Criticism vs Shaming

REDI4CHANGE60

Bump - want to finish this one.

Penfoldsplace

Well people who are fat - are already well aware they are fat. I did not need people to tell me that, i saw it in the mirror every day.

I think this will just increase suicide rates and mental health problems - mainly depression.

YES I agree with you!

You know what helps with mental health issues? Healthy eating and fitness lol I am going to get bombarded with hate mail for this but whatever lol

If you off yourself because someone calls you fat instead of doing anything about it and getting healthy and blame others for you continuing to stay fat because ppl are calling you fat.............I wouldnt miss you. You have to have common sense to function in life and if suicide is an option for you because you are fat and ppl say it to you and you choose to take that route you are weak and broken beyond repair. We didnt get you fat why should we coddle you back to health if you dont take accountability for you actions and continue to be in denial by saying someone calling you fat is shaming or bullying and only makes you feed your face? Sorry not gonna happen here

I know your just after a reaction here but if you're serious about what you just said you have a shocking misunderstanding of mental health problems and lack of compassion. I was going to to say more but... meh why waste my time.

Health and fitness are key to many mental issues ppl have. Of course not for the more serious ones like schizophrenia,etc. Just like blood pressure and diabetes with proper diet you can be weened off any meds or prevent having to take meds with proper diet and exercise.

Exercise is an important tool in helping your mental health but its not a miracle cure. And "offing" yourself is a considerably more complex issue than doing it just because someone calls you a name. If you truly believe what you wrote on your previous post I feel sorry for you. Your lack of compassion to a mentally distressed person is sad.

siqiniq

I am fat if someone calls me fat I cant disagree or be offended. Calling them mean or a bully for it is BS and just something fat ppl in denial do. I do not judge ppl but if I am asked my opinion I tell the truth I dont sugar coat it and worry about the other persons feelings (because nowadays truth seems to be mistaken for being mean) If you want to be fat then be fat but make sure you have the insurance to pay for your medical bills down the road. You want to be a drunk be a drunk but make sure you dont get in a car and kill ppl. Do wtf you want but if it in anyway affects me whether it be in the long run(tax dollars) or immediately(you kill a loved one) I have the right to say whatever I want about it. That coupled with freedom of speech. If you dont want to be called fat dont be fat.

Just because I know I'm fat doesn't give others the right to call me out on it. I remember many years ago when I was at my top weight ever (which I will NEVER go back to) a woman sat down beside me on a bus and started telling me about how eating foods in certain combinations would help me lose weight. I politely and truthfully told her that I would carry on with the plan that my doctor and I had made. It's like being pregnant and strangers touching your belly- people think they have a right to judge, comment on, and advise fat people. Freedom of speech only goes so far. It's no longer freedom if it's hurting someone.

siqiniq

I'm really completely shocked at some of the comments I've read. We're not talking about a teacher who pulled this student aside and said "hey have you talked to a doctor about this? I'm really concerned about your weight"...we're talking about a teacher calling her a name in the hallway, in front of other students who laughed. And people are applauding this?

Like...I REALLY don't get how you can think name-calling is effective. I mean people on here who have a substantial amount of weight to lose themselves are applauding this... So basically every name you'd call a fat person, you also think of yourself? Do you honestly bash yourself like that when you're standing in front of the mirror? And that's working for you?


I agree that AS THE PARENT OF MY CHILD (no, no one else needs to be teaching my child this. I got it, don't worry. I don't need a world full of strangers thinking that it's their "public duty" to toughen up my child by whatever means they feel is appropriate.) I should prepare my child for the harsh reality of what the world will throw at them. I need to build them up in a way that name calling and other nonsense isn't going to crush them and they can just shake it off and move on.

I also get the thin-skinned thing - some people are really sensitive, including myself.

But I can't stand when others think "it's okay, all the sensitive people need to change and deal with it" but don't even think twice that there is also a problem with not being able to filter or control your own mouth. Everyone else should change, because you are just completely unable to shut your trap? You have your stuff so together that now it's time to "coach" everyone else and point out their failures?

I'm working on my sensitivity, you work on your mouth. We all become better people and everyone wins.

I'm glad to see this. I too disagree that it's ok to walk up to people and tell them they're too fat or that people laugh at them or other hurtful things. Do you think fat people don't know how others see us without having it thrown in our faces? I think we should all work on our own shortcomings before paying attention to others'.

aliann30

Thank you for your food for thought. No one has ever tried correcting my children, I was simply addressing what seemed to be a flow of idea heading in the direction that it's okay for random strangers to pick up the lesson-teaching that they assume isn't being handled at home by calling my child a name and believing that will save her from obesity.

I still don't understand how you can arrogantly walk around throwing words out, smirking because they hold no emotional baggage for you. Do you have a freedom of speech? Sure you do. Do you have the right to think however you want about people? Of course.

But you give yourself this license to walk around hurling words at people as if everyone desperately needs your input.

You seriously don't see a difference in the effectiveness and just common decency to sit down and respectfully discuss your concerns with someone vs. throwing a "fat***" out there and walking by with a self-satisfied smile on your face?

I don't know...lol. I'm at a loss for words. :noway:

You are assuming I just go around calling ppl fat lol I do not. I could careless if the ppl I do not know around me are fat. But you bet your sweet buttocks if that person is pulling out a food stamp card and has 2 carts full of crap food you will def hear...........SERIOUSLY?!?!?Thats BS........coming straight out my mouth lol I dont go around just calling ppl fat for the simple point that I dont know enough info about them. The professor called her precious, yes a fat reference.....is he an asshat for it? YES Does he have the right to say it ....YES Should he be persecuted for his independent opinion? NO Is making the comment he made towards her a lesson in life? Depends how she took it. Was he trying to save her from her obesity? Only she can do that.

It is not my job nor my concern to sit someone down and discuss their fat issues. But for you to assume I go around smiling and calling ppl fat is ludicrous. If you dont want the chance of someone calling you fat dont be fat. If you choose to be fat then dont get your panties all in a wad because your poor little feelings get hurt because someone (whether they are right or wrong) made an observation and commented about it. Many ppl have posted that it took someone telling them how fat they are because they didnt realize it. This wasnt a child this was a grown woman. BTW even if I did go around calling ppl fat for no reason without knowing why they are fat (which would be stupid) I have that right. How I speak to ppl is not your decision and unless you know me personally you will take everything I say out of context.

Should I waste my time responding to this? No...ugh....here I go...

I didn't suddenly accuse you of caring whether people are fat or not.

You've been blabbering since page 2 about how much you care if people are overweight, your reasoning being you are a taxpayer and the burden falls on your wallet. All of a sudden you don't care who is fat because you don't know their story, but you care if they are fat and on food stamps. Food stamps = you know their story now? :huh: Sorry, just trying to follow you here (kind of confused where the food stamps and welfare came in as it has no relevance to this post, the article, obesity, etc.).

You also ranted about how calling someone a "fat slob" is you calling it as you see it, just stating the facts, correct? (though I would argue fat and slob are two completely separate terms, I'm fat but I'm not a slob. Slob would be an assumption based on the fact that one is fat, which again...we already agreed you don't know that person and their story, so you are contradicting yourself by "just stating the facts".)

I never said it wasn't your right to say any of these things. In fact I said the opposite. You have every right. We agree again. I also have the right to say that man was an arrogant jerk for saying what he said. Oh wait, you also said he was an "***hat"...

hmm...what exactly are you arguing here?

Though I still think it would be pompous and arrogant to come out and tell a stranger this, since no one asked you, I would almost say that if you really want to help overweight people by "fat shaming", and you just can't control yourself, why not say "you're really unhealthy!". To me, that points more directly to the issue of why being "fat" is bad... If someone told me that, I might be like "ouch", but honestly that would be more productive and motivational for me that saying "hey Precious" ever would. I don't know...

2FatToRun

Thank you for your food for thought. No one has ever tried correcting my children, I was simply addressing what seemed to be a flow of idea heading in the direction that it's okay for random strangers to pick up the lesson-teaching that they assume isn't being handled at home by calling my child a name and believing that will save her from obesity.

I still don't understand how you can arrogantly walk around throwing words out, smirking because they hold no emotional baggage for you. Do you have a freedom of speech? Sure you do. Do you have the right to think however you want about people? Of course.

But you give yourself this license to walk around hurling words at people as if everyone desperately needs your input.

You seriously don't see a difference in the effectiveness and just common decency to sit down and respectfully discuss your concerns with someone vs. throwing a "fat***" out there and walking by with a self-satisfied smile on your face?

I don't know...lol. I'm at a loss for words. :noway:

You are assuming I just go around calling ppl fat lol I do not. I could careless if the ppl I do not know around me are fat. But you bet your sweet buttocks if that person is pulling out a food stamp card and has 2 carts full of crap food you will def hear...........SERIOUSLY?!?!?Thats BS........coming straight out my mouth lol I dont go around just calling ppl fat for the simple point that I dont know enough info about them. The professor called her precious, yes a fat reference.....is he an asshat for it? YES Does he have the right to say it ....YES Should he be persecuted for his independent opinion? NO Is making the comment he made towards her a lesson in life? Depends how she took it. Was he trying to save her from her obesity? Only she can do that.

It is not my job nor my concern to sit someone down and discuss their fat issues. But for you to assume I go around smiling and calling ppl fat is ludicrous. If you dont want the chance of someone calling you fat dont be fat. If you choose to be fat then dont get your panties all in a wad because your poor little feelings get hurt because someone (whether they are right or wrong) made an observation and commented about it. Many ppl have posted that it took someone telling them how fat they are because they didnt realize it. This wasnt a child this was a grown woman. BTW even if I did go around calling ppl fat for no reason without knowing why they are fat (which would be stupid) I have that right. How I speak to ppl is not your decision and unless you know me personally you will take everything I say out of context.

Should I waste my time responding to this? No...ugh....here I go...

I didn't suddenly accuse you of caring whether people are fat or not.

You've been blabbering since page 2 about how much you care if people are overweight, your reasoning being you are a taxpayer and the burden falls on your wallet. All of a sudden you don't care who is fat because you don't know their story, but you care if they are fat and on food stamps. Food stamps = you know their story now? :huh: Sorry, just trying to follow you here (kind of confused where the food stamps and welfare came in as it has no relevance to this post, the article, obesity, etc.).

You also ranted about how calling someone a "fat slob" is you calling it as you see it, just stating the facts, correct? (though I would argue fat and slob are two completely separate terms, I'm fat but I'm not a slob. Slob would be an assumption based on the fact that one is fat, which again...we already agreed you don't know that person and their story, so you are contradicting yourself by "just stating the facts".)

I never said it wasn't your right to say any of these things. In fact I said the opposite. You have every right. We agree again. I also have the right to say that man was an arrogant jerk for saying what he said. Oh wait, you also said he was an "***hat"...

hmm...what exactly are you arguing here?

Though I still think it would be pompous and arrogant to come out and tell a stranger this, since no one asked you, I would almost say that if you really want to help overweight people by "fat shaming", and you just can't control yourself, why not say "you're really unhealthy!". To me, that points more directly to the issue of why being "fat" is bad... If someone told me that, I might be like "ouch", but honestly that would be more productive and motivational for me that saying "hey Precious" ever would. I don't know...

So sorry you are confused but I cant dumb it down any more than I have in above messages ..you choose to cont to read what I type and make it what you want it to be in your mind instead of what it says. I never called anyone but myself a fat slob I never said I go around calling ppl fat or slobs. Honey you are reaching and failing lol I do not care if ppl are fat but yes, if they are pulling out a food stamp card weigh 300 lbs and have 5 kids running around fat as ever and barefoot um yeah I am going to say something. Does it mean I care they are fat? NO It means that I am pissed because 1. thats tax money and 2. thats future med bills. There MIGHT be a few instances where I do care about ppl being fat since I joined FP but they are on my friends list and we help each other through positive motivation BUT.....if they arent pulling their weight I will and do call them out on it. So oh no's YOU GOT ME THERE I do care if some ppl are fat SHAME ON ME! (Actually the goal is healthy the weight loss comes with it auto)

The great thing about having an opinion is that no one has to ask you for it. Whether you choose to blurt it out at an inappropriate time is up to you. I dont fat shame ppl but you bet your sweet *kitten* I would call them unhealthy BEFORE I call them fat because I know not everyone is as strong minded as I and that you have to walk around on egg shells in todays society because everyone is so damn fragile and one peep of disagreement or opposing opinions sends the person spiraling into a deep depression that justifies them to feed there face until they are sick or take their own lives. THEN instead of holding that person and their actions accountable the person that had every right (right or wrong) to say what they said gets persecuted as a bully or shaming them and is blamed.

Wake up and take some accountability..our ancestors are rolling over in their graves at how irresponsible and weak we have become as a society. Like I stated before....you are probably one of those EVERYONE gets a trophy person. If not I apologize in advance......watch the movie "Idiocracy" because if ppl dont get their emotions together and pull their heads out of their hind ends that is where we are headed lol Very funny movie but sickening at how it foreshadows what is inevitable without resolution of the current issues. Accountability ppl no one can MAKE you do anything. IF you get called fat and you go into a closet and feed your face to sickness thats on you. You need to seek help.

Sammi8924

The only people who fat shame are flat-out ignorant and need to mind their own business. If someone is unhealthy, and they're not a very close family or friend, you have NO right to stick your nose in.

The student knows she is fat and will do something about it if she wants to. Some know-it-all hag of a teacher putting in her two-sense, isn't going to make a difference. People lose weight when it is personally their time to do so. Students go to school to learn, so unless it was a health teacher and she talked to her in private as to not embarrass her, then that teacher is stepping out of line and needs to find a new career. Stick to what you're paid to do.

I agree- is it okay to tell a smoker that they need to stop smoking when you hardly know them? No, it's their choice and their life.

Fat prejudice is really the last form of prejudice allowed. And with obesity rates climbing, I don't think it will be accepted for too much longer, as many fat-shamers grandchildren have a very good chance of being fat, which will change their outlook when it's someone they love/know.

You are a spuriuos genius SMH I havent met one person who fat shamed anyone and had a low IQ. You must not know many black ppl or gay ppl. They get the poop end still and for the foreseeable future. As far as fat shamers grandchildren...I would think they would want anything BUT their grandchildren to be fat and would do everything they can to prevent it. The only way you have a good chance of being fat is if you are selfish,greedy and blame for everything under the sun. Let me guess you vote everyone wins and gets a trophy too? :laugh:

First of all, I can't really understand most of what you wrote. 'Spuriuos' isn't in the dictionary. I'm not a grammar/spelling nazi, but when someone is trying to say that fat shamers don't have a low IQ, and then what they write is barely comprehensible, I get confused.

Okay, I am half-joking, and not trying to start I fight, so I re-read what you put.

A good portion of fat people I know actually come from thin families. You can teach children good habits, but the bottom line is, they put the food in their mouths.

That's the thing. Yes, obese people make the decisions on what goes in their mouth. But what's the reason WHY they made those decisions? Some of them have lost loved ones, been abused, etc... While some people are strong enough to emerge through bad situations without gaining an addiction (food, pills, alcohol, smoking, etc...), some people can't handle it. Obesity is a sign of mental issues on the outside, or the result of physical conditions. There isn't an excuse. It's time to get healthy, but it's ridiculous not to be more polite and understanding of people different from you.

I want to be around positive, caring, happy people, who love themselves so much and have enough intelligence and experience to where they can accept other people that are different. Thus, fat shamers don't exist in my circle of friends or family that I talk to. People who need to poke fun/make themselves better by making fun of differences, are people I don't want to be around.

I don't have a high opinion of smokers, drug addicts, or anyone on welfare (with the exception of when it goes to help senior citizens, veterans, disabled, and people with full-time jobs, otherwise I don't like it). But I'm not going to go around calling them out in public, and I would gladly become their friend if they were awesome, or try to hear their story before ruling them out, because it's not my business.

Maybe obese people are a burden on taxes, but so are smokers, people who have children they can't afford, etc... We will never agree on where our tax money should go. Making people hate themselves and feel ashamed is the last thing that will help them. Ask anyone who has lost weight and maintained it- they were finally able to do so after being in a good state of mind!

Now, your ticker says you aren't exactly perfect either. My dad is 6"4 and weighs 180 without exercising whatsoever, aside from work. I'm just saying, do you want people to say you're a fat slob because you're not perfect atm? You don't seem like a happy person, and I wonder if you fat shame to make yourself feel better for being overweight? I really hope you find happiness and become a less hateful person! Good luck!

suewestcountry

I am so so glad that I dont know most of you rude obnoxious people in real life, yes you the ones who think they have the right to comment on what a person looks like or eats. Its enough to make people leave this site. Thank goodness i dont post here often.

pluckabee

The thing people are failing to recognise is that fat shaming is a culture wide problem.

Telling someone they are fat in and of itself isn't fat shaming if you live in a cultural vacuum but because being fat is intrinsically linked with being lazy, gluttonous and weak, the mere act of mentioning it induces shame.

We cant end fat shaming by not telling people they are fat, because that shame still exists inside that person because it is broadcasted to them through the culture they live in.

Better education, acceptance and a REAL focus on health for everybody (not just for people who are fat) is what is needed.

Stop fat stigma and you stop fat shame. Stop fat shame and more people will feel able to take control over their health and lose weight.