So are we with the right partner?

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  • Run_Forever
    Run_Forever Posts: 147 Member
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    Great post, very well said and I think anyone who has been married can relate to it.
  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
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    I've had the fortune of being in two relationships where it wasn't difficult at all to work with. The first lasted over eight years (counting dating) and ended only because of outside circumstances. The second is going on it's eighth year and is still going strong. So there is much truth to the original post but some relationships are just easier than others. So pick wisely!
  • 2stepscloser
    2stepscloser Posts: 2,900 Member
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    Great post!! My husband and I have been together 18 years. Marriage is not easy and takes a lot of work. I think a lot of people swoon over being swept off their feet, thus leading them to cheat.
  • MrsBobaFett
    MrsBobaFett Posts: 802 Member
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    Love this!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    ...or i could be perfectly happy staying single and not have to work on it at all :smile:
  • HatherM
    HatherM Posts: 404 Member
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    Thanks for sharing it's interesting to read that, especially while going through such a huge lifestyle change, you do start to question everything in your life (or I do/am anyway) work/partner/lifestyle choices.

    :happy:
  • HatherM
    HatherM Posts: 404 Member
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    Great post!! My husband and I have been together 18 years. Marriage is not easy and takes a lot of work. I think a lot of people swoon over being swept off their feet, thus leading them to cheat.

    I think ROM COMs have a big part to play in this too, people expect life to be like in the movies, when the reality is very different
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    I only read this this morning on Facebook, and I completely agree. I'm not head over heels in love with my partner any more; don't get me wrong I still love him, it's just a different kind of love. It's more comfortable, rather than passionate. I subtly had a discussion with my Mum a while ago about relationships, and she said 'ultimately, it doesn't boil down to whether you can spend the rest of your life with them, it's whether you can spend the rest of your life WITHOUT them'.

    The answer was no. It may not be passionate or exciting any more, but life without him would be miserable. Too many of us throw in the towel far too quickly now. Relationships DO take a little work every now and then, and more importantly, a little compromise.
  • 2stepscloser
    2stepscloser Posts: 2,900 Member
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    Great post!! My husband and I have been together 18 years. Marriage is not easy and takes a lot of work. I think a lot of people swoon over being swept off their feet, thus leading them to cheat.

    I think ROM COMs have a big part to play in this too, people expect life to be like in the movies, when the reality is very different

    I couldn't agree more. The relationships depicted in movies and romance novels are not real life (or at least not long term). Spouses/significant others should use the feelings sparked by the "ideal" partner back into their relationship rather than jumping ship. They might be surprised at how exciting their marriage may become :love:
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    Great post!! My husband and I have been together 18 years. Marriage is not easy and takes a lot of work. I think a lot of people swoon over being swept off their feet, thus leading them to cheat.

    I think ROM COMs have a big part to play in this too, people expect life to be like in the movies, when the reality is very different
    i blame the fairy tailes we had read to us as kids.
    ''and they lived happily ever after'', drip fed to us since toddlerhood.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I saw this on FB and loved it. This is how my BF and I live our relationship. To us, love is a verb, and we commit to that action every day.

    But did anyone see the pic associated with it? It's a man and a woman spitting liquid in each others' faces. I...don't get it.
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    great post
  • n_unocero
    n_unocero Posts: 445 Member
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    I didn't really agree with any of this the first time I read it. Although it did happen with me ex( i started to find his habits annoying and I ended up cheating on him), with my fiance I totally "fell" in love. We met by chance and I was just obsessed with him ever since. We've been together almost 4 years (getting married on our 4 year anniversary) and I've never once been bored with him. He keeps me laughing everyday and I've never felt like our relationship is "work". We just go together.

    My husband and I were the same way for the first 12+ years we were together. We weren't just husband and wife, we were friends. Neither of us thought that a loving relationship was work and we sort of scoffed at that idea. A marriage shouldn't be work, it should just work, plain and simple.

    A few more years down the road and 15-16 years married and we started falling into a pattern and not the healthiest one, either. We still ran our household together, but we didn't do things just because we wanted to be together anymore. He went in one direction, I went in another. We stopped touching, smiling, being nice to each other.

    Fast forward to last April, we'd been together for 22 years, married for one month shy of 20 years and I told him I was tired of living that way and I wanted us to separate. He asked me to do marriage counseling and I agreed, just to help him learn to adjust to not having me in his life anymore. Fast forward 2 months to the weekend before I was telling him I wanted him to move out. I realized that I was pretty sure that I would never find anyone that shared the core values he and I shared. Or who shared the memories that we had shared. Or who knew me better than anyone else in my life.

    I recommitted to him and our marriage at that time. We continued counseling right up until last month. Relearning each other and getting to really like each other again. There were many underlying issues that we had just glossed over during our marriage that built up into a huge wall between us. We broke that wall back down in baby steps.

    Now we are back to being best friends and lovers. We love spending time together. We plan date nights at least once a week. We communicate with each other. We both are amazed that we could love each other more now than we ever did in the past. It's a different sort of love, but one that makes us both very happy. Next month is our 21st anniversary and we are looking forward to celebrating our marriage and our lives together.

    So yes, a marriage takes a lot of work. But if you are willing to put that work into it, it's so very worth it!

    (sorry for the mini novel!)

    I'm so glad to hear you guys worked things out and are back to the way things were. I haven't been with my guy nearly as long as you, and it's nice to know that even when you think things are falling apart that it's possible to put the pieces back together. Like I said, I did end up cheating on and then breaking up with my ex, but thinking back to the way things were with him, I wasn't truely happy like I am now. My fiance and I spend so much time together....even if it's just watching tv....and we never seem to get tired of each other. I'm hoping that never changes, but your story gives me proof that if it does, it can be fixed. :smile:
  • prudism
    prudism Posts: 149 Member
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    I didn't really agree with any of this the first time I read it. Although it did happen with me ex( i started to find his habits annoying and I ended up cheating on him), with my fiance I totally "fell" in love. We met by chance and I was just obsessed with him ever since. We've been together almost 4 years (getting married on our 4 year anniversary) and I've never once been bored with him. He keeps me laughing everyday and I've never felt like our relationship is "work". We just go together.

    Lol you really havent understood a word hes written well dont worry you will get there eventually
    like you I didnt believe it but on my third marraige I realised its so true go back and reread whats written
    hit around year 7/8 then come back and post
  • prudism
    prudism Posts: 149 Member
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    nice post .......just so right
  • n_unocero
    n_unocero Posts: 445 Member
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    I didn't really agree with any of this the first time I read it. Although it did happen with me ex( i started to find his habits annoying and I ended up cheating on him), with my fiance I totally "fell" in love. We met by chance and I was just obsessed with him ever since. We've been together almost 4 years (getting married on our 4 year anniversary) and I've never once been bored with him. He keeps me laughing everyday and I've never felt like our relationship is "work". We just go together.

    Lol you really havent understood a word hes written well dont worry you will get there eventually
    like you I didnt believe it but on my third marraige I realised its so true go back and reread whats written
    hit around year 7/8 then come back and post

    Third marriage?? Sounds like you're the perfect person to be giving out relationship advice.

    And when you learn what punctuation is, then come back and post.

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