Can you forgive a cheater?
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I have told my husband (whom I have been with for almost 5 years, we have been married for a little over a year and a half) that if he does ever cheat on me, then i will have to decide on what is best for me and our child, and am hoping I never have to cross that bridge. Because I have been cheated on by previous boyfriends, its hard for me to trust males as it is, but i have been able to trust my husband completely.0
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Can I/ have I forgiven? Nope, they broke a trust and once that has been broke there is no going back.0
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Ug, I can hardly read these responses without getting angry again, because this is me, too. It has been three years since my husband's infidelity (which lasted three years) and I can't get over it. I just can't. I live day to day. Most times I push it way to the back of my brain and try to make it through the days, weeks, etc.
I know he's not doing it now (ok, I THINK he's not doing it now), but honestly, I am just trying to hold out until the kids are grown. But my youngest is nine.
So tell me, why do I suddenly feel like having chocolate and peanut butter in mass quantities? Screw that, I am getting for for ME, not for him.0 -
IDK...I'm still trying to forgive...It hurts your self assurance, self esteem, you feel like a joke, and wonder what other big assed lies you don't know about. You question your lovability, your judgement, your self respect. And then you wonder, but isn't love supposed to conquer all? and how am I supposed to move on...
all of it sucks ...there is no comfort in anything.
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Nope. This is the ONE thing I will not forgive. I despise lying like this - it's so irrational. If you don't want to be with the person you are with, then don't be with them. If you want to have sex with other people, then find someone who also wants an open relationship. Just don't lie about it, It makes zero sense. Lying about this to me is SUCH a MAJOR character flaw. I love sex with my hubby, and I can't imagine having secrets between us that would ruin the trust we have in each other. I do have friends who have an open marriage and it works for them and they are happy together, so to each his/her own. But don't lie about it.0
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Giving forgiveness isn't to excuse their wrong. Forgiveness is for you to move on. Nothing but dust in the review mirror!0
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Giving forgiveness isn't to excuse their wrong. Forgiveness is for you to move on. Nothing but dust in the review mirror!
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The rule is, if he cheats, he has to bring her home and make her help clean the house.
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There seems to be a lot of Katy Perry songs running through my head!!!!!!!!!0
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Hubby and I both cheated and we both forgave each other. I have let it go and moved on, but I can tell he doesn't trust me and it causes a lot of stress on our relationship.0
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yes very true, it has little to do with the other involved and much more to do with us as individuals. I hadn't realized how much forgiveness work I had to do yet... not sure I've even started.. gotta do that!Giving forgiveness isn't to excuse their wrong. Forgiveness is for you to move on. Nothing but dust in the review mirror!
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It's this thread and both of you posters up above that I pasted that really made me stop and think. My situation was 20 years ago, I'm still confused by his actions, we talk occasionally but he's out of state so never run into one another. So... forgiveness is what I'll be working on then!!
I did some forgiveness work with my Sisters and WOW, we are quite close now, I never mentioned it to them as there was no need too. I don't believe when we hurt someone we always realize it, but what a change when I do the work vs. holding a 20 year grudge... It's sucking life out me that could be used for so many good things.... it's not a constant on my mind but even so it's gotta be effecting me in ways I don't even realize.
Thank you for posting about the forgiveness work.... sending you both hugs of gratitude!!
:flowerforyou:
Oh...and I do love the rearview mirror saying...so very true!!
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If you cheated and were sorry, would you want to be forgiven?0
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So someone asked if drunk cheating is less severe or comparable to sober cheating and after reading the responses I am interested if anyone could/or has forgiven a cheater? Or been forgiven? And if you think after forgiveness it's actually forgotten?
My answer: I think you can forgive but you'll never forget and it could cause a strain on the relationship because of trust issues.
My answer is the same as yours. I will never forget and its changed me. I was such a trusting person before. Hard to get close to anyone with that still in the back of your mind too.0 -
Cheaters cheat, it's not a one time thing.0
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I don't know what it says about me that I thought this thread was about cheating on your diet...0
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The rule is, if he cheats, he has to bring her home and make her help clean the house.
This. Or he has to share. :devil: :bigsmile: :smokin:0 -
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.0
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i can forgive. people make mistakes. my partner has never cheated. but through thick and thin, we could get through it. now if he was doing this more than once, I think I could forgive but I would be out the door.0
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bump for later.
I don't think I could forgive or forget. to me its the ultimate betrayal because I would never do that to someone I really cared about.0 -
I couldn't. They'd be straight out the door. It'd prove there was no commitment and they abused my trust, simple as that.
This.0 -
If you cheated and were sorry, would you want to be forgiven?
Well, that's a non issue. I don't and won't cheat, so I don't have to worry about being forgiven for cheating. Thankfully my husband is the same way.0 -
yes very true, it has little to do with the other involved and much more to do with us as individuals. I hadn't realized how much forgiveness work I had to do yet... not sure I've even started.. gotta do that!Giving forgiveness isn't to excuse their wrong. Forgiveness is for you to move on. Nothing but dust in the review mirror!
^^^^^
It's this thread and both of you posters up above that I pasted that really made me stop and think. My situation was 20 years ago, I'm still confused by his actions, we talk occasionally but he's out of state so never run into one another. So... forgiveness is what I'll be working on then!!
I did some forgiveness work with my Sisters and WOW, we are quite close now, I never mentioned it to them as there was no need too. I don't believe when we hurt someone we always realize it, but what a change when I do the work vs. holding a 20 year grudge... It's sucking life out me that could be used for so many good things.... it's not a constant on my mind but even so it's gotta be effecting me in ways I don't even realize.
Thank you for posting about the forgiveness work.... sending you both hugs of gratitude!!:flowerforyou:
Oh...and I do love the rearview mirror saying...so very true!!
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Once you let go of all the negativity and forgive (in any circumstance), amazing things happen to you. You won't forget or change what happened but I can say after forgiveness it's like a weight is lifted from you. Best wishes!!0 -
If we're talking about cheating in a sexual context, then no, not really. I might not dwell on it or obsess over it. But it's one of those things you can't undo.
A "mistake" is when you don't watch what you're doing and hit the wrong button on your calculator, or when you misidentify a new or unfamiliar item, or when you put your grandmother's Christmas card in the envelope addressed to your Uncle. They're accidents. You're not making conscious choices. "Cheating" involves a conscious decision to do so. You don't "accidentally" have sex with someone else. Even if you're drunk, you chose to do so.0 -
That is one thing I have ZERO tolerance for. SEE YOU.
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It has been many months since my MFP wife cheated on me, and I am still struggling with it.
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Never again - My last boyfriend cheated on me - I made the decision to forgive - but I could never forget!!!!
Over time I felt insecure, anxious always watching his actions it got to the point where I could not sleep at night if he was out- he went on to cheat on me again and again and again!!!! I had 4 years of hell - coming out of a relationship with no self confidence, money issues as he was always sponging off me and the anxiety caused some weight gain!!!
2 years on I have met an amazing person who is kind and considerate - I just regret those years I wasted on that cheater!!!!0 -
Forgive for your own self peace, worth and contentment.
Dump their *kitten* and never look back though.0 -
I could never forgive it. Everyone makes a choice, and if they choose to cheat then they are also choosing that their spouse is not as important to them as the fling. I would never be able to forgive that.0
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Once trust is broken, that's the end of any relationship, for me anyway.0
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NO0
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