So here it is, all the honesty I can muster

LeenaRuns

I'm one of those size two girls and always have been..but I work HARD for it. I wake up at 3:40 am Monday-Friday and work out at home and then go to the gym and lift and run a few days a week after work as well. You CAN do this, you just have to put your mind to it.

NikkiSixGuns

I think MANY people on these boards can relate to what you're saying. And there are lots of us that will tell you that losing weight isn't always easy, but it IS doable and it IS worth every second of suffering you put into it to get to that goal weight.

Everyone's got to hit their own low. Mine was seeing a number I never thought I'd see on the scale at the doc's. I was pissed at myself, and I felt deeply hopeless and miserable. I had no clue what to do about it. So I got educated about how many calories my body really needs (not nearly as many as I thought and was consuming), how many calories are burned during exercise (shockingly few), and how many calories are in different foods (a lot more than I expected). I bought the Calorie King book and carried it with me everywhere. I didn't make a food choice without consulting it and knowing what I was putting in my body first. And I started losing weight.

I hope you make the choice to care! I will absolutely guarantee that you CAN lose the weight if you're willing to commit to making good choices.

And please don't hate on the size 2 girl on the treadmill. Not everyone that is a size 2 is "naturally thin". Most people have to work at it, like that girl on the treadmill is doing. I did, and now I'm a size 2. If you work at it, you'll get there, too.

beverk

You have taken the first step, now just take another, and another - one at a time over and over - that is where success in any endeavour is found . you didn't get here in a day and you will not regain your health in a day - baby steps ...until you too can get up and down those darn steps as many times as needed , or feel good on the treadmill or any other thing that is needed. Remember that what you look like is not everything - health and relationships are what is important in life, that size 2 on the treadmill might very well like to maim you for your loving boyfriend !! LOL! Friend me if you like

yankee_grl

Thank you for posting this. I love your honesty. You are not alone. I had a gym membership. I HATE HATE HATE the gym. I don't dislike exercise, but I HATE the gym. Did I mention I hate the gym? You have to find what works for you. I do workout DVDs in the morning at home. I power walk in the evenings. I also do activities I love (which never makes it seem like exercise). Hiking and kayaking are my favorites and I do those most every weekend. Just start out finding an activity you enjoy. It can be as simple as a 30 minute walk. You came to the right place for support. Feel free to friend me.

mommamills

believe it or not....THIS RIGHT HERE....hitting rock bottom is the best thing that could happen. It's the start of all things and should be the motivation that helps to light that fire. Now the hardest thing is going to be keeping your negativity regarding your shape and weight or current health status from dousing that fire! The best thing you could do is find a "fitness family"....a small bootcamp type program that TRULY TRULY cares and is a FAMILY. Now, of course, I understand that can be a lot harder than it sounds. But you should never feel antimidated by others that you work out with or the result will stay the same...you'll quit. Find a group that truly wants to see you succeed and will help to hold you accountable and push you to your limits...not letting you give up on yourself! Set mini goals for yourself: walk around the block by the end of the week. Walk two laps around the track without feeling winded. Jog a lap. Jog two laps. Little by little....you'll get there!!!!! Great job for taking that leap of faith! Now FLY!!!!!!!!!!

belleparis

Thank you for sharing. Definitely you've made the 1st big step. Now it's time to get moving. Keep in mind this is a long process, it takes patience and perseverance. YOU CAN DO IT! Keep going and set small, achievable goals to keep you motivated.

bsuew

Being honest and typing/talking about it is your first step! YOU'VE MADE YOUR FIRST STEP! That is so many times the hardest. We can beat ourself up all day. I know I did it for years and will still do it again. You can do this. I'm on here everyday and love to incourage. Friend me it you'd like. I'm quite a bit older than you but still young at heart lol! You can do it. Just take one step at a time. Walk around the house, or to the end of your drive way. Little steps turn into big ones! Believe me I didn't ever think that I would come this far. But, logging in and logging everything helps me. Get on here when your having a rough day and check out the success stories. It lifts my spirits. I tell my friends when I'm having a really horrible day, (which is less and less now) and let them help me. If I think I can't do without something I'm thinking about putting in my mouth. I try to first drink a big glass of water. It's the little steps that help you make the big ones! Best of luck!! You can do it. Believe in yourself :happy:

bethlaf

ok, you know what scared me , one day, look at your patients, you work in home health right ? i assume elder care ...

how many of your elderly patients 80+ are overweight?
60+ ???
not a lot of them make it past the 60s, that may seem like a lot of time for someone sitting at 26, but its not , it goes faster than you think it does

change now,
I AM LAZY ! not sometimes, all the time , all my favorite hobbys are sedentary or food related...
its HARD AS HELL ...
I set alarms on my phone, so what if someone seems me doing my leg lifts, they all know i need to lose weight, its not a secret...

move
move
move
and then move some more
exercise boring?
fine get on the floor with your child or dog ... play, play hard ... nothing works out a parent like giving "horsy rides" for an hour ( yeah I know its not on the exercise list)
go to the park
go to the play place
strap baby in a stroller and go for a walk ,
look at the trees
look at the melting snow .
look at whatever , just move move move
fine , did I stop in the middle of this email to do 20 arm stretches you bet your sweet butt

jfauci

Congratulations on taking the first (and, IMHO) the hardest step. Your post was hearfelt and it sounds like you are on your way to making a permanent change in your life. Feel free to add me as a friend. Good luck!

jessykab74

Take it slow, but steady.
Here is a confession, after being terribly sedentary for about 2 years I got a gym membership, and got on a treadmill. In 15 minutes I got dizzy, went to the bathroom and threw up from exertion. I was pissed at myself for being so out of shape. I sat in there for 10 minutes, and then went for another 15 minutes on the damn treadmill.
The girl you see laughing on the elliptical worked her way up to that. So will you.
And the best thing you can do is find something you like doing for exercise. I don’t love cardio, but I look forward to lifting weights every single time.
Also, what you eat, and how much you eat matters even more than exercise when it comes to losing weight. Eat a balanced diet, maintaining a moderate deficit. Lose it slow, the healthy way.
Good luck!

This is pretty much what I was going to say. Also I love your honesty. To me that is a huge step in the right direction. Do a little at a time (that is what worked best for me) Have you tried going to the gym at a different time. I noticed the morning (earlier morning is when I go) has a way different crowd then the evening. If it makes you feel any better most like they look at you with admiration because you are doing something about your weight, the healthy way. They have all been exactly where you are. They didn't just start running miles at a time. They had to work there way up. When I was that girl just starting out at the gym, (actually not that long ago) that is what gave me the will power to keep going. Believe me you would be amazed how fast your endurance goes up. Please feel free to add me aswell. Use the girls at the gym, the stairs at your house for motivation. Set small goals for yourself and when you reach them, reward yourself. Don't give up. You got this!

RedneckMomma77

Congrats on taking the first step to changing your life and health, admitting honestly what needs to be changed. If going to that gym bothers you so much, try another gym or go at a different time. As for the size 2 girls, if they were not concerned with gaining weight, they would not be there! Very few people can eat whatever they want and not exercise and be a size 2! I'm not saying that those people don't exist, but they are not as common as you might think. Most people that are slim and beautiful/handsome are that way because they work at it, not because they just happen to be that way.

I also understand the BF who has trouble putting on weight. My husband is 6'1", 195 lbs with a BMI of 20.5, which is just disgusting because he eats whatever he wants to and stays slim. But he also walks an average of 10 miles a day at work, then comes home and walks some more. He has actually walked his butt off. All I can think is, dude I could walk 30 miles a day and still not manage that!

But, like you I joined MFP and started tracking what I ate. I however did not come out with a brutally honest post to introduce myself, and I again commend you for doing so. Add me as a friend, please. It's always good to have friends with similar goals, even if it is as simple as moving more, or eating better.

Good luck and God Bless you!

montana_girl

I love your honesty! It's definitely a major starting point to make the necessary changes in your life.

I was just like you... lazy... I was 5'2, 252 pounds, and the only real activity I got during the day was walking to and from my car at work and occasionally walking places within my office building. I was 34 before I finally hit the point of, "it's now or never." I made a comittment to myself that I would stick with losing weight until I got to goal or died trying. Took me 6 years of losing/gaining/maintaining before I finally got there.

And as several people have pointed out, don't resent those ladies at the gym unless you know there back story. I was same way... resented those that appeared to have it all together. But now that I'm on the other side of that, I have to tell... it's a constant struggle to keep the weight off. So even though people see me out running with my friends, talking and occasionally laughing, it wasn't too long ago, I couldn't do that. I had to work up to that point. Just remind yourself that you will be that skinny chic, running on the treadmill, laughing with your friends... and someone will resent you for that!

invincible_summer

I'm a year older than you. While I might be slim, you have a boyfriend and house - which is something I don't!

Being slim won't make you happy. Maybe marginally healthier, but that's it.

marysowter

HI i know we do not know each other, I am so proud of you, your message was from the heart and I know you meant every word of it and to put words on here for others to read takes a lot of guts and above all honesty and I respect you for that. You have taken the first big step and that is joining mfp,there is lots of support and tips to help you along .I wish you the very best of luck and I know you will do very well x If you wish to add me as a friend you may as I would love to support you on your healthy journey :flowerforyou:

JoanB5

You are a great writer...and we've all been there. I made a goal at Christmas of this year to get on the treadmill or walk at least 15 minutes a day, no matter what. Something I could do without sweating or having to wash my hair, or even change clothes, just a change toward more active.

Now, I'm running a 5K once a week and usually a couple miles two other days, and a cross training set 3-times and one DVD. I'm down 9.7 % of my body weight. The good news is...it does work, watching calories and getting more active. It's not a complex thing, but it does take a lot of planning to make sure you don't sabotage yourself.

Tackle one area of your life hard at a time, stay motivated, get disciplined, then branch to other areas. Trying to do too many new things of order at one time may create overload. Just go with the grace you are given and keep building by grace. You can do it! Remember...your journey is yours, not that girl's. Your progress is yours. Your demons are yours. You fight! You will win! Close your eyes to everyone else for a while!

armychickmlg

I am right there with you! I gained 50+ pounds in just over a year. This is a great first step. Being a part of this community , logging your food and exercise (every meal, every snack) and being 100% honest is going to bring you the success you are wanting for.

Also, take everything one day, one hour, one minute at a time if necessary. This is a marathon, not a sprint. The weight didn't magically appear over night and it will not magically disappear either.

You can do this, I believe in you.

amysuespears

The first step to ANYTHING is making a choice... it sounds like you have done that part Step 2 is taking action. This is where it gets hard. I hung a pair of size 10 pants on my wall 2 years ago.... they are still hanging there, but I am so much closer to wearing them! I am now in a 14/16 (depending on pants) and THRILLED to be there. I started out where you are now... and the girls at the gym laughed at my obese *kitten* on the treadmill..... so, I looked at them, smiled, and continued huffing and puffing. Ignore them. Don't give someone else control over your choices... by letting them intimidate you, you are choosing to let them keep you out of the gym. Forget them!!! Focus on you YOU are worth this effort!

Tannedtiffers

Reading your story put me back to my starting point. I, too, was the girl that couldn't walk 1 lap at the track without thinking I was going to DIE!!! Now, I can go 6 miles at a time and not even flinch at it. Work yourself up slowly. YouCANdoit!!!!!! I promise it is worth each and every struggle you may have!

beskimoosh

It's lovely to see someone being so honest, and I think it's something most of us can identify with. I think we've all at one point thought "oh, I don't need to work out, my job is physical", I know I have! I've convinced myself so many times that it's ok to have takeout because I walked around shopping that day. And those girls at the gym annoy me to, I'm so jealous of them having those bodies and not seeming to put much effort in, but I try and use that as motivation, I secretly hope that one day I'll be that girl that someone is annoyed at because it looks so easy for her!

Good luck, and feel free to add me if you want support

emeraldj18

Hi,
You are off to a good start by being so honest. I noticed you used the word "Lazy".I do not think it some much as laziness,I believe you just need the motivation to do it! Ihave not been motivated for years...But,I realize I want to be 'healthy'.I am twice the size I used to be ,I have a hard time breathing and tired of sweating .I know you can do whatever it is that you want to accomplish..Stop beating up on yourself and embrace who you are and set goals for youeself.It will be hard but if you take baby steps you will evolve into the Woman you want to be.Also,I don;t do the gym thing either.I feel uncomfortable going.but,I have invested in a stationary bike and I walk.I do not monitor the scales and I try to walk when I can.I have been at this for 35 days now,and i have saw some improvement.I don't know how much I have lost but,I do know I can fit into a pair of pants I could not wear two years ago!!! We all are in this to WIN so,stay at it and good luck to ya!! Hopefully you will add me as a friend and anyone else who offers.The moral support I have recieved from this site has been Wonderful!!!
Take Care,
Jeanine

katieothompson

Hello... I just joined MFP today because I, too, have hit my low. I am at the point where I cannot even stand to LOOK at myself in a full length mirror! And I, too, have no good excuse but that I am lazy (loving to eat doesn't help either!) As of today, I am 286 pounds (I am 5'10). I ache. I feel awful in my clothes, and my confidence is dwindling. I have had the gym membership for nearly 2 years and I have been there once.

So, today is the start of the start of reinventing myself. My goal is to get active - I downloaded the C25K app, and I am determined to change for me and for my family.

Your honest post gave me the courage open up myself, so thank you!

kayl3igh88

I'm gonna sound so crazy saying this:

THIS is what you need. You need to be upset and fed up with how you can't breathe after 2 flights of stairs. You NEED to want it to go away so badly that you will do quite literally anything you can so that you can lose the weight and keep it off. Charts and sheets are no good without the sheer stubbornness it takes to stand up to and for yourself. You have to want it more than you want ANYTHING else. You won't do it until you really feel like you can't go any lower.

But the most important thing to remember here is this:

You have everything you need already. You have the support at home (your BF), you have unlimited support here and other laces like MFP (though here is best ) you already have the gym membership. Use that size 2 girl to spur you on; there is no one stopping you from being her.... except you! Good luck honey! :flowerforyou:

tricia71480

I suggest if the gym bothers you start out with a video at home. Everyone gets frustrated when they first start out because they let themself go or just didn't realize how out of shape they are. I am a former 3 sport athlete who let herself go. I started with a Jillian Michaels video (30 day shred). Let me tell you I was disgusted with myself, however, as the weeks went by and I noticed the exercises getting easier what a boost that was. I used to not be able to get through level 1 without stopping. Now I can get through level 3. Yes I am out of breath, sweating like a pig, and feel like I'm going to die at that moment. But afterwards I feel great and am proud I can get through it! So just start small and get excited as you see improvement. Even if its doing what someone suggested like walking around the block. See how many times you can do it. Then as that increases take a minute to be proud of your accomplishments. We are cheering for you.

ron2e

I don't think it's brave so much, as really necessary. Until you can be this honest with yourself you are only playing at weight loss. So this was something you had to do, and good on you for doing it publically. We've all been there and saying I'm a fat lazy mess is the first step. With your new attitude girl you're going to make it! Plenty of support around, use it as much as you can.

SirZee

I am lazy. Lazy that makes me fat.

This. Welcome to the club. Congrats on making a very hard step, acknowledging it.

Now stop making excuses. "they can eat anything they want" ... no such thing. btw, this is an excuse because its just another way of saying "well <insert some other entity, example god>made me gain fat easy".

Nobody cares about excuses, nobody buys them, they just nod cause they dont want to hurt your feelings. You are only fooling yourself. Good that you see it and will change it.

Now make a decision. Do you want to live life as a fat slob, or not? Choose the latter.

Get cracking, get it done. No excuses, no nothing.

All of the above, are my personal experiences, I'd be honored if you'd make it your own. Be your own drill sergeant. Good luck

twiglips

I never thought I'd be someone who'd actually enjoy going to the gym - it was pure torture when I started. Now I do look forward to it. It's become my "me" time. I'm primarily doing zumba right now as opposed to the weights, elliptical, treadmill, etc. There is something rewarding about the sweaty grossness at the end of a good workout. Again, words I never thought I would say. Try to find someone who can go with you - safety in pairs even if the only one worrying about what you're doing is YOU. I was still fairly new to the gym one day and had a guy tap me on the shoulder while I was using a thigh machine. He was one of the weight lifting junkies from the "man side" of the gym. He asked me if he could tell me something and I said yes while I prepared for the ultimate humiliation. He actually just wanted to tell me that he'd seen me there several times and not to give up. He went on to say that he used to weigh 400lbs and knew how hard it was to keep going back at first. So just keep going - even if somebody doesn't have the courage to come an tell you personally, you might just motivate someone else while you're improving yourself!

:flowerforyou: Good luck in your journey - you've already taken the hardest step!

stephaniezoundi

You sounds just like me 2.5 years ago. Except I was weighing in at 368lbs. And if you asked me I would have told you I had tried everything to lose weight....until I was honest with myself....I hadn't really tried. So I got the gym membership and made myself go. And I hated that size 2 girl with a passion. I didn't want to be a size 2, I just wanted to not be what I was. I wanted to not be huffing and puffing. So I hired a personal trainer who's job it was to make me huff and puff. And I began to realise I was working and the weight was falling off...and that size two girl, she wasn't really working when she was at the gym, she was going through the motions. And I realised I LOVED exercise!! I had to take a break when I became pregnant and have been off with my little girl but restarted this week.

It is hard, I will not lie but you can do it. I'm really supportive and I completely understand what you are going through so if you want to send me a friend request you can!

holothuroidea

Things are going to get a lot better for you from here on out as long as you're prepared for the work ahead.

Enjoy your journey.

ETA: (... doon't stop beelliiiiiivin'....)

Sarge516

I was in a similar place when I started my journey.

It is possible to get where you want to get, but it takes discipline and effort. You HAVE to want it.

My saying on my profile is:

"If it's important to you, you'll find a way, if not, you'll find an excuse". -- Find a way.

I started off at nearly 300 lbs, and couldn't do a single pull up or run a block without wheezing two years ago. Today, I'm 40 years old, around 200lbs, and I run with the 25 year old guys fresh out of training. I'm doing my Departments SWAT physical test...not because I have to, but because I WANT to. I have so much drive to succeed at this (fitness) that it is now a huge part of my life. In fact, I am just completing getting my certification to be a personal trainer, and I have a success story already - myself.

Anyway, point being....make yourself and your fitness a priority, and it CAN happen.

I suggest (if you can afford it) to go see a Personal Trainer. I have learned a lot taking the course, and I really feel you are in a good place to be helped by a professional, if only for ideas.

vichm

You have made a great first step to accomplishing this this time round, there are many people on here that will 100% understand your story as they would have lived similar so you are not alone.

MFP is a great network of support and it is the only thing that has ever kept me on track to reach my target weight (I lost 56 since having my twins 20 months ago-ok some was preganancy weight but i still had 30 odd lbs to shift after) I never normally reach it as numerous times in the past i get bored/ hate how long it takes etc but this time i did. I am using the site now for ongoing support to stay healthy and now work on toning/ shaping my body and advice.

I would say if there is a comfort factor you need to get past start with the food tracking/ walking simple changes before diving into the gym. When you feel ready for exercise start with home workouts. I completed Jilian Michaels 30 day shred at home in the early stages then ripped in 30 and gradually as I lost the weight spent more time at the gym. Its a new way of life and seems and big challenge but step by stepyou get there and surprise yourselve.

Happy to offer ongoing support, good luck with your new way of life for a new you!!