what would YOU do?

lwagnitz

He's 14....He's allowed to eat whatever he wants (within reason) and you are to provide it for him. If you don't want him to have your "chocolate" (assuming you can call it that) then don't let him know you have it....Hide it.....if he knows where it is/finds it it's fair game.

I hope this is a joke. That is just ridiculous. He's 14, therefore he should know his boundaries. He isn't allowed to eat WHATEVER he wants, or do WHATEVER he wants. He needs to respect other people and THEIR things. I'm sure he has his own things and wouldn't want other people taking it saying "finders keepers". Would you say the same if he was taking someone else's things? People who parent their children like this is the reason why people complain about how the "new generation" is so unruly, ungrateful and disrespectful.

doubleduofa

Why are so many people acting like having him prepare food he is eating would be cruel and unusual punishment? This kid probably only has a few more years at home and learning to cook would be a practical skill, as well as saving his mother some hassle!

Exactly!

1) He can make his own.
2) It's a simple question of common courtesy - we should all teach our children to respect other people's things. If something is mine, you ask permission before you gobble it down. When he's 18, moves out, and as a roommate, he will need to know about this stuff. 14 is plenty old to make your own food and respect other's property.

I am surely not hiding food in my own house. The "people" I'm supposed to be raising (you know, teaching morals and things like that) can learn to keep their hands off of it. I make the money, I pay for the groceries, I will buy you things that you like, and I won't eat it, so I ask for the same respect in return. And if you want it, just ASK.

anawhatsme

But this goes both ways - he loves cottage cheese and I absolutely can't stand it, so I won't be touching some of his snacks either.

good point.
i should also mention here that i regularly make an entire recipe of 'healthier' banana muffins that are always all his.
i like them, but he loves them - so i make them for him to eat as many or as little as wants.
i make another version specifically for my boyfriend so he has healthy snacks at work.
the chocolate means more to me than it does to either of them, so that one is more my treat

kekeleeks

Oh and you are not being LAZY either!!! Far from it.

spicy618

Great job mom!:flowerforyou:

If it was me, he would not have any of my chocolate. PERIOD.


:flowerforyou:

LauraDotts

Nobody is entitled to eat everything in the house unless they contribute to providing it all. A parent's duty is to provide nutritious food to sustain life and health. Treats are optional whether it be your special chocolate or crappy pudding cups.

jewels319

Respect....it all comes down to respect, communication and understanding. I have a 15 yr old. He understands I am dieting and have certain things in the house. We have a standing rule in our house...if its in the cabinet and fridge its communal property. My boys eat well but have their junk. They see my special K and Atkins stuff. The pics on package look great but they have respect for my hard work and ask if they can have one. Now don't get me wrong some stuff tastes like their froot loops box...but I never prevent my kids from trying something. If there is ice cream pops in the freezer they know to leave me one or two so if I want to "cheat" its there for me. If they are going to take my "diet" stuff they know to check for more...if they don't see it...they don't take. Now if I see they ever stop eating their junk and are constantly consuming my "diet " stuff it opens a new conversation and grocery shopping changes.

carrieous

why are you buying junk food like pudding cups?

DalekBrittany

I find some of these repsonses unbelievable. The mindset that he should be able to have whatever he wants 'cause he's a special little snowflake is obviously not the approach lovely OP has taken, and rightfully so (that was not a dig at your son--I am sure he is lovely! :flowerforyou:) At 14 I was cooking my own stuff. If mom made something I didn't like, I made my own dinner. Most people I know my age are bratty and think the world owes them something, most of them are like that because they were allowed to do whatever, whenever, and their parents catered to their every whim. No one teaches their kids to be self-sufficient anymore :grumble:

DalekBrittany

why are you buying junk food like pudding cups?

How do you know she's buying junk? Are sugar free, fat free pudding cups not an option?

anawhatsme

Oh and you are not being LAZY either!!! Far from it.

thanks for saying that!
i was going to respond to the lazy comment but couldn't be bothered.
guess that was lazy of me...

anawhatsme

i find some responses unbelievable as well.
who would have thought this would become such an issue?
aside from the way out there responses, most of the comments have been really supportive, nice and helpful- so thanks a lot to those people!

as far as pudding cups go - we buy a 4 pack every 2 weeks or so for our 3 year old.
i wanted to be 'fair' to my 14 year old so i told him he could have 2 and save 2 for his brother.
a 4 pack lasts forever here by the way.
i just like to have them for the rare occasion that my toddler asks for one.

i think junky snacks in moderation are ok if you don't have underlying health issues.
moderation is key though.
as a sidenote - i prefer not to have sugar free pudding or anything else because i'm kind of scared of artificial sweeteners.

amaysngrace

No, you are not being a jerk. I feel the same way when I have my "special" treats that keep me from being a complete hog and keeps me on the right track, and then my mother will come over and just demolish my plans by eating something I really cherish, such as my 90 calorie brownies or my chocolate covered strawberries. She feels that I should "share" with her, but as soon as I go down a dress size and she goes up a dress size, then she is ready to blame me for her downfall. She goes, "You ate the brownie too." Then, I just say, "Yeah, but I am not the one complaining about my weight." And the reason why my brownies last so long is because I am not sitting up there trying to eat up the whole box. So, tell your son, what you have been telling him and keep up the good work. Losing weight is hard and temptations to eat stuff we should not eat is harder, so when you find something you can truly indulge in, let that be yours and tell the haters to keep on hating because you are on a roll and you have weight loss goals to meet!

2FatToRun

I find some of these repsonses unbelievable. The mindset that he should be able to have whatever he wants 'cause he's a special little snowflake is obviously not the approach lovely OP has taken, and rightfully so (that was not a dig at your son--I am sure he is lovely! :flowerforyou:) At 14 I was cooking my own stuff. If mom made something I didn't like, I made my own dinner. Most people I know my age are bratty and think the world owes them something, most of them are like that because they were allowed to do whatever, whenever, and their parents catered to their every whim. No one teaches their kids to be self-sufficient anymore :grumble:

My son is 12 and he always tries to get me to make him breakfast. My response....your legs arent broken and your hands are empty lol He likes to eat dinner with us as well so he gets to cook one of the veggies or he can eat top ramen lol Sounds harsh but he needs to learn now! I got so fat I thought I could keel over any minute so there is no time to baby them into adulthood lol He now does his own laundry as well I dont mention my daughter who is 15 because she had no issues getting right in there lol He eats like a mad man so in a way I use it to my advantage. He is allowed to eat junk but only after something healthy has been consumed first half the time he never makes it to the junk (thats the whole point) But there is always spurts where it seems he is eating non stop. I do say no alot when he asks for junk but auto yes to fruit or anything healthy limitless. Yes my kids ask for food they are not allowed to be in the kitchen,fridge etc without permission. I know I will get alot of BS comments but they are the most respectful kids and always ask before they do anything because they know their actions have consequences and when it comes to that it is VERY bad lol Maybe I shouldnt comment on this subject since it isnt an issue for me but I just think there is a better way to deal with it than having to hide stuff. I have never had to hide anything from the children, old man yes, lol but thats a whole diff subject lol

terriejones

OP, I like your decision to set aside a portion for him.

They are our kids and we love them, BUT, like it or not, in the real world we don't always get everything we want. You don't let your 4 yr. old dump a bottle of $1000 wine in the dirt to make mud pies just because she wants to and she's the best thing that ever happened to you. It doesn't hurt a child to learn boundaries, even in their own house.

sarahoswald

When I was growing up in my parents house, my Mother had serious health problems which she improved by eating healthier foods, but just like with the treat that you made yourself, a lot of these foods were very expensive. She was honest with us and told us that it was just too expensive to feed us all on the healthier food and we understood that we couldn't eat her food and we learned to eat separate meals.

I would try to see if there's a way to make it healthier AND affordable, then let your son have some too. But if there's no way to make a cheaper alternative I would just be honest with him and tell him he needs to eat his own treats and leave yours for you. He's old enough that he should be able to understand if you just talk to him about it.

sarahoswald

Just to be clear.... my parents still gave us very healthy foods, there were just some things that were set aside for my mother. ( like raw cacao beans and goji berries and homemade coconut yogurt )

terriejones

He's 14....He's allowed to eat whatever he wants (within reason) and you are to provide it for him. If you don't want him to have your "chocolate" (assuming you can call it that) then don't let him know you have it....Hide it.....if he knows where it is/finds it it's fair game.

That makes it sound like as long as he finds it, its okay for him to have it. I hope you have a really good hiding place for your alcohol, wallet/purse, guns, items of intimacy, etc. etc. Yes, you are required to provide him with food to nourish his body, but you are not required to provide, sodas, chips, candy, donuts...

kekeleeks

Oh and you are not being LAZY either!!! Far from it.

thanks for saying that!
i was going to respond to the lazy comment but couldn't be bothered.
guess that was lazy of me...

LOL!!! Good one.

shemama1

good idea to make a portion for him. It would be selfish to keep healthy stuff from your kid, and then let him eat junk like a pudding cup or whatever. And yes, my kids are more important than any chocolate too.