Can you forgive a cheater?
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Absolutely not, under any circumstances. It is a complete deal breaker for me and my partner knows and respects that, he feels exactly the same.0
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I did but I couldn't forget it... and he did it again, so... I won't be doing that again.0
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My first marriage was scarred with cheating, and he cheated before marriage as well. He cheated on me with my best friend, her other best friend, his ex girlfriend, his manager...ugh, you name her, he did her.
My second marriage was scarred by cheating, first by him, then by me. We got married quick, 6 weeks in, but I think the difference there was that we were both still healing from our first marriages. We were wise enough to know we met the one, and yet too immature to completely commit.
Here we are though, Friday will mark our 5th anniversary, and we're happier than we've ever been. We both forgave, forgot, and moved on. We knew coming into our marriage that it takes work; work that our last partners were not willing to put in, and work that we would always strive to do.
In a way I think our cheating made our marriage stronger. Will he make mistakes? Will I? Of course.. you don't spend your entire life with one person and never make a single mistake. The difference is that in marriage, you commit to standing beside that one person, through thick and thin. Transgressions will be made, and it's up to you to work through them. Disney love is crap, real love and marriage takes hard work, sweat, blood, and tears. It takes two.0 -
i killed him.. And still not forgiving..0
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I forgave mine and he did it again (just this past weekend in fact).
OUR ACTIONS CREATE PATTERNS. Cheaters tend to cheat again and if you forgive it once you tend to forgive it again, making it harder to ever break free.0 -
I think it is possible to forgive a cheater, but in no way should that justify staying together in a relationship.
The forgiveness and healing process usually takes a lot of time.0 -
i couldnt. i have hard enough time trusting anyways. so that would be the end of that.0
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I was a cheater until I met my husband. I actually met him while cheating on another guy.
Getting caught only made me better at hiding it.
I never ONCE cheated on someone that I honestly loved.
The thought of another man touching me today makes me ill.
Long story short, cheaters do not cheat on people they truly want to be with and love with all their heart.0 -
Sadly, because of bad experiances.. ~No I couldn't give it a second chance.
I know everyones differant and this that and the other, but my experiance was just so odd that I couldn't go through heartbreak again.
My EX was, well, immature, never had a GF. and I only had one bf before him, so it was kind of young stupid love. But he had a nice hidden secret.. Which he liked to show everyone else except for me, so I was made a fool off.
We would use laptops allot, use the web, just enjoy facebook and all that. He on the other hand enjoyed chatting to other men and showing him his manly hood. I found out the hard way (no pun inteded ) When one of his mates told me.
I confronted him about it, being oh so in love I just let it slide. ( there where problems with porn as well as he was obbsesed with it )
And he obviously never did, because then I found out he was with another guy on/off for 6 months!
So I couldn't be put in a situation where my hearts torn into pieces. because I sat thick and thin through that entire thing and its still left me pretty damaged!
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I could forgive them as a person but the relationship would be over.0
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Its a hard one yes, my personal opinion is perhaps more based around the sex, to me there are 2 types of cheating... sex pure and simple and an affair....I think everybody has individual circumstances where its easy to sit and judge however I think a stupid one nighter in a moment of madness could be forgiven because its just sex but an emotional affair to me would be unforgivable because its the continuous lying that surrounds the affair I would find hurtful.
Again everybody's circumstances are different and I can only speak for myself but sex I could forgive but not an affair, an affair shows intent to deceive and that really just kills the relationship for me, why bother with trying to maintain 2 relationships.. :grumble:0 -
Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.0 -
Long story short, cheaters do not cheat on people they truly want to be with and love with all their heart.
^^^ this. A million times this.
There is a reason that people cheat. It is obvious that there is something missing in the relationship or the love is just over for one partner and they're fulfilling a need elsewhere.
No one can know why someone cheats nor should they be judged for it.0 -
This is hard for me to admit since so many people say "no" that they would never forgive. I have cheated. I believe my husband and I had very different reasons for getting married. He is not one to EVER compliment. NEVER do I hear "mmmm Im glad your mine, or your *kitten* looks nice in that or anything inbetween. When we got married we said we would tell each other if it ever got to the point where one of us thought we would cheat. With that said I had a boss that would always flirt with me. I told my husband (who works for the same company) and he could have cared less. One day my boss told me I was smart, beautiful and funny. WOW! That was music to my ears and hard to ignore. I told my husband that it was hard for me to ignore this when I so desperately wanted to hear it from him. Again he didn't think it was a big deal. Well, one night after a work party and too much alcohol (guess I'm classless) I went home with him. I seen this person for about a month. I then hated myself and told my husband. He seems to have forgiven me (but I still feel like a loser). However nothing seems to have changed. I still never get a compliment. Don't really know what to make of any of it.0
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After nearly 10 years of marriage I learned that my husband had been having an affiar. It was the absolutely WORSE feeling in the world. I tried to make it work, for the sake of my children and the fact that marriage actually means something to me, which is hard to find these days. I didn't get married to get a divorce. I went to counseling for a year and I learned that I could never move forward. There was too much that I learned in that time that I could never get over. I have forgiven him but I will NEVER forget. It's a hurt that doesn't just go away. It made me extremely depressed and my self esteem was GONE. I have been divorced now for 3 years and I'm engaged to be remarried. I don't believe that sleeping with someone is a "mistake"...even if you are drunk...you make your own decisions, and if it means that you decided to drink yourself into a stooper then you are responsible for your actions the follow. I don't wish the pain of betrayal on anyone.
I was in this situation too - well pretty much. My husband swore he had not slept with the other woman and I couldn't find any proof that he had. He certainly met someone - swapped numbers - and carried on some sort of "virtual" relationship for a number of years. Definitely intimate photos where sent and received.
I have never experienced hurt like it and I can remember the pain in an instant if I let myself think about it - but over time, I think about it less and less. I will never forget, but I have forgiven him (it's been nearly 5 years now since I found out) and I do believe that he will never do anything like it again. Our marriage has never been perfect and it's still not but it is OK and I was willing to see if we could make a go of it - I'm glad I did.
We didn't have counselling but we did scrutinise our relationship and even if I didn't want to admit it I can see how my behaviour contributed to him having his head turned by someone else so I can understand how it started, understanding how it carried on for so long is something I'll never get my head around - so it's easiest to try not to. Not to bury my head int he sand, but to accept that everyome is different and we can't always understand why others behave differently.
The irony is - he has always been jealous and I justify and explain situations which are actually innocent but he has misconstrued. The hypocrisy of the whole situation is harder to forgive!!!0 -
This is hard for me to admit since so many people say "no" that they would never forgive. I have cheated. I believe my husband and I had very different reasons for getting married. He is not one to EVER compliment. NEVER do I hear "mmmm Im glad your mine, or your *kitten* looks nice in that or anything inbetween. When we got married we said we would tell each other if it ever got to the point where one of us thought we would cheat. With that said I had a boss that would always flirt with me. I told my husband (who works for the same company) and he could have cared less. One day my boss told me I was smart, beautiful and funny. WOW! That was music to my ears and hard to ignore. I told my husband that it was hard for me to ignore this when I so desperately wanted to hear it from him. Again he didn't think it was a big deal. Well, one night after a work party and too much alcohol (guess I'm classless) I went home with him. I seen this person for about a month. I then hated myself and told my husband. He seems to have forgiven me (but I still feel like a loser). However nothing seems to have changed. I still never get a compliment. Don't really know what to make of any of it.
Your story is the reason why when I hear about someone cheating I don't judge them and jump on the bashing bandwagon because I don't know their reasons. I'm sorry that you're in a relationship where you don't hear the small things that really matter. It makes me sad.0 -
Thank you x0
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Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.0 -
drunk cheating is just as bad cause then everytime they drink you'll be like =\0
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Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.
Maybe but wouldn't the act make you sit back and think "Hmmm. What drove my SO to actually do something like that?"0
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