So here it is, all the honesty I can muster

kitcatsheart

I love your honest and I actually loved reading your story. I'm trying to tighten up a lot of aspects of my life as well. Its hard and stressful to think about but I think it's important to remember how you feel now and use it. I'm not going to lie I get resentful of people who can eat what ever they want and look like they're starving my partner and I thoroughly enjoy food together and it's hard to have to change things up but luckily it seems like we both have very supportive people in our lives. I think we can do this

jodiedawn21

It's like being an alcoholic you have to admit you have a problem so you are able to take the next step, you have done that :-) your honesty is brilliant! Welcome to the rest of your life as a healthy individual :-)

JLgettinghealthy

reading this, i was literally thinking "oh my god, get out of my head!" because it sounds exactly like something i should have written. i hate things that don't come easy - and with 100+ pounds to lose, weight loss most certainly does not come easy to me. hang in there - we are rooting for you!

tzig00

I know exactly what you are going through. When I started at the gym (in November) I could barely walk 1/2 mile in 30 mins. I wore loose fitting yoga pants so that my thighs wouldn't rub and pull the shorts up, I didn't get the chaffing, and no one could see the fat jiggling under them. I would go to the YMCA and see all these little skinny girls who didn't look like they needed to work out one bit and there I was just a mess. I decided to make a change and not care what anyone thought. Go to the gym, plug in your headphones, there's no need to talk to anyone and just block out the outside world. After a while, your body will actually crave a workout. I know it sounds crazy, but it will. You are an awesome lady to put this out there, just don't give up. You can do this!

Jessicupcake20

I want to start by saying you are beautiful! so you needed a break, been there. Everyday its going to get a little bit easier, i have all the faith that you can do whatever you put your mind to. It is so inspiring that you share your story and deepest thoughts with us, who struggle with similar things.

jenevakay

Don't be so hard on yourself that you begin to feel hopeless, and get into a self-defeating cycle. You'd be surprised how quickly you can bounce into a new routine. Don't push yourself to huffing and feeling awful at the gym. Just tart with short walks and get your body used to being on the move. Before you know it, you're walking longer, without feeling as worn out. The biggest mistake, in my estimation, is expecting so much of yourself that you give up. I'm not saying have little goals, I'm saying that you have to crawl before you can walk. Even marathon runners have to work up to it with training. Most importantly, love yourself as you are now, and know that you're working on being better for you. Once you cross the bridge of loving yourself, whatever you do to better yourself is just more of a push towards your goals. If you don't love yourself now, no matter what your weight is, you will always find yourself to be unfulfilled regardless of the amount of weight loss. Be your own kind of beautiful! I wish you the best!

Inshape13

The girl you see laughing on the elliptical worked her way up to that. So will you.


I totally agree with this statement and could not have said it better myself. When I started this a little over a year ago I was the one who could not walk a mile and a half without being out of breath...damn, probably closer to a mile. It takes nerve to go the gym and accept where you are in regards to others. I still have to conquer somethings physically such as running which took a bit of getting used to. I can now run 3 miles without stopping, do 25 push-ups in a row and do sit-ups like they are going out of style.

You will get there as long as you put your mind to it and do not give up! Changing everything at once can be a disaster sometimes so you may want to go bit by bit such as eliminating sodas one week, then fried food the next, etc. I tried it all at once and it backfired.

I wish you the best and you can friend me because I am one of those people with a skinny husband that can't gain weight either.

By the way, 95% of the time the people in the gym are either as intimidated as you or are completely zoning out.(In my experience at the gym anyway....it used to put the fear in me too) Good luck and you can do it!

fatfrost

The good news is that it is a winnable fight. Lots of people on here have done it and they are as lazy if not lazier than you are (I count myself among them).

Once you make it a priority, you will make progress. I'll tell you the one thing that I did in the beginning that made the most difference.

I picked one meal and exhibited discipline around meal while maintaining consistency elsewhere. For me, it started with breakfast. For breakfast each morning for two weeks, I said goodbye to bagels and pancakes and muffins (God, I love me some muffins) and buttered toast with jelly and etc and alternated between one of the following two meals: (i) one boiled egg and two slices of bacon with coffee or (ii) one cup of special K cereal with skim milk and coffee. I dropped about 4 lbs in two weeks and was off and running.

Not sure if something like this would work for you, but the key, I think, is not to try to entirely restructure your life right away, but rather to set smaller goals and stick to them. Then, with that tailwind, you can start to build on those successes.

Anyway, good luck to you! Looking forward to seeing your "after" pictures.

lynnvalenz

Every body is different but there are two things that are true for everyone. A healthy diet and excercise are the best ways to improve your health which is what it should really be about. I, too, am a lazy person and many of us are but improvement can't be made sitting on the couch all day. You have to get moving even if you start off with just ten minutes a day. After a while your body will feel like it can do more and you will feel so proud of yourself. One of the things I do to help me get ready for the day and for my work out is I drink water as soon as I get up and then eat a well balanced breakfast. I'm not one who can work out on an empty stomach. Water is also one way that keeps me from eating unhealthy snacks but if the urge is that bad then I will have that one cookie just to satisfy the craving. I used to have a gym memebership but gave it up and now I work out more at home than I did there. I invested in a treadmill from HSN. I also work out to the "FREE" Jillian Michaels videos on you tube and while they may be a bit old they do make you sweat. I love it because I can turn up the music and be in my own little world without worrying about any one else. Now if I ever get bored on the treadmill, I will turn on the Wii and get jiggy with it playing Just Dance or I will go to the park for a walk. Key is that I try to keep myself from being sedetary all day. We all at times feel like we can't do something but it's not until you try and I mean really try that you realize just how strong you really are. JUST KEEP REPEATING TO YOURSELF, "I CAN AND I WILL DO IT!", tell that little NEGATIVE voice in your head to go to hell because it isn't welcome! God Bless.

LynnMartin78

I love your honesty. It was like I was reading about myself. I am also 5'9. i am 35 years old. At the beginning of the year I was at my heaviest = 233 pounds. I currently weigh 219.5 pounds now and am hoping to get to 185 by end of the year. I gained 98 pounds since graduation more than 15 years ago. When I turned 30 years old I gained most of my weight. I was 165lbs for my mid twenties and felt great and looked healthy. But then I met my bf who is a 6'3 bean pole and eats anything he wants.....I followed his eating habits and quickly gained 68 pounds (most of that when I hit 30 years of age). I am also a lazy person. Very very very very lazy. I find excerise to be stressful and get no enjoyment from it. I also smoke so that doesn't help in the excercise categroy.

I hate going to the gym, all the skinny girls running laps on the treadmill make me angry.....but they also motivate me. Once I am at the gym I have no issues really, and feel so great after. My problem is getting off my lazy butt to even go to the gym. I would rather sit on my couch and watch TV or read a book than do exercise. If someone could just kick my butt to the gym, then I would be at the gym all the time

I joined MFP in February. Every month I try a different method in my diet restrictions. For example, before I started MFP, in January I gave up all diet soda and only drink water. I lost 5 pounds just doing that. When I joined MFP in Feruary Iost 5 pounds in that month just by logging my food and holding myself accountable for the food I ate. (I still keep with what I did in previous months). For March I gave up fast food and lost another 4.5 pounds. This month I am adding 30 min walks every day.

My advise is to not try and change everything all at once. Patience will help you succeed. And remember to still have a treat every week so you don't feel like depriving yourself. My treat varies, some weeks its a cupcake, others its Indian food.

Good luck to you. Feel freet to add me as a friend if you need support.

EmmaleeStrange

Ok.

I completely hear you on the "size 2 girl on the elliptical machine" comment, as I too just got into going to the gym for the first time in my 33 years of my life... and as I'm gasping for every breath and feeling like my legs are going to give out beneath me - these teeny-boppers ahead of me are in their matching Victoria's Secret "Pink" gear and chatting up a storm... not winded like myself whatsoever. What gives!? I still have no idea. I am 5'5" and probably around 135lbs (I haven't weighed myself in years) but I am sooo winded and hurting by the time I leave the gym.

The first rule is always this: NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU IN THE GYM. Everyone's body and story is different... but you are there to defeat one goal: to improve yourself FROM your current self. Don't focus on what everyone else is doing at the gym, focus on what YOU can do. Where YOU feel the burn most, what makes YOU feel stronger. Because when you start doing that, you start improving yourself almost instantly. Soon you will be the one talking to your girlfriend next to you as you're on the elliptical.

Next, look up clean eating and start syncing clean foods into your diet. Before you know it, you'll be more obsessed with cleaner foods than anything else. (Trust me - it's addicting) Clean eating is basically eating whole foods that have not been alternated or processed in any way. As long as you can read the ingredients and know what all of them are, it's clean. Whole, healthful foods are great to have on hand in those moments where you want to snack but you want it to be more filling than "two girlscout cookies totaling 160 calories" Keep delicious, clean foods on hand like hummus and veggies to dip in it, dried fruits and unsalted nuts, greek yogurts, oatmeal, brown rice, etc...

Lastly, have you tried or heard of pro-biotics? I suggest a high count pro-biotic to not only regulate your digestive system but also to help aide in digestive upsets, and balance your body's natural flora. You want one that's high in active culture count - I currently take a daily one that's 30 Billion Live Active cultures... the brand I prefer is Ultimate Flora (you can find this at Rite Aid) and people have noticed that they lose weight on these while it's helping balance all digestion issues, etc... because it's basically "cleaning out" your intestines. Most sicknesses apparently develop in digestive upsets - and I never get sick while I'm on these. All of my coworkers just got over the same flu... I never caught it. It's a great product, look it up online first if you're unsure.

I hope this helps!! Keep your chin up lady... you can do this!!!

tracieangeletti

Congratulations!!! You are making the first real step on your weight loss journey. Honesty. Brutal honesty. I think we all had that moment of brutal honesty with ourselves that propelled and motivated us to get started. I'm going to be 47 next month and have MS. I have used both age and my illness as excuses as to why I was overweight. I have been overweight on and off most of my life and more "on" than not. I have wasted YEARS of my life being overweight and unhappy with myself. YEARS. I will never get them back. When I first got sick with my MS it was awful. I was unable to walk at times and even spent time in a nursing home unable to make it to the bathroom on my own. If I was in better shape to begin with it might not have been as awful. I may end up that sick again. With MS no one knows where you'll be a year from now let alone next week. It can be that unpredictable, but I do KNOW that next time I get real sick I will be in better shape and hopefully I will be able to deal with it better. Please work on these issues now. Don't WASTE any more time feeling out of shape and miserable. YOU CAN DO THIS!! Take baby steps. Add small things into your workouts that you can sustainably do. Set yourself up with small wins as these will give you motivation to keep going. Losing weight and getting in shape takes a lot of patience. Be patient with yourself and don't try to rush things. It will happen so just stick with it. Love yourself enough to do this.Honestly, when I see obese people working out the only thoughts I have are admiration. They are not letting excuses or adversity stop them on their way to leading a healthy and happy lifestyle. I think that anybody who thinks differently isn't really worth your concern. I personally wouldn't want anything to do with them so what they think is irrelevant to me. You got this. Do it now. For your health and your overall well being. Good luck!! I wish you all the best!! Add me if you'd like!!

luckyinlove2

"This is seriously the start of a major life re-vamp. I want to work on EVERYTHING!!!! From finances to fitness to daily chores around the house; MY LIFE needs to get tightened up. I am tired of feeling fat and ready to let my outside show just how awesome my insides are. "

I loved your last paragraph! I wouldn't try to work on everything just yet; it might overload your brain with too many changes at once. I'd suggest you start with fitness and food intake, since you signed up on MFP. Once you feel you're on a roll, add the daily chores (you can count house cleaning as an exercise~Bonus!)
Then somewhere down the road, add financial "fitness". And don't forget to let your outside show just how awesome your insides are!!!

EmilyJaneRigali

Love your honesty. You should definitely read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. She spent a year re-vamping her life, allowing for success and failures. It's such a good book.

positivelypositive

Hi there,

rbartlett9671

I love your honesty... and this is half the battle. Unfortunately, honesty alone won't do it... you'll also need willpower, determination, goals, patience and forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself... you really do. I had to.

I weighed 250 pounds (ish) at the beginning of 2012 and now I'm at 185, but I did that through all the things I've mentioned above.

You'll also need friends... I couldn't have done it without mine. I rarely message anyone to ask if they'll be friends, but if you'd like to add me as your friend, I'd be honoured.

Good luck to you - you can do this!!!

rbartlett9671

(Deleted because of duplication - rbartlett9671)

doodles21224

Thanks for your honesty. I can really relate to everything you said. The big difference is I am 62 years young, soon to be 63, and I have become extremely lazy. I cannot even walk from one end of my house to the other without getting winded and don't ask me how I manage to do housework, it takes forever because I have to stop so often. I am over 290 lbs. and I cannot seem to even get below that but like you I made the first step. I joined MFP. I just had a bad week but I admitted to it and I am starting over.

There is a 2 1/2 year old little girl that is my motivation. I want to live long enough to watch my granddaughter grow up. I cannot even play with her to much at this time but I will soon because she is my life. She is also going to have a new baby brother or sister in August so I will need double the energy!

My life for the past two years has been centered on taking care of my fiance. He has end stage renal failure (kidney failure) and just had a double bi-pass and a valve replacement. I now know I have to center my life on me if I don't want to have problems like he has. I have been blessed so far and I want to continue to be. That is why I joined MFP and I intend to do it for me. I will start exercising the three days a week he is on dialysis., I am thinking of joining the local WMCA and doing water aerobics. It will be easier on my knees and ankles. I just need to find a bathing suit because I haven't worn one in over fifteen years lol.

Friend me if you want and we can work this together. I just joined the end of March.

lrbassmom

I wish there was a 'Like' button on MFP, so many of you made such good points, excellent suggestions and were so supportive!

I'm with the others, it sounds like you've had a big 'come to Jesus' moment (it's a southern saying - if you don't know what it means, message me and I'll explain) with yourself. Many of us have had that conversation with ourselves. I agree with one poster that said 'You have to hit bottom first'. And it's true. You cannot make the kind of life/habit changes that you want to make without first being ready to take on the work. And I'm sure all will agree, this is WORK, HARD WORK.

But you can and will do it.

My wakeup moment was when I had an all over checkup. Blood pressure was up to near dangerous levels. Cortisol was elevated. I had given lip service to working out, which was in all honesty was a stroll around the block. And I wasn't losing any weight. I wasn't 'really' watching what I was eating.

Then I decided to heck with the weight loss, I had to do something about the blood pressure. So I went back to what I knew worked for me, and that was lifting weights. The blood pressure came down to extremely healthy levels. And I joined MFP and starting keeping track of what I was taking in. And I was brutally honest about it. No more mindless eating.

Like all the others, I have a couple of suggestions...

#1 Focus on getting healthy first. Make it a goal to be able to get up a couple flight of stairs without getting out of breath. Do they have any kind of recumbant stationary bike or elliptical trainer at your gym? I've always thought that the ONLY way to take care of the cardio is by sitting on my *kitten*! I HATEHATEHATE the machines that you have to be vertical for. I've also found recumbant machines much more comfortable.

You mentioned that you pin. I'm assuming you mean pintrest. Make a deal with yourself. The ONLY way you get to pin is if you are on a machine doing cardio. I did that with a show I dearly loved years ago and it resulted in about a 30-40 lb weight loss after my last pregnancy. Good thing it was a long running show! Seriously! Keep your mind occupied with something while you are exercising and you won't notice that you're breathing hard and sweating nearly as much. It's the only way I can get through a cardio session. But for this to work, it has to be a hard and fast rule. No pinning unless you're on a machine! Do this for a couple of weeks and you'll start to realize that 'hey, these stairs are getting easier to run up and down!'

#2 Keep a food diary. Some people can just keep their calories in check without it but I have to keep track of what I'm consuming. YOu don't necessarily have to start automatically cutting calories. Just keep a diary for a couple of weeks, see if there is any sort of pattern to what, when and how you eat and drink. You wouldn't necessarily have to do it on MFP. A simple small notebook will work.

#3 Figure out your BMR and what your calorie intake should be given your current level of activity. This is going to require honesty with yourself again. But you're already there. There are several good calculators. MFP has one but for a more accurate one. Go to the thread "In place of a roadmap". Many of us on here have used it with great success. Put in your numbers, measurements, and activity level. You're doing this mainly as a reference and a starting point towards healthy eating.



After 2-3 weeks you'll start noticing changes in yourself. You'll start to feel stronger, healthier and more empowered. YOu'll be ready for the next challenge. Actually working toward your goal. Figure out what that goal is during this starting phase.

#4 Start expanding your workout and start making small changes to your diet. I would like to stress that I, and I imagine others, think it's very important to not starve your body. Depriving yourself can have a backlash effect on you. Do not eat below your BMR! If you starve yourself you will cause your metabolism to slow down and any initial weight loss will come to a screeching halt.



I congratulate you on your honesty and readiness for change. You CAN do this! Remember, you are doing this for YOU, not your BF, but you. And it will be the best thing you can ever give yourself.

You go Girl!

marathonmom72

You are not alone. You just described me about 6 years ago, right after I was diagnosed with diabetes. I made excuses and plans for years, but never followed through with doing it. I promise you, you can change your life! It won't be easy, but it will be worth it!!

randysbombshellgirl

You've taken that first really hard step and I totally commend your honesty. Get yourself a good plan of action and stick to it you will see results. Best of luck to you!!!

Squidgeypaws007

I suppose that this is by far one of the most difficult things I have ever written. This is honesty that I have never spoken (or typed) out loud.

I am lazy. Lazy that makes me fat.


My boyfriend (bless his generous heart) bought me a gym membership because that was the only thing on my list 3 years ago. I have gone 4-5 since getting the membership. The gym intimidates and enrages me. I have NEVER had to work at anything as hard as I have had to work at losing weight. When I am at the gym and see the size 2 girl RUNNING (or whatever you do on the elliptical) and laughing and talking with her BFF while I am WALKING on the treadmill with the angle cranked, huffing and puffing, and feeling like a sweaty disgusting mess and concerned that my shorts keep riding up because of chub rub; I kinda want to kill that girl. Maybe not kill so much as terribly maim or injure her.

I know that sounded really harsh, but I promise I am not a sociopath. I really just resent people who can eat whatever they want, or exercise because they "think it's fun" and aren't afraid to tell you so (on either accounts).

You've done the hard bit. You've acknowledged your issue and you're set to start working on it.

I was you - lazy, I was once quoted saying "I don't like to sweat, so I can't exercise". Now I'm one of those people you'd want to at least maim, because I DO enjoy exercise. Do I enjoy it every time I set out for it? Hell no, but once you get the habit you're well on your way to establishing a good routine and once you've done that I promise you you'll start enjoying it. We're chemically programmed to enjoy exercise, we release hormones and other nice stuff after exercise - you just have to push past the starting bit where it makes you want to cry, choke, puke and die. Possibly all one after the other.

You are going to do this. Because you're ready. Keep pushing Add me if you need a cheerleader :flowerforyou:

crazybookworm

Well first of all, you should be very proud of yourself. You stepped up, admitted your faults and insecurities and are ready to change them. That is a big step! I am happy or you!

Secondly, don't let the gym or working out intimidate you! No one is judging you. At the gym, everyone is in their own zone, working on their fitness. They are all there for the same reason you are. And please don't be hostile(even if its just in your head) at the smaller girls next to you. They could have been heavier and lost the weight. You are avoiding the gym because of intimidation, yet you are judging others where you are there because they are smaller. I went from a 252 lbs and a size 22, to a 125 lbs and a size 4, I would be so saddened if I knew there was someone that was next to me on the machine, secretly hating me. To break through your gym insecurities, make up a wicked awesome playlist, grab a fitness magazine(they always keep me motivated while working out. My favourite is Shape) and get in your zone!

You can totally do this girl! I have faith in you!

Soxgirl97

You've done a brave thing by being honest. I think a lot of us can relate. I know I can. I have been very lazy for the last 15 years. I just kept gaining and gaining and not doing anything about it.

Six weeks ago a friend of mine told me about someone she knows who is 33 and had a heart attack. He ended up needing bypass surgery. It was because of his lifestyle. 33 is my age. It's not like I haven't known I'm ridiculously unhealthy but for some reason this story was what made me decide to do something about it.

I started slowly. I highly recommend the Leslie Sansone walking DVDs or the Biggest Loser Power Walk. I'm too intimidated to go to the gym. I am much more comfortable working out at home. The first time I did the DVDs I couldn't get through it all. But eventually it got easier. I'm only 6 weeks in but I can tell a difference in how I look and feel.

I started counting calories and that was a huge reality check when it came to my food choices. I quit eating fast food. It's like a drug to me.

You can do this. Lean on us for support. Take it slow and be kind to yourself. I believe in you.

canyousaybikini

I am humbled by your honesty, your acknowledging that changes need to be made is the first step. Think of it this way, what is your "why"? Why do you want to change your lifestyle? Once you have that deep seeded why, remember it everytime you are at a crossroads when making a choice. Your why will guide you. Next, find a place that you feel comfortable with. It may not be a big gym, I attend a small gym that concentrates on high intensive interval training and nutrition. The owners are wonderfully supportive and so are the clients, I have never felt out of place. I look forward to going to the gym and feel guilty if I miss a day. Lastly, make changes one at a time. If you try to change all your behaviors at once it will be overwhelming. Focus on one change each month, and at the end of the year you will have made 12 signigicant changes. Good luck with your journey!

Please feel free to send me a friend request!

jmccurdy10

Great post! Putting it down for all to see is taking the first step.

Find something that you like to do thats active. I have always loved to dance... Solo dance parties when no one was home - Score! I then found Jazzercise. I heart Jazzercise SO MUCH. The instructors are normal people.. the classes have a range of people in their 20's to this lady who I think is about 80. They modify based on your ability... and its FUN. I thoroghly enjoy myself and look forward to my workout.

I was going to do the whole gym thing... and bought a groupon for a free 2 month pass... and I went once. I was intimidated and lost and overwhelmed and just out of my element. It wasn't fun and I didnt make the time for it.

I find myself making time for Jazzercise. Ohh.. I can stop by and do the express class on my way home... If I do this today - then I can go to jazzercise tomorrow.

I think if you find something thats fun... you will make the time to do it.

And I have found - the more you exercise - the better you end up eating. Because you know how hard you just worked to burn off that 600 calories - and do you really want to spoil it with a piece of pizza? At least thats my experience.

earvizu92

You have made the first step by joining MFP and you are on you way!! I always felt the same way about gyms and for that reason I invested in purchasing my own treadmill and a HRM its the best combonation ever! I would look into purchasing your own treadmill so you can look how you please and focus on you without worrying about what others think!

Mommy of 4........full time RRT

salgalbp

Well hello beautiful you!!!
Boy does your story hit home!

My father has been in AA for 35 years and he likes to quote part of the big book (I'm not exactly quoting it) but it's something to the effect of ...very rarely has someone failed when they've been completely honest with themselves. (Something like that)

It's sometimes a daily or minute by minute battle to continue to take an honest inventory of ourselves but your post is a beautiful step. Congratulations!!!

Best of luck and love,
Sal

Angelfromokc

I know this all to well. You have to be honest with yourself or your going to fail. I have learned the hard way. You can do this! Feel free to add me! Im always looking for new friends!

NRSPAM

I have been like you all of my life, up until about a year or so ago. I've been heavy my whole life, since I was a kid. Seriously, that girl on the elliptical worked up to where she was, I'm sure, just like the other ladies said. Now, I'm that girl on that elliptical, so to speak! Lol. I don't eat perfectly, by any means, but I eat healthy about 80% of the time, sometimes more or less. I'm sure people are tired of hearing my say it, but zumba is totally what saved me. I love it. I've always loved to dance, and hated to exercise. Zumba is the one thing that I can do almost every day. Lately, I've been alternating between zumba, treadmill, and/or just playing with my kids, and trying to get off my butt as much as possible. You really do burn a lot of calories just being on your feet throughout the day. I try to find little things to do around the house on the days I don't work out. I believe you can read my profile, I put some helpful tips on there, as well as my "story." Also, you can view my before and after pics. You can add me, if you like for motivation. Good luck! And don't get down on yourself, even if you fall, pick yourself up and start again!!! This weight loss thing is not unachievable!!!! You CAN do it! All of you! Trust me, if I can, then you certainly can! :happy: