Can you forgive a cheater?
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Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.
Maybe but wouldn't the act make you sit back and think "Hmmm. What drove my SO to actually do something like that?"
Every time I cheated no one "drove" me to do anything. I was treated like a princess and adored and treated wonderful by these men, simple fact of the matter is, I did not love them the way I should have. In one particular case, it was easier to cheat than to break up with him, I was a selfish witch that could not bare to feel bad because I hurt him, so I allowed a relationship that I was not happy in to go on.
My husband has made me more furious than any other person alive before. There have been times that I could honestly have hurt him if I were the violent type, but not once during any of the 15 years we have been together has cheating been thought of. So I do not buy the whole "look what you made me do" crap.
Again I state, when you are with the right person for you, you do not want to cheat, period, no matter what they do to tick you off.0 -
So someone asked if drunk cheating is less severe or comparable to sober cheating and after reading the responses I am interested if anyone could/or has forgiven a cheater? Or been forgiven? And if you think after forgiveness it's actually forgotten?
My answer: I think you can forgive but you'll never forget and it could cause a strain on the relationship because of trust issues.
WTF is "drunk cheating"?
If you d**k goes into another orifice or you accept something into your parts...its cheating. There is no curve.
And personally I think you could forgive and move on but its really hard and generally only works with people who have been together for decades and have children together.0 -
Yes but I would still break up with them. I am very giving in the intimate part of my life so if they go elsewhere they are gone.0
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So someone asked if drunk cheating is less severe or comparable to sober cheating and after reading the responses I am interested if anyone could/or has forgiven a cheater? Or been forgiven? And if you think after forgiveness it's actually forgotten?
Which one did you do? Drunken or sober?0 -
Long story short, cheaters do not cheat on people they truly want to be with and love with all their heart.
^^^ this. A million times this.
There is a reason that people cheat. It is obvious that there is something missing in the relationship or the love is just over for one partner and they're fulfilling a need elsewhere.
No one can know why someone cheats nor should they be judged for it.
Exactly. I could never be with anyone besides my husband. But in previous relationships, I didn't always feel like that.0 -
I don't think I could ever forgive someone for cheating on me. Especially because he's not "someone", he's my man, he's the one I love, he's the one that was never obliged to love me, but still did. You can be betrayed by anyone, but I think that you can never part real love from trust and reciprocity.
If he actually cheated on me, it would mean that, even if just for a single moment, I've been replaceable. That might have been a kiss, a promise to someone else, some physical touching, whatever, but for how long it lasted, I had been forgotten. And if you can be with someone else and forget about your loved one, why being together at all then?
This doesn't necessarily mean that they have to be your whole world. You can have lots of friends, you can go out with them, or even like to spend a lot of time alone, but regarding your love, if you gave it to someone, I don't think you can give it to someone else.
I guess some people act impulsively and don't think much before doing such things. But we can't use our brain all the time, can we? Sometimes we've got to use our hearts. And honestly my heart leads me to him, so I don't really see why you should cheat on someone if you really love him/her.
Nevertheless I don't think I'd be able to leave him anyway. If he cheated on me it would be clear that he doesn't love me as much as he likes to say, but it's too hard to let go someone you've loved so much, especially if they're willing to stay together.0 -
i can say that, in my life, every situation is different and until you are faced with it you can't really say how everything will unfold.
It is not true that once a cheater, always a cheater either.
As for forgiving, it has nothing to do with forgetting. Forgiving is about taking on the burden for the rest of your life. You do not forget, but things fade and become less mentally valued over time.
The one common truth I do know about cheating, it is never the problem. Only a symptom to the real issue(s).
All the best who anyone struggling in this.0 -
A one off silly drunken/life crisis mistake yes. A long standing affair with strong emotions etc then no.0
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I never could. I don't care WHAT the excuse is, for me personally, it's universally unforgivable.
There is no "every situation is different", unless we were talking about actual forced rape. (That's different than cheating.)0 -
I forgive, forget and move on (it's not just cheating, it's putting someone's life at stake these days).0
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forgive possibly but never forget and its like a broken mirror .. once broken it can be peiced back together but never be still be broken.0
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As a man...heck no. I would never forget and DEFINITELY never forgive. Sorry, I am not the forgiving type when it means betrayal. The only way I see me not immediately breaking up is if I have children with my wife. The funny thing is, I don't believe people who cheat are bad people. I don't agree with them, but I would be a hypocrite to call someone a bad person. I know some people who are very racist, sexist, and homophobic. Mind you, they aren't exactly friends and I don't talk to them too much, but I know they aren't "bad".
BTW, as a guy who is waiting for marriage, not receiving sex is NEVER the answer. Bring it up to your spouse/partner. Talking is much better than being a lying harmful person.0 -
once ..yes maybe
id forgive but maybe not want to stay with them after depending on exactly what kind of cheating it was0 -
Once a cheater, always a cheater. I won't give anyone another chance to do it to me again0
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i think there's nothing two people truly in love can't overcome.
i disagree with 'once a cheater always a cheater'. i think TWICE a cheater always a cheater. if you did it once, feel horrible forever, and never do it again.. you're not obviously a cheater. after that, well you're just a heartless ****.
i also cant remember if i replied to this before.
its late.0 -
A one off silly drunken/life crisis mistake yes. A long standing affair with strong emotions etc then no.
shes got the right idea0 -
i can say that, in my life, every situation is different and until you are faced with it you can't really say how everything will unfold.
It is not true that once a cheater, always a cheater either.
As for forgiving, it has nothing to do with forgetting. Forgiving is about taking on the burden for the rest of your life. You do not forget, but things fade and become less mentally valued over time.
The one common truth I do know about cheating, it is never the problem. Only a symptom to the real issue(s).
All the best who anyone struggling in this.
/thread0 -
only if he forgvies the loss of a vital body part and bodily harm0
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Yes it is possible. Not easy, but possible. You have to first recognize that people sometimes make mistakes. Serial cheating not so much of forgiving or forgetting.
OP didn't ask whether you thought I could, he asked whether YOU could.
I personally couldn't. I wouldn't be able to forget it. Drunk cheating is no different to any other type of cheating, and the answer for me, is no.0 -
In my 40 years I've had two partners and been cheated on by both of them. It messes up your self-esteem. Definite no from me.0
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To be totally honest, I think every situation and person is different.
If, for example, my partner and I had a huge row one night, he stormed out, got drunk, slept with a woman, and then came back the next day and was immediantly honest with me and seriously regretted his actions, I think I could forgive. It may take a while to forget, but if the relationship is worth it and you are both prepared to work at it, then it is possible.
If, for example, I found out that he’d been sneaking around and seeing a woman for ages and having regular sex with her, while lying about his whereabouts for months, then that s completely different and he can go eff himself.
Note: neither of the two examples have happened to me, they are purely scenarios I pulled out of my head.
I am aware I have a slightly odd view on cheating, but I do believe people make genuine mistakes that they are sorry for and deserve a second chance. I also don't believe in the 'once a cheat always a cheat' saying.
^^^ This is my view as well!0 -
I think no, never. I have been cheated on and have never looked back. I think trust needs to be earned and once it's gone, it's gone. No one deserves to be treated like that.0
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My husband cheated a year ago. He wasn't drunk. I was pregnant with our 3rd kid. I tried to move past it. Of course I forgive him because I owe that to myself. The trust is gone though. I'm not sure it will come back and I can say I will NEVER forget what he did to our family.0
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Yes it is possible. Not easy, but possible. You have to first recognize that people sometimes make mistakes. Serial cheating not so much of forgiving or forgetting.
Cheating is far from a mistake. It's a choice.0 -
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forgive yes, but def. not forget..... I have forgiven but I don't stick around and wait for it to happen again, disloyalty is a deal breaker for me0
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Been cheated on before, and yes, the door did hit her on the *kitten*.0
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I'd love to think I could move past it but I feel it would plague me for too long, cause too much difficulty between us. Perhaps separate for a while, give him a chance to prove to me he wants to work on things.. Then we'd see.0
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