Peer pressure to eat unhealthfully. . .

ParisArkw

What do you say to people when they want you to eat crap?

I am struggling a lot lately with learning to say "no". It is easier for me to eat an entire day with NO chocolate or sugar than it is for me to have a bite of chocolate or sugar. The damned sugar-rush trigger gets me, and I always have more. The one bite often leads to relentless and mindless eating of junk. And this has been happening more and more regularly for me.

The more I try to eat healthier, the more I notice in my (extended) family and in society how much pressure there seems to be to NOT eat healthfully. For a while, I'd give into the peer pressure of friends or grandparents, until I realized that it was constantly sabotaging my developing healthy habits.

Last night, I was going to a musical with a friend and my grandparents, and my grandpa picked up these free chocolates for us. Initially, I was thinking, "no, I won't have it," but then they're /all/ like "oh come on," and "just enjoy it," and whatnot. Which I'm sure many of you have heard as well. But at that time, I realized that there was this actually serious pressure to eat the damn chocolate, whereas if I'd have said "no" then there would have been actual friction. Which I know is something I will have to face eventually. I'm mostly here to hear how others deal with this, what kinds of things you say in reply, and to also vent my annoyance. =\

jeslaughter

Ah I have had this happen and what I did was say I wanted to save them for later...I actually said I had eaten a lot at dinner and was stuffed but thanks, and that I would save them for my treat later...it worked too!!!! I just tossed them when I could and no body was any wiser and not picking on me for not eating their treats.

GrnEyz80

People do not like it when the people around them are making better choices. It causes them to face their own failure to do so. I even catch myself doing this to my own family who are in the process of trying to lose weight. I want to do bad, and their doing good, which makes me feel guilty so I try and get them to join me in my path of self-destruction. And I have people do the same thing to me. I usually just say "You know what, I have done so great today, and I know that I wont be able to stop after just one bite so I'd rather not even start. And I won't enjoy it because then I'll be thinking about how I just messed up a great day. But thank you so much for the offer!"

ParisArkw

Ah I have had this happen and what I did was say I wanted to save them for later...I actually said I had eaten a lot at dinner and was stuffed but thanks, and that I would save them for my treat later...it worked too!!!! I just tossed them when I could and no body was any wiser and not picking on me for not eating their treats.

Aha! Clever little you! I love this. I will have to use this.

ParisArkw

People do not like it when the people around them are making better choices. It causes them to face their own failure to do so. I even catch myself doing this to my own family who are in the process of trying to lose weight. I want to do bad, and their doing good, which makes me feel guilty so I try and get them to join me in my path of self-destruction. And I have people do the same thing to me. I usually just say "You know what, I have done so great today, and I know that I wont be able to stop after just one bite so I'd rather not even start. And I won't enjoy it because then I'll be thinking about how I just messed up a great day. But thank you so much for the offer!"

This is a good honesty reply. It's one that still makes me a little nervous, because I feel like it emphasizes that friction that people feel when they're the ones trying to do the sabotaging. But you also bring up a point in that, they dislike facing their own failures... and I really shouldn't bring that upon myself to feel guilty for. I'm glad you said that. I hadn't looked at it this way. It makes me feel a bit more defensive, which is what I'll need to stand up for myself and say "no thanks". :b

Textmessage

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

ParisArkw

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

JessHealthKick

I find the best thing is to say you don't feel like it, make some excuse. I get that when I don't want to drink a lot of alcohol - I only want one?!?! It's like I'm crazy (Australian culture). I say I just don't feel like it today, and people eventually back off.

Try and explain you're trying to be healthy, or even just make up that you're doing some stupid detox or something. Anything. My mum is a little the same when it comes to feeding me and it drives me absolutely insane!

bumblebums

I say "no". Unless it's something tasty and it fits my macros, in which case I say "gimme".

Textmessage

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.

bumblebums

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.

dsmpunk

Just say "WTF? That doesn't fit my macros!" and then throw it in their face. Im sure it wont happen after that.

Textmessage

Just say "WTF? That doesn't fit my macros!" and then throw it in their face. Im sure it wont happen after that.

This made me think of this vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAYL5H46QnQ

2FatToRun

If you cant muster up the strength to say no or you are more worried about what they think instead of your goals......drop it on the floor? I mean what can you do if you arent facing the true underlying issues?

dsmpunk

Just say "WTF? That doesn't fit my macros!" and then throw it in their face. Im sure it wont happen after that.

This made me think of this vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAYL5H46QnQ

My DAD"S NOT A PHONE! lol

MissTati85

What do you say to people when they want you to eat crap?

I try to encourage my family and friends to find events that won't include food ~ today, for example, my husband asked if I wanted to go out to eat (again) and I asked him if we could decide to do something without food involved (so we went shopping for our pets and then food shopping- but hey at least we didn't actually eat). You could try something like "Hey I would love to go out to eat with you, but I can't make it that evening - I did see this other event (something that doesn't have to do with food) would you like to go with me?" That way your loved ones can see that you're not trying to get away from them - just the eating (hopefully).

At holidays, I'll simple say that I've had enough, but that I would love to take home left-overs (sometimes I'll ask if that's okay before the party and plan to bring tupperware so I can take home food). Then I can freeze the food into healthier portions or just ditch if it really does not fit into my diet.

If all else fails, just be honest and hope that your loved ones actually love you enough to know that you mean business and need their support to stick to your healthier living goals.

ParisArkw

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.

Thank you for your perspective on the subject. I have been thinking a lot about how I can be a more assertive and self-assured person. I never really thought of this issue in that context, but it makes me want to face that barrier more. :]

ParisArkw

If you cant muster up the strength to say no or you are more worried about what they think instead of your goals......drop it on the floor? I mean what can you do if you arent facing the true underlying issues?

Isn't that kind of what I'm doing now...? I don't appreciate your critical approach to this.

ParisArkw

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.

ParisArkw

Just say "WTF? That doesn't fit my macros!" and then throw it in their face. Im sure it wont happen after that.

This made me think of this vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAYL5H46QnQ

OH MY GOD, this had me loling.

Textmessage

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.

Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.

Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug

bumblebums

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.

Thank you for your perspective on the subject. I have been thinking a lot about how I can be a more assertive and self-assured person. I never really thought of this issue in that context, but it makes me want to face that barrier more. :]

Well, how about this. Imagine various scenarios when people try to pressure you to do things you do not want. (I have to deal with this a lot--impositions on my time, invitations to social events I would rather avoid, invitations to have some crappy chocolate covered pretzels that everyone's grubby hands have already rummaged through, etc.) Practice saying "no" in your head--different ways of saying it. "No, but thank you for asking." "No, I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to make it." You don't even have to make up excuses--if you want to be polite, smile and apologize, or thank people for trying to include you, but eventually, they will stop hassling you. If you go out of your way to make excuses or explain yourself, it doesn't necessarily make others feel better. How often do people say "no" to you, and do you really care when they do? It works the same way on their end.

artickb22

I turn the pressure right back on them to eat something healthy!! I'm nice about it until I get fed up then I dramatically go on and on about the horrors of ingredients in whatever they are offereing and what it does in graphic detail to your body min by min adding and indulging a few things along the way...one or two times of that reaction and they will seriously leave you alone!

thecakelocker

"No thanks, I'm saving room for (lunch/dinner/dessert)!" and "Ohhh, too bad, I just ate (x) and I'm stuffed, but thank you!" work pretty good with the type of people that get offended over you rejecting their snacks.

ParisArkw

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.

Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.

Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug

This thread has been inspiring, yes. And I'm not actually offended, but my tone was slightly defensive, because I felt like your questions were belittling the fact that I /do/ struggle with the pressure, and that it's not easy for me.

2FatToRun

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.

Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.

Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug

You seem to be doing quiet well on here standing up for yourself maybe take some of this gumption with you? Whatever you are feeling to be able to back and forth with your bold words do it in real life?

mellypeters09

I get pressure all the time from people trying to get me to eat more food. It is especially difficult for me to say no to my family because they feel bad that I am not eating the food that they made. My parents get really upset when someone doesn't eat their food. For example, they will say that I am saying their food isn't good if I don't want to eat it.

Also when I hang out with my friends its really hard to say no to going out to get ice cream or things like that.

I wish I had some helpful advice, but I am honestly still working on it myself! But I wanted to let you know there are others out there in the same position!

Gwyn1969

I'm a total food snob and am fine with communicating that to others. That being said, if my parents got hurt feelings about me not eating food they've prepared, I'd take a little just to be polite and then just claim to be stuffed. Luckily for me, my parents are food snobs too. :-D

ParisArkw

I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.

I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.

Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.

Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.

Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.

Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug

You seem to be doing quiet well on here standing up for yourself maybe take some of this gumption with you? Whatever you are feeling to be able to back and forth with your bold words do it in real life?

Duude...that was extremely observant of you, and reading that was actually kind of really profound. I very much do want to have the same kind of gumption in real life. I severely lack self-confidence, but that is true, I have it in me somewhere, don't I? Thanks, much, for pointing that out. . .

angelcurry130

there are several times someone might need to say no for their own safety! what happens if you have a food allergy? my "excuse" to offers of treats narrows down to this...

"it looks very good, and i appreciate the offer. i don't need any, so you go ahead and enjoy it."

at this point, you have not been offensive, and unless they are trying to shove it down your throat, they can't really argue any of it. if they still insist and become upset, walk away. they can't force you to eat anything. you can even spin it to suggest you would only throw most of it away and don't want to waste whatever it is. if you decline politely enough times, they will eventually stop offering.

Nicole65

I had this issue with my ex-fiance's mother, she was the BIGGEST food pusher I've ever met in my life, she felt that food equated to love. They would make food for 20 people when they're were only 6, which meant there were always tons of leftovers. Not to mention she would always make things slathered in butter, heavy whipping cream, and always had 3 different desserts ready so I often opted not to eat a lot of things over there. Occasionally I had to be so forceful that I was rude, but at the end of the day being rude doesn't add calories to my behind, and often those small occasions of hurt feelings are forgotten within minutes. If it continues to happen, I'd suggest a casual conversation with the person, letting them know that you're trying your best to eat healthy and that they are making it hard for you by shoving goodies in your face.

Good luck!