'racist against white people'. I am not, regardless of if it is possible or not.

I am not saying you are. It is the fact you say you don't think its possible for anyone to be that I am curious about.

taunto

For someone who doesn't want to get sidetracked by that right now, you've brought it up twice.

Ok I'll try not to say it agin, just I don't know how else to say, when people say I am 'racist against white people'. I am not, regardless of if it is possible or not.

Dude you're saying "I'm not racist against white people" like I tell women "I like you for your personality". As a professional scumbag, I can smell BS.

jenilla1

Man, the people in this thread are crazy sensitive! Everybody chill out.

This white guy sounds like he is trying way too hard and I can get where the OP is coming from. My best friend in high school (biracial) used to get these idiots who tried to impress her by focusing in on her race and how special she was because of it. I guess they thought they were being sensitive or reassuring her or something. I witnessed this first hand and it sounded similar to the description OP is giving - they used words like strong and exotic too. She didn't want or need to be desired for her race or to be reassured that she's ok even though she's X, Y, or Z. She wanted to be seen as an individual.

P.S. Taunto, recognizing when someone is attractive or hot doesn't mean you desire them or are a perv. It means you have eyeballs and you can see how others would find them desirable. I can see that my own sister is a very sexy woman. That doesn't mean that I want to get down with her. Gimme a break!

dixiewhiskey

For someone who doesn't want to get sidetracked by that right now, you've brought it up twice.

Ok I'll try not to say it agin, just I don't know how else to say, when people say I am 'racist against white people'. I am not, regardless of if it is possible or not.

Your post IS racist though cause of the way you went about describing the situation. People assume like you have judged this guy that you are racist.

squatsandlipgloss

I think what you object to is that your sister is just an exotic object to this man. This man is using black women as "the other" and exoticizing them which is another form of racism.

He's not treating her as a person, but as a thing, an other, someone who fits into his attractive paradigm only because of being "the other" but not as a real living attractive being.

OTOH, there are a few women who have made a lot of money marrying wealthy men who do this - Robert DeNiro's various wives and gf's for instance, George Lucas, and there is another billionaire who trades in his black wives for younger fresher versions of them. So my advice to her would be if one is going to be an object/pet for a man like that find one that is super wealthy.

OTOH, he could just be one of those men who only find BW pretty and it's just something personal, like men who only find blonde women pretty, or women who only date BM (although all of these veer off into exoticism imho, but otoh, who and what we're attracted to is sort of hard wired into us as kids).

I think this is absolutely true. It is ok for men to talk to black women if they are attracted to them, but to put them on a pedestal just because they are black, I think that that is terrible (and that has happened to me numerous times as well, so I talk from experience).