Peer pressure to eat unhealthfully. . .
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Thank you for your perspective on the subject. I have been thinking a lot about how I can be a more assertive and self-assured person. I never really thought of this issue in that context, but it makes me want to face that barrier more. :]
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.
Well, how about this. Imagine various scenarios when people try to pressure you to do things you do not want. (I have to deal with this a lot--impositions on my time, invitations to social events I would rather avoid, invitations to have some crappy chocolate covered pretzels that everyone's grubby hands have already rummaged through, etc.) Practice saying "no" in your head--different ways of saying it. "No, but thank you for asking." "No, I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to make it." You don't even have to make up excuses--if you want to be polite, smile and apologize, or thank people for trying to include you, but eventually, they will stop hassling you. If you go out of your way to make excuses or explain yourself, it doesn't necessarily make others feel better. How often do people say "no" to you, and do you really care when they do? It works the same way on their end.0 -
I turn the pressure right back on them to eat something healthy!! I'm nice about it until I get fed up then I dramatically go on and on about the horrors of ingredients in whatever they are offereing and what it does in graphic detail to your body min by min adding and indulging a few things along the way...one or two times of that reaction and they will seriously leave you alone!
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"No thanks, I'm saving room for (lunch/dinner/dessert)!" and "Ohhh, too bad, I just ate (x) and I'm stuffed, but thank you!" work pretty good with the type of people that get offended over you rejecting their snacks.0
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This thread has been inspiring, yes. And I'm not actually offended, but my tone was slightly defensive, because I felt like your questions were belittling the fact that I /do/ struggle with the pressure, and that it's not easy for me.
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.
Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.
Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug0 -
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.
Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.
Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug
You seem to be doing quiet well on here standing up for yourself maybe take some of this gumption with you? Whatever you are feeling to be able to back and forth with your bold words do it in real life?0 -
I get pressure all the time from people trying to get me to eat more food. It is especially difficult for me to say no to my family because they feel bad that I am not eating the food that they made. My parents get really upset when someone doesn't eat their food. For example, they will say that I am saying their food isn't good if I don't want to eat it.
Also when I hang out with my friends its really hard to say no to going out to get ice cream or things like that.
I wish I had some helpful advice, but I am honestly still working on it myself! But I wanted to let you know there are others out there in the same position!0 -
I'm a total food snob and am fine with communicating that to others. That being said, if my parents got hurt feelings about me not eating food they've prepared, I'd take a little just to be polite and then just claim to be stuffed. Luckily for me, my parents are food snobs too. :-D0
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Duude...that was extremely observant of you, and reading that was actually kind of really profound. I very much do want to have the same kind of gumption in real life. I severely lack self-confidence, but that is true, I have it in me somewhere, don't I? Thanks, much, for pointing that out. . .
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.
Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.
Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug
You seem to be doing quiet well on here standing up for yourself maybe take some of this gumption with you? Whatever you are feeling to be able to back and forth with your bold words do it in real life?
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there are several times someone might need to say no for their own safety! what happens if you have a food allergy? my "excuse" to offers of treats narrows down to this...
"it looks very good, and i appreciate the offer. i don't need any, so you go ahead and enjoy it."
at this point, you have not been offensive, and unless they are trying to shove it down your throat, they can't really argue any of it. if they still insist and become upset, walk away. they can't force you to eat anything. you can even spin it to suggest you would only throw most of it away and don't want to waste whatever it is. if you decline politely enough times, they will eventually stop offering.0 -
I had this issue with my ex-fiance's mother, she was the BIGGEST food pusher I've ever met in my life, she felt that food equated to love. They would make food for 20 people when they're were only 6, which meant there were always tons of leftovers. Not to mention she would always make things slathered in butter, heavy whipping cream, and always had 3 different desserts ready so I often opted not to eat a lot of things over there. Occasionally I had to be so forceful that I was rude, but at the end of the day being rude doesn't add calories to my behind, and often those small occasions of hurt feelings are forgotten within minutes. If it continues to happen, I'd suggest a casual conversation with the person, letting them know that you're trying your best to eat healthy and that they are making it hard for you by shoving goodies in your face.
Good luck!0 -
It is nice being able to touch bases with others that are in the same boat. Ah yeah, when you're with friends it's the hardest. There's a certain vibe for when the group is going to dinner, or even if you're just with one friend that wants to do dinner. I've noticed, too, that if you are with a friend, they propose going to dinner, then you take the healthy card and say "nah, I'm trying to eat healthier" then that can make them (some friends) self-conscious, and then disrupt the mood of the evening. Oh what funny societies we live in today.I get pressure all the time from people trying to get me to eat more food. It is especially difficult for me to say no to my family because they feel bad that I am not eating the food that they made. My parents get really upset when someone doesn't eat their food. For example, they will say that I am saying their food isn't good if I don't want to eat it.
Also when I hang out with my friends its really hard to say no to going out to get ice cream or things like that.
I wish I had some helpful advice, but I am honestly still working on it myself! But I wanted to let you know there are others out there in the same position!0 -
Goodness. It's really not hard to keep everyone happy. The girls at work like to bake treats and give them to all. I won't insult them, but I don't eat it right then and there either. I accept with graciousness " my how wonderfull... I'll save it for after XXXXXXX" - then I wind up giving it to someone who would really appreciate it. We all win and noone has to be made to feel bad, guilty or unappreciated.
It's not hard.0 -
Thank you for your perspective on the subject. I have been thinking a lot about how I can be a more assertive and self-assured person. I never really thought of this issue in that context, but it makes me want to face that barrier more. :]
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.
Well, how about this. Imagine various scenarios when people try to pressure you to do things you do not want. (I have to deal with this a lot--impositions on my time, invitations to social events I would rather avoid, invitations to have some crappy chocolate covered pretzels that everyone's grubby hands have already rummaged through, etc.) Practice saying "no" in your head--different ways of saying it. "No, but thank you for asking." "No, I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to make it." You don't even have to make up excuses--if you want to be polite, smile and apologize, or thank people for trying to include you, but eventually, they will stop hassling you. If you go out of your way to make excuses or explain yourself, it doesn't necessarily make others feel better. How often do people say "no" to you, and do you really care when they do? It works the same way on their end.
...and remember "no" is a complete sentence. Just say simply in no aggravated tone. "No." imagine an onslaught of really good reasons and again. "No" simple polite to the point. Let the other person worry about making this big tyrade of things to say. You can just still say "No" and leave it at that.0 -
Just say no thank you. Or save some calories for some chocolate. You need to learn to have iron self control about what you put in your body because a lot of time happiness is centered around food. So of course friends and family will want to share this with you. Because to them its good times. Just say no and don't worry who will be upset. It's really silly to get upset over something like that anyway.0
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This sounds similar to my grandparents. With my grandpa, food = love. Even if we go out to dinner, and I am overly stuffed, he ALWAYS asks me, "have you had enough? Are you sure? Are you sure? You've had enough?" My grandma always tells me "have more". And it drives me nuts! This is an excellent idea, though. I eat out with my grandparents maybe once a week, and I should maybe just confront them and tell them that I'd appreciate it if they stopped pushing food on me.I had this issue with my ex-fiance's mother, she was the BIGGEST food pusher I've ever met in my life, she felt that food equated to love. They would make food for 20 people when they're were only 6, which meant there were always tons of leftovers. Not to mention she would always make things slathered in butter, heavy whipping cream, and always had 3 different desserts ready so I often opted not to eat a lot of things over there. Occasionally I had to be so forceful that I was rude, but at the end of the day being rude doesn't add calories to my behind, and often those small occasions of hurt feelings are forgotten within minutes. If it continues to happen, I'd suggest a casual conversation with the person, letting them know that you're trying your best to eat healthy and that they are making it hard for you by shoving goodies in your face.
Good luck!0 -
That's really awesome that it's not hard for you. But for me, like I explained in my post, I avoid friction. I am unassertive. I am un-confrontational. With these aspects, it is hard.Goodness. It's really not hard to keep everyone happy. The girls at work like to bake treats and give them to all. I won't insult them, but I don't eat it right then and there either. I accept with graciousness " my how wonderfull... I'll save it for after XXXXXXX" - then I wind up giving it to someone who would really appreciate it. We all win and noone has to be made to feel bad, guilty or unappreciated.
It's not hard.0 -
Ha, I really like your reply, too. "No thank you" is still polite enough that people would probably still push it. But just "no", in a polite tone, is firm enough that it should discourage pushing. Thank you.
Thank you for your perspective on the subject. I have been thinking a lot about how I can be a more assertive and self-assured person. I never really thought of this issue in that context, but it makes me want to face that barrier more. :]
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.
Well, how about this. Imagine various scenarios when people try to pressure you to do things you do not want. (I have to deal with this a lot--impositions on my time, invitations to social events I would rather avoid, invitations to have some crappy chocolate covered pretzels that everyone's grubby hands have already rummaged through, etc.) Practice saying "no" in your head--different ways of saying it. "No, but thank you for asking." "No, I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to make it." You don't even have to make up excuses--if you want to be polite, smile and apologize, or thank people for trying to include you, but eventually, they will stop hassling you. If you go out of your way to make excuses or explain yourself, it doesn't necessarily make others feel better. How often do people say "no" to you, and do you really care when they do? It works the same way on their end.
...and remember "no" is a complete sentence. Just say simply in no aggravated tone. "No." imagine an onslaught of really good reasons and again. "No" simple polite to the point. Let the other person worry about making this big tyrade of things to say. You can just still say "No" and leave it at that.0 -
Duude...that was extremely observant of you, and reading that was actually kind of really profound. I very much do want to have the same kind of gumption in real life. I severely lack self-confidence, but that is true, I have it in me somewhere, don't I? Thanks, much, for pointing that out. . .
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.
Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.
Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug
You seem to be doing quiet well on here standing up for yourself maybe take some of this gumption with you? Whatever you are feeling to be able to back and forth with your bold words do it in real life?
aaaaaaand it's different in person. Just sayin'. But you can do it I think you are just on your way. People will stop pushing stuff on you when you've been doing it for awhile, they know you're serious, and the results show. I notice my thin friend no one ever questions her food choices but mine are constantly under attack, no matter if it's ooh that's bad for you, or oooh you're not eating enough. Like the simple fact of my extra pounds lets everyone else trump me. Nevermind that I've already lost weight in the past twice in my long life and kept it off for years.
You just look like a problem to someone when you share your weight loss efforts/goals and everyone loves to "help" right? I find it's better not to divulge too much with too many people because then in come all their ideas and things they just heard on TV all unfiltered for hurt feelings and just regurgitated to prove they know something about the subject.0 -
I get the same attitude, I think that people have become so use to eating unhealthy and eating sweet snacks they don't see it as a big deal. You're trying to make positive changes and they aren't. Being healthy will always be an uphill battle some of the bigger challenges are not getting up and going to work out and eat healthy everyday it is the people around you who aren't ready to change and make it seem easy to pick up that chocolate bar or that doughnut. The secret is they don't know how strong you really are and the changes you want to make. Remember you have to take care of you if a piece of candy causes friction then I would think about how much these people really care about you. If you had a drug or drinking problem they wouldn't force cocaine or whiskey on you make them think of food in that way sometimes when you politely say no.0
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I would like to clarify that I'm not overly upset, and that my annoyance is not with 'hurting feelings'. It's mostly with the situation altogether, and how much of a stigma there is.Just say no thank you. Or save some calories for some chocolate. You need to learn to have iron self control about what you put in your body because a lot of time happiness is centered around food. So of course friends and family will want to share this with you. Because to them its good times. Just say no and don't worry who will be upset. It's really silly to get upset over something like that anyway.0
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