Can you forgive a cheater?

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  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Giving forgiveness isn't to excuse their wrong. Forgiveness is for you to move on. Nothing but dust in the review mirror!

    ^^^^^
    yes very true, it has little to do with the other involved and much more to do with us as individuals. I hadn't realized how much forgiveness work I had to do yet... not sure I've even started.. gotta do that!

    It's this thread and both of you posters up above that I pasted that really made me stop and think. My situation was 20 years ago, I'm still confused by his actions, we talk occasionally but he's out of state so never run into one another. So... forgiveness is what I'll be working on then!!

    I did some forgiveness work with my Sisters and WOW, we are quite close now, I never mentioned it to them as there was no need too. I don't believe when we hurt someone we always realize it, but what a change when I do the work vs. holding a 20 year grudge... It's sucking life out me that could be used for so many good things.... it's not a constant on my mind but even so it's gotta be effecting me in ways I don't even realize.

    Thank you for posting about the forgiveness work.... sending you both hugs of gratitude!!:heart::flowerforyou:

    Oh...and I do love the rearview mirror saying...so very true!!

    Hearts:heart:
  • TheLuSir
    TheLuSir Posts: 1,674 Member
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    If you cheated and were sorry, would you want to be forgiven?
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    So someone asked if drunk cheating is less severe or comparable to sober cheating and after reading the responses I am interested if anyone could/or has forgiven a cheater? Or been forgiven? And if you think after forgiveness it's actually forgotten?


    My answer: I think you can forgive but you'll never forget and it could cause a strain on the relationship because of trust issues.

    My answer is the same as yours. I will never forget and its changed me. I was such a trusting person before. Hard to get close to anyone with that still in the back of your mind too.
  • MjrFatteh
    MjrFatteh Posts: 15
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    Cheaters cheat, it's not a one time thing.
  • yittosity
    yittosity Posts: 7
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    I don't know what it says about me that I thought this thread was about cheating on your diet...
  • eliseofthejungle
    eliseofthejungle Posts: 113 Member
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    The rule is, if he cheats, he has to bring her home and make her help clean the house. :wink:

    This. Or he has to share. :devil: :bigsmile: :smokin:
  • wolfpack77
    wolfpack77 Posts: 655
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    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
  • bearkisses
    bearkisses Posts: 1,252 Member
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    i can forgive. people make mistakes. my partner has never cheated. but through thick and thin, we could get through it. now if he was doing this more than once, I think I could forgive but I would be out the door.
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
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    bump for later.

    I don't think I could forgive or forget. to me its the ultimate betrayal because I would never do that to someone I really cared about.
  • oX_Vanessa_Xo
    oX_Vanessa_Xo Posts: 478
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    I couldn't. They'd be straight out the door. It'd prove there was no commitment and they abused my trust, simple as that.

    This.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    If you cheated and were sorry, would you want to be forgiven?

    Well, that's a non issue. I don't and won't cheat, so I don't have to worry about being forgiven for cheating. Thankfully my husband is the same way.
  • xvxCelticWandererxvx
    xvxCelticWandererxvx Posts: 2,890 Member
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    Giving forgiveness isn't to excuse their wrong. Forgiveness is for you to move on. Nothing but dust in the review mirror!

    ^^^^^
    yes very true, it has little to do with the other involved and much more to do with us as individuals. I hadn't realized how much forgiveness work I had to do yet... not sure I've even started.. gotta do that!

    It's this thread and both of you posters up above that I pasted that really made me stop and think. My situation was 20 years ago, I'm still confused by his actions, we talk occasionally but he's out of state so never run into one another. So... forgiveness is what I'll be working on then!!

    I did some forgiveness work with my Sisters and WOW, we are quite close now, I never mentioned it to them as there was no need too. I don't believe when we hurt someone we always realize it, but what a change when I do the work vs. holding a 20 year grudge... It's sucking life out me that could be used for so many good things.... it's not a constant on my mind but even so it's gotta be effecting me in ways I don't even realize.

    Thank you for posting about the forgiveness work.... sending you both hugs of gratitude!!:heart::flowerforyou:

    Oh...and I do love the rearview mirror saying...so very true!!

    Hearts:heart:


    Once you let go of all the negativity and forgive (in any circumstance), amazing things happen to you. You won't forget or change what happened but I can say after forgiveness it's like a weight is lifted from you. Best wishes!!
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
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    If we're talking about cheating in a sexual context, then no, not really. I might not dwell on it or obsess over it. But it's one of those things you can't undo.

    A "mistake" is when you don't watch what you're doing and hit the wrong button on your calculator, or when you misidentify a new or unfamiliar item, or when you put your grandmother's Christmas card in the envelope addressed to your Uncle. They're accidents. You're not making conscious choices. "Cheating" involves a conscious decision to do so. You don't "accidentally" have sex with someone else. Even if you're drunk, you chose to do so.
  • classycouture
    classycouture Posts: 888 Member
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    That is one thing I have ZERO tolerance for. SEE YOU.

    yourloss.gif
  • InnerConflict
    InnerConflict Posts: 1,592 Member
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    It has been many months since my MFP wife cheated on me, and I am still struggling with it. :cry:
  • sissie515513emh
    sissie515513emh Posts: 3
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    Never again - My last boyfriend cheated on me - I made the decision to forgive - but I could never forget!!!!

    Over time I felt insecure, anxious always watching his actions it got to the point where I could not sleep at night if he was out- he went on to cheat on me again and again and again!!!! I had 4 years of hell - coming out of a relationship with no self confidence, money issues as he was always sponging off me and the anxiety caused some weight gain!!!

    2 years on I have met an amazing person who is kind and considerate - I just regret those years I wasted on that cheater!!!!
  • Kpablo
    Kpablo Posts: 355 Member
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    Forgive for your own self peace, worth and contentment.

    Dump their *kitten* and never look back though.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
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    I could never forgive it. Everyone makes a choice, and if they choose to cheat then they are also choosing that their spouse is not as important to them as the fling. I would never be able to forgive that.
  • 3LittleMonkeyMom
    3LittleMonkeyMom Posts: 259
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    Once trust is broken, that's the end of any relationship, for me anyway.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
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    NO

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