Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • sherrirb
    sherrirb Posts: 1,714 Member
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    Jess,
    He is not as committed to the relationship as you might be, nor will he ever. When I read this statement, I could tell that there is more to this situation than he is telling:
    He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks.

    If he was completely devoted to you and loved you as much as he says he does, he wouldnt be checking out ANY OTHER CHICKS~!!!
    He is NOT the marrying kind. If he is doing this now, regardless of YOUR weight, he will do this later. I have seen on here so many women who talk about how their husbands dont care about their weight. They love them for WHO they are, not what they look like. This guy doesn't love you for who you are when he can make statements like not wanting to talk marriage until you drop weight.

    You have had some good times with him, but in my humble opinion, I would let this one go. You need to focus on you and you can't do that when he is in your life and pressuring you like this. You do not need that emotional rollercoaster because it will hinder your progress.

    Drop him and spend all that time you would spend with him on working out and discovering the beautiful YOU that you are!! You ARE beautfiul, you don't need him to tell you that, you need YOU to tell you that!!!
  • iamshells
    iamshells Posts: 46 Member
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    Dump him. That's awful.


    AGREED!!! Plain and Simple!
  • jennij1984
    jennij1984 Posts: 47
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    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    This!!!
  • Jewel0124
    Jewel0124 Posts: 119 Member
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    If you decide to lose weight then do it for you and not for him. As someone who has been in an emotionally abusive relationship, I think that once you lose the weight, he will only find something else wrong with you. His demands will get worse especially after you have kids with him. You're a beautiful woman and you deserve a man that will treat you like a queen.
  • Territravel
    Territravel Posts: 165 Member
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    Did you ever see that movie "Shallow Hal," reminds me of him. Lose weight for anyone else but you, your setting yourself up for a life of stress and regret. Also, if he is worried more, about what his "not so skinny family" thinks, than his feelings for you, than chance is he isn't your soul mate!
  • willowrush
    willowrush Posts: 3
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    Don't ever let someone make you feel like less of a person. In marriage, there are a lot more stresses in life than the number on the scale. At least you found out his feelings now. Don't change for him...only for yourself. However, I'm really sorry that you had a long relationship end it's always very painful.
  • KCGettinFit2014
    KCGettinFit2014 Posts: 141
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    Wow...I don't know the whole of your relationship but what you just described sounds incredibly shallow. If he loved you for you, then he would love you for you regardless of your weight. Love supports and encourages, not cuts down and judges. And I think you are right...If you lose the weight for HIM, there will likely be something else down the road that just isn't right for him. Also, if you don't do it for yourself and your own health your chances of success are dramatically reduced. You have to make the choice for yourself. I think that once you make the decision for yourself and start making headway you will see the value in yourself and that you don't need people like this guy or his family in your life to only love you with conditions.
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
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    Sounds to me that if you lost him, you would be dumping a lot of dead weight and that's just the start.

    Seriously, you're pic shows that on the outside you are already beautiful. No question there.

    As far as the actual amount of lbs, where you want to be is up to you. What weight is going to make YOU happy? That's all that matters. There are 8 bajillion guys out there and you can and will find one that wants you for you...but you have to be confident and happy with yourself. If you don't like what you see, change it. Understand it will take time, and just do it. 1 lbs a week, 2 lbs a week, 1/2 lb a week...doesn't matter. Don't beat yourself up and don't starve yourself. Exercise, lift weights...do what makes you feel healthy, strong, and confident.

    As far as the boy you were with, you are better off without him.
  • BBryans07
    BBryans07 Posts: 16 Member
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    I was dumped by a guy I had been with for about 1 1/2 years and his reason was that "we had different interests". He later admitted (and told several of my friends) that he broke up with me because I was getting fat. Mind you, I had gained several pounds my sophomore year of college and was under a lot of stress working full time. You know how crushing this is. BUT the really cool thing and silver lining was that it fueled my motivation to get fit. I wanted to flaunt my body in front of him as if to say, "Yeah, you broke up with me when I was 50 lbs heavier, and NOW look at me!" Mind you, I didn't want to get back with him. I just wanted a little revenge. hehe. And it worked!

    That was some of the best motivation I've ever had and while I was really working on getting fit, I met a great guy who LOVES my curves, my body, AND my personality. It's the best feeling in the world being loved for who you are and not what you are! We're still together 3 years later. Take my advice. Tell him you're worth far more than that, and if he is that superficial, then who needs him? He sounds like a real jerk. Do you really want to be with someone and constantly worrying about your weight because you're afraid you'll lose or displease him? NO. You don't. So when people say that you should get fit for yourself, it's totally true....but don't underestimate the power of exacting a little positive revenge. It is SO worth it. :happy:
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
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    The best weight you'll ever lose is that guy. Allow the hurt and anger to fuel a good fitness rage and work from there.
  • becca53088
    becca53088 Posts: 32
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    I personally would say that he is not worth it and that this is a *huge* red flag. Before I started losing weight, my boyfriend of 4 years only ever knew me as overweight/obese. After we began dating, I only gained more and more weight until I was 244 lbs at a height of 5'2". He, on the other hand, is very active and fit (I don't think he has an ounce of fat on his body lol). We were complete opposites. Never once during our relationship did he mention how I should lose weight. I found out after I started losing the weight in Jan 2012 that he had been concerned about my weight and wanted me to be healthy but he never once gave any mention of being dissatisfied with how I looked. Now he is one of my biggest supporters along with my family. He also says that if I were to gain 400 lbs, he would still be with me and love me. He said I was always beautiful. That's true love. Though you have been with him for a long time and I don't know anything else about your relationship, I wouldn't want to tell you what you should do moving forward, but I think you should definitely reflect on all of this. As everyone else has said, lose the weight for yourself and ONLY yourself. Do it for your health and your future. Don't do it to please your boyfriend or his family. Best of luck to you!!
  • utsavhanspal
    utsavhanspal Posts: 1
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    Seems like everyone has a simple answer: "Dump him". While that is one way to go about it, I don't think dumping him is the best choice. The fact that he has asked you to lose weight means something. Sure, most people think its merely superficial. But the impact of dating someone you're not physically attracted to can have dire emotional consequences. And just because he was okay with it doesn't mean he will always be so. The fact that at first he looked beyond the "image" was because he was interested in you as a person. However, now he knows the person. He has been with that person. He likes the person. He just wants that person to be more attractive. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. So think about it. If he didn't love you, he would have probably dumped you already. There is no shortage of pretty ladies (just as there isn't of handsome men). Now obviously, I don't know the guy so I don't know what's up with him. But, that being said, I think this is a sensitive topic which is why people have such 'immature' reactions (i.e. "dump him"). In essence, I don't see how this is so different from the million other compromises we make in a relationship. And if you truly want to be "fair" about the compromise, maybe you can tell him to put on some muscle (if you like that) or lose weight or just get toned up. See if he's willing to do that for you.

    But I really don't think dumping him is the mature and sensible way to handle this.
    Good luck!
  • askeates
    askeates Posts: 1,490 Member
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    First (and IMHO) most important, if you want to lose the weight do it for YOU, not for anyone else! If you do it for someone else, then you are setting yourself up to fail. Like many others here, it sounds like even if you were to lose the weight, he would then find another reason.

    You are beautiful (inside and out), and if he cannot see that then it's his loss! As much as I would love to tell you to dump his incredibly shallow *kitten*, that is not for me to decide. You have to stop and really assess your relationship, is this really the only issue, or do you think there is something else going on?

    And as you walk out the door, make sure he knows, if the 2 of you were walking hand and hand in the mall... YOU are the reason people would have been saying, "wow, what did he do to get so lucky!!!!"

    :flowerforyou:
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Walk away from this knowing that you picked an idiot! Now do what is best for you, learn this lesson, and in the future, pick someone who is not an idiot!
  • chelseaad
    chelseaad Posts: 11
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    You need to realize that a person who truly loves you will love you at your best and your worst, your thinnest and your fattest, your strongest and your weakest moments. There is a difference between wanting you to be healthy and happy and wanting you to look differently. I know that this is going to be a difficult thing for you to do, but PLEASE don't change yourself for a man. PLEASE.

    Even if you were to lose weight and stay with him, what's next? Will you always live in fear of the scale? Will you always be afraid of what he will think if you gain or lose a pound? That is not fair. If you are going to lose weight, it needs to be because that is what YOU want, not what he wants.
  • brazillover
    brazillover Posts: 15 Member
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    Run like the wind!
  • iLoveMyAR15
    iLoveMyAR15 Posts: 122 Member
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    Run girl and keep running til you lose that weight...then you can run around his block and flip him off when he sees how hot you are
  • SarahBrown1979
    SarahBrown1979 Posts: 229 Member
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    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    ^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^ Not worth it and you will find someone that will love you for you and not parts of you!
  • ddefebbo
    ddefebbo Posts: 1
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    You should end this relationship. It is one thing to be with someone who has an active lifestyle and wants you to participate in that, hence being a reasonable reason to ask you to lose weight or if he was concerned about his own health and wanted to lose weight with you as a team to be healthier. But it doesn't sound like he cares that much about his own fitness, only your aesthetics.

    Chances are if you did start losing weight to apease him, your lifestyle would change and he wouldn't like it. I.E. no more going out to eat on dates, or you spending a lot of time at the gym. It would change your relationship a lot, especially if he wasn't making this change with you.

    With all that being said, I wouldn't use this as an excuse to not try to be healthier and lose weight. You should lose weight because you will be happier with yourself if you do. Maybe right now isn't the best time, but when you are ready emotionally, do it.
  • rahlpn
    rahlpn Posts: 551 Member
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    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    ^^ THIS!
    He sounds like an idiot. I would be incredibly hurt if anyone said those things to me and absolutely not tolerate it. You can do and you deserve WAY better than him and his family.

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