Can you forgive a cheater?
Replies
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Absolutely not, under any circumstances. It is a complete deal breaker for me and my partner knows and respects that, he feels exactly the same.0
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I did but I couldn't forget it... and he did it again, so... I won't be doing that again.0
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My first marriage was scarred with cheating, and he cheated before marriage as well. He cheated on me with my best friend, her other best friend, his ex girlfriend, his manager...ugh, you name her, he did her.
My second marriage was scarred by cheating, first by him, then by me. We got married quick, 6 weeks in, but I think the difference there was that we were both still healing from our first marriages. We were wise enough to know we met the one, and yet too immature to completely commit.
Here we are though, Friday will mark our 5th anniversary, and we're happier than we've ever been. We both forgave, forgot, and moved on. We knew coming into our marriage that it takes work; work that our last partners were not willing to put in, and work that we would always strive to do.
In a way I think our cheating made our marriage stronger. Will he make mistakes? Will I? Of course.. you don't spend your entire life with one person and never make a single mistake. The difference is that in marriage, you commit to standing beside that one person, through thick and thin. Transgressions will be made, and it's up to you to work through them. Disney love is crap, real love and marriage takes hard work, sweat, blood, and tears. It takes two.0 -
i killed him.. And still not forgiving..0
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I forgave mine and he did it again (just this past weekend in fact).
OUR ACTIONS CREATE PATTERNS. Cheaters tend to cheat again and if you forgive it once you tend to forgive it again, making it harder to ever break free.0 -
I think it is possible to forgive a cheater, but in no way should that justify staying together in a relationship.
The forgiveness and healing process usually takes a lot of time.0 -
i couldnt. i have hard enough time trusting anyways. so that would be the end of that.0
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I was a cheater until I met my husband. I actually met him while cheating on another guy.
Getting caught only made me better at hiding it.
I never ONCE cheated on someone that I honestly loved.
The thought of another man touching me today makes me ill.
Long story short, cheaters do not cheat on people they truly want to be with and love with all their heart.0 -
Sadly, because of bad experiances.. ~No I couldn't give it a second chance.
I know everyones differant and this that and the other, but my experiance was just so odd that I couldn't go through heartbreak again.
My EX was, well, immature, never had a GF. and I only had one bf before him, so it was kind of young stupid love. But he had a nice hidden secret.. Which he liked to show everyone else except for me, so I was made a fool off.
We would use laptops allot, use the web, just enjoy facebook and all that. He on the other hand enjoyed chatting to other men and showing him his manly hood. I found out the hard way (no pun inteded ) When one of his mates told me.
I confronted him about it, being oh so in love I just let it slide. ( there where problems with porn as well as he was obbsesed with it )
And he obviously never did, because then I found out he was with another guy on/off for 6 months!
So I couldn't be put in a situation where my hearts torn into pieces. because I sat thick and thin through that entire thing and its still left me pretty damaged!
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I could forgive them as a person but the relationship would be over.0
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Its a hard one yes, my personal opinion is perhaps more based around the sex, to me there are 2 types of cheating... sex pure and simple and an affair....I think everybody has individual circumstances where its easy to sit and judge however I think a stupid one nighter in a moment of madness could be forgiven because its just sex but an emotional affair to me would be unforgivable because its the continuous lying that surrounds the affair I would find hurtful.
Again everybody's circumstances are different and I can only speak for myself but sex I could forgive but not an affair, an affair shows intent to deceive and that really just kills the relationship for me, why bother with trying to maintain 2 relationships.. :grumble:0 -
Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.0 -
Long story short, cheaters do not cheat on people they truly want to be with and love with all their heart.
^^^ this. A million times this.
There is a reason that people cheat. It is obvious that there is something missing in the relationship or the love is just over for one partner and they're fulfilling a need elsewhere.
No one can know why someone cheats nor should they be judged for it.0 -
This is hard for me to admit since so many people say "no" that they would never forgive. I have cheated. I believe my husband and I had very different reasons for getting married. He is not one to EVER compliment. NEVER do I hear "mmmm Im glad your mine, or your *kitten* looks nice in that or anything inbetween. When we got married we said we would tell each other if it ever got to the point where one of us thought we would cheat. With that said I had a boss that would always flirt with me. I told my husband (who works for the same company) and he could have cared less. One day my boss told me I was smart, beautiful and funny. WOW! That was music to my ears and hard to ignore. I told my husband that it was hard for me to ignore this when I so desperately wanted to hear it from him. Again he didn't think it was a big deal. Well, one night after a work party and too much alcohol (guess I'm classless) I went home with him. I seen this person for about a month. I then hated myself and told my husband. He seems to have forgiven me (but I still feel like a loser). However nothing seems to have changed. I still never get a compliment. Don't really know what to make of any of it.0
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After nearly 10 years of marriage I learned that my husband had been having an affiar. It was the absolutely WORSE feeling in the world. I tried to make it work, for the sake of my children and the fact that marriage actually means something to me, which is hard to find these days. I didn't get married to get a divorce. I went to counseling for a year and I learned that I could never move forward. There was too much that I learned in that time that I could never get over. I have forgiven him but I will NEVER forget. It's a hurt that doesn't just go away. It made me extremely depressed and my self esteem was GONE. I have been divorced now for 3 years and I'm engaged to be remarried. I don't believe that sleeping with someone is a "mistake"...even if you are drunk...you make your own decisions, and if it means that you decided to drink yourself into a stooper then you are responsible for your actions the follow. I don't wish the pain of betrayal on anyone.
I was in this situation too - well pretty much. My husband swore he had not slept with the other woman and I couldn't find any proof that he had. He certainly met someone - swapped numbers - and carried on some sort of "virtual" relationship for a number of years. Definitely intimate photos where sent and received.
I have never experienced hurt like it and I can remember the pain in an instant if I let myself think about it - but over time, I think about it less and less. I will never forget, but I have forgiven him (it's been nearly 5 years now since I found out) and I do believe that he will never do anything like it again. Our marriage has never been perfect and it's still not but it is OK and I was willing to see if we could make a go of it - I'm glad I did.
We didn't have counselling but we did scrutinise our relationship and even if I didn't want to admit it I can see how my behaviour contributed to him having his head turned by someone else so I can understand how it started, understanding how it carried on for so long is something I'll never get my head around - so it's easiest to try not to. Not to bury my head int he sand, but to accept that everyome is different and we can't always understand why others behave differently.
The irony is - he has always been jealous and I justify and explain situations which are actually innocent but he has misconstrued. The hypocrisy of the whole situation is harder to forgive!!!0 -
This is hard for me to admit since so many people say "no" that they would never forgive. I have cheated. I believe my husband and I had very different reasons for getting married. He is not one to EVER compliment. NEVER do I hear "mmmm Im glad your mine, or your *kitten* looks nice in that or anything inbetween. When we got married we said we would tell each other if it ever got to the point where one of us thought we would cheat. With that said I had a boss that would always flirt with me. I told my husband (who works for the same company) and he could have cared less. One day my boss told me I was smart, beautiful and funny. WOW! That was music to my ears and hard to ignore. I told my husband that it was hard for me to ignore this when I so desperately wanted to hear it from him. Again he didn't think it was a big deal. Well, one night after a work party and too much alcohol (guess I'm classless) I went home with him. I seen this person for about a month. I then hated myself and told my husband. He seems to have forgiven me (but I still feel like a loser). However nothing seems to have changed. I still never get a compliment. Don't really know what to make of any of it.
Your story is the reason why when I hear about someone cheating I don't judge them and jump on the bashing bandwagon because I don't know their reasons. I'm sorry that you're in a relationship where you don't hear the small things that really matter. It makes me sad.0 -
Thank you x0
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Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.0 -
drunk cheating is just as bad cause then everytime they drink you'll be like =\0
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Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.
Maybe but wouldn't the act make you sit back and think "Hmmm. What drove my SO to actually do something like that?"0 -
I have, and no he never cheated again but honestly I would never put myself through that again. Constantly worrying if he is or was, too much stress and a waste of my time when i could be with someone who worships me, or at least enough to be faithful. My advice is that no the relationship is never ever the same, so don't even try, do something better with your time and energy0
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Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.
Maybe but wouldn't the act make you sit back and think "Hmmm. What drove my SO to actually do something like that?"
Not in the least. That's what break-ups/divorces are for.
If you're not content with what you have and betraying your SO for it is your solution, then you have no place in that person's life.0 -
Been on both sides.
Just break up.0 -
There is a huge difference between forgiving and condoning/allowing it to happen/continuing/not severing a relationship/seeking perpetual revenge.
I could forgive a murderer for his crime. Does it mean I think the murderer shouldn't face the consequences of his actions? No, of course not.
There are always consequences, even when the other person forgives. You can get forgiveness from someone who walks away from a relationship forever. You just don't get the benefits of that relationship.
Make sense? For me "forgiveness" means not continuing to take revenge on someone. I can walk away with a clean conscience if I forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean being stepped on while continuing a relationship. It doesn't even mean staying in a relationship and moving forward. Those things are entirely different animals.0 -
Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.
Maybe but wouldn't the act make you sit back and think "Hmmm. What drove my SO to actually do something like that?"
Not in the least. That's what break-ups/divorces are for.
If you're not content with what you have and betraying your SO for it is your solution, then you have no place in that person's life.
Really? You wouldn't once sit back and look at the relationship and wonder what you did to drive the other person away and to another? If you don't evaluate the situation and your part in what happened to drive your SO to someone else then you're only going to fall into the same pattern with another partner.0 -
Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.
Maybe but wouldn't the act make you sit back and think "Hmmm. What drove my SO to actually do something like that?"
IMHO, it's nearly always good to look back and work out why it all went wrong, after all, it's rarely all the fault of a single person. However, it would still be over, even if someone I loved cheated on me, because NOBODY is driven to cheat. Your partner can drive you to distraction, drive you to say 'buck up or its over', or drive you to just walk away because you know they are unreasonable and trying to sort things out is not realistic.
But, nobody is driven to cheat. It is a choice ~ in reality, a choice that means that you think very little of the relationship you are in. So end it.
But nobody is forced to cheat.0 -
I'm dealing with this situation now. He cheated on me w/ someone at work for a whole year. Little did I know I was staring her in the eyes everytime a group of them left work together. It was so bad. Now, he has another job and I am dealing with the same crap. I see him holding doors for these women, laughing when he walks out with 1 or 2 of them and it's a HUGE STRAIN. We constantly are fighting about it because I do NOT trust him.
I did forgive him the first time, but I canNOT forget. Everytime I "try" to talk to him about it, he points the finger at me and switches it up. I told him just recently, after 3.5 years together that we should just "be friends"... He will NOT let that happen.
And, he lives directly across the street from me. Please don't tell me to move, I have 2 kids and only my income. It's VERY hard to just up and move a family.0 -
My ex-wife cheated. I forgave her. She cheated again. I forgave her. She continued to cheat. I learned my lesson. I kicked her cheating self out….then forgave her. Forgiveness is one thing…staying together and trusting is something entirely different.0
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Nope. Never. Not even once.
If someone cheats on you, there can be no honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.
Honestly, that's the best way of putting it.
Without a single doubt, I could never forgive someone regardless of how I feel towards them or how long we've been together.
It is an unforgivable act.
Maybe but wouldn't the act make you sit back and think "Hmmm. What drove my SO to actually do something like that?"
Not in the least. That's what break-ups/divorces are for.
If you're not content with what you have and betraying your SO for it is your solution, then you have no place in that person's life.
Really? You wouldn't once sit back and look at the relationship and wonder what you did to drive the other person away and to another? If you don't evaluate the situation and your part in what happened to drive your SO to someone else then you're only going to fall into the same pattern with another partner.
That's what communication is for. Why should I ponder their reasons if they won't talk?
In all honesty, why should I even care for their reasons, right?
I'm a caring person, I compliment my girlfriend daily, I remind her of how amazing she is the moment she feels worse than usual.
I've been with her for over half a year. I evaluate my relationship quite often, so I know that without a doubt, the cheating could not occur due to reasons on my behalf.
If she did cheat on me, for any reason, it would be a reason of her own, completely un-relating to my actions.
At that point, she would be immediately dead to me, regardless of reasons or excuses.
To stoop so low instead of communicating with your SO as a means of feeling better is the stupidest most primitive thing any human can do.
If you need to depend so much on others rather than yourself, you are not worthy of even being looked at twice and should steer far from relationships.0 -
My motto: Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but it sure changes the future!
Yes, I have forgiven cheating... No, I don't hold any resentment. However, the dynamics of our relationship have changed significantly. I have zero tolerance for even the smallest lie or omission.
Now, I have to say, had it been any other man but this one, I would not have stayed in the relationship. But, that's the thing... every situation is different. Some people are worth the heartache, hard work, and commitment. Some people aren't.
Love this! My fiance and I hit a rough patch about 2 years ago. After the first few months of our relationship, he started texting a girl he hooked up with once before we started dating. I found out about 6 months into his texting relationship while I was playing on his phone. He was sick, and I woke him up out of bed to fuss at him. After a few weeks of emotional hell, we were able to work through everything and we'll be getting married in June.
Every situation is different, and the night I found out, I really thought we were about to break up. I have to chalk his behavior up to being a 20-something year old guy. Every previous relationship had ended because either he or whoever he was with cheated. He was looking for a back-up plan in case I ever broke up with him. Some people cheat (okay, technically there was no physical cheating--just emotional, which might be worse) out of fear, and out of being young and being stupid. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Since then, not only has our relationship gotten stronger, but we trust each other more. We talk to each other more, not run off to talk to someone else. We've both grown up, and I'm so glad I didn't throw away what we have over some stupid text messages. Yeah, they hurt, and thinking about them still hurts, but where a much stronger and more mature couple now.
It really depends on the people and the situation.0
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